Maybe a Fake Gintama

"Ah, really slow, aren't you, big bro~" Chin Pirako slowly pulled the knife out of Otose's body.

Seeing this, Gintoki felt a chill throughout his body, and the murderous intent he could no longer suppress erupted in an instant.

"Damn it—!!" Gintoki drew his wooden sword, roaring as he charged toward the door.

"Terrifying, big bro. But I'm not alone here~" Chin Pirako pointed to Jirochou standing by her side.

Jirochou slightly bent his knees, poised to draw his sword. As Gintoki charged, screaming with his wooden sword raised, a cold light flashed through Jirochou's narrowed eyes, and he quickly pulled his sword.

In just one exchange, Gintoki's wooden sword shattered into pieces. Immediately afterward, Jirochou slammed the hilt of his sword into Gintoki's stomach.

The latter spat out a mouthful of blood and was sent flying backward, crashing to the ground outside.

Gintoki wiped the blood from his mouth and, without hesitation, picked up the wooden sword fragment from the ground and stood up, fixing a deadly glare on Jirochou, who was still inside the house.

"Looks like I'm in for a real eye-opener today~ Let me admire Dad's heroic stance," Chin Pirako said, squinting and smiling. "Also, big bro, if it really gets too tough, you can give up~ I quite like you, big bro, and it would be troublesome for me if you died too~."

"You bastard! Why go to such lengths, old hag... she was never involved in any conflicts! She was just an old hag running a crappy little bar!" Gintoki gritted his teeth and cursed.

"Ohoho~" Chin Pirako threw out her typically airheaded expression, "Otose and Dad had ample reasons to clash~ The two of them have a feud so deep that killing each other wouldn't have been enough, right? Dad."

Jirochou chuckled but said nothing.

"Still want to keep hiding it? Otose's husband—my dad killed Tatsugorou~"

Hearing this, Gintoki's face showed disbelief.

"Ah, big bro, you didn't even know that?" Chin Pirako smiled as she continued, "Did you know? When Dad and Otose's husband, Tatsugorou, were young, they were good friends. They fell out over competing for a beautiful poster girl, and it was Tatsugorou who won her over. I bet Dad has always held a grudge, right?"

"Shut up..." Jirochou softly interjected.

"So Dad killed that nuisance to get the girl," Chin Pirako continued as if she hadn't heard him.

"Stop talking..." Jirochou warned again.

"Do you know why Dad abandoned his family and rooted himself in this town, big bro? It's because that girl—Otose was in this town."

Seemingly unable to bear Chin Pirako's words any longer, Jirochou drew his sword and swung it swiftly at Chin Pirako's head, "Didn't you hear me tell you to shut up?"

With that, half of the door and the fake ahoge on Pirako's forehead were chopped off and fell to the ground.

"See, that's what I mean," Chin Pirako spread her hands and sighed, "Compared to his daughter, he values Otose more."

"Really, did you come here just to say such foolish things to a Dad you've already cut ties with?" Jirochou slowly sheathed his sword and said slowly, "Such a filial daughter."

"Even though it's foolish talk, didn't you still strike without hesitation?" Chin Pirako smiled and said, "Big bro, I've told you everything I know~ Now let me enjoy seeing the red flower that Dad will bloom on your head and the peerless Jirochou himself."

"Kid, take a little nap first. Even though we've cut ties, I still have some common sense, and what's coming up isn't for kids to see..."

Saying this, Jirochou drew the sword from its sheath at his waist and forcefully stabbed the handle into Chin Pirako's abdomen. She spat out a mouthful of acid water, then staggered and fell into unconsciousness.

"Isn't this enough?" Gintoki's expression suddenly changed, and the murderous aura that had just erupted from him dissipated. He then dropped the sword in his hand, picked his nose, and, with a lazy voice, said, "Doesn't the smell of paint in the house bother you? And I don't remember that old hag having such sharp ears. Also, I could hear this guy snoring next to me even through a thunderstorm, and that otaku's stink on the roof, I could smell it on my way here. And those fairy tale stories, I'm not dumb enough to believe them."

"Really, today's youth are each more impressive than the last," Jirochou chuckled, then added with a hint of resignation, "It seems I really can't deny getting old."

"Was this whole play just to teach that brat a lesson?" Gintoki casually replied, "Sorry, I'm not interested in unpaid work. Shinpachi, Kagura, let's go."

"Someone lectured me yesterday that young people should respect the elderly," Kawaki said as he jumped down from the roof with an umbrella, then stared at Gintoki with wide eyes, "Hey, did you just mention stinky otaku? You definitely did, right? Do you want to die? You silver-haired perm!"

"Respect for the elderly and love for the young? Who? That stinky old hag or this stinky old geezer?" Gintoki retorted disdainfully, curling his lip.

"This time, I'd say both are included," Kawaki said as he pulled a jutte from his pocket and threw it to Gintoki, "This was that granny's husband's thing. So, next up, please help this old geezer cut what you call the dog chain."

"Don't talk nonsense!" Gintoki caught what Kawaki threw and shouted.

"Ah, now I have to turn into a narrator? What a hassle," Kawaki said, spreading his hands casually. "But no helping it; we're short on people today, so I have to do the explaining. First off, this old pockmarked face and that pockmarked face granny were childhood friends; thanks to granny's luck, this pockmarked face old geezer became a vigilante on this town. Then the two of them made a pact to go to a cosmetic surgery clinic together…"

"Hey… can you be a bit more serious?" Gintoki came over and sat down casually under the eaves, complaining, "That kind of face doesn't need to spend money; a clothes iron would do!"

"Please, don't mention it." Kawaki handed a seemingly out-of-nowhere clothes iron to Jirochou.

The latter gripped his sword tightly, and after a few flashes of his sword, the iron in Kawaki's hand shattered into pieces.

"Anyway, after that, the shop owner who sold clothes iron formed a love triangle with those two," Kawaki continued. "And that guy not only sold clothes irons in his shop but also part-time as a constable. It's said that the three of them, because they often gathered together to iron, had an incredibly close relationship."

"A constable and a vigilante guarding this town? Was that old hag really so popular when she was young?" Gintoki chuckled mockingly.

"Then, the two of them competed to iron granny's face, each bringing out the best clothes iron from their homes," Kawaki went on, unbothered. "But, when this old pockmarked face saw the shop owner bringing out the best clothes iron that could flatten anything, he quietly put away the old iron he had used for a long time…"

"He gave up voluntarily? For the happiness of that old hag..." Gintoki murmured.

"Then, that shop owner died, taking a bullet for some old pockmarked face in a war," Kawaki looked up at the cloud-filled sky. "What the old pockmarked face had left was the promise he made with his deceased friend—to protect this town and protect that granny, turning into a real vigilante who would abandon his family and stop at nothing to keep that promise…"

"Really, what a hassle," Gintoki smirked, then stood up, holding the jutte in his left hand and picking up the sword from the waist of the unconscious Chin Pirako with his right hand. "Hey, you old fart, hurry up and show that filthy chain of yours. If you can't cut it yourself, let me help you a bit."

As Gintoki held the sword in his right hand and toyed with the jutte in his left, Jirochou chuckled and slowly got to his feet.

"So..." Kawaki stood between the two and raised his hand to signal, "Begin!!"

As soon as the words left his mouth, Gintoki and Jirochou charged towards each other...

...

When Chin Pirako woke up, she saw only Kawaki sitting beside her and both Gintoki and Jirochou lying in blood pools in the courtyard.

"Dad..." Chin Pirako couldn't help but widen her eyes, murmuring in disbelief.

"This time, I really have to thank you, little fox," Kawaki said with a squinting smile. "It was so simple to gain control of this entire town. Jirochou, Saigou, and Otose—were all eliminated due to infighting. The remaining small fry should be easy to handle. How should we thank you for your cooperation?"

"You bastard! You're that vixen's person?!" Chin Pirako nearly bit through her teeth, then without any hesitation, she pulled a short knife from her sleeve and stabbed at Kawaki.

"Ah, what's wrong?" Kawaki casually raised his right hand and pinched Chin Pirako's knife between two fingers. "Weren't our operations going smoothly? It seems like no one has betrayed anyone, right? Why this expression? We... really haven't done anything yet... But it's fortunate to have gained a whole town without doing much."

"You bastard—!!"

"Don't rush to get angry; I'll soon send you to your Dad's side. In that world, you can reunite however you like," Kawaki gently pulled and took the knife from Chin Pirako's hand, smiling as he continued, "But before that, there are a few things I'd like to tell you..."

"You bastard!!"

Chin Pirako had clearly lost her reason by now, but under Kawaki's suppression, all her efforts were futile—the gap between them was simply too big...