Legally Brunette (Ace Attorney style GameLit)

"So…" I said, my eagle attorney eye on the new prosecutor. "Are you pivotal to this bonus trial or are you a poorly disguised pilot character for something else?"

Priscilla Prettipenni held her right pinky up as she sipped a china white cuppa tea. Once she finished and wiped her face with a dainty doily, she turned her snooty little nose up at me. "Pish posh," she said. "I was just in the neighborhood on international legal business when Ms. Divine Justice asked me to fill in because the other two prosecutors had some kind of triangular relationship with the defendant. I hope to get this case over with quickly and easily so I can get back to London and obtain more English tea. That black tea you serve at breakfast shops is positively revolting!"

"Pre-school, Miss Prettipenni," I said. "That's because it's actually coffee! Do they not serve that across the pond?"

"And that's my favorite drink!" Mina said, a pout on her face. "Tea doesn't make me feel like I'm running a marathon from fifty ounces of sugar and unneeded caffeination! It's barely even caffeinated. More like hot sugary water."

Priscilla now turned her nose up at Mina. "Pish posh, indeed. Tea is a proper lady's drink. Next you'll say you prefer those vulgar iced circled circles over hot crossed sticky buns."

Mina gritted her teeth. "They're called donuts, you limette!"

Priscilla's nostrils flared upon hearing that pejorative term aimed at a British lady. Her powdered cheeks puffed up with anger. She was the definition of a furious powdered creampuff. "It looks like I'll have to school you both in proper caffeination and snack consumption. You yankee doodles have as much class as education for barnyard animals!"

Mina and I looked at each other. "She's definitely some pilot character for another attorney story!"

Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

"Regardless," Priscilla chortled, and seemingly pulled a pair of fans from her wotsit. "This is personal now!"

And without further ado, the bonus trial began!

***

As I stood at the defense attorney's desk, Mina and I watched carefully as Priscilla consulted with Flannery. While Priscilla had a petty reason to be a prosecutor for this case, Flan really meant business. You don't know how angry fanfiction authors can be when either their ship doesn't succeed or they get jaded by the character of their favorite fiction. While Prissy Priscilla prattled on about who knows what, Flan kept making dagger eyes at both me and Mina.

Mina looked quite nervous and unsettled from both that and something else. "Did the Chief ever mention if she managed to find a girl who was the height of the doorway!"

"I still haven't heard back," I said to her. "But if the murderer isn't Flan, this is our ace in the attorney…I mean hole!"

"Geez Louise," Mina muttered. "I really hope she hurries up, because I think Flan is going to testify first and she knows me better than well, me!"

The judge slammed the gavel. "Order! We have gathered here today for the case of Hawkins V. Decor Estate! I will read the details but not the graphic details because they are too graphic for most of the people in the room…"

"Lame…" Winona Sumac muttered in her husky voice while proudly sporting her Nightmare on Pine Street shirt. (I'm really hoping this goth chick came to support Mina and not hear about a real life horror flick.)

"But suffice to say," the judge said, interrupting her interruption. "Beloved director Artie Decor was murdered in the most heartless way imaginable. Even I'm not too old to have seen his wonderful cinema!. And I think the most shocking turn of fate, is that the defendant and the accused butcher is none other than the bubbly teenage attorney he chose to make a flick on!"

All eyes (and very judgy ones at that) were on Mina. She looked around helplessly like someone who was bound and gagged in a sinking lifeboat.

"Miss Prosecutor!"

"Yea?" Priscilla Prettipenni said, lowering her cuppa tea again.

"Do you have the first witness?"

"Ahem!" Priscilla said, dabbing her mouth again. "Yes, your honor. My client said she will be proud to butcher Mina herself!"

The whole room gasped as Flannery stepped forward. Was she truly going to admit she was the culprit?

"Pish posh," Priscilla said. "She means butcher her alibi, of course."