Paragon of Weaponmasters

Helga has logged out.

Peter has logged in.

I walk out of the private room into the main hall. Everyone who'd been minding their own business is now staring at me. Some of them grin, or give thumbs up. Others shake their heads disapprovingly. I ignore them, making my way out of the halls.

"When are you posting the video?" someone shouts.

Peter invites you to a group.

"Sup pete. How was your date?" I ask in group chat. Gotta pretend we weren't just talking.

"It wasn't a date, but we had a good time. We went to Hot Topic, she got a new Sleep Token band t-shirt." he tells me.

"They're still around?" I wonder

"Yep. According to Millie, there's a rumor going around that the lead singer is actually a different person than he was in the 2020's. She said it makes sense in the band's lore." he says.

"Band lore." I laugh.

Helga has joined your group.

I stop in the street. Voice chat goes dead silent for a full minute.

"Hey Earl." Helga says in the smallest voice I've ever heard from her.

"Hey." I say.

Another silence. This one stretches for two whole minutes.

"I'm…" Helga starts. "I'm sorry." She chokes up, clearly crying. "I didn't know what would happen, and I didn't know how important she was to you."

I don't respond. I silently turn around, and walk back through into the private room. Helga is sitting at the desk, head in her hands, sobbing. She looks up as I enter, I move around the desk and help her out of her chair. I hold her in an embrace. She cries hard, shaking on my shoulder. I cry too, both for her and myself.

"I didn't know what happened to you. I didn't know." she mumbles.

"It's ok." I tell her.

"She was real for you. I never understood why you act so strangely around the N.P.C.s, like they're real people. I thought maybe you were a really dedicated roleplayer." she tells me.

"So did Peter when we first met." I tell her.

She lays her head on my shoulder, with no more tears to shed. Her breathing slows as she relaxes there.

"Can you ever forgive me?" she asks in that tiny voice.

"Yes." I tell her. "I'm sorry too, about what I said."

"Don't worry about it." she pulls away to look into my face. "I was mad because you were right. I don't want you to be, though."

We stare into eachothers eyes, both knowing what she means. Slowly, we both lean in. kissing gently, for the very first time.

"You two coming?" Peter asks in our group voice chat.

We separate, and laugh a little awkwardly.

"Yep. On our way." I tell him, smiling at Helga.

We hold hands, leaving the private room and ignoring the other Paragons.

"Can't wait to watch!" the same guy from earlier yells. He yelps as someone smacks him loudly.

We meet Peter in a dark corner of the city, he's waiting for us next to a cloaked figure.

"Nice of you to join us." he comments, giving me a flat look.

"Paragon, I have an urgent message from a mutual acquaintance." the cloaked figure says.

"Who?" I ask.

Everyone turns to look at me like I'm an idiot.

"Sorry." I say. Their identity is a secret, obviously.

"The Honorlord has discovered the method by which the Mad Mage controlled the Minotaur and Cyclops. We need you to find and destroy it, or our people will once again be slaves." they tell us.

Mad Mage's Control accepted!

Destroy the Control Artifact 0/1

"Where is it?" I ask.

"In the maze." Peter and the mysterious messenger speak at the same time. The messenger looks annoyed that Peter stole their thunder.

"Are you coming, Helga?" I turn to her.

"Yeah. Mind if I stream it?" she asks.

"I don't. Peter?" I turn to him.

"Go for it." he says.

And with that, we set off. Helga uses a chariot mount of her own to match mine, Peter rides a zombie pegasus. The two of them keep making jokes about how they can't see his mount, and I don't get it.

"But if it's invincible, why can I see it?" Peter says again, cackling. Helga snorts.

Thankfully our mounted speed is very fast, and we make it down to the labyrinth in no time at all. It's a shame my rested buff from sleeping in with the new mothers expired hours ago.

"It's in a secret passage, we have to kill orcs to find out where it is." Peter tells me.

"There's orcs here?" I ask. Previously, there were only random-seeming monsters, minotaur and cyclops. A dinosaur too, but that was a glitch. It occurs to me that the dinosaur may still be here somewhere.

"Yeah, there's a bunch. They're all looking for the orb." Peter nods.

We descend into the labyrinth using stairs instead of a pitfall trap. It's much more gentle on my face, but not on my knees. The first intersection we find has orcs moving towards us from the right passage.

"Get them, they can't know we were here!" one of the orc commands, sending the other two members of the war party after us.

Both of them explode, showering us in blood and guts.

"What the fuck?" I screech.

Helga chuckles at my reaction. She must have used some ability to kill them faster than I could perceive or something.

"Aura of Challenge." Peter leans over to tell me as Helga slowly marches towards the last orc menacingly. "Berserker ability. Anything below a certain health threshold dies near her."

"Why didn't she use that on Thunderspank?" I ask

"He must have had too much health or some resistance to it." he shrugs.

Helga gets close enough to the last orc for him to explode too. It sounds like a wet clap in a cave. We loot the bodies, I have to focus on a tooth to manage it.

Honorlord's Instructions add to inventory.

"Go ahead and read that." Peter tells me.

"Rebellion is brewing. Our partnership with the sub-orc races is coming to an end. They will all bow to us, as they did long ago. An artifact hidden away in the Labyrinth will ensure the cows and the monoloids cannot resist our will. Retrieve it." I read aloud. A map is drawn out underneath the text. It makes a marker appear on my map. "Were those slurs?"

"Yes." Helga says, pointing to her streaming eye. "You're going to have to film an apology video."

"I didn't even know!" I throw up my hands. "Peter told me to!"

Both of them laugh at me. They're making fun of me!

"Whatever" I say, crossing my arms.

Peter leads us through the maze, Helga turns any opponent that gets too close into a fine mist.

"Hey Helga, could you have used that ability when we got ambushed in the human city?" I ask.

"Yeah, but then the room would have been flooded with blood, and your newborn would have been showered in orc bits." she tells me.

"Fair point." I say, a little saddened by the memory of Lagakh.

Peter stops at a suspicious well, running his hands over the bricks. Eventually, he finds one with a little give, and presses it. The wall starts to recede, revealing a hidden room.

Helga has logged out.

"Huh?" I say.

Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site.

"That's weird. Let me check her stream." Peter's eyes cloud over as he uses the internet while still logged into the game.

When the hidden room is completely revealed, a hunched figure turns its attention to us. I can't make out any details under its cloak.

"Uh… Peter." I say, grabbing his shoulder.

The figure turns completely around, stalking towards us.

"Peter!" I yell.

His eyes return to normal.

"She got disconnected from the game and she can't log back in. Don't know why yet." he tells me.

"Peter!" I yell again.

"What?" he asks, looking at me.

I point behind him, the figure has walked right up behind him.

"Shit!" he jumps when he turns around. He draws his daggers, ready to fight.

With a wave of the hand, the figure casts some sort of spell on us.

Peter says: I can't move!

Earl says: Me either.

The figure gives me one last look before they depart, walking down the dark corridors out of sight. Under the hood, I saw the familiar sight of curled, overgrown tusks. That was the orc from the prison!

"I know who that was!" I tell Peter when we unfreeze.

"Me too!" he tells me.

"You do?" I ask, surprised.

"Yeah! That was The Master of Spells!" he announces. "You have to tell Pelgingose!"

"What? How do you know?" I stretch out the stiffness from his spell.

"That was Time Stop, a spell only the Master of Spells has access to! Is Pelgingose online?" he practically hops up and down.

"Let me check." I say. Opening my Paragon list, I see Pelgingose is indeed online.

Paragon Earl says: Hey Pel, Peter wanted me to let you know we ran into the Master of Spells.

Pelgingose has invited you to a group.

You're already in a group.

"Oh, he wants to join our group." Peter says.

Pelgingose has joined your group.

"Where?" Pelgigose asks in person. Before I finish reading the system message, he teleports directly to us.

"That way." Both Peter and I point down the corridor.

"Greater Detect Magic!" Pelgigose shouts. "Time Stop?"

"Yeah, that's how I knew!" Peter tells him

Pelgingose teleports down the corridor where the orc went. He shouts his spell again, then teleports out of sight. He leaves our group shortly after.

"Well, that was something." I comment, hands on my hips. "Does he have to shout the name of his spells?"

"No, that's just a thing he does." Peter tells me.

"Alrighty then. Moving along." I say, walking into the hidden room. Lab equipment and bookshelves line the room, covered in a thick layer of dust. In the center, a short pillar with a fancy pillow sits empty.

"Where is it?" Peter asks, looking at the pillow. He picks it up and looks underneath, walking around the pillar.

"I assume it's supposed to be on the pillow." I say.

"Yeah. It's an evil-ass looking Palantir knockoff. Did the Master of Spells take it?" he asks, looking back from where we came.

I check the quest, having no other idea what to do. Apparently when we got it, the first objective was already complete.

Find the control artifact 1/1

Hmm. Peter upturns the room, looking for the orb under tables, behind books, anywhere he can think to check. Instead of helping him, I stroke my beard. Do I have any orbs on me? I check my inventory. Spare sword… random junk I forgot to sell… the unique crown… my shield…

Wait, the crown! I take it out of my inventory, and place it on the pillow. Nothing happens.

"We're supposed to destroy it, right?" I ask Peter. He looks at me, then the crown, then back to me. "The quest said I already had the 'Control Artifact' when we accepted the quest."

"The crown? Huh." he looks at it. "What makes you think that's the control artifact?"

"Well, I got it from the labyrinth, and it's the only thing in my inventory that gives me control over a minotaur and a cyclops." I explain my thinking.

"That's different." he grunts.

"What isn't when we're involved?" I ask, chuckling.

The smile on my face vanishes as I hear a familiar roar.

"Oh for Christ's sake!" I turn to see the dinosaur charging at us.

Aighe, the Taker of Life. Level ??

Peter and I retreat back to the far wall to get as much distance between us and the dinosaur as possible. It can't fit in the room, but its long snout reaches halfway in, snapping at us.

"What now?" I ask Peter.

"One of the books closes the door!" he says. The room shakes as Aighe thrashes, slamming its face into the walls.

I will keep it busy! Thozur announces before launching at the dino. They slam into its face, eliciting an angry roar. Aighe turns around to fight my hammer in the hallway. Peter and I start yanking books off of the shelf, desperately searching for the hidden switch. I find it, "Secret Switches for non-intellect classes" printed on the spine. The door closes, sealing us inside and them out.

"How do we destroy it?" I ask Peter.

"Just hit it," Peter tells me, drawing his daggers. "Maybe you should do it, it's your crown."

I step up to the pedestal, my sword Apaki in hand.

I would be remiss if I did not mention the potential opportunity here. It whispers in my mind.

What opportunity?

The crown.

What do you mean? Speak plainly.

You could use the crown to command the minotaur and the cyclops to slay the beast for you.

I don't know if they could take it. Aighe is level question mark question mark.

What does that mean?

It means no matter how strong I am, or anyone is, if they aren't the same level as it, they can't kill it.

Are there truly none among them equal to it?

Wait… Mournthing. He's level question mark question mark too! He could do it! I think?

"Hey Peter, could Mournthing kill Aighe?" I ask.

"Uhh.. yeah, if he's higher level than it. We don't know what level Aighe is, but usually a faction leader like Mournthing is beyond max level." he tells me.

"So why not use the crown to get Mournthing to kill it for us?" I ask.

He just stares at me for a moment.

"Becuase It would be pretty fucked up?" He says, shrugging.

"But it would solve our problem, right?" I respond.

His face twists in distaste.

"I'm going to leave it up to you, but I wouldn't." he tells me.

"I'm tired of running from the damned thing every fucking time we're down here. If Mournthing kills it, it will be good for both of us. This is his labyrinth, right?" I ask.

"Right." Peter says.

"Ok then." I put the crown on.

A new spell falls onto my action bar. It has no name or description, it is simply an icon of a crown. I push the book back into place, and the wall opens. Outside, my hammer and the dinosaur trade blows. Thozur is airborne, and very fast, but Aighe is quick enough to get a few chomps, claws, and tails whips in. I target Aighe, and use the new spell.

I feel a connection reach out from my head to the world around me, latching on to anchor points near and far. A new action bar appears, like when I use Thunder God. The spells on it only have images, one of an angry face, one of a portal, and one of a hammer.

I use the angry face, assuming it is the attack command. I feel the connections start to move towards me, after a moment, a minotaur appears in the hallways behind Aighe, and charges. It takes a few minutes for more to appear, each begin attacking on sight. I consider the portal button, then use it.

Thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands of minotaur and cyclops appear in the tunnels. They all immediately launch an attack on the dinosaur. My stomach drops as the dinosaur simply takes a step and crushes several. A swing of its tail sends more flying, shattering their bones against the wall.

"How do I undo it?" I ask aloud, no one responds. No one knows. I take off the crown, hoping it will stop this, but nothing changes. When I put it back on, the control spell is on cooldown. "No no no! God damn it! Stop! Run!"

They throw themselves at it, dying by the dozen. I fall to my knees, watching the slaughter I caused. Moments pass, the dinosaur howls in fury as a figure, towering over the other huge people around them. Mournthing.

Mournthing, Magnum Opus of the Mad Mage. Level ??

The half minotaur, half cyclops punches the dinosaur's knee, forcing it to bend the wrong way. The beast collapses, and our savior stomps over to the head. It grabs it by the eye sockets, and starts pulling. Aighe howls in fury, then fear, as Mournthing pulls its head off. As the beast dies, it's like a spell over the crowd is undone. They look around, confused. I spot Gunner and Toebark, just before they teleport away.

Mournthing sees me, and marches over. He pulls me to my feet, his face is down at my level, inches from mine.

"Destroy it." He commands me, more anger in his voice than I've ever heard come from a person. He shoves me away, and I put the crown on the pillow. Thozur returns to my hand, ready to smash the cursed thing.

Use me instead. Apaki whispers.

I put Thozur away, and draw Apaki. With a single downward swing, the crown disappears.

King Emperor's Crown added to inventory.

Mad Mage's Control completed! Experience gained.

You have reached level 63!

Strength increased by 128%!

Agility increased by 128%!

Intelligence increased by 128%!

Peter has reached Level 62!

I check the crown, it's completely unharmed, hidden away.

"That went way worse than I thought it would, and I thought it was going to be bad." Peter tells me.

"Yeah." I say, not sure what else to say. I know that was wrong, I know the cost in lives wasn't worth it… but it doesn't feel wrong. I feel justified, and relieved that we won't have to deal with Aighe ever again.

Mournthing gives me one last hate-filled look before departing with his people.

"Earl, listen man. I know you're going through a lot, but that was… please, don't do something like that again. They're not real people, but that doesn't mean they don't suffer." Peter puts a hand on my shoulder.

I shrug him off.

"We kill them by the hundreds, by the thousands even. Named and unnamed. They're just ones and zeros. MY suffering is REAL! At least they can die!" I throw my hands up. "They don't know what it's like to really be afraid! Always afraid, always living on edge! They don't have a clock ticking on their fucking lives!"

"Earl. it's ok." Peter tries to calm me down.

"It's not ok Peter. Nothing is ok. I'm not ok." I put my back against the nearest wall and slide down. I stare at the floor, Peter doesn't move or say anything. After a few moments, I look up and find him gray-eyed.

"Great." he says when he's back.

"What?" I ask.

"Well I was hoping Helga could come help me with you, but she's banned." Peter huffs.

"What do you mean banned?" I stand back up.

"She wasn't supposed to be streaming with you, your company sent a cease and desist, so now she's banned from the game." he shrugs powerlessly.

"Shit."

"Ms. Rodríguez, you were explicitly warned several times. You were pushing it when you streamed Lagakh and Earlgor, you knew what you were doing, and these are the consequences." the man on the phone says.

"I'm the biggest female streamer on the platform. The ban will be lifted and I'll be right back where I was, at Earl's side. There's nothing you can do about it." Daniela, the player known as "Helga the Bloodthirsty", tells him defiantly.

"So far your attitude has gotten you banned, and is causing you to lose your case with Thunderspank. So why don't we take a breath and discuss this like adults, hmm?" he demonstrates by taking a lungful of air.

"How do you know about my case?" she asks.

"You'll find I know a lot of things you wouldn't expect." he says ominously.

"You don't know about Earl, not really." she assures him.

"On the contrary, I likely know a great deal more about Mr. Walton's situation than you do."

Daniela's heart skips a beat.

"What?" is all she can say.

"I know everything there is to know about his… mm… predicament. With a little more cooperation, maybe you could know too." he says in the tone only someone steepling their fingers can manage.

Daniela stops to think, a rare occasion for her. The man on the line waits patiently, willing to sit in silence as long as it takes for her to make the decision he wants. He knows trying to convince her will do the opposite.

"I'm listening." she begrudgingly mutters.