Lament of the Slave

Sitting in the library with Mr. Sandoval back then, I learned that all was not lost, that the system was not so straightforward as to force me to have a collar around my neck and a master holding a chain to it if I ever wanted to get stronger. There was a way around it, and I just had to find it. It was a hope, something I wished was true. 

Then came my first level up. It happened when freedom was taken from me again. After I killed a slaver, basically doing Rutledge’s bidding. So it wasn’t strange that I lost that hope in that moment and felt like the only thing I could do was just to put my head down and say. “Yes, master.”

What happened here in the clearing scorched by Aspen proved me otherwise. I didn’t need a slave collar to level up and managed to do it twice without it around my neck. Deckard’s story confirmed what the librarian and I had theorized. Other people could replace the role of my master without me being their slave. All I had to do was accept them as my superiors, see them as someone I had to obey.

It was a way, one that didn’t sit well with me, though.

That’s why I was surprised that it was Deckard, who had spent much of his life serving in the army, who was able to explain to me the other way around my problem. It still wasn’t what I was hoping for. In a sense, I still had to obey someone’s commands, but it was someone whose orders I believed were worth listening to. I could accept that.

One thought nagged at me more and more, though. If it mattered how I thought of others to be able to grow in strength, Couldn’t I have thought that of myself?

“Couldn’t I be my own master?” I said my thoughts aloud and caught Deckard off guard. “Be what?” he asked.

I cleared my throat, unsure if it was a stupid question. “Being my own master, not having to follow the orders of others. Isn’t that possible?”

“Well... that’s certainly an interesting thought,” he said, thinking about my crazy-sounding question, which could have been the key to my masterless future. “I don’t know, girl. What I told you is some experience I had with [Slaves]. I could tell you about my visits to brothels, but I guess you don’t want to hear about that, or am I wrong?”

When I shook my head, trying not to picture him in those establishments with these...ehm ladies, he continued reminiscing a bit. “I started out as a [fighter], nothing amazing, nothing special. At its core, my class is still a fighter. Anyway, when I was young... let’s say it took me a long time to realize that my class isn’t just about punching and kicking. 

“I’ve seen [Fighters] gain levels after defeating sicknesses that made them bedridden or one after she’s won an argument over her partner. These two fought a lot. So I say why not. Why shouldn’t it be possible?”

Was it? Could I be my own master? 

“But that is something you’ll have to figure out on your own,” Deckard said before adding a suggestion. “Or ask another [Slave].”

Yeah, I could. Unfortunately, the only slave I knew was Zoe from Broken Heart, a nice girl, just not someone I could imagine wanting to be her own master. Her interests were elsewhere. So I’ll either start looking for other people like me, or I’ll try to think about it myself. 

But where to start? Was it enough to think about the order, necessary to say it out loud, or did I have to write it down on paper? When I thought about it more, and given what I’ve been through here, it probably wasn’t as much about the order itself but the way I was thinking of myself after all. 

But that alone might be harder than it seemed. Right now I saw myself more as someone who had been wronged, someone who didn’t belong on Eleaden, longing to go home to my family, to be a florist again. I didn’t want to be a slave, I hated it, but that’s how the others saw me at first glance. It was hard to think of myself differently then, and even harder to see myself as my own master. Not impossible, I wasn’t giving up at the first sign of doubt, just too damn hard.

Of course, that’s assuming the system will allow it at all. Though, without trying, I won’t find out.

I looked at Deckard standing next to me, wanting to thank him for his insight. Yet, a grumpy growl that echoed through the clearing thwarted my intention and made me feel embarrassed. It was my empty stomach making itself known.

“Sorry,” I said to Deckard instead of thanking him.

“For what? For being hungry?” he asked, amused, letting me know that my apology was unnecessary. “You fought. You were healed. That’s a pretty big energy expenditure. The big guy knew why he made you eat that moss.”

Yeah, I looked at the fluffy lump of moss Esu had left behind for me and shuddered. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t that good either. The thought of eating more made me sick, though

“I...I can’t,” I said, stammering, thinking of how to ask Deckard if he’d give me something to eat, something other than moss, preferably meat.

He smirked. “I was wondering how long you would last eating...that.”

It almost sounded like he was taking bets on it. I, on the other hand, didn’t know what to say. How the bloody hell could I refuse Esu?! “Well, I...”

“Are you sure you can stomach something...heavier?” he asked, cutting me off and nodded behind us to my vomit. “It would be a damn shame if this ended the same way. Here.”

I could do nothing, but nod as a huge bone with roasted meat on it appeared in his hand. It almost felt like my instincts kicked in again when my stomach immediately growled and my mouth watered. As I took the meat from him, I lost control over my body and went at it like a beast. I just couldn’t help myself. 

The meat was hot, like it was just taken off the fire and spiced just to my liking. It wasn’t until I was halfway through that my senses returned, and I looked at Deckard with my marinade-stained mouth. 

“I’ll pay you,” I blurted out. I know, not the smartest thing to say, but the first thing I thought of.

“Not sure you can afford that. It’s twenty pieces of silver,” he said, making me choke. I looked in disbelief at the piece of meat on the bone I held in my hands, which was worth more than I had in my little hoard. What was so special about it? How was this different from the 18 copper meals at Broken Mug? Yes, it was delicious, but...

Seeing my puzzled expression, Deckard felt the need to explain the price. “Meat from the fiftieth floor of Fallens Cry, seasoning from the labyrinth too. Cooked by a chef after his first evolution. Pretty low price for a meal like this.”

I nodded, and even though I didn’t want to, I held out my hand with the meat, giving it back. “You were right. I can’t afford it.”

I just hoped Deckard would understand and accept the half-eaten meal back. It would be a significant hit to my savings, but the half I ate I was able to pay for.

He burst out laughing. “I don’t know what you’ve heard about me, but I’m not doing so badly that one meal would make me go broke. Finish it, and don’t worry about money.”

“Really?” I asked, wondering at his generosity. Twenty silvers was a fortune to me.

“Just eat,” he said, shaking his head and muttering something even my ears couldn’t pick up.

So ignoring that, I mumbled my thanks and quickly started eating again since I liked my meals hot, especially when it came to meat. However, I couldn’t get the money out of my head. My thoughts have drifted back to Earth because of it. Why? The dates were the only time men paid for my food, not counting my father. He was family.

Unable to resist a glance at Deckard, I wondered if this could be considered a date and quickly dismissed that ridiculous idea when I realized who he took me for, a girl. Embarrassed by my own thoughts, I sighed and shifted my thoughts back to food, hoping that, based on my body language, Deckard was unable to tell which way my thoughts were going.

Well, if he did, at least he had the decency not to mention it.

When only the bone was left in my hand, I couldn’t help but think about the value of it. It had to be worth something, as crafting material at least. But not wanting to embarrass myself any further, I threw it away...with a heavy heart, though.

Deckard offered me another piece, which I refused. I already felt indebted to him. The real reason was that I was full, though. Really. If I ate more, I wouldn’t be able to move, let alone fight the young mossbear I heard grumbling boredly nearby.

My glance at the beast didn’t escape Deckard. “Ready for more training?”

“I...I wouldn’t call it that,” I replied, already resigning myself to the inevitable, another round with the mossbear. “More like torture.”

He looked at the beast and then at me. “I don’t blame you.”

“What?” I asked, pausing at his agreeing remark. “I was expecting you to say something like, nah, I’ve been through worse ...or something like that.”

He chuckled at my attempt to imitate his gruff voice. “Being mauled by a beast three times my level over and over again? No, you won this one, girl.”

“Lucky me,” I muttered sarcastically, remembering what he called me earlier. Looking back at the mossbear, I knew I was going to need everything I had at my disposal, even the [Beast], and not just some partial change when I face it. Full beastification.

Yet before I did anything, I looked over at Esu, making sure he was still there, though he seemed to be still engaged in a debate with the mothers. It would be pretty bad if I went into battle, ended up on the verge of death, which was inevitable, and my healer was gone. Plus, who would stop that young mossbear from actually killing me.

My regeneration was good, but not enough to bring me back to life after being eaten. I only wanted to make sure that Esu was here, just in case. In the end, he was the one who told me to train when I was ready. 

I wasn’t. Not sure if I would ever be.

Even so, I took a deep quivering breath and let the [Beast] do its thing. I may have accepted what I was, but that didn’t mean my worries miraculously disappeared. They were still there. I found it easier, though. The change, I mean. Not so taxing on my body. Perhaps even faster. Before long, I found myself standing there, covered in fur again, with fangs in my mouth and claws on my hands.

“Are you sure you don’t want one more,” Deckard asked, seeing me licking my mouth clean of the marinade much more thoroughly now. Something I didn’t even realize I was doing. In response to his amusement, I merely growled in irritation and took firm steps towards the mossbear. 

To my challenge for another fight, the bored beast responded with vigor and enthusiasm. 

It was no wonder that this time the training started out very differently. From the very beginning, I found myself under the onslaught of its attacks and ended up on the defensive side sooner than I had ever been before. Not a position that was easy to get out of, if at all possible. Yet, it wasn’t what I was troubled by. My worries came from how my body was responding. 

I felt lighter, faster on my feet. My reactions were quicker and my movements more precise. Everything suddenly seemed...easier for some reason. It was almost like I’ve been moving through fog or wading through mud up until now. 

For a moment, I wondered if it was Deckard’s food. After all, in the games I played, quite often, the food gave buffs. Not sure if that was the case here, but with a twenty silvers meal cooked by a chef after the evolution, I wouldn’t be surprised.

When I asked through the union ring connection, his answer was firm and short. “No.” No explanations, remarks, or questions as to why I am asking. He was well aware I needed to focus on the fight, my training.

Which I should, of course.

Only I couldn’t. I kept wracking my brain, trying to figure out what was causing it, why my movements weren’t so stiff. And it wasn’t just my body. My skills too. They responded with less resistance, reacted faster to my thoughts. By the time I figured it out, it was too late, though. The young mossbear caught and mauled yet again. At that moment, I wished [Painless Agony] worked better like other skills, and maybe it did. It was just hard to tell with the passive skill that dampened the pain. After all, my skills weren’t stronger, despite how I felt, and it seemed to me.

It was no buff, just me.

My state of mind. If I had to put it into words, I felt more at ease than before, and there were two reasons for that. I choose not to burden myself with revenge right now, I was only hurting myself, and Deckard helped me see that. The second reason was a change in my race, or rather an acceptance of what I was, as my body remained utterly unchanged. I was still a mutant, hybrid, or as the system said human/beast, just not weighed down by my fear of going wild, not held back by worries about the changes to my body.

It was only in this struggle that I realized how strangely liberating it was, more than I thought possible. Not that it had any effect on the result of the fight, though. I inevitably ended up under the moss again, healed by Esu, who to my relief stopped the fight before his cub could kill me. 

This time Deckard didn’t approach me, didn’t try to divert my attention elsewhere. He simply didn’t see the need for it. I was no longer the crying girl mauled for the first time by a giant beast thinking she was gonna get eaten by moss.

So I lay there quietly under the stars, watching the two moons, observing my body regenerate, and checking notifications and stats.

 

(ding) Painless Agony reaches lvl 13

...

(ding) Tireless machine reaches lvl 15

(ding) Tireless machine reaches lvl 16

...

(ding) Swift as a Whip reaches lvl 14

...

..

.

And more followed.

When I looked, I was hit with far more notifications than I expected to get in two fights. In the end, I wasn’t ashamed to admit that I didn’t do very well in them. Seeing my skills grow in spite of that was quite a surprise, but it was one thing I was delighted to see.

 

Class Skills (6/6):

Indomitable Will (Passive V): lvl 118

Painless Agony (Passive II): lvl 12 -> lvl 13

Tireless Machine (Passive II): lvl 14 -> lvl 16

Swift as a Whip (Active II): lvl 13 -> lvl 14

Master’s Lover (Passive I): lvl 6

Master’s Shield (Active II): lvl 10 -> lvl 11

 

General Skills (8/8):

Eleaden Standard Language (Passive I): lvl 9

Perfect Equilibrium (Passive II): lvl 10 -> lvl 11

Spatial Domain (Passive II): lvl 12 -> lvl 13

Beast (Passive II): lvl 13 -> lvl 15

Never-Dying (Passive II): lvl 30 -> lvl 31

Tail of Poison Empress (Active II): lvl 10

Heart of Magic (Passive I): lvl 4 -> lvl 5

Inner Perception (Active I): lvl 9

 

Honestly, I started to question some of my skill decisions, especially [Master’s Lover]. It wasn’t a skill I could use in combat. But I knew I didn’t choose it because of that. It was because of my looks. I hated my mutations and hoped that I could get rid of them to some extent with this skill. A lot has changed since then.

I would still give anything to go back to my old self. At the same time, I couldn’t imagine not having Sage. I’d gotten used to my wings. And while my ears were often a nuisance, I could live with them. Having hair as thick as a mane was annoying when it got wet. Sleeping with antlers on my head took some getting used to. Well, that sort of happened. I’ve gotten used to it all.

Whether to change the skill and for what was the decision for another time, though.

I was happy to see that [Heart of Magic] has gained another level, although the idea of ever learning to use real magic was getting further and further away. I needed mana anyway, and it didn’t matter that I wasn’t a mage. That I couldn’t use [Tail of Poison Empress] for lack of it spoke for itself. It was a skill I needed. 

What puzzled me was [Inner Perception]. It had been a while since the skill had reached its level, and even though I used it constantly to check my injuries, it stayed where it was. It almost seemed like it lacked something to advance to the next tier. I just had no idea what it could be, what I should do. Check more thoroughly?

Though, it was something that also had to wait because as my training ended and the adrenaline faded from my body, exhaustion hit me. The fact that I was now lying on the ground under a blanket of moss only made my eyes all the more heavier.