Lament of the Slave

The System was mocking me. There was no other reason for it to notify me of the tier-up of [Inner Perception] right now. Except there was! 

I checked out my whole body, something I never did in the few days I had the skill. Too weak, I never found the courage to look at the tumor in my lower abdomen, at the damage the core did there. If I did, I’d see the awful truth, and I didn’t want to. Instead, a lie found a place in my mind. The thought that I’ve come to terms with the loss of the option to have children on my own.

If that were true, the fact that even a healer like Lord Wigram couldn’t help me wouldn’t have hit me so hard. Deep down, it still hurt, whether I liked it or not. Hence the tears.

Looking again at the notifications, the condition for a tier-up skill now seemed obvious. I could do nothing but smirk inwardly at my self-inflicted blindness. [Eleaden Standard Language] was the same case. That is, until the condition, or as Deckard called it, the bottleneck for tier-up was met, I was unable to gain further levels. It wasn’t my fear that held me back, though. It was my reluctance to learn how to write when I wanted to get rid of the skill as soon as I was able. 

So no, the System wasn’t making fun of me. It was doing the job it was designed to do, albeit rather insensitively. Bitterness was hard to swallow, yet despite my initial urge to ignore the tier-up, I looked.

 

Inner Perception: lvl 10

Passive II

As important as seeing what’s going on around you, it is no less essential to see what’s going on inside you, to know your own body and how it works. You can distinguish bones, muscles, fat, and organs, see their shape, arrangement, and damage.

II - You are no stranger to the inner workings of your body. It’s time to look deeper, to reveal the inner workings of your organs, to see where all those veins actually lead.

 

When I refocused on my body, the sight that came to me would turn the stomachs of many upsides down. As per the skill description, I saw my guts in greater detail. Lungs were no longer just a blob, but tissue composed of blood-oxygenating cells. The same was true for the tumor housing the core. The deformed tissue was riddled with veins feeding the pea-sized crystal with mana. At least, that’s what I assumed their purpose was. I didn’t feel the mana flow.

What was it, anyway? The core?

I looked through teary eyes at Deckard, the man I trusted the most here, the man who called me a real beast earlier. “Can you tell me exactly what the core is?”

“Me?” he grunted in hard to blame surprise. So far, the Imperial Chief Healer had done most of the explaining. Wiping away tears that still flowed despite me not bursting into full-blown crying, I nodded.

“Okay, dragon girl, listen. Most people call it beast core or mana core,” he said and shifted his weight. “It’s for one simple reason. It’s the source of mana found in beasts.”

“That is incorrect,” Lord Wigram objected. “It is not a source but a storage for mana.”

Deckard frowned, then shrugged. “Depends on how you look at it. It’s a source of free mana for humans, serves as excess mana storage for the beasts. The truth is, it doesn’t produce any mana on its own.”

So it was kind of like a battery. So...

“What about humans?” Could they have had one too? Looking at my belly, I winced at the thought of someone willingly doing this to themselves.

“Nah,” Deckard dismissed my notion with a wave of his hand. “I’ve never seen a man with a core, nor does every beast have one. It’s species by species. Usually, the older and stronger beasts form cores.”

“You could say that we lack in this regard to the beasts,” the old healer added. The irony in his voice was not lost on me. “A hard-to-swallow truth for many hotheads. You’d be wise not to mention it anywhere. It’s true, nonetheless. Except for the beasts, no one has figured out how to form a core.”

“There’s not even a reason to do so,” Deckard argued. “If you have gold, you can buy decent mana storage in any city.”

The Imperial Chief Healer nodded and tapped one of the gold buttons. Looking closer, I noticed a small crystal embedded in it. Actually, in all of them on his coat. Cores, I assumed.

“People have replaced their lack of ability with ingenuity,” he noted.

Seeing the amount of mana storage he had took my breath away. First, the price must have been astronomical. That he wore this wealth for all to see only spoke of his confidence, his certainty no one would dare attack him, or at least not successfully. With the number of soldiers around him, it was not an empty assumption. 

Second, my core was utterly worthless. With enough money, I could have had dozens of them, not a ruined body.

Speaking of which, my mannerisms gave away more of my thoughts than I would have liked when the Imperial Chief Healer felt the need to console me. “Don’t be disheartened by the small core you have now. I wouldn’t be surprised if you could grow it, just like the beasts. What’s more, they can freely store and draw mana from them. If I wanted to extract mana from the same raw core, I wouldn’t even get half of it. To tap into its full potential, I need to use runes.”

“I’d say that’s a reasonable price to pay.” There was more bitterness in my voice than I wanted.

“No doubt about that. I’m just trying to show you some merit in what happened to you, perhaps to find even comfort in it. Not everyone has that option, Miss Grey,” Imperial Chief Healer said, reminding me of my less fortunate cellmates. Except, this bullshit about ‘there are worse off people in the world’ never brought me comfort. It didn’t make my suffering any easier.

That didn’t mean I didn’t understand what he was trying to tell me. So I held up my hand to stop him. “I got it.” No apology from me, though. He didn’t seem to be expecting one, either.

“Using mana storage is not simple,” Rayden said, unaffected by my bitterness. “You pull too much mana at once, and you’ll burn the runes.”

“Quite true,” Lord Wigram nodded.

“Doesn’t it mean I can burn my...” I stopped short. “I can regenerate.”

The Imperial Chief Healer beamed, pleased that I was starting to see some benefits to all...this. Sure, some. Honestly, what else was there for me to do?

“I get the whole core creation thing,” I said after sorting my thoughts. “But what’s the problem with implanting it?” 

As it turned out, the problem was not so complicated. It was a core of beasts and, as such, incompatible with humans. Whether it was the body itself or the mana, both repel the core, which results in extensive rotting of the surrounding tissue.

Not a problem I think Dungreen was worried about. He was a proper madman. Yet, I had to admit he wasn’t a fool, pretty sure that if he had put the core in me before the sixth mutation, things would have turned out differently. 

Instead of waking up on the banks of the River Treim, I could have been a bloated corpse floating down the river. Speaking of dying, removing the core wouldn’t have killed me, as I got the impression. Mine was at my belly button, whereas most beasts form it close to the heart, sometimes even inside. 

From my point of view, the foolishness of forming such a tumor in the chest, from Deckard’s practical location. What will you protect most in battle? Head and chest, or rather the heart. ‘So, why create another weak spot that you’ll have to protect’ were his words.

“Do I have to ‘protect’ it?” was the logical question I asked. The answer was no. It was not a vital organ. So if I ripped that fucking core out of my body right now, I might have cried with joy, but it wouldn’t make much difference either. I’d still be infertile and lose free mana storage.

“At least I’ll save a few golds,” I sighed, kind of resigned to the existence of the core.

Deckard laughed. “Without a doubt, girl.”

“It’s...one way to look at it. A positive way.” The old healer gave me a sympathetic look, and I returned his smile, actually feeling some relief even though I didn’t get rid of the damage the tiny core caused. It was a kind of closure. 

“What now?” I asked, wondering. I hadn’t undergone more mutations, so there was no more to study on me. 

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

“From the reports and yourself, your presence can be much stronger than your actual level. A bizarre effect that I would like to verify, and then there is your form after using [Beast],” the Imperial Chief Healer told me the next course of this examination, which was far from over.

Sighing, I give up. “What first? Or do you want to test my presence after the change? It’s even stronger then.” That was my experience. 

At that moment, I saw a grin cross Deckard’s face. I knew right away what he was up to, remembering Blaine’s reaction to my presence in that hallway, felt his hand on my neck. He almost killed me, and we were alone back then. Looking around at the soldiers and guards, closely observing what was going on in the room, it didn’t seem like a good idea to provoke them.

“I’ll take care of them.” Deckard’s voice echoed in my head.

Wasn’t he a little too cocky? “All of them?”

“Have some faith in me,” he said confidently, adding: “Come on, it’ll be fun.”

Either his temper was rubbing off on me, or I just needed cheering up at the moment because he didn’t have to convince me anymore, and I gave in to his antics. Still have my doubts, though. Did he even know how strong my presence could be? He wasn’t there when I called for Esu in my desperation. On the other hand, he heard me calling the mothers and the younger mossbears. Hmm....

Choosing to trust in his ability to protect me if it came to the worst, I jumped off the bed, catching the Imperial Chief Healer a little off guard. “I don’t have to lie down, do I?” The idea of changing lying down didn’t sit well with me. My instincts were telling me to be ready to fight.

“Not at all, Miss Grey.” The old healer gestured for me to continue, his eyes gleaming with curiosity.

One more warning was needed, though. “I can’t talk, only growl when I change. I’ll understand you, but I can only speak to Deckard through the union rings.”

The old healer’s eyes went to the ring on my hand and then looked admiringly at Deckard. “Good thinking.”

“Not my idea,” he said without blinking an eye. “It’s not even my ring. The guardswoman Aspen.”

Was she okay? Has she woken up yet? How was Tate doing? A lot of questions flooded my thoughts, and a bit of guilt for putting them out of my mind. Yet a quick reminder that they aided and abetted my capture quickly quelled the notion.

“She’s always been quick-witted,” Rayden noted at Aspen’s regard. “Didn’t always make the best decisions, though.”

“Your guards keep surprising me, Captain.” Lord Wigram said with respect in his voice, and his attention shifted back to me. “Please, Miss Grey.”

Taking a deep breath, I shuddered a little. I couldn’t help feeling a bit nervous. This was the first time changing like this, with so many people staring at me. Still, I surrendered to the beast.

It didn’t take long, just a few breaths, and I was standing there covered in fur, actually glad I didn’t have any boots. Licking my fangs, I looked up at the Imperial Chief Healer, who seemed utterly impressed by my ‘beast-mode’. “You still there?” he asked.

When I nodded at his slightly offensive question, his eyes lit up. “Wonderful, almost terran-like at first glance.” I was sure most of them wouldn’t take the comparison well. They hated the term beastmen, saw it as a derogatory reference to beasts, and I was a hybrid of few.

Calming my nerves, I gave the Imperial Chief Healer a questioning look. “May I?” He understood my mannerism right away and gestured for me to go on. After one more time of making sure Deckard wouldn’t let me be killed by the soldiers, I took a deep breath and did what I always did. I put all my emotions into my battle cry, the fear, the pain, the anguish. What then escaped from my throat was not a mighty roar as such, but rather a sorrowful growl. After all, it wasn’t meant as a challenge nor as defiance. It was simply an expression of my emotions.

The room was in motion even before I finished my moan. 

Barely keeping up with the movement speed of the imperial soldiers, I found myself staring at Deckard’s back, weighed down by his presence that warned others from taking further actions. To my shock, Rayden stood beside me too, ready to defend the beast that had appeared in her barracks. She seemed almost unfazed by my brief presence.

Unlike the guards who remained standing at their posts ready, their weapons drawn, the soldiers surrounded the Imperial Chief Healer, hid him behind a shimmering spherical barrier that mine couldn’t hold a candle to. It would be like comparing a panel of glass to a steel one. Rather depressing, but that was what my instincts told me.

Despite the mayhem my growl caused, the old healer was grinning just like Deckard. One found the situation amusing. The other was fascinated by my brief presence. The rest of the folks in the room didn’t take it with as much gusto and enthusiasm as those two. There was a lot of shouting and rising tension. No one attacked me, though.

“It’s not exactly smart to attack a beast hundreds of levels higher than you right away without thinking,” Deckard told me when I asked him about it, not taking his eyes off the soldiers. From the very beginning, he reckoned they were no amateurs and will react appropriately to my presence. I felt stupid for thinking otherwise. Now that he told me, I could see the scrutiny in the soldiers’ eyes. They assessed what kind of danger I was, how to take me down. It sent a shiver down my spine.

No wonder it took a while before the Imperial Chief Healer managed to assure them he was in no danger and that it was all at his request, part of the check-up. I wouldn’t say I got a kick out of it as Deckard did, but seeing men and women whose levels were deep in the double hundreds looking at me warily, as well as fearing me, certainly made me forget my worries. At least for a little while.

“I must say I am deeply impressed, Miss Grey,” Lord Wigram said as he broke free of the soldiers’ protection. “I’m not a warrior to properly judge the power of your presence, but no doubt it was above my level.”

“I’d say level five hundred?” Rayden remarked, taking her hand off the hilt of her sword as the soldiers had returned to their positions.

The old healer nodded, motioning to the soldiers. “That’s what I was told.” Then his eyes fell on me. “You gave them and me quite a fright, miss.”

“Yeah, brave soldiers of the Empire scared by a girl without evolution,” he laughed in my mind. Fortunately, he was sensible enough not to say it out loud, thus provoking the soldiers further. Likewise, I refrained from smirking at his comment, even though I found it funny, and just resorted to a shrug in apology, saying it wasn’t my fault. 

Unnecessary. 

The Imperial Chief Healer didn’t even see it that way. Instead of blaming, he pondered. Noticing that my boosted presence lasted only a short while, in contrast to the constant pressure emitted by strong fighters and beasts if they choose to do so. He brooded over the very possibility of such an ability, coming to the same conclusion as Swordmaster Blaine. 

A pun of nature.

For some reason, I was able to tap into the power of the beasts hidden within me for a brief moment. Without knowing it, he also concurred that as my connections with said beasts grew, so will this presence. How far, he was unable to say.

I managed to spring another surprise on him when I extended my claws. Tricks of which many terrans were incapable, according to him. My fangs caught his attention, and he marveled at the softness of my fur. But that was it, that was the full extent of my mutations and changes to my body. There was no hidden secret, not that I knew of. Now they knew what I knew about me, and it made me feel naked even though I was wearing Janina’s clothes.

“What are those glands on your tail for?” The Imperial Chief Healer asked when I thought this check-up was over. It made me pause before I grinned. “How capable are you of dealing with poisons?” 

A knowing smile crossed Deckard's face as he translated my growl.