Reincarnated as a Phoenix

(Temporary Perspective Change)

[<Well well well, look where your immense intelligence has gotten us? This system has better connection with those two -jugs- rather than that bean sized brain of yours. How you’ve survived avoiding my help for this long is baffling>]

Waking up in a pitch-black room tied to a chair, obviously I’m fucking alive when the first thing to make any noise is this damn robot I’ll never be rid of. Last thing I can remember was this demonic bastard getting the jump of me.

‘Erk… I’m not in the mood right now so shut the fuck up! I promise, I will you drill you out of me someday’

[<Might be impossible to do such a thing -idiot- when you’re going to end up as demon food. You seriously allowed us to get knocked out by him? He used a fucking rock! You even saw the demon lord’s arm sticking out before heading around the corner!>]

‘Just fuck off and let me wake up already… I bet sis has done this to orangey before’

Realizing I’m completely wrapped in rope with my hands to the chair behind my back, I swear me and the cow have done something like this as well but I can barely remember it. Drugs, alcohol, dryads and aphrodisiacs really aren’t a great mix, especially when you’ve got someone who’ll do anything even if you accidently make a suggestion… I think it was fun though? Erk, I don’t know.

It’s a damn good thing no one looks for me when I go to call Ria out in the woods because even sis and orangey would be ashamed knowing what we get up to. They are supposed to be the pervy two, as if me and brother don’t know what sis is like deep down. Orangey is perfect for her, despite how annoying she is at times.

“Mhmhmhmhm…”

[<You think laughing through that gag in this situation will help us out -idiot-, or are you always purposely trying to piss me off? Use that bird brain of yours for a change!>]

‘Buzz off already! As if we need any planning right now, everything is already sorted. There’s absolutely nothing to worry about’

Just humouring that idiot since I know it won’t shut up if I don’t, I start shaking my bound arms a little looking for any leeway in the rope, there’s no way I’m getting my arms back in front without a knife or a bit of fire. Breaking the chair wouldn’t be too difficult normally, but with these stupid jugs of mine, the chair might use them to cushion the break. Knew this would screw me over someday.

“Ah… so you’re finally awake?”

A masculine voice echoes throughout the darkness only making me even more annoyed, that’s definitely the fucker that caught me off guard! All I wanted to do was clean the piss and shit off me, what God have I pissed off to deserve this fate!? Bet it was the idiot one obsessed with war, his spear is okay but fire is always best.

‘Erk… surprised he’s not asking me if I was trying to cross the border or something’

[<You’re seriously referencing that terrible single player game right this second!?>]

‘For once, we actually agree on something. Still don’t understand how orangey likes those games made from that buggy company’

I could go into great detail about the real superior shit which is the classic MMOs but right now, I couldn’t give a shit. I’m pissed off this guy got the jump on me so easily, thankfully he’s obviously one of those idiots who likes to converse with his meal before starting.

All of a sudden but not really that unexpected, this demonic bastard flicks a switch showing me his ugly piehole. Am I supposed to be impressed by this guy’s fatness or something? I mean, Ria’s not fat at all despite me calling her it, but this guy definitely has a taste for takeout cheeseburgers it seems… also people apparently, sick bastard.

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“Mhm-mhm… mhm!”

“Ah, so the meal is trying to converse with me? Let me get that real quick…”

“Mhmhm-… hahahahaha…”

As soon as he takes off the gag wrapped around my mouth, the laughter turns even clearer as I just can’t suppress myself. This guy is so dead, really wish it would be much slower but can’t be expecting too much considering what’s going to happen. Maybe I’ll just spit on his corpse instead once he’s gone.

“…Hahahaha… you’re sooo going to suffer for this. Your kind really do have the best of screams, especially when it comes to burning”

This makes him confused and greatly disappoints me. I was thinking my reputation during the demon invasion would’ve spread across to some guy like this but I now doubt he’s even heard of my accomplishments. Demons really do burn exceptionally well especially in the moonlight, there is an art to it.

“Looks like my meal is delusional, flocked by fear and terror. There’s way too much fat for it to be balanced but I’ve never been one for wasting meat”

This motherfucker, he isn’t even listening to me just eyeing up this fucking body! Ria doing it is bad enough but now I’ve got a fucking demon doing the same!? You can have these two pounds of fleshy jugs, they freaking suck if you’re the one actually carrying them around. Back pain all day and can’t even sleep flat otherwise, I feel like there’s a garbage truck on my chest.

Without even giving it a care raging all along, I start trying to build up some flame but nothing comes out. Knew that voice deep inside knew nothing, as if I’m going to break free like this.

“Hehe, I’ve been hunting prey longer than you’ve been alive fleshy bird, as if a little bit of magic will break any of that rope… you’re laughing again? Doesn’t the thought of being eaten alive scare you? All your friends and family, don’t you want to call out to them, worried for your safety?”

This absolute scum, as if I could ever fear him even when he rubs a butcher’s knife against my shoulder like that. Come on and get around to torturing me already! As if he could threaten me, that’s only something Ria and the phoenixes get to do.

“Hahahaha… *sigh*, you really have no idea demon dickhead. Please, grab a fork and get started. This sack of fat is meaningless to me, so go ahead…”

My reaction takes him back even more, guess he really was expecting pitiful screams or tears, but he shouldn’t take a phoenix if he expected that. Sis would never break and end up decapitating him, orangey would annoy the torturer into killing himself and brother would do the same, just by ‘romancing’ them using mind control. Might as well play with him as long as we can.

“…It’s not like you’ll even have the time for any starters though, bastard… It won’t be long till guests arrive”

“And why’s that? You reckon some miracle will happen and you’ll be rescued by some knight in shiny armour?”

“Hahaha, a knight in armour!? Jeez, you really need some help dude, you do understand I’m a phoenix, right?”

“Yes. What does that have to do with anything?”

‘Idiot cannibal, he really has no clue. I’d almost feel sorry for him except, I really want to see him scream’

“Because, my stupid and fat torturer, I have a sister notorious for stalking phoenixes…”

__________

All of a sudden, the sound of half a building completely collapsing on itself spreads debris and dust throughout the area, causing immediate panic and terror all around. No one knows the reason for the collapse but all know that building barely stands now.

‘Ouch ouch ouch… probably shouldn’t use my head like that’

Arriving on the other side of the wall, someone thought it would be a good idea to break down the locked door using myself at a battering ram. Sometimes, I really wish Petra or Aesa would talk me out of my stupid ideas because, my phoenix head must have a tennis ball sized bump now. Should’ve used my wing or shoulder for the collision, why did none of us learn to pick locks anyway?

Still though, the force of the impact appears to have destroyed most of the wall, a good portion of the roof and has turned this building mostly into dust and rubble. I get that this place was abandoned and old, it’s not like the demon lord would hide out in a place of high quality, but even I’m surprised by the destruction from my phoenix ram. I’d be proud… if I didn’t have a headache.

Eventually, when the dust settles, I realize I’ve ended up somewhere much lower than the front door, somehow falling down a level without realizing it. Petra was adamant Zeki’s scent was here but will he be in the basement or…

“Heh, well done Ikarus… is he down there?”

“Erm… kinda Petra…”

Ahead of me is quite the sight and I really need to look away but I just can’t. To the right, is a chubby guy with horns, presumably the demon lord we’re hunting. To the left is female Zeki, tied up to a chair wrapped in rope, looking as confused as the other guy… butt naked. Did he really have to do Zeki this dirty like this!?

“…If I knew you were into this kid, I’d have knocked and been a little more subtle. Couldn’t you have left a hat on the front door or something?”

In just a split second, a vein appears on Zeki’s forehead turning that confusion into pure hatred and anger. At least that provides a suitable distraction from how I just did something really stupid getting into the house, we were way too worried when all this guy has barely done anything yet.

“Erk, fuck off orangey and kill this cannibal already! What the hell are you waiting for?”

‘Read between the lines kid, is it that hard to understand only me and Petra are here right now? Status’

[Name: Beelzebub   |   Species: Demon Lord   |   Level: 1,000]

[Health    164,972/166,666]

[Stamina 130,521/166,666]

[Magicka 166,666/166,666]

‘Huh, guess some of that rubble landed on him’

Because of our haste to track down the kid, me and Petra don’t really know  this cannibal’s weaknesses or strengths. It would be senseless to attack him right on the spot like this, right? Using a nuke or that light magic attack in a city seems like a bad ide-, oh wait! Friendly fire is no longer a problem. The city might get mad if I destroy more property though.

While we’re standing around waiting to attack, maybe we should’ve gone straight for the kill right from the start…

“…”

Instead of giving us a response, the cannibal somehow forms wings and the guy tries to flee! A demon lord who likes flesh and is also a coward, why is this that surprising?

“You fucker! Don’t think you’re escaping us! Petra, get on-…”

Just as the fat man is trying to flee, flapping his wings and getting off the ground, a harpoon flies through the air piercing both of his wings, sending him straight back down to reality. Asmodeus must’ve just bought that hence the delay, another thing he didn’t tell us about.

“Heh, you’re not getting away that easily brother. Try flying again, I dare you”

“Uh huh, we’ve got you nasty demon”

“We came as fast we could… oh my God Zeki, he didn’t touch you anywhere funny, did he!? That’s my job!”

“Erk…”

The rest of our party arrive just at the perfect time jumping down into the decently sized basement as well, only Ria oddly enough as both Asmodeus and Ariza have ranged weapons up there. The ‘blue one’ with her new white bow I’m yet to see and Asmodeus reloading that harpoon gun he’s acquired. Ain’t no doubt about it, unless this guy can now teleport, he isn’t escaping this pit he’s in.

“Asmodeus? You dare to interrupt my feast like this!? What happened to the blood bonds between us al-, argh!”

“…”

Instead of giving him a response, he just finishes reloading the gun and shoots him in the wing again! While going through the reloading process another time, it doesn’t take much to understand it’s now time for me and Petra to shine…

‘Aesa! I want a hybrid attack this time, asap!’

[<Confirmed, both -aspect of gigantomachy- and -plot protection- are now in use>]

Getting both my go to attack and immortality running, I’m not wanting to take any chances with this bastard so caring about if I’m potentially overcompensating is pointless right now. We’re going to kill him right now; I haven’t even had the time to change form yet.

Beelzebub tries to defend from our assault activating some sort of electricity-based attack, turning the entire floor ahead of us lovebirds into a power surge of lightning. This defensive action only lasts a second causing us no setback when an arrow and a bunch of thorns launch in his direction. The thorns obviously do next to nothing from the dryad, but the arrow flies true landing straight into one of his eyes.

‘Damn Ariza! Our healer will give Artemis or Apollo a run for their money someday’

Me and Petra take this perfect opportunity to get close and strike with our own attacks, both coming at him from different sides using aspect to full effect, slashing and kicking in sync into his upper body. It’s been way too long since a phoenix kick has been used to good effect but that coupled with aspect really packs a fun punch.

“He-he-he, feel our thorny wrath!”

“Erk, die you fat bastard, die!”

Of course, it’s the idiotic toxic two who have to narrate during this fight, couldn’t we just have a little bit of professional silence for a change?

“Arghhh! You delicious hunks of flesh are starting to annoy me, can’t you just take my horn and be done with it already? We can settle this amicably”

‘Wait a second, is this guy kinda surrendering? Status’

[Name: Beelzebub   |   Species: Demon Lord   |   Level: 1,000]

[Health    51,441/166,666]

[Stamina 130,019/166,666]

[Magicka 160,668/166,666]

‘He’s still got more than enough left in the tank, right? And no, we’re not accepting his surrender. Cannibals don’t get that privilege I’m afraid’

“Heh, you’re not weaselling your way out of this one brother… blue one?”

As Asmodeus winks to Ariza, one last arrow flies from the blue bird equipped with the shiny white bow, almost moving in slow motion as the arrow lands… in his other eye. Was this accuracy something from Loki or has she always been this accurate!? Zeki or Petra don’t seem surprised so it might just be Ariza is a mostly pacifist badass!

“ARGHHH! My eyes, my eyes! What have I done to deserve this fate? I’m hungry, that’s all… just, one more feast, one last taste before I depart”

Instead of swinging around that butcher’s knife aimlessly like a wild dog from losing his sight, this is when he decides to turn that weapon of his on someone else, someone he already knows the exact position of…

Once sensing what’s he’s up to, the three of us down here desperately try to get in the despairing demon’s way only to find he’s dropped some more electricity around the place. Despite this, we all run straight into it like idiots.

“Come and get me motherfucker! I’m right here!”

(Ria) “Zeki, shut up and think… ah-ah-ah-argh!”

(Petra) “…”

Despite tied to the chair witnessing both Petra and Ria falling to the floor, spasming due to the shocks, the stupid idiot presents himself on a plate to the blind demon trying his best to taunt the desperate guy. Fucking Zeki man, we’re trying to save you kid!

‘Shut the fuck up Zeki! Are you trying to get yourself cut or something? Aesa!’

[<Confirmed, burn him to a crisp Ikarus>]

Somehow, I’m unaffected by the shocks, probably down to my premature use of plot protection so I still try my best at protecting the naked Amazonian. It doesn’t matter though, I’m too late…

Just as I’m about to swing my leg at the demon, he’s about to make a cut himself straight into the side of Zeki’s neck… except, Zeki still attached to the chair, literally launches himself at the butcherer even getting his face cut up in the process. Thankfully, the blood doesn’t seem to be pouring, but I’m more focused on the stumbled demon than anything else right now…

While the demon is still on the floor, the ability I activated is now about to start blooming as I come into touching distance right next to him, jumping right on top basically smothering him underneath my phoenix body. Whether my star blaze, talons or weight kills him, nothing matters as long as life departs those bloody blind eyes of his.

As soon the fire starts to open up, now surrounding both of us, it’s only fitting this guy receives an agonizing fiery death, is it not?

Repeatedly kicking my talons into him, clutching into him while he’s below, a third blade of its own comes into view not knowing where to strike, that being the lone samurai one I’ve seen countless times before from Petra’s sword art. Somehow, this fat guy beneath me still isn’t dead despite the flesh literally burning off me, just as he goes to speak. What the fuck is it with demons and odd resistances?

All of a sudden, sparks start to appear under me making me smile a little from his insistence on surviving. It won’t make an inch of difference; he will keep burning down there.

“Why won’t this relax you!? Please, just accept my embrace and become one with me already!”

“…”

No words need to be spoken to the deranged sack of burning demon shit beneath me, is that what he means by eating someone? None of it matters, this guy clearly hasn’t been hitting the damaging yourself gym and is considerably weaker compared to every other demon, death is inevitable. Without electricity, he’d be useless…

“Let me go, please… fleshy bird…”

More and more shocks spark all around until, finally it makes a difference…

“Ar-arg-argh! Ha-ha-ha…”

Without even realizing it, my immortality has run dry leaving me being electrocuted while still above him, even laughing for a second in the process. Does this idiot not understand the only way he’s getting out of this is if he can crawl out? Me spasming like, well, something rude isn’t going to get him nowhere! This fucking hurts like a bitch though, nothing fun about being shocked from below like this.

Eventually, after what feels like a lifetime, both the electrocution and my fire ability dwindle just leaving me slightly exhausted on top of this guy. That stuff must drain my stamina because all I want to do is sleep now, bet most of my feathers are sticking up as well.

Groggily getting my fat arse off him, pure anger fills within me as the fuck still isn’t dead! He might as well be pure black, I felt some of his bones crush and he’s somehow still clinging on?

“What the actual fuck!? This guy is still alive even after that? Aesa?”

[<Aesa will open up status for both of you…>]

[Name: Ikarus   |   Species: Phoenix   |   Level: 809]

[Health    146,666*/166,666*]

[Stamina 91,112*/166,666*]

[Magicka 131,246*/166,666*]

[You currently have 54501 unassigned points]

---

[Name: Beelzebub   |   Species: Demon Lord   |   Level: 1,000]

[Health    526/166,666]

[Stamina 119,192/166,666]

[Magicka 137,670/166,666]

[<…Presumably, he has okay fire resistance? Aesa reckons one last kick should do the trick>]

‘Fine then… that electricity of his drains me fast but forget that, it’s over. Time to die, Beelzebub…’

“Wait! Don’t do it…”

Just as I’m about to slice one of my talons right into the neck of the demon lord, a familiar masculine voice beckons from above standing alongside Asmodeus, Ariza, and her future husband.

No longer robed and looking regal as hell, it’s that wyvern king dude talking to me we’ve now met a third time. He happens to completely miss our fight, comes in just when I’m about to do the execution and then wants us to spare him!? That’s got to be what this is, right?

“…Please, don’t kill him Queen Ikarus. He’ll be worth much more to you alive rather than dead”

“Uh, father’s right! The people here need to get their vengeance!”

‘They know it’s me in this form? Ah, of course they do Ikarus, he knows my ol’lizard after all’

“Why? What difference does letting him live right now do?”

“Please, it’ll benefit you more if you just present him to the leader of this place and let her decide on the gory details. She and the city will be most pleased executing the cannibal responsible for such brutality, it’ll probably come with a bigger reward than just killing him as well”

Before deciding what to do, I look back down at the living corpse beneath me realizing he’s done for even if we leave him in this state. Regardless, I’m not naïve enough to be that naïve.

Now looking to Asmodeus, words don’t need to spoken for him to understand what I’m asking. If he lives, then breaks free, the terrorizing cannibal will return someday, it’s inevitable. This isn’t one of those situations where some can be redeemed, this is an animal masquerading in a demonic form.

“Heh, this decision matters little in the grand scheme of things orange one, it’s entirely on your shoulders to make though. The likelihood is, he’ll die before he even sees the execution, you crushing him makes that pretty likely”

‘Phew, at least that’s a weight off my shoulders… ah, Petra and Ria! Of course they’re both fine, wasn’t worried in the slightest’

It’s taken long enough for me to look over to the other side of the basement but that electricity attack didn’t seem too much to any of us, other than the paralyzing. Sure, it’s a pretty damn good attacks for the right moment, but anything ranged like Ariza’s arrows, then it’s mostly useless.

‘I’ve got to admit, an Ariza that fights seriously cannot be underestimated. I may have to scare off that Prince because no one is going to be good enough for her, almost feel like an older brother or fath-’

While I’m still trying to make the decision now wondering on something else, there’s someone all of us seem to have forgotten…

“Erk, for the love of the Gods! Can one of you please unfucking tie me already!? I’m still covered in piss and that clown didn’t even want to clean me first before cutting me up. Fucking gros-…”

“Wait wait wait! Can you leave me with him alone, just for a little bit? I never know when we’ll have this chance again, he can’t struggle out of that rope!”

…

Not even acknowledging the dryad, Petra goes to untie Zeki while I follow quickly changing form, both greeted by a face of pure relief by the nudist on the floor.

‘I always assumed what those two do in the background loosely uses the word consent but damn, they really are as bad as each other…’