My Nihilism Got Me Laid?!

"So, you've never been outside this village? Do you know what year it is?! Or who Mr.Beast is?"

"Of course I do; It's not like that. We're not allowed communication with the outside world. But we have internet and technology. In fact, being knowledgeable in such things is vital for us."

"Vital?"

"While our techniques may seem old school, we are not ignorant enough to see that we need technology to keep up with the rest of the world. In that, we are a hybrid of the old and the new."

"Still, it must seem a little constrictive to be kept inside a cage with a dictator leader. Like taking helicopter parents to another level.

"Yes... I suppose his methods are similar to those of dictators. But... hopefully I will be able to leave tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? What's happening then?"

Her eyes brighten. "Oh, did they not tell you? It's the Jonin test tomorrow. It's the largest event of the year."

"Hmm... so what? you've been studying for a multiple choice?"

"No, no, it's far simpler than that; you just have to survive in the woods for an hour."

"Hmmm? That does sound simple..." ( ㅍ _ㅍ) "A little too simple. So, what the catch?"

"Well, every year it's different; adaptability is a key skill for us shinobi, so we don't find out until tomorrow."

"Hmm... great." Well, found the death marker.

"There was one year where the entire field was encased in noxious gas and the contestants were required to create a gas mask out of the resources found in nature. Then there was another year where they released a swarm of various foreign mosquitos, they were tasked with protecting themselves for the hour."

"My god, it's like Survivor on steroids."

"Yeah... that was a bad year, only four people ended up graduating."

"And the rest?"

"If I'm remembering correctly, there were forty-five people that year."

...4/45

...8% passing.

"I can't imagine everyone survived, even with treatment."

"Treatment? Oh, no, we didn't have the cure for any of the viruses; but it at least gave them time to say goodbye to their families and get their things in order before going to the other side."

...

◉_◉

My utter fear must have been painted on my face as she scoffs. "Dont worry, I'll be fine."

"...Why?" I ask cautiously. "Are you at the top of your class or something?"

"Me?" She lets out a giggle as she waves away the accusations. "No, no, in fact I'm pretty low in my class, they've threatened to fail me countless times. But! I have an ace up my sleeve for this test!"

So far, she has been pretty intelligent, maybe a little airheaded, so this plan is going to be well thought out and-

"The Indomitable Human Spirit! I have seen Tik Tok edits of it. I shall simply will myself through the test!"

Oh my god, it's over. (◞𐔌 ◟;) She's gonna die.

"Hate to burst your delusional bubble, but that's not a real thing."

"Wha- then why do people online say it's real?!"

"Oh, I forgot people on the internet don't lie." I say sarcastically.

"Exactly."

"I was being facetious! The closest thing we have is maybe adrenaline, but that won't save you from malaria!"

"Huh... well then, I've got to rethink my plan."

"That would probably be for the best." ( ,,⩌'︿'⩌,,)

*****

We are taken to the last location of morning training, an elevated grass plane that overlooks the foggy mountains.

For some reason, Rivan seems to be sticking pretty close to me. At first I though the whole bad poker face was just a cover, but looking around, all the other students are stone faced and fully focused on the teacher.

"Alright, go with your usual partners and practice this weeks training as it was listed on your training sheet."

Well I never got one. Guess henchmen dont get fair treatment.

"You can look at mine."

"What about your partner? Won't they feel a little dejected having you missing?"

"No, if anything, she's happy to finally have someone."

"What? Who is your partner?"

"Me, myself and I." Rivian beams at me with that innocent smile.

"...oh. Well, then I would be happy to."

"So... how dos this wor-" Grabbing my shirt, she throws me over her shoulder.

My eyes widen as my back slams into the grass, causing me to get the wind knocked out of me.

She crouches down as she looks down at me with a playful giggle. "Graves... I think you were supposed to defend yourself."

"I don't ev- even know what we- we're doing?!" I wince through gasps as I struggle to breathe.

"Oh... yea. This is martial arts training."

Holding my chest, my breath manages to return. "Than- thanks for the heads up."

"Whoops." Reaching out her hand, she helps me up and pats me off. "Well, now you saw a good example of what your supposed to do."

"Thanks sensei." ( ¬_¬)

"Sorry, I guess I got excited finally having someone to practice with."

Now she's inadvertently guilt tripping me so I can't be mad.

Even so, I can practically feel the repressed excitement as she looks at me. While I'm painful in sleep debt and overall a pessimistic person, I decide to well up the most of my energy.

"Well, now that I'm aware of what we're doing, you'd better prepare yourself." I exclaim with an uncharacteristically expressive motion as I throw my hands up.

She matches my defensive pose with a giddy expression.

Despite my strong words, she expertly takes me down to the ground as I helplessly crumble.

"C'mon, is that really the best you got?" She teases. Standing over me, the shoulder piece of her outfit begins to sag down over her shoulder.

"Well, it's just your breasts... you know." I say, pointing downwards as I attempt to avert my gaze.

She looks down. "My breasts?" Noticing that her shinobi outfit is falling off, she readjusts it.

Instead of bashfully blushing and punching my face in, she gives me a smug grin as she wags her finger. "Tsk, tsk. If you were a shinobi, you would already be dead." Without a moment of hesitation, she loosens the top end of her outfit exposing her bare shoulders.

"Ah! Dont strip in public!?"

I say that, but her breasts are wrapped in a crepe bandage as the cloth presses her large breasts against her chest, failing to contain the squishy fat.

"If you allow gender to cloud your gender when you go for the final strike, you will leave yourself open. To us shinobi there is no gender, only those that live and those that are dead.

"Alright, now that you have nothing to grab onto, you will only be able to use real technique."

"Wha- that's not fair?!" Biting my cheek, I yank my own top off.

Her eyes widen as she covers them with spread hands as she fails to look away. "Ah?! You cheating pervert!"

"What?" (⩌_⩌) "A dude taking his top off is way more normal than a girl."

Looking around it seems everyone else is too preoccupied in their own one on ones to see our oddly erotic martial arts.

At the other side of the plain, Dissiri and Noctiva are practicing. Noctiva is straining her muscles as she attempts to throw Dissiri over her shoulder, to no fail. Dissiri intentionally jumps over her, throwing herself on the ground, allowing Noctiva to believe she actually did that.

"Haha! You still have much to learn from me, Dizzi."

"Yes, it seems I am no match for you, Miss."

" Alrigh-" While I'm side tracked looking away, Rivian tackles me to the ground. "Dufh!"

Her body presses against mine as we lie in the grass.

"Haha, how did you-" With her face practically pressed against mine, her cheeks begins to turn shift to a peach pink.

Lifting her face away from mine, she sits up. "You shouldn't drop your guard..."

Not putting up much of a fight I put my hands the back of my head. "Alright, well, you better get off me before I strike with my own attack."

As she sits atop me she crosses her arms; looking down at me, she scoffs. "Pfft, I'd like to see you tr- EEP!" ( ˶°ㅁ°) !!

She lurches forward.

"What the hell was that?!" tilting her head, she looks behind her.

"Uh... probably my boner." ( ⩌_⩌)

She suddenly karate chops my face in before lunging up to her feet.

Holding my nose, my voice has become nasally. "Ow..."

"Yo- you were trying to make me your sex slave! Just like those other two girls!" (>/////< " )

(╥ᆺ╥;) "Uh... no, also, I'm the slave in that situation. Noctiva uses me whenever she wants."

Picking myself up, I pat myself off and pull my arms through the holes of my top. "Sorry about that. It's got a mind of its own around pretty woman."

She seems like an oddly rational person, despite how awkward things just got, she isnt bashful or unnecessarily aggressive. "No, I was inciting that. So, I'm sorry for hitting you."

She incited my boner?

Just then, I see the girl from the first day, the one that tripped with the basket of fruits. Her expression is gloomy as she looks down at the ground and, is now... missing an eye.

Cautiously, I nod towards the girl. "What happened to her?"

Riven looks with carefree curiosity. "Who?" When her eyes land on the girl, the excited shimmer in her eyes vanishes, and she looks away. "Saturn, I- I dont know."

"It couldn't have been because she squished a single grape... right?"

"I said I dont know!"

But she does, and now I do as well.

...