Maybe a Fake Gintama

"The factory manager," wearing sunglasses with blue lenses, dressed in work clothes, fourteen, with a sniper rifle slung over his shoulder, reported through his earpiece, "I have spotted suspicious individuals and suspicious NEETs inquiring about patriots, and they have been shot immediately!"

"Understood! Has the SUCCEED Committee finally begun its operation? The twilight of the gods is not far off! We must expedite the development of patriots!" Kawaki's voice came through the earpiece.

"There are other suspicious children; should we deal with them?" Saying this, fourteen crouched down and aimed the sniper rifle in his hand at the children.

Bang!

After another gunshot, fourteen fell slowly to the ground, and a group of children, trembling with fright, huddled together tightly.

"That's my guests," wearing work clothes, sunglasses with yellow lenses, a cigarette dangling from his mouth, his face sporting a little beard, and holding a sniper rifle, Kawaki stepped away slowly and spoke, "Carrying the last hope of humanity, the children of patriots, welcome to the Patriot Factory."

"Factory manager, the children say they're not interested in patriots," Kagura raised the umbrella in her hand and shouted.

"Is that so?" Kawaki replied with his eyes closed, "Since you've been found here, I can't just let you leave like this. We must resolve..."

Before Kawaki could finish his sentence, Kagura and Shinpachi, who simultaneously pulled out pistols from their pockets, shot him.

With smoke still coming out of the gun barrel in her hand, Kagura, without even turning her head, said, "You can go now."

"Be careful on your way back," Shinpachi took over.

...

At the dilapidated factory's entrance were eight pairs of children's sandals on the floor.

Daigorou and the other children followed behind Shinpachi and Kagura with trepidation, slowly walking toward the depths of the factory.

"Come this way," Shinpachi said without looking back.

"Oh no! It's better to go back!" one child muttered quietly.

"Even if we go back, we'll be killed!" another child retorted quietly.

"Now we just have to be prepared and visit the Patriot Factory well," Daigorou's face showed no trace of fear.

"But..."

Before he could finish, Shinpachi and Kagura, walking at the front, stopped and stood on either side of a transparent display case. Above the display case were the words "History of the Patriots."

"Please look here, everyone," Kagura introduced to the children.

"Here you can see the history of the patriots' evolution," Shinpachi took over, pointing to the patriot on the far left of the display case, "Although the patriot looks like this now, its history is very long. Starting from the Jomon period, continuous improvements have supported our lives."

"I don't remember being supported at all!" Daigorou quipped.

"This is the father of the patriot, the oldest patriot in the world, made by Chief Tugumanda," Shinpachi pointed to the plate on the far right of the display case, where there was a piece of fried chicken and a photo of Kawaki dressed as a primitive man, and said earnestly.

"Isn't that just a piece of meat?" a child quipped.

"Although it looks like meat, it's genuine patriot," Shinpachi explained, then pointed to the desiccant next to the fried chicken, "Look, there's a label that says 'Do not eat' next to it."

"Just because there's a desiccant attached means it's food!"

"This first-generation patriot, because of its shape, we also call it the Bone Patriot, Tendon (Patriot), and various other names," Kagura said seriously, pointing her index finger, introducing.

"It's just that the word 'meat' in parentheses has been changed!"

"This one was made during the Heian period," ignoring the children's complaints, Shinpachi pointed to the second "patriot" from the right of the display case and continued, "By Tugumansaku, it was made using the spices brought back from the Tang Dynasty by the Japanese envoy, resulting in the Patriot..."

Looking at the apparent bite mark on the spicy chicken nugget and the oil stains on Kawaki's lips in the photo behind the plate, one child scoffed, "Isn't this just a spicy chicken leg? And there's even evidence of someone eating it in the photo. Kawaki's lips are all oily!"

Continuing to ignore the children's complaints, Shinpachi pointed to the set of chicken legs and fries next to it and continued, "Then, during the Warring States period, by Tugomansaku, the patriot reached its peak."

"Why did it become a set meal? Tugomansaku didn't do anything at all! Isn't this just the history of fried chicken?" the child who had just been talking spat out.

"After many events, it evolved into its current form," Shinpachi pointed to the patriot next to it and continued.

"Why?! The most important part was completely glossed over!"

"After learning the basics of the patriot, it's finally time to visit the factory," Shinpachi turned around and slowly walked down the dim corridor of the factory, explaining to the children slowly, "Let's see the manufacturing process of the patriot, as you've seen. The Patriot consists of roughly three parts. The part called 'Solid' is the tissue paper section."

"No, you called it tissue paper; why would you still call it Solid?"

"Then there's the 'Nacked' toilet paper section," Shinpachi continued on his own, "And... the stick."

"Why?! Why did you give up on naming it?!"

"Putting these three things together, the patriot is complete," Shinpachi continued.

At this moment, Shinpachi and the others finally arrived outside the Patriot Manufacturing Department.

Shinpachi and Kagura led the children to stop outside the factory glass showcase.

"Look at that conveyor belt!" Kagura spoke up.

"Nothing is coming out... did the factory manager die, and everyone's slacking off?" Seeing the dirty conveyor belts slowly rotating but carrying nothing, one child muttered quietly.

But as soon as he finished speaking, Kawaki's figure slowly appeared on one of the conveyor belts.

Seeing Kawaki, covered in blood, lying motionless on the conveyor belt, the children all remained expressionless.

[The factory manager has been transported here!]

"First, assemble the broken factory manager," Kagura explained, "This is the first step."

"Where do we start?!"

"What do you mean broken? Didn't you just prank the factory manager two?!"

"The factory manager was broken from the start," Shinpachi explained kindly.

"The factory manager hasn't been respected at all!!"

At this moment, Kawaki stopped before the little monkey holding the tissue paper.

"First, use the tissue paper to wipe off the blood on your body," Kagura explained.

Seeing the little monkey continuously wiping the blood off Kawaki's head with the tissue paper, one child forcefully complained, "Isn't that part of the patriot? Forget about that; just assemble it quickly!"

As soon as the words were spoken, Kawaki, who the little monkey had wiped, came to the front of Tsukuyo, who was holding the toilet paper roll, and at the same time, Shinpachi continued to explain, "Then use the toilet paper to wipe away the blood stains."

Watching Tsukuyo wrap Kawaki's head in toilet paper with just a few strokes or this meaningless procedure, the child continued to complain, "It doesn't matter about the past of that old man! Hurry up and make the patriot!"

At this moment, Kawaki, after the second step, came to the front of Sougo and fourteen, who were holding the patriot.

At the same time, Kagura explained in a very timely manner, "Then use the patriot to awaken him."

Seeing Sougo and fourteen, standing on either side of the conveyor belt, raise the patriots in their hands and continuously smash Kawaki's head, one child complained loudly, "Isn't the patriot already made?! Why are you using the patriot in the process of making the patriot? By the way, didn't that old man say 'ouch'? You said it, right? Saying 'ouch' proves he's still alive, right? What's going on?!"

"No, he didn't say it," Shinpachi lied without changing his expression, then continued to explain, "This process is repeated three times."

"You guys are just nitpicking! By the way, aren't these guys the same ones who were killed just now?"

"To resurrect, you must settle the past," Kagura explained.

Watching Sougo and the others, who were all expressionless, the children complained again, "That's just revenge!"

At this moment, Kawaki was slowly transported into a machine labeled "Healing."

(Annotation: This line is from "Gintama.")

Looking at Kawaki, who came out of the machine wearing a dark school uniform, one child asked in confusion, "What's going on? He's wearing a school uniform!"

As soon as the words were spoken, the speed of the conveyor belt began to accelerate.

"It's going too fast! We can't keep up!" The children also began to run alongside the conveyor belt outside the window.

"Hey! Look at that!" Suddenly, a child noticed something and pointed to the conveyor belt inside the window.

The children, upon hearing this, looked towards the window while running, only to see the little monkey and Tsukuyo holding a banner that read, "Come on, little workers! Our goal is to be the number one factory manager in Japan!" as they ran alongside Kawaki, shouting, "Charge! Charge! Little workers! Let's go, let's go! Little workers!"

"Why does it look like we're on a train to Tokyo?!"