Lament of the Slave

Mana heart?

No, I didn’t see one, just a pretty standard heart in terms of shape and function. My lack of knowledge of human anatomy, based on books and the internet, driven by the limited interest in it of the florist, could be to blame. But I dare say that even the best doctors knew nothing about the heart I supposedly had.

So, either my [Inner Perception] wasn’t at a high enough level, which it wasn’t, or control my mana and especially my perception of it was so poor that I simply didn’t see the four extra chambers made up of mana Imperial Chief Healer described to me.

That said, it didn’t mean I didn’t know my heart was anything but normal. Ever since I woke up on the banks of the River Treim, I’ve had access to countless magical skills. Of which, regrettably, I have used only one to date. The name alone might be enough to confirm the old healer’s assumption. So...to say or not to say. I glanced at them.

That the mana heart should beat in my chest seemed to have quite unnerved the old healer. He was deep in thought. It hit Janina even harder, there was fear in her eyes, and that freaked me out. She didn’t even break a sweat when the barracks were on fire and now was pale. 

Rayden’s arched eyebrows spoke of her sensing more trouble. Only Deckard seemed unaffected by it all, perhaps rather offended that I hadn’t told him and even a little amused. His mirth did not add to my peace of mind this time, though.

“I had no idea,” I said to his accusing question, asking my own. “What the hell is the mana heart?” 

“You don’t know...how the fuck you don’t know!” Janina barked, dismay in her tone.

“I...” the words stuck in my throat. Her outburst caught me off guard. I’ve never seen her like this before. 

“Calm down, Nina,” said her old mentor, trying to soothe her. “I may have jumped to conclusions.”

“You do not do that!” She retorted sharply, turning to look at Deckard. “How can you find this funny, you know...” Her voice cracked.

Perhaps realizing that he had gone too far, apparently aware of the reason for her outrage and fear, he grew serious. “Of course I know. Hardly her fault, is it?” He motioned to me.

“But...” She took a breath to retort, only to be interrupted by her old mentor. “Let’s listen to her first, shall we?” suggested the Imperial Chief Healer.

Janina closed her eyes for a moment, then nodded wordlessly.

“Miss Grey,” Lord Wigram addressed me, curiosity back in his voice. “According to your previous inquiry, I believe you have no understanding of the mana heart. Is that correct?”

“Is it so weird?” I answered with a question of my own. Janina’s behavior worried me greatly.

“Yes, and no. It’s something every mage worth his gold should know, utterly useless information for ordinary folks,” he said, emphasizing the last word so that his former pupil would hear and realize the reason for my ignorance. Even if it was the wrong one. “I apologize. Before I go any further, I’d like to hear what you can tell me about your heart,” he requested me, cautious about drawing hasty conclusions again, despite his curiosity.

There was no need to think too much about it or for hesitation. Their behavior brought doubts to my mind, and I needed to know what I had in my chest. “It was the last shot I got, hurt like hell, and it killed me. I stayed dead long enough for Dungreen to get rid of me, but you already know how I got here. Ever since I woke up on the banks of the River Treim, I can feel it pounding through my veins harder. In spite of that, its beat doesn’t resonate in my head in the evening as I lay down to sleep, nor does it bother my sensitive ears. That ‘essence’ must have changed more than my heart.” It was a mystery I chose not to dwell on but to share now, given the circumstances. Every detail could be helpful. 

“And...?” Imperial Chief Healer asked, sensing there was more.

“Skills,” I said, licking my dry lips. “I’ve gained access to several schools of magic...and currently, among my general skills, I have [Heart of Magic].”

Rayden let out a loud sigh of relief. “And here I thought I’d have to worry about a dragon attack.” The tension faded from Janina’s face, even some color returned to her cheeks. Deckard seemed somewhat disappointed, though. 

“Dragons?” Fucking dragons? What did those have to do with my heart, oh...did I have their heart...or not. I glanced at Lord Wigram, demanding an explanation. Even though the Imperial Chief Healer seemed lost in thought, he noticed my staring and shifted his focus back to me. “Apologies, Miss Grey, I owe you the explanation. The mana heart is something every mage aspires to achieve, a state where your mana pumps in a liquid form like blood through your veins. Ahhh, how silly of me... you see, Nina. I said I was too hasty.”

“And I should have made my own judgment,” Janina said, her voice still trembling. “Sorry for...overreacting, Korra.” I gave her a weak smile just to let her know it was okay, figuring she must have had a reason for it, and it had most likely something to do with the fire-breathing beasts.

So... “What do dragons have to do with all this?” Seriously, the idea of having their heart sounded cool yet terrifying at the same time. Actually, I was relieved I didn’t have one.

“Born with mana coursing through their veins, feeding their boundless magic, they’re the only creatures with mana hearts, as far as is known,” the Imperial Chief Healer explained.

“You know that how?” The dragons in my head were massive flying creatures of immense strength. Has anyone managed to kill or even capture one? That was hard to believe.

The old healer smiled at my question, almost as if he had read my mind. “There was a time when dragons walked among humans sharing their knowledge. Unfortunately, that’s a thing of the past.”

Interesting. “What happened?”

“Greed.” It was Janina who answered with bitterness in his voice. “People wanted more, the power the dragons had. They stopped looking at them as their teachers but as oppressors.”

“Records from that time are scarce,” the Imperial Chief Healer added. “From the few scraps of information we can piece together, humans attacked their hatchery. From what we know of dragons today, they’re loners, each with their own lair. Strange, isn’t it?”

Dragons? Lairs? It didn’t seem so strange to me and judging by his tone, neither to him. He wondered about the meaning of the hatchery. The fact that dragons quite possibly used to live in groups, maybe even society.

“Anyway, you can imagine what that led to. The dragons raged. They burned most of the cities and kingdoms of that time, and to this day, they remain in people’s minds as feared beasts.” He glanced at Janina. “Yes, I know. It’s not just the past most people have forgotten. Dragons appear here and there even today. Unfortunately, not to impart their knowledge but to burn. They despise when humans use their body parts, whether it’s to make weapons, potions, or in pursuit of power.”

“That’s what happened in Hasa, where Janina grew up,” Rayden said. “The local lord couldn’t resist the temptation of their blood he got his hands on, thinking he’s smarter than them, that they won’t notice. To this day, Hasa is a charred ruin. I’d hate for that to happen to Castiana.” Her warning was clear. Don’t mess with dragons.

“My parents, younger brother, and little sister all perished there,” Janina said with painful memories seeping into her voice. “I’m really sorry, Korra. What you’ve been through is not your fault. I know that. It’s just...”

“Losing a loved one is painful.” It was unbearably heartbreaking, and she lost her whole family. In essence, so did I.

She nodded. “I...I don’t want it to happen again. Are you sure you don’t have [Mana Heart] among your skills?” Wondering if skill went hand in hand with an actual heart, I worked through the System. The lack of a search window or any filters made it quite tricky. 

“It seems Dungreen wasn’t crazy enough to use dragon essence...blood, or whatever it was he put in the mixture he injected into my veins...” I stopped short after informing them of the result of my search. “How do you get dragon blood, anyway?”

Deckard snorted. “Definitely not in a fight, dragon girl.”

“Then how?” I insisted on my question, wondering.

“With luck, you’ll stumble upon a spot where the beast fought something strong enough to hurt it.” His answer just made me wonder what could have been so powerful. My thoughts immediately wandered to Esu. Was he strong enough to challenge one? 

“Anyway, your heart and skill are no less impressive, Miss Grey,” said the Imperial Chief Healer. “You could say it’s just a tier lower than the mana heart. Still, something no mage has achieved, but not limited to one species, most often found in drakes.”

“Stupid cousins of dragons. Even so, damn powerful,” Deckard grunted as an explanation, knowing my lack of local knowledge.

The old healer shot him a sharp look and frowned. “I’m beginning to think it’s a mistake to leave you in the hands of a fighter. You could have become a powerful mage, even without proper class.”

Deckard just shrugged. “That’s up to her.” I have to say I wasn’t sure if he had that much faith in me or if he really didn’t care.

Being a magician was something I dreamed of as a little girl, and magic, only tricks back then, fascinated me even as an adult. Here on Eleaden, magic was the real deal. Now I had a chance to make my childhood dream come true. All I had to do was say yes. Instead, I lowered my ears, smiling sadly. “No, thank you.

“Are you certain?” Imperial Chief Healer asked, trying to sow doubt in my mind, to change my decision. “Your stats are quite unusable for a mage for sure, and if it were anyone else, I’d tell them to stop, that it’s just a fool’s dream. With your heart, it’s still possible.”

Was it? Perhaps with class evolution. But even then, I won’t stop being half-beast, driven by my instincts. There was nothing magical about that, just...savagery, wildness I’ve come to terms with. 

This time I shook my head, making my resolve more clear. “No, I’m sure.”

“Some training wouldn’t hurt, though,” I added, and a smile flashed across the Imperial Chief Healer’s face. “Not as stubborn or narrow-minded as some. I’m sure it can be arranged.” He glanced at Rayden, who merely sighed. 

“See,” he said, satisfied. Then he grew serious again. “The prospect of mages with your potential in the ranks of the kingdom of Arda is disturbing, nonetheless.”

“It could be a serious threat, Lord,” Rayden confirmed.

“It’s a failed experiment,” I argued after giving it a thought. “They wouldn’t get rid of me otherwise.”

“No doubt you were lucky in that, Miss Grey,” the Imperial Chief Healer admitted. “Failure, however, is also the result. No doubt they will not stop their research. I think we can agree on that.”

“If only he’d been stupid enough to use dragon’s blood,” I muttered, half wishing.

“Don’t say that,” Janina snapped sharply. “A dragon wouldn’t just destroy the cellar. It would burn the whole city and with it...” her voice broke. However, she didn’t have to say more. Thousands of people would have perished with the city, like her family. Not what I wished for, yet I couldn’t apologize to her. How could I not wish for the destruction of the place of my suffering?

“Ehmm...” Deckard cleared his throat, breaking the depressing atmosphere that had fallen between us. “She has undergone eight mutations, right? Can we move on to that?” 

“Quite true,” said Lord Wigram at the pretty blunt way to change the subject. Unlike Janina, who gave him a sad smile, I couldn’t say I appreciated it. Dread gripped my gut as the Imperial Chief Healer fixed his unusually blue eyes on me again. 

“Your heart caught me by surprise, Miss Grey. That hardly ever happens anymore at my age,” he said with a note of delight and appreciation, hidden behind the excitement that I didn’t share. “Let’s see what else you’ve had to go through, shall we?”

I didn’t answer, a lump formed in my throat.

“No more changes in the rib cage area,” he said more to himself, and I clenched my fists as his focus shifted lower. “Stomach, intestines, all seemed right, hmm...” he murmured thoughtfully.

I closed my eyes, fighting the urge to lower my ears and not listen to what he was saying. Like when I didn’t want to hear the doctor talk about my mom’s cancer. 

“Mentor?” asked Janina. The concern for me in her voice caught me off guard after her earlier outburst.

“I don’t want to jump to conclusions again.” He didn’t have to say more, and she fell silent, waiting. I was biting my lip, dreading his diagnosis, and found myself pleading with him to say something already. “It wasn’t an ‘essence’ injection as such, was it?” 

Barely preventing tears, I nodded. He was right. I only got seven shots. Only seven! Yet some died after two. Still...that wasn’t the reason for my pain.

“Please correct me if I’m wrong,” he asked, and I let out a low whimper in agreement. “Core?”

“Yes,” I croaked almost soundlessly.

“So, not just a dragon girl, but a real beast.” Deckard laughed. This time I didn’t find his remark funny.

“Are you okay, Korra?” Janina asked, placing her hand on mine. “You’re shaking.” She wasn’t wrong. Despite the soothing aura of the Imperial Chief Healer, I couldn’t stop myself. Clenching my fists tighter, almost drawing blood, I glared at Lord Wigram, demanding answers.

“Miss Grey,” he said with the solemn attitude I would expect from a doctor. That never meant anything good. “I don’t think I’m wrong in saying that you know the damage that core caused.” The answer was the tears that welled up in my eyes. “It mutated the surrounding tissue. I’m afraid there’s not much I can do.”

I managed to swallow. “Can’t it be removed?”

“Removing the core will kill the beasts, no exceptions,” he explained.

“I’ve died over a dozen times,” I argued back.

“Interesting, I’d like to hear more later. However, I don’t think you understand. Even if you survived the extraction, it wouldn’t have changed anything. I could cut out the whole area, but it would grow back in the same damaged form.” He paused, searching for the right words. “It’s essentially a mutation like the others, shaping your current body. Take the wings you’ve lost. Despite you being originally human, they grew back.”

It wasn’t lost on me what he was trying to explain. I just didn’t want to give up so easily. “You’re a healer, able to grow limbs. Create them from mana. Aren’t organs the same thing?”

He smiled, sadness in his eyes. “You are a very bright young woman, and I think you know the answer.”

“Sometimes it’s better to hear it from others,” Janina told him, seeing my pleading expression.

His faint chuckle came unexpectedly. “And I thought I was old enough not to have to be lectured. Yes, when we heal, we create tissue from mana if needed. Hmm...How to put it...it’s based on information from the body, not our knowledge. We substitute natural regeneration, don’t sculpt the body like it’s a clay doll.

“Do you know how tricky it would be to create the same arm for someone who lost it? What if he loses both? On what basis would I make them? My imagination? What’s to stop me from giving a grown man the arms of a little girl or creating a copy of you from mana right now and here.”

I was lost for words. That never crossed my mind, and the more I thought about it, the more terrifying I found the idea of someone capable of such atrocities not too different from my mutations.

“Forgive me if I sounded too harsh. It was the intention. What you were talking about is the work of the flesh makers, not healers!” he said, emphasizing the last words. “I understand why you asked, I really do. I’ve helped many women with problems conceiving a child over the years, heard their desperation. It saddens me to say I can’t help you.”

Imperial Chief Healer. The most powerful healer I’ve ever met, quite possibly in the entire Empire. The man I never pinned my hopes on, even dreaded his arrival and this examination. Yet his words made my tears flow freely, and my abnormal heart ache.

“These flesh makers...?

“Their existence is outlawed not only in Sahal and for good reasons,” Janina added quickly, sensing where my thoughts were going. She was worried for nothing, though. I wasn’t about to put my body in the hands of another madman, even if it meant never having a family. I gave up that idea a long time ago anyway, afraid my kids would inherit my mutations. Besides, who would want a beast like me? 

It didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

I wiped away the tears that wouldn’t stop running and shifted my focus to a location I had never used [Inner Perception] on, too afraid to look. My underbelly, the place where Dungreen implanted the core for reasons only his twisted mind could conceive. 

Even though the core itself was smaller than a pea in size, it was impossible to miss. Overgrown in tissue, it sat in place of my womb like a tumor, almost pulsating with life as a mockery of the fact that it prevented me from bringing a new one into the world.

Then, as if life wanted to mock me even more, the familiar chime of the system notification echoed in my head. I couldn’t help but snort out loud, too hurting to laugh. 

• Inner Perception reaches lvl 10
• INNER PERCEPTION REACHES TIER II

Of course, that was the reason.