Love Me More

Chapter 25

[At first, I thought I was dying from the pain. I really wanted to beat him up.]

[Right? Knotting is really painful the first time you experience it.]

[But as I kept experiencing it, I got used to it. Now I can’t really feel good without knotting.]

[What? Aren’t you a beta?]

[Why are you like this? Betas can enjoy knotting too, you know?]

People wearing masks appeared in the video, discussing their bedroom experiences before bursting into laughter. To think that a beta not only has relations with an alpha but needs knotting to feel satisfied…

“There really are a lot of crazy people in this world.”

But couldn’t he potentially join the ranks of those crazy people? He might not get addicted to knotting, but… He couldn’t definitively say it would never happen. Suddenly feeling scared, Si-yul slapped his cheeks with his palms, trying to snap out of it.

If he slept with Woo Hyun-se, would it be like the videos he had just watched? Even trying to imagine himself on top, he couldn’t even entertain such a fantasy with Woo Hyun-se. It was much easier to imagine being grabbed by the nape and pulled down onto the bed.

Kissing, undressing, becoming naked, pressing skin against skin, spreading legs…

“…”

Si-yul, who had been lying face down, groaned as he awkwardly raised his body. He was on all fours. Though unintentional, supporting himself on his knees and elbows, he realized it was a position often seen in the videos.

In that position, he lowered his head. The loose pants that should have been hanging were strangely lifted.

“Ah, shit…”

Si-yul hunched his shoulders and buried his head on the back of his hands. His lower half, which had been fine while watching the videos, was now heated up and acting up just from a bit of imagination.

Would it have been less scary if he had jumped in without knowing anything? They say you see as much as you know, but after studying, he was even more afraid to give permission. While his curiosity was overflowing, the hesitation and caution about taking the first step into an unknown world were enormous.

Woo Hyun-se was an alpha. Si-yul was a beta, so there wouldn’t be any knotting or such with his body, but still, there’s always the possibility of unexpected situations. He didn’t want to experience being rushed to the emergency room clutching a torn stomach.

He had other worries too. Si-yul didn’t want to appear clumsy in bed. If he jumped in recklessly, it might immediately become obvious that he was a complete novice with no experience. He hated that idea. Since he had already told a lie, he wanted to deceive perfectly until the end without being caught.

Of course, sexual experience isn’t a measure of popularity. But Si-yul wanted to put on airs. Like a lizard puffing up its neck in front of an enemy, he wanted to proudly puff out his chest and show off, saying look, I’m someone who’s been with many people, regardless of gender. This was, if anything, a matter of male pride.

“How should I do this?”

How could he appear skilled? No matter how many audiovisual materials he watched, it wouldn’t become ingrained knowledge. Wouldn’t it be better if he tried it with anyone before doing it with Woo Hyun-se? At least if it wasn’t his first time, he could pretend more convincingly…

Practice.

A huge exclamation mark appeared in his mind. Si-yul lifted his head abruptly. That’s right. Experience – he just needed to try it. As long as it wasn’t with an alpha, it should be fine, right? If he was feeling averse because Woo Hyun-se was an alpha, he could start gradually with betas.

It was quite a genius idea. Si-yul exclaimed “Wow” at his own brilliance. If Kwon Yuwon heard this, he would probably say Si-yul had finally gone completely mad and try to stop him with a packed lunch, but he wasn’t here, and Si-yul had no intention of revealing this idea to him anyway.

Si-yul clenched his fist, praising himself for coming up with such an excellent plan. He set the date for his day off. It wasn’t like he was a delicate soul attaching special meaning to his first experience. As long as Woo Hyun-se didn’t find out he was a virgin, that was all that mattered.

* * *

On the long-awaited day off, Si-yul had carefully researched for this day. Excluding strange places, he had secretly scouted out places with generally good reviews. Among them, he had found one clean and decent establishment that he planned to visit today.

Si-yul stood in front of the mirror, adjusting his outfit. The carefully chosen clothes seemed to suit him especially well today. His hairstyle too, and with not a single pimple on his face, it seemed highly likely that he would succeed in picking someone up as soon as he entered.

Alright, it was time to cheer on his reflection in the mirror. His phone on the floor vibrated. Picking it up, he saw a message had arrived. The sender was obvious.

They had been texting until bedtime last night too. He couldn’t call. How could he make a phone call with Kwon Yuwon staring at him with piercing eyes? Even if he said he was going out for a bit, Yuwon would probably grab his clothes like a husband who had caught wind of an affair and bombard him with questions, so Si-yul had just typed furiously on his phone.

Si-yul had managed to hide his plan from Woo Hyun-se. He hadn’t mentioned a word about it. The last message in their chat was a “sleep well.”

Below that, a new message had arrived. Woo Hyun-se was subtly trying to set up an appointment without even asking Si-yul, saying “What time shall we meet today?” Si-yul laughed dismissively and sent a reply.

[I have prior plans today]

“I’m a busy person too, you know.”

In reality, he wasn’t. Images of his past, endlessly lounging at home, playing mobile games, watching useless videos, and giggling while killing time, flashed through his mind. Strictly speaking, this was all an act. Pretending to be busy, pretending to have no time, pretending to be popular.

While waiting for a reply, a call came in immediately. At times like this, texting would be easier. He was afraid his impudent mouth might run off on its own if he heard Woo Hyun-se’s voice. Still, he couldn’t reject the ringing phone. After hesitating, Si-yul answered the call.

“Hello?”

―Aren’t you supposed to meet me on your day off? I even cleared my schedule for it.

“I’m meeting friends today.”

―Ah, friends.

“You didn’t ask me yesterday if I had time. You should have asked first.”

―What time will you be done?

“I don’t know. We’ll probably drink a bit too.”

―Don’t drink too much. You fall asleep when you’re drunk, Kwon Si-yul. What if someone carries you off?

He joked with a serious voice. Si-yul giggled as if he had drunk three bottles of soju and was tipsy. His face, with cheeks pushed up in a round smile, was reflected clearly in the mirror. Finding it utterly unfamiliar, he quickly cleared his throat and erased the smile.

―Call me when you’re done.

“…Are you going to come pick me up?”

―Of course.

The person who used to be scary. Now a kind person. He forcibly pulled down his lips, but they tried to rise again uselessly. His reflection in the mirror was grinning again.

“Then I’ll call you.”

But he wouldn’t call Woo Hyun-se today. Si-yul hid his dark intentions and ended the call with a promise to meet next time. He held onto the ended call for a while. The warm phone felt similar to Woo Hyun-se’s warmth he had tasted once, and he didn’t want to put it down right away.

Si-yul pulled at his clothes and took a deep breath, psyching himself up. The carefully chosen club was located in a deep alley. Everyone going in and coming out was male. The flyers on the ground had cheesy phrases saying they don’t discriminate between alphas, betas, and omegas, and that everyone is welcome.

The online reviews he had checked were full of praise, saying this place had the best quality people and that everyone had good manners as a basic requirement. Thinking that it would be better to find a decent person for his first time, Si-yul had chosen this place.

The inside wasn’t different from other clubs. On the stage, dances of courtship or frenzy were in full swing, and music and beats so loud they hurt the eardrums shook the entire club. It wouldn’t be bad to throw himself into this atmosphere, but today he had a clear purpose.

Si-yul spotted a bar attached to the wall and headed in that direction. It was a place where the noise was somewhat less. He found a corner spot at the long bar and sat down. According to what he had learned, people would approach on their own even if he just sat still.

Firmly believing this, he sat in the chair and ordered a beer. As Woo Hyun-se had said, he planned not to exceed his drinking limit. After all, he needed to be in his right mind to remember the experience and be able to imitate it later.

“Is this your first time here?”

The bartender asked while handing him the beer. Si-yul, who had been absently scanning the stage, replied with a casual “Yes.”

“You don’t need to be so nervous. Just relax and enjoy yourself.”

How glib. Si-yul just nodded. Why was he more anxious about this than when he used to deliver drugs? He moistened his dry throat with beer and shook his leg nervously.

When he had drunk about half the beer, finally, as the reviews had said, a man approached him. He asked “Are you alone?” but Si-yul was unimpressed. His face was already a failure. The talk about good quality people was a complete lie. They seemed to be checking looks at the entrance, but to let such rotten potatoes crawl in, their quality control was nonexistent.

Si-yul didn’t even look in his direction and responded as if shooing him away.

“I’m with someone.”

Unaware that his own eyes were set too high, Si-yul repeatedly rejected everyone who approached him.