My Nihilism Got Me Laid?!

My vision is still blurry, all I can make out is a blinding light.

Am I in heaven?

This must have been my last life, how many lives does a cat have? 9?

Oh...no, I've died 11 times. Does anything have 11... Hercules from Fate? No, I think that was 12.

The world finally comes into view. The sun blinds me, but an overhang blocks out a part of the rays.

What is that? ( ㅍ зㅍ)

They appear to be a large set of boobies.

A set of abs poke through the soft belly; it has gashes across, with scars etched into the soft skin. Shifting my head, I can feel that I'm lying on set of thighs, they are thick, yes muscular.

Peeking around the underboobs of this mysteriously fit woman, a set of green eyes glare down at me.

"You're awake."

"Are you a trap?"

"No." The fierce-looking woman says very flatly

Abruptly lifting her thighs, she rolls me off her lap, sending me crashing down to the ground.

Picking myself up, I rub my head. "Ow! What the hell was that for!?"

Standing up, I realize we are sitting at a table outside a cafe.

Noctiva is sitting across from us, with her legs elegantly crossed as she sips espresso. "Good morning, handsome."

"Uh... good...morning."

Looking back at who's lap I had fallen from, I see a tall woman with green hair, she has red flaps on either side, and white streaks scattered throughout the tied back section. Her eyes are narrow, as though constantly surveilling the surrounding area.

"The hell are you looking at?" She barks.

Uh... nothing." Seeing her build now, it's obvious she's not a dude. Between her large breasts and wide hips.

"So... what happened? Was there a second attacker?"

"No, no." She politly giggles. "My bodyguard got the wrong idea about you."

My eyes glance over to the green-haired woman; Her white leggings tightly embrace those strong thighs. While her red cropped hoodie reveals her under boob as the hoodie overhangs that tight stomach.

Pointing at her, I shout. "IT WAS YOU! YOU SNAPPED MY NECK!"

She crosses her arms, looking away. "Hmfph, it seems like I'll have to be a little more thorough next time."

"No, you won't!"

Like a lecturing mother, Noctiva wags her finger; her voice light like a wind chime. "Dissiri, you shouldn't bully our savior."

"What?! He's not our savior!"

"He stopped me from getting stabbed and prevented you from getting fired. What else would you call that?"

"...eh." She angrily turns away, crossing her arms. ( ̀- ε -́ ) "...t-a-k ...y-u" She mumbles under her breath.

Noctiva smirks, cupping her ear. "What was that Dissiri? When you're thanking someone, you should say it clearly."

"Thank you for saving my career." She says, glaring at me... showing zero thanks.

Noctiva continues sitting there looking like a model... cause she is. Placing her hand on her chest, she gives me that narrow eyed, innate seductive look.

"As you know, my name is Noctiva, and this is my personal guard, Dissiri." She leans in to whisper. "She's ex special forces, so you know she's bad to the bone." ৻( •̀ ᗜ •́ ৻)

She lurches forward. "Wha-?! Miss, please don't give away that kind of information!"

"Whoops, I mean she played the role of a special forces operator in a movie!" ♪～(￣ε￣;)

(⩌_⩌) "Nice save." But, even if she hadn't told me that, it is pretty obvious with her scars slashed across her face and body. She is well toned but not overly muscular, strong only for the sake of practicality.

Patting myself off, I pull out a chair and sit down.

"So, you truly and honestly dont know who I am?"

"Well... considering the fact that you have a bodyguard, I assume a celebrity or political figure. But I doubt a political figure would be seen at a casino."

"Well done, detective. Name off some movies, and I'll tell you if I was in it."

Awkwardly chuckling, I scratch my head. (˘•‿•) "Sorry, but I don't watch many movies. I'm a bigger fan of cartoons." That's a lie, but I don't watch much TV in general, I only watch cartoons because Cafune always has them on.

Her eyes widen, losing any seductive motherly appearance she once had. "REALLY!? you like cartoons too!?"

Even Dissiri looks surprised by the sudden outburst.

Noctiva awkwardly coughs as she sits back down, straightening herself out. "I mean, I'm glad we have something in common."

Sitting there, she awkwardly fiddles with her hands, as though repressing her excitement. "So, what are some of your favorites?"

Shit, what are they called, I need to cash out on my lifeline and call Cafune. "Well... you know, North Park... uh Bponge Sob, Archery?"

She lets out a squeal of excitement. ⸜(｡˃ ᗜ ˂)⸝♡ "Dah! I love all of those!" Sitting back down, she readjusts her hair, attempting to put on a serious face. ( ㆆ _ ㆆ) "I mean- those are some good choices."

"Uh... so I apologize if it's awkward to address the elephant in the room, but... who was that guy who attacked you?"

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ "Eh, who knows."

"Shouldn't you be a little more concerned about your safety?"

"I'm used to it, just some fan trying to pop my bubble. The police took the dude away, turns out he had a petabyte worth of picture of me"

A... whole petabyte? ( ಠ_ಠ)

"You know, he was actually great photographer, her always manged to get my good side; if he wasn't in police custody, I would have hired him as my photographer."

"That likely wouldn't end well."

"Well, I've got my trusty guard dog watching over my shoulder." She knocks against Dissiri's soft abed stomach.

"Please don't describe me like that, miss. I have human feeling as well."

"Yes, you do."

Dissiri steps up to me, crossing her arms as she glares towards me. "Now I get to ask a question. How did you survive that knife attack and having your neck snapped?"

...

"Wait!? You actually did snap my neck with just a kick?!"

"I have 299 confirmed kills, one shotting a twink was hardly a warmup. But I don't exactly like having to subtract one."

"Hey! I'm not a twin-"

...

( ◉_◉) "Wait... did you just say 299 confirmed kills? As in a village worth of people? As in a local concert venue... as in a fucking full Boeing 777 airplane!"

She leans down, growling in my ear. "That's right... But those are only the corpses they managed to find."

Pursing my lips, I gulp. I was about to flaunt my bodies, but she has literal corpses.

"Now answer my question, Miffy."

Wha- miffy?! Isn't that a bunny? "Well, I eat my vegetables and always take my vitam-"

She suddenly strangles me. "I don't care for your filibuster!"

"ERHG!"

"Now, now Dissiri, he saved me, that's all that matters."

Angerly releasing me, she whispers in my ear. "I've marked you as number 300, I told you I don't like subtracting from my etched kill count."

(◡_◡) Well, it seems my life is already over.

"Now... Graves... I have something I wish to speak to you about." Noctiva leans forward.

"Uh... sure, is there something wrong, Noctiva?"

She gently places her pointer finger on her glossy lips. Her eyes narrow as though inspecting me. "Hmm..." Her eyes widen as she suddenly snaps her fingers. "Dissiri, I've decided; we're having sex with the handsome Mr.Graves." She sends me a playful wink.

...

...

... ( °ヮ° ) ?

"Huh?!" Dissiri and I whip our heads towards Noctiva.

I awkwardly scratch my head with a light chuckle. "Uh... well, I appreciate the gesture, but don't you think we should get dinner first?"

"No, I like you; I've decided you will be my first time. We can have dinner in my room if thats truly what you desire."

(⸝⸝⸝꩜ ᯅ ꩜⸝｡) "Misses, please reconsider this."

Noctiva sighs. "Okay, fine..."

Dissiri exhales with a smile, readjusting her skull themed choker. "Thank you for being rational."

...

"Alright, I've reconsidered; Dissiri, free up my whole afternoon schedule."

"...eh?"

"eh?"

"I appreciate your insight, Dissiri. You're right, this isn't just some whim situation. I need to make an event out of it. Just as you wouldn't sweep your birthday under the rug, It is my first time after all."

"Miss... that's not what I meant!"

Dissiri turns to me as though looking for support. "Surely you won't agree to this, you just met each other."

┐(' ε `;)┌ "I mean..."

(¬_¬) Her eyes flatten as she glares at me. "I don't even know why I asked."

"Theres no need to be so concerned, Dissiri, If Mr.Graves here gets a little too forceful, you'll be right by my side. So, you'd better not pass out while on duty."

( ˶°ㅁ°) !! "Eh!? Wait! wait! wait!"

Picking up her belongings, Noctiva brushes herself off, placing a hefty tip on the table. "Alright, it's been decided. Unfortunately, I must go, as I have a scene I'm shooting. But our grand event will be tonight at 7 PM."

( ╹ з ╹)? "Uh... do I get a say in this?"

"No. I'll be seeing you tonight, room 7739 of the King's palace Casino. Be there."

"Come now, Dissiri. You'll be responsible for setting up this grand event while I'm on set."

( ꩜ ᯅ ꩜;) "Miss, you cannot be serious."

"Goodbye for now, Graves." between her melodic voice and seductive wave, it sends shivers down my spine.

Noctiva drags Dissiri behind her as the two make their way down the street.

Why do I feel like I already promised someone something at 7...