Legally Brunette (Ace Attorney style GameLit)

Unfortunately for Mina, even with her newfound optimism and a newfound Pinkle Ponkle catchphrase, things didn't get much better on the set. They only got hammier and cheesier than a breakfast sandwich.

"Oh My Attorney!" Raven said, relishing his role as Mina to campy levels. "I cannot believe I'm facing off with THE Legal Suit Larry! Voted Number #1 Prosecutie in Law Magazine 17 times in a row."

"18 times!" the actor playing Legal Suit Larry said, brushing back his full head of hair. "My handsomeness is legally allowed to drive and vote!"

Raven held his hands to his mouth, blushing profusely somehow. "Perhaps after you school me in prosecution, you can take me out on a date!"

"Sorry, my dear," the fake Legal Suit Larry guffawed. "I'll leave your blotchy face to someone more visually impaired."

From the director's chair, Mina lunged forward again. "Artie, how dare you write something like that about Blind and me!"

The portly director with his blackened sunglasses merely shrugged his shoulders. "Money talks, baby. Legal Suit Larry funded half this movie. I don't see you donating any more to it, sweetie!"

Mina fell limp. He had touche'd her into silence. Indeed, she didn't pay anything towards her own film and now it had become a Legal Suit Larry propaganda film.

"Relax love," Blind said, "I can still see what perfection your face is!"

Mina turned to him and pouted. "But how?"

"Close your eyes," her suave prosecutor boyfriend said.

She did just that and felt his hands across her face. She had to contain herself from giggling when he did. "Your face, Mi-Mi, is smooth and symmetrical, with large eyes and a tiny button nose."

"Wowie Zowie!" Mina exclaimed. "I didn't know face reading was a thing!"

Ashley turned her around and smirked. "And my eyes can testify too, undergrad. You are adorable!"

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

Mina pulled her two loves in for a group hug. Her eyes twinkled as she looked out on the ridiculous performance. It was still so much easier to ignore when she had them.

The stage play continued in the same absurd manner through the court case. Bunting Dupree, if you could call him that, barely spoke at all. The polar opposite of his garrulous and effeminate French manner, all he muttered was "non" to accusations of him beheading Chef Horton Hamsay. Legal Suit Larry spoke for him–but crusaded seemed like an even better word. He proved himself a much more capable prosecutor than the incompetent boob that Mina had challenged on the day of her first trial.

When Raven-as-Mina wasn't messing around with an E-Phone, giggling like a schoolgirl or butchering language like a valley girl, he was often getting corrected by Trudy, the judge and yes, Larry himself. Mina couldn't even believe she was being portrayed this badly.

In fact, only when she was called by Raven (who played both roles by pretending to talk to himself on the E-Phone) did the tide start to turn in her direction. Raven not only exposed Bunting's actor as the only French man from New Jersey, but quickly solved the case for Mina.

"Kiddo!" Raven exclaimed, pretending to be shocked at the same time. "This case is nothing but a game of Hint. And the murderer is Bunting Dupree in the kitchen with the butcher's knife! How do I know? Well, I was at the restaurant that night, eating me creme snail brulee and it was so exquisite that I went into the kitchen to ask for a second and saw the chef do it! In cold blood! Or hot blood? I dunno I didn't take his temperature at the time."

The fake sassy judge banged her gavel. "Bunting Dupree! You did NOT just behead Chef Horton Hamsay!"

The murderous mime playing Bunting Dupree spoke in a mumble. "Non…but I'm going to kill zis perky pink attorney anyway!"

He brandished his throwing knives as Raven held his hand to his head to feign fainting like some damsel in dire distress. "Oh no! Who will save me! I hope it's some handsome, dreamy man! I am after all, an overly dramatic and frisky teenage girl who thinks about love and lattes!"

Mina rolled her eyes. She wasn't that bad on that day. Even with Blind behaving and acting like Tuxedo Blindfold from the magical girl anime Mariner Sun, she still had most of her wit.

Artie clapped his hands. "Alright, broody blind man. It's time for you to save this damsel! Enter stage right! Break a leg!"

Now it was time for Blind's appearance on the stage. He patted Mina and Ashley on the back. "I'll do my best with this horrendous script!"

Blind walked onto the stage and through the aisle, holding the briefcase to stop the knives from killing his love. Or rather Raven playing his love.

Mina stood on her toes excitedly. At least, Blind would reenact her favorite scene from the story of her life. Even if he had saved her, it was still the first time she had met one of the two loves of her life.

"Let the knives fly!" Artie exclaimed as Blind stood in front of Raven.

The mime wound up his arm. He threw them.

And as they did, someone cried out loud!