My Nihilism Got Me Laid?!

After losing half of the $17,000, I wilt. I stepped on a landmine that I knew was there. All thanks to this bunny costumed snake.

A snake wearing a bunny costume...heh.

That's poetic.

She looks at me with a strained smile. "Theres no need to look so sad; how about we get a drink? You can share your troubles with me."

Now that I've managed to lose half of the money she was planning on stealing, her kindness has also wilted.

"Hmm... you're too kind." I say sarcastically.

She coerces me into sitting beside her on the leather couch of the lounge.

Crawling her fingers up my chest, she leans in.

I sigh, leaning back. "If you're going to try to rob me, shouldn't you at least ask for my name?"

"Whattt? I'm not trying to rob you... oh, wait, I dont know your name, do I? " She continues that strained smile. "Then what's your name, handsome?"

"Graves."

"Graves? That's quite a dismal nam- I mean, that's a very mature and charming name."

"It's really not. Now tell me, do you have anyone that might be after you?"

"After me? Well, I do scam a lot of peo- I help a lot of people invest their money, but it doesn't always go well."

Scamming people will earn a long list of enemies; that much is obvious. But that also doesn't narrow down how or when she is supposedly going to die.

I could invite her to the safety of my room and just let the night pass until she's in the clear. But that's will just come off as creepy, and I can't risk having her run into her death while trying to flee me. I guess I'll just have to keep playing along.

I'm getting tired of babysitting this woman. I can't even have a real conversation with her, she's just a pusher, so everything she says is superficial.

Picking myself up I sigh, "Alright, I'm going to the bathroom. I need a minute to cope with my previous loss."

"I'm sure a drink would help you feel even better!" She playfully teases.

Alcoholics Anonymous would not like this woman.

"Bartender, get this man a Screwdriver and get me a Cosmopolitan."

She seductively waves at me. "I'll be waiting, Graves."

As I'm in the bathroom, my phone rings.

It's Cafune.

Begrudgingly, I pick it up. "Hello?"

"Graves! I need your help!"

My eyes widen. "What is it, Cafuné?! Are you in trouble? Is Boketto alright?! Dont move, I'll head over now!"

"We're out of cereal!!!".°(°◜ᯅ◝°)°.

Biting the inside of my cheek, I try to calm myself down with a deep inhale. "I see... how unfortunate." <(ꐦㅍ _ㅍ)>

"Its worse that unfortunate! I'm going to starve!"

How this woman has managed to stay alive for this long is beyond me. It's like a bird with no wings.

"Theres a second box on the third shelf."

"... Oh. There is! Boketto, we're saved!"

I hear a second voice approaching. "Is that Graves!? Graves, I miss you so much!"

"I've been gone for less than 24 hours."

"Can't you just come back early? Hey- wait, Cafune, give it back! I want to talk to him some mor-"

I hear Cafune steal the phone back. "Anyway, we've been watching a movie about this samurai guy, then there was a spaceship, but he was actually a monkey monk who replaces dolphin corpses with sherpa blood-"

"Alright, goodnight Cafune, remember to lock the doors tonight." With a sigh, I hang up.

Washing my hands, I leave the bathroom.

Walking back from the bathroom, my eyes meet the bartender's. His eyes widen as I watch him pour a white powder into both our drinks.

(⚆_⚆) ... (⊙_⊙)

Making a shushing motion, he waves me over.

Cautiously walking over, he leans into the counter. "It's not what it looks like."

( ㆆ _ ㆆ) "Is that... right?" I nod slowly.

"Listen, I'm just targeting that lady you've been talking to. She's planning on scamming you, so I'm trying to save you. Offer her one of these drinks, and we can both benefit from the aftermath. You know what I mean?" He smirks with a wink wink.

I'm starting to think casinos are filled with snakes... actually, what's something that eats snakes... honey badgers? I guess bigger snakes also eat smaller snakes.

He nudges my shoulder, trying to act like we're bros. "C'mon, we'll have the time of our life tonight. Just play along"

With an evil grin, I nod.

Going along with the bartenders play, I sit back down beside the bunny suited snake.

Cozen fake-laughs as she wraps her arm around me. "C'mon, c'mon, why are you acting so distant? I'm being nice to you Gwaves; you should be nice to me."

"Would you consider giving a fish a worm with a hook in it...nice?"

She raises her eyebrow. "Huh?"

The bartender walks over with our drugged drinks.

"Ooh, the drinks are here! Zhank you, Mizter.Bartender..." Her eyes narrow. "...Hey, you look familiar... have I met you before?"

The waiter puts on a kind smile and shakes his head as he places the drinks on the table in front of us. "No, I don't believe we have."

I notice a bulge in his pants-

... wait, that sounds weird.

I notice a unusual extrusion in his pants pocket.

Cozen shrugs. She's still acting a little tipsy, but that's all it is: an act to try to lower my guard. "Oh, huh, strange? Could have sworn I've met you before"

The bartender walks back behind the bar, giving me a thumbs-up.

She giggles, wrapping her arm around me. "C'mon, you're such a stick in the mud, just take a sip."

"Hmm..." I groan.

She shrugs, picking up her own drink. She brings the martini to her lips.

Grabbing her wrist, I now get unnecessarily close as I whisper in her ear. "Cozen, listen to me..."

She jolts back a bit before leaning back in.

"Put down the drink, but don't make a big scene out of it."

Her eyes widen as her eyes dart up, but matches my whisper. "What?" Looking down at my phone, she sees I've dialed 911.

"I apologize for what's about to happen next, but I want you to push me against the table. Then you to bolt toward the exit the moment I walk up to the bar. Can you do it?"

"Wha-?" She looks at me in a panic.

"Your past is about to catch up to you, and it's trying to draw a chalk outline of your body."

Cautiously looking at me, she nods. "Fine."

Leaning back, now I put on a drunk act and start manically giggling.

Grabbing my phone, I shove it between the exposed cleavage of her bunny suit, causing her to jolt back. "Hehe, let me take a picture of your big ol' boobies!"

"What the hell! Get off me!" She shoves me off, causing our drinks on the table to be knocked over.

Still acting tipsy, I wobbly pick myself up. "Hey! Yo- you spilled my drin- drink!" Turning around, I point a finger up, "Mr. Bartender, get me another drink on the house!"

The mans eyes narrow as his face strains.

Just as I'd commanded, the moment I wobblily stepped towards the bar, Cozen had already bolted out the room.

The bartender clenches his teeth as he looks at the exit.

Lazily turning, I raise my eyebrow. "Hey! Did the bunny lady leave?" I question, one step closer to the bar.

"Why the fuck did you scare her away?! you dumbass!"

I weakly put my hands up. "Woah, why are you so angry, dude..." I drop the act as a grin widens on my face. "Do you think she noticed that'd you'd drugged her drink?"

The veins on his head show as he clenches his teeth. "You bastard, I thought we had a deal!"

He whips out that gun hidden in his pants pocket and shakily aims it at me. "Do you know what that bitch did to me? She stole all of my fucking money! Just as she was going to do with you! Shouldn't she suffer for the consequences of her actions?"

He's right, she did this to herself. Perhaps all of these people I'm saving aren't saints.

Is it my place to play judge, jury, and executioner? At the same time, should I let a bulletin board decide my morals either?

I have never been one to interfere, removing myself from any drama.

So, what's changed?

I have killed and saved people I've become confused. Perhaps I lost my morals.

"Does this make me an angel? That sounds a little pretentious and god-complexy. But what else would you call a biased savior?"

"The hell are you on?!"

I smirk as I point up. "But, you're wrong. She's not the one scamming you. ...I am."

"The hell do you mean by that?!"

"The police find evidence of drugs in her drink, your fingerprints on the glass and carrying a firearm you'll get arrested for sure. So, she's not going to die tonight, and I'm still planning on getting laid after this." I put my hands up in a fake surrender. "So it looks like I got the last laugh."

"You fucking bastard!"

I put up a finger gun, giving one final smirk before blood suddenly sprays on my face, and that burning feeling of pain ring through my body.

*BANG! BANG! BA-