Chapter 105: 103: Miss me!?
The domain of Mr. Nobody was unlike anything conceivable by mortal minds—or even most immortal ones, for that matter.
A swirling canvas of impossible colours and geometric nonsense, it defied logic, laughed in the face of physics, and outright ignored causality.
Stairs led to nowhere, clocks melted upward, and somewhere in the background, a kazoo orchestra played Beethoven's Symphony No. 9.
In the middle of this organized chaos was Mr. Nobody himself, lounging on a floating chaise longue that occasionally turned into a rowboat for no discernible reason.
He was mid-ramble, gesturing wildly with a bowl of popcorn in one hand and a rubber chicken in the other.
"And they said I was too weird for Doom Patrol! Too strange, too offbeat, too 'meta,'" he scoffed, munching on a piece of popcorn.
"But what do they know, eh? I mean, I'm the guy who literally narrated the apocalypse! And I did it with flair."
(A/N: Honestly, Doom Patrol was a shit-show and a disaster of a plot. Not to mention the characters, utter shite. I only like Mr Nobody and Ezekiel (The preaching cockroach).
He leaned forward, addressing an invisible audience. "You see, the problem with existence these days is that no one appreciates a good fourth-wall break anymore.
It's all multiverses this, time travel that. But me? I'm a classic! A disruptor! The Picasso of pandemonium! And yet, here I am—benched! Left out of the cosmic game like some two-bit extra!"
He paused, his eyes narrowing dramatically. "It's a travesty, is what it is."
Suddenly, he turned his gaze upward—or maybe inward—directly addressing the author.
"You! Yes, you, the one writing this nonsense! Don't think I don't see you there, twiddling away at your keyboard like some omnipotent Hemingway.
I know you're there, pulling the strings, crafting the narrative, making the universe dance to your tune."
He dropped the rubber chicken, clasping his hands together in mock desperation. "Come on, pal. Throw me a bone here! Put me back in the game! Imagine the chaos, the drama, the ratings! I'll be the cherry on your cosmic sundae.
The spice in your dimensional stew. You can't just leave me here talking to myself—it's cruel!"
He leaned closer, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "And let's be honest, you need me. You've got Darkseid and Thanos duking it out like a couple of grumpy dads at a PTA meeting, but where's the pizzazz? The unpredictability? That's where I come in."
Before Mr. Nobody could continue his impassioned plea, a portal burst open in the middle of his domain.
Out stepped Deadpool, holding an adamantium skeleton in one hand and wearing a Wolverine mask over his own.
"Ta-da!" Deadpool exclaimed, throwing his arms wide. "Guess who's back from the cinematic graveyard? That's right, it's your boy! And look what I brought!" He held up the skeleton triumphantly.
"A little souvenir from the Deadpool and Wolverine movie. Don't ask how I got it. Let's just say Hugh wasn't using it anymore."
Mr. Nobody blinked, clearly thrown off his rhythm. "Deadpool? What in the name of nonsensical cameos are you doing here?"
"Funny you should ask, my abstract amigo," Deadpool said, pulling off the Wolverine mask to reveal his usual red-and-black one underneath. "I was just wrapping up the best crossover movie of all time—seriously, the ending? Pure cinematic gold.
There were explosions, claws, and me, of course, being awesome. And then I thought, 'Hey, I haven't annoyed Mr. Nobody in a while. Let's fix that!'"
Deadpool turned his attention upward—or maybe inward—just as Mr. Nobody had. "Hey, Writer Guy! When am I getting my big entrance in this story, huh? I mean, sure, I've popped up here and there, but where's the spotlight? The Deadpool Moment™? You can't have a multiversal crisis without me. It's in the contract!"
Mr. Nobody crossed his arms, glaring at the mercenary. "Excuse me, but I was in the middle of a heartfelt monologue!"
"Oh, please," Deadpool shot back. "Your monologues are about as heartfelt as a used car salesman's pitch. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm trying to secure my place in this narrative masterpiece."
The two bickered for a moment, their overlapping dialogue creating an incomprehensible cacophony of insults, pop culture references, and bizarre metaphors.
Amidst the chaos, Mr. Nobody suddenly froze, his eyes widening. "Wait a second... What's that?"
Deadpool stopped mid-rant, turning to follow Nobody's gaze. "What's what? Did I miss a post-credits scene?"
Nobody gestured toward a swirling window of reality that had appeared in his domain. Through it, they could see the battle between Darkseid and Thanos unfolding in all its destructive glory.
The sight of the two titans clashing was awe-inspiring, their blows sending shockwaves through the cosmos.
"Oh-ho-ho!" Nobody exclaimed, rubbing his hands together. "Now that's what I'm talking about! Pure, unfiltered chaos. I have to be there!"
Deadpool nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, that's cool and all, but are we just gonna ignore how ripped Thanos is? Dude's been hitting the gym hard. Respect."
Nobody ignored him, turning his attention back to the author. "You see this? This is my calling! Let me in, boss. I'll spice things up, add some flair. I promise I won't derail the plot too much."
There was a long pause, as if the author was considering the request. Finally, Mr. Nobody grinned. "Yes! I knew you couldn't resist."
In a flash, Mr. Nobody found himself on Sanctuary II, perched on a piece of floating debris as Darkseid and Thanos continued their epic battle. He was dressed in a dapper tuxedo, holding a bag of popcorn that never seemed to empty.
He cleared his throat loudly, drawing the attention of both titans. "Hullo, gentlemen! Don't mind me, just enjoying the show. Quite the spectacle, really."
Darkseid and Thanos froze, their gazes locking onto the intruder. The tension was palpable, the battlefield falling silent as the two titans tried to make sense of what they were seeing.
Mr. Nobody smiled, raising his popcorn in a mock toast.
"Carry on, don't let little ol' me interrupt."
"..."
"..."
!!!
The tension was thick as Darkseid and Thanos turned their gazes toward the tuxedo-clad chaos-bringer, Mr. Nobody.
He lounged on his makeshift perch, munching popcorn with exaggerated enthusiasm, seemingly oblivious to the destruction around him.
"Well," Nobody said, throwing a piece of popcorn into the air and catching it in his mouth, "don't let me interrupt, boys. Please, carry on! I haven't seen this level of drama since the last Bachelor finale."
He gestured grandly with both hands. "Go ahead. Punch, kick, vaporize—it's all very riveting."
Darkseid's glowing eyes narrowed. He had encountered Mr. Nobody before, and the memories were... less than pleasant.
"Enough," he said, his deep, gravelly voice cutting through the silence like a blade. "I will not be a pawn in your games."
Thanos, gripping his gauntlet adorned with three Infinity Stones, seemed equally wary. He remained silent, his eyes darting between Darkseid and Nobody, calculating his next move.
Nobody tilted his head, feigning surprise. "Games? Oh, come now, Darkseid. Life's a game, and I'm just the charming commentator! But if you're not going to fight anymore, at least tell me why. You were just getting to the good part."
Darkseid straightened, his towering form radiating menace. "Your meddling is tiresome. Speak your purpose, or I'll erase you."
Nobody smirked, unimpressed. "You'd think that, wouldn't you? But spoiler alert, I'm not exactly 'erasable.'" He tapped the side of his head.
"Fourth-wall perks and all that. Now, let's get down to brass tacks."
(A/N: You can't destroy a fourth wall being, not even Darius can do so)
Nobody stood up on his perch, spreading his arms wide as though addressing a captivated audience. "Look, fellas, I can't help but feel a little... disappointed in you both. Here you are, two of the most powerful beings in existence, slugging it out like a couple of kids on a playground. For what? Ego? Revenge? A shiny rock collection?"
Thanos's jaw tightened at the jab about his stones, but he said nothing.
Nobody continued, his voice dripping with mock sorrow. "You're wasting your potential, gents. Instead of fighting each other, you could be doing something truly spectacular. Something... monumental."
Darkseid crossed his arms, his gaze unyielding. "Enough riddles. Speak plainly."
Nobody grinned, sensing an opening. "Alright, fine. Here's the pitch: you two join forces. Team up. Become the ultimate dynamic duo of doom." He pointed dramatically at Thanos.
"You want your precious Infinity Stones? Fine, grab them and go."
He turned to Darkseid. "And you, you want Earth and all its pesky little mortals? Have at it! It's a win-win!"
Thanos's expression darkened. "You suggest I share my conquest?" His voice was calm, but the underlying threat was unmistakable. "I bow to no one."
Darkseid's lips curled into a slight sneer. "Nor do I."
Nobody clapped his hands, looking positively delighted. "Oh, the egos in this room! It's like a cosmic soap opera. But let's be real, you're both smart enough to see the benefits. Why waste resources fighting each other when you could pool your strengths? Think of the efficiency! The terror you'd inspire! And more importantly, the screen time."
Darkseid's gaze shifted to Thanos, his expression unreadable. "What say you, Titan? Are you willing to set aside your arrogance for a greater purpose?"
Thanos remained silent, his mind racing. He despised the idea of compromise, but he also knew that a prolonged battle with Darkseid would be costly.
"And what guarantees do I have that you won't betray me the moment you take Earth?"
Darkseid's eyes glowed ominously. "The same guarantee I have that you won't betray me once you obtain the Stones."
Nobody interjected, holding up his hands like a referee. "Alright, alright, let's not get bogged down in the trust issues. Here's a fun idea: you don't have to trust each other! Just use each other until you get what you want. That's how all the great alliances work!"
The silence that followed was heavy, broken only by the crackling of distant fires on the ruined battlefield.
Finally, Darkseid stepped forward, his massive form casting an imposing shadow over Thanos.
"I accept your proposal," Darkseid said, his voice rumbling like distant thunder. "But before we proceed..."
Without warning, Darkseid's fist shot out, connecting with Thanos's jaw with a bone-shaking CRACK. The force of the blow sent the Titan skidding backward, carving a trench in the ground as he struggled to regain his footing.
Thanos wiped the blood from his lip, glaring at Darkseid.
"Was that necessary?"
Darkseid's lips curled into a grim smirk. "Consider it payment for your insolence."
Nobody let out a dramatic gasp, clutching his chest. "Oh, the drama! The tension! This is better than I imagined. You two are going to be so much fun to watch."
Thanos straightened, his composure returning. "Very well," he said, his tone icy.
"Let us proceed with your plan, Mr. Nobody. But make no mistake—this alliance will not last beyond its usefulness."
Darkseid nodded, his expression as stern as ever. "Agreed."
Nobody clapped his hands, beaming. "Now that's what I like to see! Cooperation, compromise, and a healthy dose of mutual disdain. You two are going to make history."
As the two titans stood in uneasy alliance, the chaos-bringer chuckled to himself, savoring the chaos he had wrought. Somewhere in the depths of the cosmos, the balance of power was shifting, and Mr. Nobody was at the center of it all.
"Let's get this show on the road," he said, grinning. "Earth won't know what hit it."
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[Mr Nobody IMAGE-->]
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