Lost

It was as good as saying that Jung Woojin was dead.“Ah.”Realizing that single fact, my vision blurred. This was the conclusion. The one, sole fact I could recognize.No words could describe this feeling. Not once, even in my dreams, had I dared to imagine this. Just as I lived each day, breathing in and out, Jung Woojin had always been there beside me. He had been in my future, my dreams, in everything I thought about.Now, I had to live in a world without Jung Woojin.“……”When I came to terms with this reality, breathing became difficult. I hurriedly sat up, clutching my chest, but I couldn’t see ahead. My vision was unfocused, growing hazier, so I squeezed my eyes shut—then I heard a voice from afar.“Hyung, what are you doing?”It was Jung Woojin.“What’s wrong?”My eyelids felt so heavy that I could hardly open them. It was like someone was pressing down on my chest, making it hard to breathe. As I bent forward, clutching my chest, Jung Woojin held onto my shoulder. I wanted to open my eyes, wanted to tell him it was nothing, but I couldn’t.This wasn’t nothing.“Hyung!”This wasn’t nothing.“Ugh…”Just as a sob threatened to escape from between my clenched teeth, Jung Woojin grabbed my shoulder and lifted me. The abrupt movement made me open my eyes reflexively.“Sunbae.”Tears trickled down my temples, making my ears damp. As my blurry vision started to clear, I saw Jung Woojin right in front of me.“Why are you crying? Are you hurt? Did you have a bad dream?”“……”“What’s wrong? Are you hurt somewhere?”His large hand stroked my eyes and forehead continuously. I looked blankly at Jung Woojin and turned my head, noticing a large television playing a weekend drama that I’d lost interest in and hadn’t watched recently. This was my home.As I was piecing it together, the hand that had brushed back my hair touched my nape. When I looked up, Jung Woojin was watching me with worried eyes. I closed my eyes slowly, still trying to make sense of the situation, and he kissed the corner of my eye, saying,“Looks like you have a fever.”“……”“Do you want to go to the hospital? Did you cry because you were hurt?”“……”“Sunbae, are you in pain?”When I didn’t respond, his voice grew gradually more urgent with worry. Looking at his increasingly strained, pale face, I suddenly realized:This is Jung Woojin.“…”This is my world.＊ ＊ ＊He never once told me to ease up or to let go, even though I was hugging him as though I meant to squeeze the life out of him. Jung Woojin just kept stroking the back of my head and the nape of my neck, damp with sweat, until I finally relaxed my grip. Then, he lifted his head and looked at me.After crying for so long, my eyes were too swollen to open properly. As I kept blinking, trying to relieve the heat around my eyes, he asked me in a calm voice,“Are you okay now?”“……”“Did you have a nightmare or something?”“……”“Seems like you have a bit of a fever—were you crying because you’re hurt?”Looking at Jung Woojin’s worried face, I started to feel embarrassed. Why hadn’t I been able to stop crying? Did I really have to cry that much in the first place? Since I woke up here, it must have been just a dream.I normally don’t remember my dreams well after waking up. But this dream—or whatever it was—felt so vivid that it almost seemed like something I’d actually experienced. The terrible, crushing feeling of being alone, drifting in a vast, empty sea resurfaced in my mind, making my eyes sting again.As tears welled up once more, Jung Woojin took my face in his hands and lifted my head. Standing close, he looked at me intently without blinking.“Sunbae.”His expression was even more serious than before.“Why are you crying?”“……”At his words, I closed my eyes for a moment, then opened them, letting tears spill down my temples. As he kissed the corner of my eye, my eyes closed instinctively. With his lips still pressed to my eye, he asked again,“Did something happen?”Each time he spoke, his lips moved slightly, making my eyelid tickle. His quiet voice gradually steadied my anxious heartbeat. Breathing became easier, so I reached out and gently pushed his shoulder.“What time is it?”“It’s five.”I had no idea how long I’d been sleeping. I vaguely remembered leaning back on the couch to watch TV before I fell asleep. While I sat there in a daze, Jung Woojin leaned down and kissed the corner of my eye again. His lips moved from my eye to my damp temple and reached my ear.“Why are you crying?”“……”“Did I do something wrong?”When he asked in an anxious voice, I shook my head slightly. Then, he asked again,“Then, are you upset with me?”“No.”“Are you in pain?”“No.”“Did you have a scary dream?”“……”I couldn’t answer that question. Was that really a nightmare? A dream? Did I really dream that? It felt like a dream, but I wasn’t sure if it actually was one.“Sunbae.”Jung Woojin called out to me as I dazed off again.“Did you meet someone?”“I met my parents and some relatives, and someone I didn’t know, but I didn’t say anything to them.”Even at my sudden question, Jung Woojin replied calmly. Someone he didn’t know? As I frowned, he continued as if he were explaining himself.“Someone asked me for directions, but I didn’t respond.”“Who?”“I don’t know. Really, just a stranger.”Did he think I was accusing him of something? I was only asking, but he looked like he was being interrogated. As he began to look distressed, I was momentarily taken aback.“Honestly, I didn’t say a word.”“No… So other than that person, did you meet anyone else? Excluding family and relatives.”Today, he had gone to a family gathering he hadn’t attended in almost five years. I’d practically forced him to go, knowing it was a rare reunion where even distant relatives would attend. He’d said he’d come back before dinner and not stay too late. We’d planned to go see a movie together in the evening.“Other than that person asking for directions, no one else spoke to me. I swear.”“Didn’t you see me?”Ignoring my strange ramblings, I asked him, just in case. If that had been real and not a dream—if somehow I had switched places with myself from another time—then maybe he and the younger version of me had met.“Huh? Were you there? When?”“Not me…”“Why didn’t you call? When did you get there? So you were there and came home?”I sighed as I looked at him frowning as he spoke. I brushed off his hand gripping my shoulder, but then he grabbed my wrist.“Why didn’t you call me? You suddenly stopped replying, so I thought you were sleeping.”“I was. I didn’t go out.”“But didn’t you just ask if I saw you?”“That was…”I trailed off, sighing heavily as I lost the strength to finish. Letting go of my wrist, he swept a hand along the back of my neck. As I closed and reopened my eyes, he lifted me up. Leaning into his shoulder, my body and mind relaxed.I still didn’t understand what had happened.“Hey, I had this dream…”Closing my eyes as I spoke, I heard his heartbeat in my ear. I lifted my head briefly and looked at him. Sensing my gaze, he looked down at me with slightly anxious eyes and asked,“What kind of dream?”“……”Without answering, I looked at him, then rested my head on his shoulder again. As I listened to the steady beat of his heart in my ear, my scattered thoughts began to fall into place.“I dreamed about you.”“Then why are you crying? Did I do something wrong in the dream?”Jung Woojin walked into the room, stopping in front of the bed with a worried look as he asked. When I shook my head, Jung Woojin sat on the edge of the bed, pulling me into a hug.“You were a high schooler.”“A high schooler?”“Weren’t you short in high school? You were shorter than me.”“A high schooler?”His double-checking response was so taken aback that I let out a small laugh.“But I didn’t know it was a dream.”“Where did we meet?”“We met in the studio apartment I lived in when I was twenty… I was twenty, and you were a high schooler.”I trailed off mid-sentence. Now that I thought about it, there wasn’t much to share. In the dream, high school Jung Woojin tearfully confessed to me. And then, well… I got hard, and I took care of it for him. Could I even say that out loud?It was just a dream, and even high school Jung Woojin was still him, so maybe it didn’t really matter. But since I clearly saw this Jung Woojin and that one as different people, somehow it felt too awkward to tell him.“And then?”When I stayed silent, Jung Woojin prodded me to continue.“Well… that’s it.”“What do you mean? Why did you cry?”There were multiple reasons why, but none I could bring myself to say. How could I tell him I cried because I thought I’d never see him again? Not even with a knife to my throat.“What do you think would happen if I turned twenty again?”“Twenty? I don’t know… doesn’t sound like a big deal.”Contrary to what I’d expected, he answered with little interest. After a brief pause, Jung Woojin continued.“Sunbae is still Sunbae, right? Even if you got younger, it doesn’t feel like it’d make much of a difference.”“But what if not just my body, but my mind reverted to when I was twenty?”“…”He didn’t answer right away this time. His face twisted more and more, and I could almost guess his response without hearing it, as his expression grew paler the longer he thought about it.“What if I, as a twenty-year-old, started clinging to you, asking to be hugged?”“What?”“What if I kept begging you to love me?”I asked with a smile, and Jung Woojin gave me a strange look. Though it was different from the panicked face from a moment ago, it wasn’t exactly a pleasant expression either.“Did he do that?”The frown on his face and his intense gaze reminded me of how high school Jung Woojin had glared at me. They really did look alike, which was natural since they were the same person, only at different ages.“He was clinging to you, asking to be hugged?”When I nodded in response, Jung Woojin took a deep breath.“So, what did you say?”“I said I liked him too.”“What?”“Would I say I didn’t? Put yourself in my shoes. Imagine a short, pale, sparkling-eyed me crying and saying, ‘Woojin, please love me.’ Could you tell me to shut up?”“…”At my words, Jung Woojin fell silent. He was frozen, seemingly unable to breathe, stunned beyond measure. I felt a bit guilty for making him uneasy, but this was the normal reaction. So I wasn’t at fault. Sure, saying I liked him was one thing, but touching a minor’s… well, it was just a dream, so what did it matter?Actually, it did bother me a little, to be honest.“See, you too…”I started to sigh but stopped myself mid-sentence.At that moment, I was sitting sideways on Jung Woojin’s lap by the edge of the bed, my head resting on his shoulder, speaking with my entire body relaxed, only blinking my eyes. The reason I kept talking was that I’d begun feeling something hard pressing against my hip.When I turned to frown, I saw Jung Woojin biting his lower lip and looking at me resentfully.“What are you doing saying things like that out of the blue…”“It was just an example…”I let out a laugh at how absurd the situation was. Feeling the clear tension under me, I thought maybe I should get up, but Jung Woojin tightened his arms around my waist.“Where are you going?”“We can’t just sit here like this.”“It’s fine.”Fine? Nothing about this seemed fine.I glanced at the stubborn Jung Woojin and patted his arm wrapped around my waist.“Let go. I’ll take care of it.”At my words, Jung Woojin frowned, asking,“Take care of what?”I tilted my head at the unusually annoyed tone.“What? Don’t want me to?”I asked, surprised, not expecting him to refuse, but Jung Woojin gritted his teeth with a face that seemed even angrier.“Are you planning to… with your mouth?”“…I could, why?”Honestly, I’d just intended to use my hand, but I didn’t mind using my mouth if he wanted. I hadn’t done it much, so I couldn’t be as skilled as he was, but was that really something to be mad about? Actually, Jung Woojin rarely got annoyed over things like this, so his reaction was confusing.“Did you… with his too?”At that moment, I finally realized why he was so upset.“He was a high schooler.”I chuckled as I explained, but his frown didn’t ease at all.“What does that matter?”“He was a minor. I was twenty. Wouldn’t that be… you know, inappropriate?”“Did he pay you or something?”I’d just been joking, but he raised his voice. He seemed close to shouting, which, for some reason, struck me as funny.“Don’t call him that, don’t call Woojin names like that.”“Woojin?”“High school Woojin was really cute. I even cooked ramen for him, and he ate it one noodle at a time, probably because it was too spicy.”His face, which had twisted in anger, slowly shifted to one of utter disbelief.“How can you say someone else is cute so easily?”“Because he was genuinely cute.”“So, you liked spending time with that kid who was eating his ramen one noodle at a time?”I couldn’t hold back my laughter at his words, but as I moved from laughing, I was reminded of what I’d been ignoring.“I didn’t suck his, but want me to suck yours?”“No, thanks.”“Seriously, I didn’t do it with him.”“Then what did you do?”I briefly debated whether to tell him the truth, but from the helpless look on his face, he seemed to already have an idea.“But it was you.”“I’m right here, and besides, I wasn’t even there at the time.”Right, you weren’t there. Seeing that he was genuinely hurt, I decided to stop teasing. I reached out and stroked his hair as I spoke.“You’re cute too.”“Forget it. The younger one is cuter, right?”“Yeah, he was cuter.”Watching his shaken expression, I lifted myself and straddled his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck.“But I like you more.”“…”“Hey.”“You call him ‘Woojin,’ but you just call me ‘hey’?”Jung Woojin tightened his arms around my waist, sounding less sulky than before. When I stroked the back of his neck and gently touched his ear, he held me even tighter.“What do you think it would have been like if we’d met when we were younger?”“Younger?”“If we’d met before we turned twenty.”Then, maybe things would have been better. I was lost in thought when Jung Woojin pressed his nose into my neck and took a deep breath. Lowering my gaze, I noticed the fabric of his pants straining noticeably.“Really, I’m fine.”Sensing my gaze, Jung Woojin spoke. I asked, looking incredulous.“What keeps being ‘fine’? I told you, I didn’t lick it.”“It’s not about that. Sunbae, you’re running a fever.”“What?”A fever, all of a sudden? I looked at him, confused, and saw his face up close. His slightly wet eyes seemed intense enough to make him look like he’d been stripped bare.“You really do have a fever.”“I don’t, though.”“You do.”Jung Woojin said firmly. Judging by his insistence, maybe I really did. My eyes felt a bit dry, my head was throbbing, and I was feeling a little chilled. Maybe I wasn’t entirely fine. But why? Could it be because I cried earlier?“I didn’t cry because I was hurting earlier.”I tried my best to explain, wondering if I’d startled him that much, but he wasn’t buying it.“Then why did you cry?”“…”It seemed like he thought I really cried because I was in pain. But that wasn’t it. I frowned, looking at Jung Woojin, and pressed a kiss to his reddened eyes. As I tilted my head to kiss his lips, his mouth opened, and his tongue came out even before our lips met.Who was the one saying he was “fine” earlier? I couldn’t help laughing as I kissed him, feeling him chuckle against me.I wrapped my tongue around his, licking inside his mouth. Moving my head several times, shifting directions, his tongue pressed deeper, grazing the roof of my mouth. As I reached down to undo his belt, Jung Woojin caught my wrist.“Sunbae.”He opened his eyes, looking at me.“You’re really warm.”“Your—your dick is even warmer.”“I’ll do it once you’re fully better. I’ll go at it all day for you.”“I don’t want to do it all day, just once right now.”“I’m not sure I could stop at just once.”He sounded on the verge of tears. You’d think we ever managed to do it “just once.” He’d never done it only once before, and now, just because I cried a bit, he was acting like this. Strangely, I felt like I finally understood how it felt when high-school Jung Woojin would beg me for help.Though he was holding my wrist, he wasn’t gripping hard enough to actually stop me. Practically forcing it, I unclasped his belt and slipped my hand inside his underwear, making him release a heated breath.Then, suddenly, he reached into my pants. It happened so fast, I didn’t have time to stop him.“Hey, don’t touch me…!”He tugged on the back of my neck, making me bend toward him as he pressed his tongue into my mouth. The hurried friction of his erection against mine radiated intense heat and a pounding sensation with each movement.“Haa.”Jung Woojin released a shaky breath, lips still pressed to mine. Even with just a few strokes, a slick sound filled the air. He opened his eyes, looking at me, and the wet redness of his gaze made blood rush downward.“Ugh…”It happened so quickly and intensely, it stole my breath. My trembling hand dropped as I grasped the hard, dripping shaft. With both hands holding our erections together, Jung Woojin let out a soft curse.“Sunbae.”I felt his hot breath near my lips, his eyes closing and then opening as our mouths met once more. His tongue moved against the roof of my mouth, sucking at mine, purposely making a sound as he did. Messy breaths and the wet sounds filled the space.“Sunbae.”Pre-cum from one of us dripped down, coating my hand as I tried to keep going. Jung Woojin bit my earlobe.“Can’t handle it?”“D-don’t talk by my ear.”A shiver ran down my back at his low whisper. As I stumbled over my words, I heard him laugh, his large hand slipping inside my shirt, brushing over my tingling back.“Grab it again.”“Fuck, stop—ugh!”Before I could finish, his wet tongue traced my ear. Startled, I tried to pull away but caught sight of his face—flushed, lips parted, his tongue so red it looked like it could bleed. Drawn in, I leaned down to kiss him.Just like before, the kiss was heated, our teeth practically clashing. Our tongues met, his mouth sucking on mine, and the pressure in my groin grew unbearable. I reached down, stroking the shaft again.Each beat pulsed harder, slick fluid leaking from the tip. Just as I was about to pull back and look, Jung Woojin tightened his hold on the back of my neck, pushing even deeper into the kiss. Out of breath, I tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let go. Saliva dripped, and the lack of air made me gasp, a slight whimper escaping.“Haah… sniff… haa…”As I finally broke away, drawing a deep breath, he licked my trembling chin, watching my flushed face. He reached down, grabbing both of our erections, his hand firm.As he moved his hand, the wet sounds grew louder. The pleasure built up so strongly I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I kept panting, gasping, feeling like no amount of air was enough.Each time I blinked, those dark eyes followed me.“Do you like it?”I bit my lip, trying to respond to his low voice. Why did it feel like I couldn’t catch my breath? But as his big hand rubbed the head, my mind blanked out. I nodded, and Jung Woojin smiled so beautifully, it was terrifying.“Goddamn…”My whole body trembled, his face filled with a burning lust.“I really like it too.”“I-I think I’m close…”Barely able to talk through my gasps, the pressure in my core spiked. My muscles tightened as I threw my head back.After he wrung the last drop out of me, I collapsed against his shoulder, my body still trembling. I felt his teeth on my neck but couldn’t shake the overwhelming fatigue.“No, it’s still a bit hot.”“It’s fine.”“I wish I could be the one feeling the pain instead.”“I said I’m fine.”I tried to push his hand away, but Jung Woojin gently seated me in the chair. Slumping back with my head propped on one hand, I watched him spooning rice porridge into a bowl and then spoke.“Hey.”“It’s Woojin.”“Woojin, what’s your dream?”“My dream?”Placing the bowl of porridge in front of me, Jung Woojin immediately responded as if he had been waiting for the question. Just by looking at him, I already knew what he was about to say.“To marry you, Sunbae.”As expected, I sighed and asked again.“No, I mean like a career dream.”Just like Jung Woojin to give the same kind of answers every time.“Hmm…”This time, he took a moment to place the spoon and chopsticks neatly on the utensil holder, pondering briefly before replying.“To live with you forever, Sunbae.”“I’m asking what you want to be.”The steam rose from the porridge, and my forgotten appetite returned. I saw finely cut shiitake mushrooms and seasoned beef in the white rice porridge. I stirred the porridge with my spoon, and then Woojin spoke up.“Someone you love, Sunbae.”“Not quite…”I turned my head at his words, only to see him taking a few side dishes out of the fridge. He transferred them to bowls with the same pattern as the porridge bowl and placed them in front of me. Smiling again, he said,“Then, someone you can’t help but love.”Deciding not to say anything more, I sighed and shook my head as Woojin sat across from me.“What’s your dream, Sunbae?”“My dream has already come true.”“What was it?”Scooping a spoonful of porridge, I shared a dream that once seemed impossible—a dream that had really felt like just a dream.“To own my own house.”“A house?”“I wanted a house with a yard.”Who would have guessed things would turn out this way? Ten, twenty years ago, I’d thought owning a house would always be a challenge.“Why a yard?”“I wanted to raise a big dog.”“Do you like dogs more, or me more, Sunbae?”At his sudden question, I stopped mid-bite and looked at him, dumbfounded. We’d lived together for so long and I’d heard my fair share of absurd questions, but somehow, they never ceased to surprise me.“Couldn’t you try thinking a little before you ask me things?”“I really did think about it a lot.”“What did you think about?”If I had to choose between the two, it would, of course, be Woojin. If anyone else asked, I’d assume they just wanted me to say them or were joking, but Woojin genuinely wanted to know. He wasn’t entirely confident that, if it came down to it, I would choose him over a dog.“On some days, you might like the dog more than me, right?”“Which day?”“Just… a random day in the future.”What on earth was he talking about? I blinked at him, utterly baffled, and asked,“What about you? Do you like dogs or me more?”I only repeated his question back at him, but his expression was even more incredulous than mine had been earlier.“You’re really asking that because you don’t know?”That’s exactly what I wanted to say. Clicking my tongue, I looked at Woojin and asked again,“Alright, so between me now and me at twenty, which one do you like better?”“What?”“Imagine there were two of me: me at twenty and me now.”I thought he’d take a moment to consider, but he looked exactly the same as before and answered,“Of course, I like you, Sunbae, now.”“Even if the twenty-year-old me were crying, all out of breath?”“Yeah. Wait, but did that brat cry all breathless like that in your dream?”Woojin nodded with a serious expression, and I shook my head and asked again.“Why? They’re both me.”“What were they crying and saying, though? Asking you to like them? Begging you to live with them?”I sighed at his frantic questioning, setting down my half-finished porridge when he asked again.“Were they that cute?”High school Woojin had indeed been adorable, but the Woojin I wanted to be with was this Woojin, the one I loved now. Yet somehow, saying my thoughts aloud felt embarrassingly sentimental.Does he really not know unless I say it? I thought I was pretty expressive now, more than I used to be, and I’d even told him earlier that sure, that Woojin was cute, but I still liked this Woojin better.“To me, Sunbae could never be two people.”Looking up, I saw Woojin with his chin resting in his hand, watching me.“No matter who else came, the Kang Seoju I love would still be the only one in this world.”“…”“Even if the twenty-year-old Sunbae showed up, all out of breath, begging me to… do stuff, I wouldn’t.”“I wasn’t doing that stuff.”The warmth spreading through my chest shattered completely. I didn’t know when he would stop with this fixation on that one thing.“I mean it. No matter how young, even if it was your ancestor who came, to me, you’re the only one.”“Stop calling me ‘you,’ it’s creepy.”Hearing him call me that made my skin crawl, and I hunched my shoulders, feeling the heat rise to my face. Woojin, propping his chin on both hands like a flower, stared straight at me.“You, you, you, you.”“…”Is he out of his mind? I gripped the spoon tightly, prepared to smack him if he said it one more time.“Sunbae.”Maybe he knew he was close to getting hit, as he thankfully didn’t say it again. I loosened my grip on the spoon as Woojin asked,“Have I done something wrong recently?”“No.”“Then have I not told you I love you enough?”“I’m serious, you really don’t need to worry about that. You’re literally always telling me that.”Woojin’s most frequently said word was “Sunbae,” and right after that was “I love you.” He said it so often, with no particular context, as if it were a meal.“Then why does it feel like you don’t know?”“Don’t know what?”“That I love you a lot, Sunbae.”His expression had turned sullen, seemingly because of my question from earlier.“Do you have any complaints? Anything that you wish were different, or that you want me to do?”“No.”“Even the smallest thing, it’s okay.”“…”Looking at Woojin in silence, I felt a strange sensation. I couldn’t figure out what it was. It wasn’t exactly good, nor was it bad, sad, or even happy.Maybe I was still shaken up from earlier.“Not even the smallest thing.”I saw Woojin open his mouth as if to say something, but he stopped.After thinking it over twice, three times, I realized I really didn’t have anything to complain about. Not even the tiniest of things. I’m fully satisfied with how things are now.Even if someone gave me the chance to go back and fix mistakes in the past, I wouldn’t. I’m too happy now—with this present, with us, with Woojin now, with the time we’ve spent together.“In my dream, high school Woojin was crying his heart out because he liked me.”“…”“So, I told him we should live together.”As I continued speaking, Woojin listened quietly.“No, it’s still a little hot.”“It’s fine.”“I wish I could take the pain instead.”“I said I’m fine.”When I pushed his shoulder away, Jung Woojin sat me down in the chair. Sitting slouched, resting my head on my hand, I watched Jung Woojin spooning out porridge into a bowl before speaking up.“Hey.”“It’s Woojin.”“Woojin, what’s your dream?”“My dream?”Jung Woojin placed the bowl of porridge in front of me, answering almost as if he’d been waiting for the question. Just from the look on his face, I knew what he was going to say.“To marry you, Sunbae.”As expected. Sighing at his answer, I asked again.“No, like a career goal.”No one but Jung Woojin would give an answer like that.“Hmm…”After setting the spoon and chopsticks neatly on the holder, he thought for a moment before replying.“To live with you forever.”“I mean, what do you want to become?”Looking at the steaming porridge, I realized I was actually hungry. I could see minced beef and small pieces of shiitake mushrooms in the white rice porridge. As I stirred the porridge with my spoon, Jung Woojin spoke.“I want to be someone you like, Sunbae.”“No…”When I turned my head, Jung Woojin was taking some side dishes out of the fridge. After setting them out on plates with matching patterns, he looked at me with a smile and said,“Then someone you can’t help but love.”I decided to keep my mouth shut. Shaking my head with a sigh, Jung Woojin sat down across from me.“What’s your dream, Sunbae?”“My dream has already come true.”“What was it?”As I took a spoonful of the porridge, I shared a dream that once felt impossible.“Buying my own place.”“A house?”“I always wanted a place with a yard.”Back then, who would have thought things would turn out this way? I’d always assumed that even after ten or twenty years, buying a house would be impossible.“Why a yard?”“I wanted a dog. A big one.”“Do you like dogs or me better, Sunbae?”Caught off guard, I stopped eating and looked at him incredulously. We’d lived together for what felt like a lifetime, and I’d heard plenty of ridiculous questions from him, yet they never failed to surprise me.“Can’t you think before asking me things?”“I thought long and hard before asking that.”“What exactly did you think about?”If I had to choose, of course it would be Jung Woojin. If someone else had asked, I’d just assume they were looking for validation or joking around, but not Jung Woojin. He was genuinely worried I might prefer a dog over him.“There could be days you like a dog better than me.”“Like when?”“I mean, on any random day in our lives together.”What was he even talking about? I blinked and asked,“Then, what about you? Do you like dogs or me better?”Repeating his own question, I watched as he looked at me with an even more exasperated expression.“Do you really not know the answer?”That was exactly what I wanted to say. Clicking my tongue, I looked at him and asked,“Then, who do you like more: me now or me at twenty?”“Pardon?”“If there were two of me, one as I am now and the twenty-year-old me.”I thought he’d think about it a bit more this time, but he answered just as quickly as before.“Of course, you now, Sunbae.”“Even if the twenty-year-old me was a mess and crying?”“Yes. But did that guy cry and beg in your dream?”He nodded with a serious expression as he asked. Shaking my head, I asked again,“Why? They’re both me, anyway.”“What did he say while crying? Did he beg you to like him? Ask to live with you?”Sighing, I tried to continue eating the half-finished porridge, but then he spoke.“Was he that cute?”High school-aged Jung Woojin had been cute, no doubt, but the Woojin I wanted to be with was the one in front of me now. This was the Woojin I loved. Saying so out loud felt a bit too corny.Did he really need me to say it outright? Compared to before, I thought I was doing a much better job at showing how I felt, saying things more openly. I’d even admitted earlier that, while he was cute back then, I liked him more now.“To me, there’s only one Sunbae.”When I looked up, he was resting his chin on one hand, looking at me.“Even if the twenty-year-old Sunbae shows up, or even if ten-year-old Sunbae comes around, to me, there’s only one Kang Seoju I love in this world.”“…”“Even if the twenty-year-old Sunbae begs me and says all sorts of things, I won’t do anything he asks.”“I told you, I didn’t do anything.”The warm feeling in my chest was shattered. That particular comment, of all things, I didn’t know how long he’d keep bringing it up.“I mean it. Even if you sent someone your age or even your ancestor, it’s only you for me.”“Stop calling me ‘you,’ it’s giving me chills.”Hearing him say “you” really made me cringe. My face felt hot as I grimaced, and he put both hands under his chin like a flower pose, looking at me intently.“You, you, you, you.”“….”Had he gone mad? I tightened my grip on the spoon, ready to give him a smack if he said it one more time.“Sunbae.”Thankfully, he seemed to sense what was coming and didn’t say it again. As I released my grip, he asked,“Did I do something wrong recently?”“No, you didn’t.”“Then, have I not said ‘I love you’ enough?”“No, really, you don’t need to worry about that. You say it all the time.”The words he said most were “Sunbae,” closely followed by “I love you.” He said it as often as he ate, with no context whatsoever.“Then why does it feel like you don’t know?”“Know what?”“That I really love you, Sunbae.”His face looked downcast, probably still reeling from my earlier question.“Is there anything you’re unhappy with? Something that bothers you, or something you’d like me to do?”“No, nothing like that.”“Even if it’s something small, just tell me.”“…”I watched him quietly, feeling something I couldn’t quite understand. It wasn’t exactly good, but it wasn’t bad either. It wasn’t sadness, but it wasn’t happiness, either.Maybe the shock from earlier hadn’t fully worn off.“Even the smallest thing, there’s nothing.”I saw him start to speak but then stop.Even after thinking it over two, three times, there really was nothing. Not even the tiniest thing. I couldn’t be more satisfied with the present.Even if I could go back and correct my past mistakes, I wouldn’t change a thing, because this is the only way the current me, the current Woojin, and the time we’ve spent together could have existed.“And I really didn’t do anything to him. I only touched him with my hand.”His tear-filled eyes grew even redder as he closed them tightly, covering his face with his hands as he let out a sob.“I knew it.”His fingertips, his ears peeking through his dark hair, everything was bright red. Watching him cry and tremble, I said,“I want to take back what I said earlier.”Woojin lifted his tear-stained face, looking at me with eyes like a startled rabbit.“What do you mean?”I could still hear him quietly sobbing. He looked like he’d start wailing if I didn’t answer soon, so I spoke quickly.“When I said he was cuter than you.”“Oh, I’m so annoyed.”With that, Woojin collapsed onto the table, sobbing.“Please, stop talking about him.”“I’m sure twenty-year-old Seoju will take good care of him.”“I said stop.”Even if a happier ending were possible, I couldn’t give up this moment.“Then make me some ramen.”“But you can’t even handle spicy food.”Maybe it’s a little less than perfectly happy, but this moment with him is everything.“So he gets ramen, but I don’t?”I couldn’t give up Jung Woojin right here, right now.“Fine, but say ‘I love you’ first.”I couldn’t give up on you.“I love you. I love you so much it hurts.”On you.“Me too.”Only you.This will be the last extra I will be translating because I read the latter ones, and the one recently released, it is all very repetitive :((