Reincarnated as a Phoenix

(Temporary Perspective Change)

“So, how’s the situation up there? What do you have to report?”

“Well, for starters, I’m going to need a new shade of nail polish! The blood red up here is way too gory for my liking. Oh, and a pair of new heels if you can find anything over six inche-”

“Loki, please just drop the act for a second and let’s talk seriously… How’s the situation?”

Currently speaking into a crystal ball within my study, I’m trying to get any semblance of a conversation going along with the God known for having a huge fascination with pranks and removing penises. Nearly everyone in Olympus is aware of Loki’s ‘tastes’ but all assume he’s nothing more than a playful child. There’s a reason why him and Dionysus have always been the best for collecting information, why would anyone assume the drunken idiot and the prankster would be instrumental for anything useful?

“Hmph, you’re no fun like always Hephaestus! Your father is off his rocker but still the same like usual. Not exactly much he can do towards the phoenixes when that damn golden gate of his needs fixing every other week, he even called me a whore! The nerve on some people, you don’t remember me looking whorish, right?”

The Ragnarök faction have proved excellent for distractions especially considering every time they die, they’ll just repeat the attack over and over again. Even if only Loki understands they’re being used for prolonging time, they’d still keep attacking regardless. It’s honestly a shame because I’ve heard stories of some of them being extremely intelligent, I even tried arranging a meeting to set up an alliance with Odin but the Norse Gods weren’t having it unfortunately. They say they can do this themselves, all idiots really.

“Regardless if he’s insulted you or not, still be sure to keep me updated if anything happens. Should be safe but you can never be too sure”

“Okie doki! Be sure to say hi to that cute sister of yours for me! She’s got to tell me where she gets her hair done som-”

As soon as the conversation ends with me cutting the idiot off, sister Athena walks into the study holding a plate of various different foods and a glass of some sort of juice. We’ve got meats, fruits, vegetables, basically anything that I like to snack on really. Honestly don’t know why she didn’t just get the servants to do it but the Goddess of wisdom has always been the more independent type I suppose.

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---Quick recap on appearance if you need it.

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Ah, the study itself now feels cramped with just the two of us inside this place. Like the rest of the kingdom, nearly everything is carved into the caves or mountains so there wasn’t any real need for anything too massive. The gigantic throne room was already like that so I had no choice in the matter.

The old dwarven leader in particular, or this body’s biological father never saw any need for a study at all so this was cobbled up when I was four, I think? Obviously felt much bigger back then.

“I’m not hungry right now sister. Just put it somewhere cool for now, please”

“Food comes before work Denver; you won’t grow big and strong if you don’t eat”

“Seriously? You’re going to treat me like a child now sister? At least use the correct name”

Instead of getting a verbal response, I just get a tut and Athena crossing her arms at me. I know this body still hasn’t hit puberty yet but it’s not exactly like I’m going to grow much taller anyway. I was basically the size of a dwarf back on Olympus anyways so I really can’t see much changing, strange I still haven’t obtained a beard yet as well. Maybe this body is slightly defective with all that? Most dwarven children grow them pretty young so hopefully that’s not the case.

“I’ll eat in a minute, promise. Just, please take a look at this first”

Giving her a stack of papers filled with complex calculations, formulas and unfinished stories bound to give anyone a migraine. I already know she’s intelligent to understand the meaning behind them if you look into it deep enough, might take a little while though.

“Need context for this Denver”

“I’ve been giving it some serious thought about how the whole prophecy thing started in the beginning, how everything connects back to your birth and even some of the forgotten other stories”

“Is this all really necessary Denver, dwelling on the past? Does going that far back in particular make any difference?”

Taking one of the grapes of the plate and chewing on it, it’s been way too long since I’ve enjoyed such a simple piece of fruit. Don’t get me wrong, the dwarfs can grow basically anything down here but most have no care for anything even somewhat healthy, something likes grapes don’t really grow well down here. Athena must’ve shipped these from abroad.

“Be honest with me Athena because this is something that affects us all. Is it your intention to put the dark phoenix at the front of Olympus?”

There was one myth in particular that was hidden away lost to time, something that I only really discovered recently that I just can’t get my mind off. Zeus’s first wife Metis, the word consent and the way he had pursued her is best left kept in the past but the story roughly goes, a son born from the woman would end up overthrowing him. Out of pure anxiety and desperation, he destroyed her in a way legends believe involved consuming her whole. It was way simpler than actually swallowing her though, a simple cloak and dagger did the trick.

Unfortunately for him, it turns out she had already given birth so once the deed was done, he had a choice to make. Thankfully, he found out very quickly the unborn baby was female because, even I’m unsure if he’d do the right thing. Of course, the original myth involves a situation where I split father’s head open and Athena somehow climbs out of it fully formed, as if something that stupid is reality. Think it’s just down to mortals liking to add odd details, as if sister could fit in father’s fat head.

With the way how prophecies always get misinterpreted and the fact Athena herself basically comes from a myth, maybe the word son was misspoken for daughter…

“Would there be a problem if that was my intention brother? You have no desire to take the heavens as well, do you or do you not?”

“It doesn’t matter if I did or not, this wasn’t part of the agreement Athena! Supporting them is one thing, giving the phoenixes all of Olympus wasn’t the plan”

I know she’s always had her own reasons for wanting to dethrone father but using the phoenixes. We all made an agreement in the beginning that no one gets to decide what happens until he’s been dealt with otherwise, it could lead to groups infighting beforehand. Personally, just like sister, I have no desires as well, it’s just frustrating because she probably knew all this from the beginning. My primary goal was to stop father’s access on this world being the volcano, then work from there since that was the top priority.

Smiling at me like this is of no concern though, sometimes I wonder how I’m considered the riskier one of us two. She can share the blame as well for this.

“Brother Hephaestus, does it really matter though? The Underworld have been in agreement with us since the beginning and they’re intelligent enough to figure out the connection. You’re not having doubts about overthrowing father now, are you?”

“As if I’m having second thoughts, your sense of humour is lost on me. Just would’ve been nice to know your intention in the beginning, that’s all really…”

Despite everything that’s been done, everything that’s brewing and everything yet to come, there still leaves unanswered questions that we still are yet to answer. In some ways, I feel like we’re the antagonists to the phoenixes at times.

“…There is one last thing though. When the birds return next, we’re telling them everything, nothing held back. It doesn’t matter if you disagree or not, I’ve had enough of this now. They need to know”

The longer and longer we leave it, the more and more were becoming just like the Gods we despise. They deserve to know so no more putting it off.

“If you deem it appropriate Denver, then we shall tell. We can only hope they’ll take it well enough”

“Hope, funny Athena. Just make sure you finish gifting the boon first, it could screw everything up if it doesn’t happen…”

__________

“So, what’s the deal Asmodeus? Is Petra’s mother really alive or is this something completely unrelated?”

“…”

Upon exiting the gold adorned house and still within the dome, my bluntness immediately takes my wife and the demon lord back. As if I’m going to be subtle about this! Petra’s thinking the same exact thing but she normally tries to go for a more subtle approach. We may be pretty similar in some ways but pure unfiltered Ikarus is normally the best.

“Answer Ikarus Asmodeus, this is something we both want to know”

‘Damn, I’m definitely starting to rub off on her. Not sure if that’s a good or bad thing’

“Look phoenixes… I saw her die with my own two eyes so it can’t be possible, Mammon must be mistaken. Whichever of the lords gave her information, it must’ve been foretold through the oracle centuries ago and not another. It’s either that or someone’s playing mind games, either possibility is possible. It matters little to the overall story anyways”

Sometimes, especially in the past, I know I’m not the most sensitive of people but what this guy is saying isn’t right. Regardless of if he still holds feeling for the oracle, it’s almost as if he’s delusional over her.

“Really demon lord? It matters little yet, we just encountered something you couldn’t predict? Shouldn’t this be like, a big deal? What happens if the next time is much bigger than a weak demon lord playing tricks?”

I’ve obviously never been a huge fan of the prophecy or time travel stuff but, if little things start to change that can’t be predicated, doesn’t this spell disaster incoming?

“That won’t be a problem orange one, trust me on this”

“And why do you say that? If something unpredictable happened, then doesn’t that mean something else could happen?”

“Because I said so, the oracle’s readings were correct, This is just something unrelated and different, it probably wasn’t worth predicting in the first place”

‘And yet, the oracle was wrong on this but he just refuses to listen. Sighhh, stubborn arrogant bastard, let’s just hope this doesn’t end up going drastically wrong’

…

After my slight confrontation towards the demon, an awkward silence ensues as no one has any idea what to say next. I guess we were going to lock horns at some point but this is pretty tame considering what I really want to do towards the smiling idiot.

“Anyways Asmodeus… where to next? Should me or Ikarus change form?”

‘At least Petra can move us forward and no, I’m flying next! I need my carrying Petra fix I haven’t had in a while’

“Heh, no need for anything like that anymore dark one. If we combine the poison with the news of Satan’s passing, anyone left alive in this hellhole would’ve left and gone into hiding”

Wouldn’t it have made more sense to try and do this stealthily if they’ve now run away? Eh, might just have to trust him on this, as if any of us could’ve stealthily killed Satan back there. The most powerful thing I can do still wasn’t enough to end him in one hit.

“That doesn’t answer Petra’s question though. Where are we specifically going next?”

“Heh, fair point. The lords we need to hunt should be scattered all around the world you two love and cherish so much as that’s the easiest place to get to. It’s time to leave this wasteland and hopefully, never return…”

__________

“Outta curiosity, just how many demon lords are there left? Always thought there were seven, correct?”

Having just returned home and now on the journey to get both the phoenixes to come along with us, me and Petra are walking with cloaks on alongside the demon lord but might as well be pointless. The second we teleported back into town, the idiots spotted us and started following. It’ll eventually die down but best just pretend they’re all floating orbs of EXP for now, the streets do get crowded when come and go like this though.

Ah, never mentioned it since it wasn’t worth mentioning but timespan back in that place is basically the same as Earth. Apparently, using the obelisk portals to enter and leave takes a few hours so other than that, about a week has passed since we started the majin hunt.

“While that may be correct orange one, the last one in particular is impossible to predict until everything else has fallen into place. You wouldn’t think such a jealous brother would be so great at hiding but alas, we’ll have to wait a time before the fates reveal his location…”

Ah, so the last demon lord is going to be the guy based on envy then? We’ve already had wrath, greed, sloth and lust. Sloth being that Belphegor who attacked out settlement, wrath was Satan, greed the naked muscley chick and lust being this annoying bastard walking alongside us hand holding lovebirds.

“…If you’d like to know who we’ll be finding next, look to the far reaches of the desert and we’ll find him. The mesa in particular will be the best place to teleport to”

Back to the desert next. This seems like a great plan though, let’s bring the other phoenixes to a place notoriously hot where they’ll moan a lot just like last time. That was the dungeon inside the pyramid, the one where we got stuck inside it for six months.

It matters little anyways. If it’s safe to bring them along, then we’ll do it. Just, not going to inform Zeki about where we’re going again. Maybe he might find the heat less overwhelming considering he should still be female right now? Remember seeing something that muscle mass effects body temperature between genders differently so science facts bitch! Although, those two gigantic floaters of his may also work as heaters though so who knows really? He better still be female, would be complete bullshit if not.

Finally arriving at the location where the other phoenixes are at, this time around we arrive at Ariza’s empty clinic, empty in the sense of patients I mean. The place isn’t empty at all if you look around for all the medical equipment she has in the decently sized building.

The interior of this place literally looks like a smaller hospital ward now. Sure, I know she’s training people to become actual doctors in the background but this is modernness on a level I wasn’t expecting so quickly. We’re long past the days this place was covered in Ariza’s blood after the first lord showed his face in our lands.

“Pass me one of the stethoscopes Zeki, I’m sure one of these isn’t picking up sound properly”

“Erm… you’ll have to use American brother, as if I know what that word mea-, ah, it’s orangey and sis! And the dickhead demon who was responsible for your death”

‘Damn, Ariza really suits the lab coat look, makes her seem more grown up as well. One inside this place may have to ‘accidently’ disappear because I need to dress my woman up someday, Petra has to wear one, goddamn it!’

Ah, should also mention the fact Mr Amazonian is still looking as plump as ever. If I remember how many potions were procured after the hooker incident, he’s still got at least three months left on his genderbending sentencing. It’s honestly a shame he’s not in a costume right now but guess Ria might be doing dryad duties for a change.

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“Heh, greetings red one. Still hold utter disgust for me it seems?”

“Just be quiet dickhead or I’ll give brother’s clinic a dash of red pai-… Erk, I’ll stab you outside instead. Brother will increase my sentencing if I do that”

Like the heavens aligned for this one moment, all three is us less idiotic phoenixes facepalm together from this confrontation. That was so perfectly in sync, almost as good as a feeling when you score a collateral on a shooter game. Weird comparison but three facepalms all together is like a shooting star!

“You two, we’re going demon hunting in a day’s time so we’re bringing you along”

“Hell yeah orangey! Can we hunt the dickhead next to you first?”

“Heh, funny red one. How’s being Loki’s potion tester working out for you?”

“Erk! I’m sooo going to kill you someday…”

“Uh… do I have to Ikarus?”

It doesn’t take much effort to understand why she may not want to come on this trip. Despite my hatred of Petra’s shitty father, I can at least deal with him to an extent. It’ll be a miracle if those two don’t end up spilling blood so why would Ariza want to be around to constant fighting?

“You don’t have to Ariza but we’ll miss ya if you don’t come along…”

As soon as I start talking to Ariza, I remember there’s something else this little senorita was hiding from us all. The talk of Loki and all that, it makes sense why I’d segue onto this.

“…I’m sorry, but I’ve got to ask, when were you planning on telling us you sold your soul to the genderbending devil Ariza?”

Almost immediately, Zeki spikes up when hearing this. Think he took that literally.

“Erk, so that’s what you sacrificed to put me through this hell brother!?! You sold your soul for those potions?”

“Uh, it’s nothing like that! Just, Loki thought it was be quicker to communicate using telepathy so it’s kinda nice having another voice around, my system keeps speaking in riddles so she’s mostly quiet now. He does seem a little obsessed with finding a permanent ‘cure’ to Zeki’s manhood but honestly, find him a little silly and funny. It’s not that big of a deal… my level is five hundred now though”

That shut Zeki right up nicely! Imagine if he ends up in Penelope’s position, coming across a permanent solution. We can only dream that karma has a potion ready to go but even the fates wouldn’t be that kind to Zeki, right? We’d have to find two potions though, the first for Ariza since she’s still having to take potions monthly also.

As for Ariza and this Loki thing, as long as she’s happy with the arrangement, I guess? Wouldn’t it get a little annoying having a voice in your head obsessed with constant gender changing shenanigans though? Loki does seem to be a little whacky, even if you consider what we’re all like…

[<Aesa is obsessed with OUR wife yet, Ikarus is still happy and sane. Well, mostly sane... Who likes boring people anyways?>]

You know what? I’m not even going to respond to Aesa’s quick wit despite me finding it funny. She just had to empathize that our wife thing despite me trying my best to get over it…

“So, you coming with us Ariza or not then? If anything, you’re needed just to shut Zeki up”

“*Scoff*, screw you too orangey”

“Uh... huh, I guess I’ll travel along as well then Ikarus. You know where we’re heading yet?”

…

“I-, I’ll explain more in detail tomorrow! Make sure you two are ready because I’ll be pissed if we’re late…”

Thankfully, those two don’t question me any further on that slight stutter, can’t be revealing the desert thing otherwise we’ll be getting premature moaning today. Ah, might want to bring a few love potions along as well since they apparently are good for the heat somehow. Except, I’ll be making sure me and Petra don’t consume any. We’re not getting jiggy in the desert! Imagine sand will end up everywhere…

Before we get the chance to leave the other phoenixes, Zeki’s anger on the demon lord goes to focus on me. I swear if he comes out with some bullshit like he can fight me again or a different rendition of that pre wedding brother talk, he will find himself in pain. I wonder if a boob punch will hurt as much as a groin kick…

“Oi orangey, I’ve got a problem with you…”

Thankfully, his anger rapidly turns into annoyance and frustration. A moaning Zeki is better than an angry Zeki… I meant grumpy! Not moaning, no one wants to hear Zeki moaning in any sort of way! Apart from Ria, I guess…

“…Why the hell have I become the politician and the gnome’s translator all of a sudden? After this, that protagonist dickhead is making me translate more of those books! It’s so fucking boring!”

Before I even get the chance, thankfully a blue haired demi-god is able to offer a hand. That’s basically the same thing as becoming a God’s incarnate anyways, right? I have literally no idea.

“Uh, I can answer that Zeki. Out of everyone in this settlement, how many of us can actually speak English? Not because of the translator we get”

‘Huh, Petra and Ariza don’t actually understand English? I’d love to teach it to them but I’m pretty certain you can’t turn this ability off’

“First of brother, I speak American, not English. Second, why am I doing it when orangey actually comes from the island the books came from!? Just because I speak the superior version doesn’t mean I should be stuck teaching her shitty one!”

‘If I end up having a brain aneurism, Zeki’s going to be the cause... Jesus Christ…’

“Because she and Petra have an entire settlement to run! Why is it you can be so dense and stupid at times?”

‘Heh, it’s cute that Ariza thinks we actually work. Marcus still does everything’

Still trying to continue the ‘fight’, Zeki goes to sulk at a different table to grumble loudly under his breath so we can all still hear. How this guy is somehow over two hundred years old makes no sense at all.

“This is such BS; I’ve only been sleeping ten hours a day this past week! No human nor phoenix is suitable for such conditions”

Normally, this would be the time where we just let him get on with it except for this one occasion. Sometimes Mr Obnoxious needs a bone tossed his way, or an AR-15. He’s such a stereotype.

“*Sighhh*… if we get Marcus to pay you kid, will that shut you up? No idea what you’ll even do with it but it’s an incentive, right?”

“He already does but it’s not close to being enough orangey. I want fou-, no, five times my current volunteering fee! Work is for shmucks so it’s unforced community service”

‘I-, how anyone can deal with this idiot at times is beyond me. Ria obviously must love him more for his body because there’s nothing between those ears of his’

“Fine then kid, can we leave already? Asmodeus, there’s nothing else you’d like to add on?”

‘Not really sure why I’m asking him that, he’ll probably just piss off Zeki again’

“Heh, don’t need to add anything on. The red one does more than enough to lighten the atmosphere”

“Bite me, dickhead”

“*Sighhh*… Petra?”

“Heh, all good Ikarus. We can leave now”

“Excellent”

Upon exiting the inn, it’s now our turn to leave Petra’s father for the time being. We’ve been travelling together long enough now so a quick break before doing it again is ideal, just so we can spend some alone time together more than anything else.

“So, we’ll see you tomorrow Asmodeus. Then, it’s onto the desert again”

I wonder if we’ll be remembered after what happened last time? I mean, we shouldn’t since the desert is three countries and we had that confrontation in a different one to the mesa we’ll be teleporting to but still. Let’s just see how this trip goes and hopefully not end up being hunted by beastkin.

“Heh, of course orange one. I presume you and the dark one can find something interesting to do in the slight break? Acts of intimacy are always best when not overdone and savoured”

‘Motherfucker is implying we’re just going to go off and have sex, as if we’re that predictable…’