My Nihilism Got Me Laid?!

"Pancakes, check! Pizza, check, movie picked, check!" Sitting there with a literal checklist, I feel like I'm back at my 7th grade birthday... except ...I'm 26.

"Do we really have to watch this? Can't we watch like...anything else?"

"I won the rock paper scissors." Cafune degradingly chuckles as she puffs her large chest out. "Hmhm. So that means I get to pick."

While we still haven't replaced half the appliances that the storm named Cafune and Boketto demolished; I did buy a new television, because obviously a television is more important than a fridge or a microwave... hey no it's not!

How did I let myself get swindled by Cafune?!

"Graves, do you think we need anything else?" Boketto looks up at me while wearing a baggy red shirt with some magician's logo on it. The cropped top creates an underboob as it fails to cover her soft belly.

"No, I appreciate your help..."

"I'm just glad I was abl- oof!" Tripping, she falls flat on her face, dropping the plate of pancakes in the process.

And that's why I replaced all of our glass wear with plastic... that and because Cafune.

I hear a light whimper as she sniffles.

With a deep exhale, I kneel down beside her. "Are you alright, Boketto?"

She looks down at the squished floor ridden pancakes, then up at me with watery eyes. "yea...bu- but the pancakes... I'm so sorry." She looks like she's holding back tears as her button nose burns pink.

Rubbing her back, I help her stand back up. "Don't worry about it, as long as you're alright, that's all that matters."

"Graves..."

"Go watch the movie with Cafune, I'll clean this up and cook up another batch. You like chocolate chips in yours, right?"

"Hmm," wiping her eyes, she nods.

She tries so hard, but she doesn't get far.

I try to act like I'm a kind person, but cooking sounds far more fun than watching whatever that Space Gorilla show they're watching, so thank your Boketto, your clumsiness, gave me an out.

Walking back to the kitchen, I cook another batch with a yawn.

Guess this is a good chance to think about my current finical situation. If I have ten tenets, with the base price of one thousand five hundred for each of them; that means I'm making around fifteen thousand dollars per month.

Certain tenets like Noctiva, Renna, and Lulu pay more than others due to the their lucrative careers. In total, that means I'm making around twenty thousand per month.

I've only been fixing accidents and buying food, but I have a shit ton of money to spend?! that's more than two hundred thousand in a year?! I didn't even make that much when i worked a full-time job.

After twenty minutes, I jolt awake.

I was so deep in day dreaming about sleep I began cooking the pancakes on autopilot and now I have a stack of a at least 50 pancakes.

Maybe I can leave the pancakes on the table and sneak into one of the other rooms and go to bed early.

Boketto foils my plan of evasive sleep as she walks in. Her eyes widen, gasping at the mountain of pancakes I've constructed.

"I hope you're hungry." I yawn.

"You made so many!?" she looks down as she bites her cheek. "But- I'm sorry Graves, the only reason you had to do that was because of my idiocrasy."

"Boketto."

She looks up at me, as though expecting to get yelled at.

"Stop saying sorry."

"Bu- its just-"

"it devalues your words, it doesn't solve anything, and it's a net negative."

Opening the cabinet, I grab the syrup...

"Replace it with thank you; it shows your gratitude and makes the receiver far more happy than dealing with an apology."

Looking at Boketto's doughy pancake-like body...

...

I just go an idea.

"Oh... I'm sorr- I mean... thank you Graves..."

A naughty smirk evolves onto my face. "No... thank you."

She looks at me with confusion.

Shaking my head along with my fantasies, I guide her back towards the bedroom loft. "Anyway, let's go. Cafune is not one to be left alone. Catch me up on the movie, did anything happen?"

"Well...If I'm being honest... I don't really know- There's not really any timeline; it just jumps from scene to scene."

( ⩌_⩌) "that explains why Cafune suggested it."

Looking at me with pity, she puts her hands out. "You've already done so much Graves, let me at least carry the pancakes."

I look down at her, pursing my lips as I have to think of a kind way to say I'd rather not spend another 20 minutes making pancakes.

She holds out both hands.

"I appreciate it." I say.

Handing her a single silver dollar pancake, I place it in her open hands.

"Eh...?"

"Thank you, that one was really dragging me down."

"Uh... oh, right."

We usually watch television on the first floor pillow nest of a bed, but Cafune insisted on using our normal bed for some reason.

Walking up the stairs, we arrive to her majesty as she gluttonously sips soda from the can while kicking her legs back.

Cafune turns her head to us with a wide grin. "My favorite henchman Mr. Graves! And my besto friendó Boki."

Placing the tray of pancakes on the bed beside her, I hold out my hand. "Where's my tip?"

"It should be in your pants? Did you lose it?" Cafune suddenly grabs my pants, peeking down my briefs. "Oh, it's still there."

Boketto gasps. "Cafune?!"

"What? I was helping him find it."

Huh...

Grabbing one of the pancakes, I flop onto the bed. Lying back on the sheets, I lean back, putting my hands around the back of my head with an exhale.

The two of them lie on their stomachs before me. They place the plate of pancakes between them as they happily chatter about the movie.

Boketto's bunny patiently sits propped up on a pillow between them like a loaf of bread as it nibbles on a pancake Cafune gave it.

Somehow, a literal animal is on better behavior than Cafune. The only reason I don't make it pay for rent is because apparently nobody here has to... also because it hasn't pooped on my bed yet.

As the two sit before me, their asses look like two mounds of dough. Boketto's short shorts fail to contain the folds of her large ass. She's wearing black thigh highs with a white strip along the top. Squishing her thick thighs, the two constrictive pieces of clothing push in opposite directions, creating a perfect mound of thickness.

Averting my perverse gaze, I actually try and watch the movie. On screen a gorilla is fighting a hundred guys. Right after this captain starts blowing up the ocean, then they were in a crashing plane. There was no connection between them, and no real main character.

That was the last straw, I'm... clocking..o..u...t...

...

I hear a wail, jolting me awake from my suspended sleep. "Wha- where, wha?" Wiping the drool from my mouth my head darts around.

It seems the movie ended while I was a sleep, a movie I was not watching half the time, both because I had no interest and because what I did watch made zero sense.

But Cafune seems to have felt it, as she's currently bawling her eyes out... then again, I think she just misinterpreted it, because Boketto looks a little confused.

"Uh... Cafune, why are you crying? The good guys won..."

Wiping her teary eyes, she clings onto Boketto, "how are you not?! It was so sad when the gorilla threw the chimp into the pylon and ate the bongo mongo fruit which lead to the deforestation of his homeland." .°( °◜ᯅ◝°)°.

"Oh... yea... I guess that was a little gloomy."

"Then the cyber whales consumed the galaxy and everyone died!"

Cafune now lunges at me, the soft fuzzy fabric of her dog onesie brushes against my arm. "Gravy!"

"What?" ( ㆆ _ ㆆ)

She presses her face against mine as she continues bawling. (◞𐔌 ◟;) "I don't wanna be eaten by a space whale!"

(¬_¬(◞‸ ◟ ) "Well, you won't be!" I say, pushing her blubber off me.

Her eyes widen with gleeful hope. "...really!? You are going to save earth just like Dr.Pinklefart did!?"

"Uh... no, I'm just saying I can guarantee a space whale consuming earth is not how the earth will end. It'll probably be nuclear warfare or the sun exploding."

Cafune seems to be a few brain cells behind, because she lunges at me, wrapping her squishy body over me as she smiles. "Thank you, thank you a thousand times Graves! You will save earth!"

"What part of that was saving?"

"But... you can guarantee that the whale won't eat us?"

"Dont tell me you actually believe this stuff, Boketto?"

"Well...no... but... I was wondering if...you would save me?" Her eyes water as she gives me puppy dog eyes.

"Depends, if your being arrested for tax evasion, I would save you; but, I wouldn't help you cover up a murder if that's what you're asking."

"You'd do that, all for me?!" Boketto leans in, matching Cafune's invasive behavior.

I swear, these girls act like I'm a superhero or some deity, they overestimate my capabilities, I'm only immortal.

Cafune rolls onto her back, making her breasts jiggle apart. She rolls around, as she stretches. "Gravyyyy, I'm boreeedddd."

With a sigh, I'm beginning to miss having a movie that would entertain her. "Alright, what do you want to do then."

"Hmm..." Cafune rolls around the bed before crawling atop me. "Can we do that sexy kinki peepee time?"

... huh?