Reaver’s Song

“Irasshaimase, oji-sama!” The waitresses called as the young men strode into the room. The one who, plainly, fancied himself the alpha was handsome, I thought idly as Jaxxin continued to point out things our local suppliers had gotten wrong on our last order. He also struck me as staggeringly arrogant. From his carefully coiffed hair to his unpleasant smirk to the swaggering walk his whole demeanor screamed douchebag.

“I think we should send a message,” Jaxxin finished with a deep scowl.

“We are not cutting off a digit for each part of the order they got wrong,” I sighed, staring at her with a look of displeasure. “How many times do I have to tell you it’s not acceptable to maim people who piss you off?”

“They’d have no digits left if we did that!” Jaxxin gestured wildly to all of the red marks she’d made on the invoices. “Farmers and fishermen with no fingers or toes are worthless to us. No. We need a different message.”

“We will also not be poisoning their family,” I fixed her with a stern glare. She had proven to be an amazing cook, but her old tendencies readily reared their head when it came to delivery issues.

“No, no,” she waved her hand dismissively. “I only suggested that one time. Well, twice, but only one time seriously. No, we need a different message, little bunny.”

“What message, Jaxxin?” I demanded. “And you really need to stop calling me that. You’re scaring the hell out of Kimiko, and I just can’t have it. I get less action when I have to calm down a terrified bunny girl and let her sleep with Akira and I because of you.”

“I guarantee nothing,” Jaxxin shrugged. “Anyway! We put an animal head in their bed! That’s a good message!”

“You’ve been watching the Godfather, haven’t you?” I sighed.

“Yes! Yes, I have!” Jaxxin’s eyes shone with a frightening light. “It is an incredible moving painting! Evidently getting the fire sticks they use is very difficult here.”

“No guns for you,” I growled in warning. “Ever.”

“Oh!” Sayuri gasped in alarm. “Butts!” I turned toward her with a sigh. Sure enough she stood drenched in water, staring in alarm at the beverage gun.

“Goddammit,” I sighed. “Let me go fix this. No messages. I’ll have Mika call them and get it fixed.

“The mousey girl?” Jaxxin cocked her head curiously.

“She is a mouse,” I sighed as Sayuri yelped quietly in alarm again. “I forbid you from plotting. Are we clear?”

“I guarantee nothing,” Jaxxin repeated with a sniff. She turned and strolled back to the kitchen; two chef’s knives inexplicably held in sheaths at the small of her back. I guess some habits die hard, I thought.

“What seems to be the problem, Sayuri?” I asked, coming behind the bar to stand beside her.

“Sayuri thinks this thingy thing is broken!” The cat girl exclaimed in alarm. “See?”

“Wait! Don– “My warning came too slow as she pushed the button and carbonated water sprayed all over her, splashing onto me as well.

“See?” Sayuri blinked at me, water dripping down her face.

“You are holding it the wrong way,” I sighed.

“Eh?” Sayuri stared back at the gun in confusion. I reached out and turned the gun, so the nozzles pointed toward the glass in her hand.

“Ohhhh!” She chuckled, pushing the button again and launching into fresh fits of giggling as the carbonated water sprayed into the glass.

“It works better when you use it properly, huh?” I dried my face off on one of the bar towels as she continued to giggle.

“Yeah, it does!” Sayuri enthused.

“You have seriously got to cool it on the ‘butts’ thing,” I chastised her. “All of the girls are saying it, now.”

“But gamma says it all the time!” Sayuri protested.

“Do not listen to a thing my mother says. She is not a proper role model for anyone. Look how I turned out. She is a deeply flawed creature and nothing she says should be emulated.”

“But Sayuri likes ‘butts’, though,” her ears drooped in disappointment.

“I love butts, but it’s not something we teach others,” I giggled to myself. “Let them find the joy of butts all on their own, ok?”

“Okie,” Sayuri agreed reluctantly.

“And you also have to stop teaching the other girls to call Akira ‘sir’,” I dabbed the water from my dress. “Why do you even do that?”

“Sir is sir,” Sayuri shrugged as if she’d just laid down some sort of universal truth everyone should know instinctively.

“Well, she is one ‘sir’ from having a conniption fit and that screws over my sex life since I have to spend most of my time calming her down,” I shook my head. “You don’t want to ruin my sex life, do you?”

“Nooo,” Sayuri sagged.

“Then stop teaching the other girls weird things,” I sighed.

“Okie,” She nodded.

“What are you not going to do?” Sayuri tilted her head to the side, and I knew immediately she had forgotten everything I’d just said. Too much in too short a time, I chastised myself. Baby steps, Minji, I reminded myself. Baby steps. I felt a tug on the sleeve of my dress and turned to find Tamaki standing behind me with a broad smile on her face which immediately made me nervous. Behind her stood the fox girl, Hikari, who had joined us a couple of weeks prior.

“Hello, Miss Song, I’m terribly sorry to bother you,” Tamaki bowed slightly. I cocked an eyebrow nervously. Tamaki was a wonderful girl, but her penchant for pranks and just general mischief, as well as her inability to stop herself from doing so had become a source of near constant worry.

“Gokigenyou,” Hikari bowed politely with a giggle, her long amber hair swept up in a royal crown, yellow orange tail swishing back and forth behind her.

“Hello to you both,” I replied, reminding myself once again not to be deceived by Hikari’s young miss demeanor. She was every bit as troublesome as Tamaki, perhaps more so with the tanuki girl leading the way. “Is there something wrong?”

“No!” Tamaki smiled broadly, her fangs showing, her arm still in a cast from her wounds before she came to us. “I just had a really quick question if you have the time.”

“Sure,” I shrugged. “What’s up?”

“So…” Tamaki’s grin broadened even further, and my anxiety increased proportionately. “Those boys that came in grabbed Hikari’s tail after she took their order, so would it be ok if I followed them home and shaved off their eyebrows while they were asleep and put snakes in their bath?”

“Um,” I glanced over at an oblivious Sayuri for some sort of help understanding which, plainly would not come from that quarter. “They grabbed your tail, Hikari?”

“Yes, Miss Song,” Hikari bowed demurely once again. “Would it be all right if I went along and cut all their hair off as well?” She smiled warmly, making a scissors gesture with the fingers of her right hand.

“I have some fireworks!” Tamaki enthused. “Can we blow up their toilet, too? Please, Miss Song! Please!”

“Oh, my!” Hikari clapped her hands together politely. “That would be delightful!” Holy shit, I thought, Hikari may be scarier than Jaxxin. It’s always the polite ones that’ll shiv you in the kidneys first, I thought. I glanced over at the rowdy table and scowled.

“There’s no reason for that yet you two,” I soothed them. “Let me handle it.”

“Aww,” Tamaki sagged. “Butts.” Hikari giggled at the word, and I glared at a clueless Sayuri.

“Do you see what you’ve done?” I growled before turning and stalking over to the table.

The boy I’d seen when he walked in looked even more the smug, arrogant type up close than earlier. A student ID from the local high school hung clipped to his belt while his entire outfit and demeanor spoke of someone who thought far too highly of himself to ever amount to any sort of decent member of society. I planted a fake smile on my face and bowed slightly.

“Good afternoon, gentlemen,” I said as warmly as I could manage.

“Where’s the fox waitress?” The boy smirked at me. “I wanna add a drink to my order.”

“If I could direct your gaze to the signs around the room asking for you to refrain from touching the staff,” I gestured to the signs spaced throughout the room.

“You’re Korean, aren’t you?” He ignored what I said, and it was all I could do to keep from scowling. “I don’t need to listen to peninsula trash like you and I certainly can’t read your Korean crap signs.” He giggled and his little minions followed his lead like the good dogs they were.

“Ah,” I smiled and nodded, keeping my temper barely in check and my tone low and friendly. “I see how this conversation will go.”

“I think the conversation’s done, chon,” the boy smirked at me. “I want my waitress back.”

“I believe we may be suffering from a miscommunication,” I smiled putting my hands on the table and leaning forward slightly, keeping my smile firmly attached. “You are being removed from the premises.”

“Excuse me?” The boy stared at me with a bemused expression on his face. “Do you have any idea who I am?”

“I do, indeed,” I smiled broader, my tone still friendly and warm. “You are Daishi Teruya, the son of the mayor.”

“See? Even a lowlife chon knows me,” Daishi crowed to his little hangers on. “Now send my waitress back for my drink order.”

“This will happen one of two ways, you little fuck,” I said warmly, my voice staying just loud enough that the table of boys could hear me but not loud enough to disturb any of the other guests. “You will either get your snotty faces up and out of my establishment or I will have my head of security escort you out.”

“You can’t- “He began but I shook my head and raised my finger to my lips.

“Shh,” I said, my smile never wavering. “The adult is talking and you’re going to listen. If my head of security needs to escort you out I cannot guarantee she will be gentle and I certainly wouldn’t want anything dangerous to happen to you. After all, you already have a life of premature balding to look forward to just like your father and it would be a shame if you tripped, and your face were to get broken on top of that.

“Not to mention if you need to be escorted out of the building, I cannot guarantee my fiancé will continue her plans to fund the city’s new convention center and if that funding goes away because of you, I doubt your father would be pleased. He’s promised the citizens so much, and I’d hate for it all to go poof because of his racist little micro dick son.”

“You’re a fucking lesbian to– “he began and once more I put my finger to my lips to shush him.

“Mind your fucking manners, the adult is still talking you ignorant shit. Now, you have the option of contacting the police, of course,” I smiled, gesturing to an elderly gentleman chatting with Kumiko near the kitchen. “The chief is right over there. You can cry to him if you want but somehow, I doubt it’d go well for you. So, I am asking you mostly politely one last time to leave of your own free will or face the consequences of your ill-advised actions.”

“Fine!” Daishi stood angrily. “I’ll be back!”

“Ah, see, there you’re wrong again. If you or your friends ever come back or are even in the area, I will be forced to teach you how to act around your betters and, trust me, those lessons hurt. You and your friends are banned from here and, now that I think about your attitude, I think a conversation with your father may very well be in order after all.” I saw the look of fear cross his face and smirked.

“W-We’ll go,” He stammered, gesturing for his friends to follow him.

“You’ll apologize first,” my smile remained in place. I gestured to Hikari and the girl hurried over, bowing slightly.

“I…apologize,” Daishi said after a moment’s pause. Hikari cocked an eyebrow in displeasure.

“No, no,” I shook my head at the boy. “I want you to be super kind and earnest and apologize as if your father’s political future, and thus what little medium fish in a tiny pond clout you have is at stake. Because it most assuredly is.” Daishi paused longer, lip quivering in fear and humiliation before he bowed low.

“I most humbly apologize for my actions and hope you can forgive me, miss,” he said.

“Do you accept his apology, Hikari?” I glanced over at her.

“I do,” Hikari nodded.

“Now get the fuck out of here before I have Jaxxin shove the hand mixer up your skinny ass to get you ready for your life behind bars you little fuck.” Without a word the boys hurried toward the exit.

“Can we still blow up their toilet?” Tamaki asked from behind me.

“Eeeh,” I said, strongly considering it. “Let’s hold off for now.”

“Aww,” Hikari whispered in disappointment. “Hind quarters.”