Inescapable Escapism

I leapt out of my chair so quickly that I almost fell when the bus started moving again. It was slow though, really slow. Were we there? Were we at the academy? Something had called me back into this world, something had been reaching out to me, it had to be that. We had to be at the school.

I walked towards the screens on the window, my hands and face pressed against it as if I’d somehow be able to see through if I got close enough. I couldn’t though, I could just see the video of a road passing by. But that didn’t stop me from being excited. I was so hopeful, so filled with anticipation. We had to be there, right? It was morning, Ms Brice said that we’d be there in the morning.

The bus stopped again but I didn’t move. I couldn’t. My eyes were fixed on the window, trying desperately to see something, anything. But nothing changed. The video didn’t even stop.

A beeping noise from behind me startled me and I whipped around, staring at the iPad with wide eyes. There was something on it, a notification that had popped up. I moved towards it cautiously, worried that it would be telling me that we had to take another detour or that something had happened and we’d never actually get to the Academy. Maybe it was all just a joke and they had gotten bored of it. Maybe I was about to be dropped off at the side of the road or murdered.

I mean, it all looked legitimate. They had badges from the government, paperwork too, and they knew so much about me. How would they know so much if it wasn’t real? Of course, it wasn’t really real, it was just a fantasy or whatever but… how else would they know?

My eyes scanned the message, having to read it multiple times before the words finally sunk in.

“Please ensure you have all of your belongings, a member of the team will be through to collect you shortly,” I read under my breath, hoping that hearing the words out loud would help them sink in.

I had been so hopeful, so ready, but I almost couldn’t believe it was happening. My time trapped in the tiny room was almost over and then… Then I’d be free. Well, maybe not free but almost. I’d be in the induction wing, being tested or whatever they’d said. I probably wouldn’t be able to leave that part of the school but it had to be better than just being stuck in my room on the bus.

I was strangely excited about what was to come, nervous too but excited. I didn’t know much about the tests, obviously. They’d mentioned that I needed to have medical tests, blood tests too, and something about assessing my education so far and I didn’t know what to make of that but I assumed it would be fine. My grades at school were okay so surely, it wouldn’t be that bad, right? They couldn’t be enough to get me kicked out, at least.

Suddenly, I realised that there had been instructions on the iPad. I had read them and then immediately gotten distracted by my thoughts. Looking around the room, panic started to build in me. Most of my things were still in my bag or near it, I hadn’t had much need to take anything out, but it wasn’t exactly packed.

Throwing myself towards my suitcase, I started grabbing my stuff and shoving items in at random. It was mostly clothes, pyjamas, so it didn’t take long but my heart was racing the whole time. I stood and stared around my room, turning slowly as I tried to work out if there was anything else I needed to pack.

My gaze fell on the sink. I had forgotten my toothbrush and the dry shampoo they’d given me. Grabbing them before crouching by my bag again, I paused. Should I pack the dry shampoo? I wasn’t sure. They’d given it to me but then it might have just been to use whilst I was on the bus and not to take away with me. But then, I wasn’t going away, I was going into the school and they’d said that they would provide me with everything that I needed so maybe it was mine to keep.

Would it be rude to just assume that I could keep it? Or was it worse to leave it? If it was a gift, then I should keep it and, if I were to leave it, then it would make more work for them because they’d need to clean up after me. I chewed my lip. I knew that I was overthinking things, it was just a mini can of dry shampoo, but I was still worried. I wanted them to like me at the academy, I needed to play by the rules and not get into trouble.

Slipping it back onto the edge of the sink, I zipped my case up and stood again. Glancing at my reflection above the mirror, I lifted my hands to smooth my hair. I looked like I had spent the last few days locked in a tiny room on the bus and not showered but there wasn’t much I could do about that.

I pulled my hair back into a high ponytail. That was a bit better, not perfect but it would do. I looked in the mirror once more before starting to pull my shoes on just as a noise came from the door. It had been unlocked. My heart began to race again and I grabbed my suitcase, pulling the handle up and dragging it closer to me as I stared at the door.

Anxiety wracked me and it felt like it took a full minute for the door to open but finally, it did.

“Hello, Grace,” Ms Brice said with a smile. “Ah, I see you’re all packed. Fantastic! Shall we?”

She cocked her head, gesturing for me to follow her, before starting along the narrow corridor. I stepped forwards and out of the room, before jumping. I don’t know why but I didn’t expect there to be anyone else out there. Ms Brice had said that there were others on the bus, I was pretty sure, but I just didn’t think I’d actually get to see them.

I smiled awkwardly at the girl. She seemed to be waiting for me to go out in front of her but I still wasn’t quite sure what to do. Ms Brice was almost at the front of the bus, I needed to make a decision. I squeezed out of the room and started along the corridor, trying not to overthink everything, but luckily, I was distracted before long.

“Wow,” I breathed, coming to a stop.

I could see just a tiny amount of the school through the front window of the bus but it looked incredible. I hurried to keep moving so that I could see more of it, jumping down the steps of the bus.

Turning in a slow circle, I tried to take everything in. I was standing in a square courtyard, I realised, and it was beautiful and huge. The building around us was made of a dark red brick that looked old and perfectly preserved but there was a gate built into one wall. It was a solid sheet of metal with a strangely intricate swirling pattern on it, meaning that I couldn’t see through it to whatever lay on the other side.

A soft babbling sound caught my attention and I turned again, my eyes falling on the giant fountain in the centre of the courtyard. I almost laughed. In the middle of it, shaded by a tall tree, was a statue of a man holding a gun. Water poured from the end of the weapon, tumbling into the pool below. He was dressed in a suit and everything. It looked ridiculous, like a spy from a movie or something.

But, at the same time, it made me almost wistful. Was it meant to make me feel like that? Maybe it was meant to be aspirational. Like I should look at it and think about the future and the fact that, one day, that could be me. I probably wouldn’t be wearing a suit, but I could still be like the man.

“Wow,” the other girl breathed as she climbed out of the bus.

The boy behind her looked shocked too, awestruck almost.

“Welcome to the Academy,” Ms Brice said, a smile on her face as she watched us.

I was suddenly filled with such longing, such a strong need to belong. I wanted to stay in the school so much and I’d never really felt that way before. It almost reminded me of how I felt when I was talking to Mitch about treasure hunting. It seemed so farfetched, so strange. I couldn’t believe my luck that it was happening to me and that I was actually… wanted. Mitch had wanted me to stay with him, to work with him, and I had wanted to as well. I didn’t want to leave. It felt like I could stay there, actually be happy.

No. I couldn’t think about that, I couldn’t think about him and what had happened. It would make me too curious and if I became curious, I’d go back. Not knowing if he was alive was so much better than knowing that he was dead and that I had caused it.

Even that thought filled me with dread and made me shaky because what if he was dead? I’d caused the death of the first person who actually seemed to care about me, who actually wanted me around. I knew that my dad wanted me around and cared about me but he was so exhausted from working all the time and putting up with my mom. I barely got to see him.

“You can leave your bags there, if you want, and I’ll take you on a quick tour,” Ms Brice said as she checked her watch. “We have… eight minutes before I need to leave for a meeting so we’ll need to walk fast.”

She turned and took off towards the large glass doors without waiting for our response. I hurried after her, hesitating for just a moment before entering to glance back at the bus.

It hadn’t moved. I was almost hoping that it would so that I’d be able to get a glimpse of the school outside of the gates. That was probably intentional though, for security or whatever. Something told me they wouldn’t want us to leave but, at the same time, I didn’t care. I didn’t want to leave. I needed to stay.

Looking away, I followed Ms Brice into the school. Cool air hit me immediately, making me feel more comfortable. It had been warm outside and the temperature inside was perfect. It felt fresh too, somehow. I wasn’t sure if it was just because I’d been on the bus for so long but it felt great.

The corridor was spacious and well-lit, even though there were dark wood panels covering the bottom half of the walls. The white and black tiles clacked under Ms Brice’s heels and she didn’t look back to see if we were following, I think that she just knew we would be. And she was right. I raced after her, the other two people following closely behind as Ms Brice came to a stop outside a closed door.

“As you know, this is just the induction wing. You won’t be here forever, of course, just until you’re approved to move into the rest of the school,” she explained.

“What do we need to do for that to happen?” the girl asked, her tone excited.

“Normally, you need to pass all of the medical exams, finish your educational testing and show a dedication and aptitude for learning,” Ms Brice said, her tone making it sound a lot more straight forwards than it felt.

“And what happens if we don’t?” the boy questioned. “Like, what if I fail the medical or something?”

Ms Brice smiled kindly.

“The chances of that happening are extremely slim due to our rigorous recruitment procedure but, if for some reason we do determine that you are not well suited to stay at the academy, you won’t be sent home,” she said, causing relief to wash through me. “You’ll be enrolled in a private boarding school somewhere in the country, paid for by the department, of course. We’ll still supply you with everything you need and once you graduate, we’ll assist with university costs. Just because you’re not ready to join the department now doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to join later!”

Her tone was light, matter of fact almost. Like us joining was an inevitability, something we couldn’t avoid even if we wanted to. I didn’t want to though and it was almost reassuring to hear her say that. It made me worry less about failing and being kicked out.

I still worried about it, obviously, but I worried less.

“But that doesn’t matter right now, we can focus on our tour instead! Here, we have the gym,” Ms Brice said, pushing open the doors so that we could peer in at the well-equipped room. “You don’t need to use it, obviously, but we do expect everyone to have a good base level of fitness. You’ll learn more about that once you start training, however!”

She started walking again, forcing us to look away and rush after her again. Even though she had said that we didn’t need to, part of me wanted to immediately run into the room and try out all of the equipment. I’d never really spent much time in a gym before so I wasn’t even sure how to use any of it but there had been diagrams on the wall which had to make it easier.

Everything just seemed so shiny and high tech which made me want to play with it. Ms Brice had already moved on though and was now halfway down the hall. She stopped outside another room. The soft babble of voices reached out to us through the closed door, broken by the peal of occasional laughter.

“This is the kitchen,” she told us. “I won’t open the door just yet because I believe some of your cohorts are in there at the moment and I don’t want to interrupt. All of your meals will be served in here and they’ll all be cooked by one of our chefs. You can help yourself to anything that’s in the fridge at any point throughout the day, however. We do ask that you clean up after yourself. It’s very important to us that you show responsibility and respect for your fellow cohorts.”

She sent us a look that felt almost like a warning and I found myself nodding as she took off down the hall again. My mind was spinning, trying to keep up with everything that I was learning and where everything was. It all looked the same though. Each corridor was bright and open but unmarked. The windows were blocked, covered with plastic that made it impossible to see through but still let in a lot of light.

The rest of the tour happened too quickly. We passed classrooms, medical rooms, a gun range and even more rooms that left me feeling lost and out of place. There was just so much going on, so many rooms, and I knew that I’d immediately forget where everything was. My excitement was fading, being replaced with apprehension. It all started to feel very real and that filled me with dread. I was scared, worried about what I was going to learn and what was going to be expected of me even though just a few minutes before I had been so excited.

“And, that concludes our tour,” Ms Brice said as she came to a stop at the top of the stairs, glancing at her watch. “I don’t have time to show you to your dorms unfortunately but if you follow this corridor, you’ll find your dorm, Grace and Abbie. If you go that way, you’ll find yours, Scott. Your names should be on the door and inside you’ll find an itinerary. Have a great day.”

She started back down the stairs before we could say anything else and for a moment, we didn’t speak. I didn’t know what to say. It was so awkward and felt so strange to stand still with nothing to do after rushing through the building. I glanced at the other two. I hadn’t really had a chance to look at them before but I did now.

Abbie, I think Ms Brice had called her, was tiny. She barely came up to my shoulders and she was a thin wisp of a person. Her brown curly hair had been pulled back from her face and it was clear that she hadn’t been sleeping well on the bus. Dark circles marked the skin under her eyes, the colour so deep they looked like shadows.

The boy, Scott, didn’t seem to have coped much better. He didn’t have bags under his eyes but he picked nervously at his nails, his gaze darting around the corridor as if he expected someone to jump out. Maybe, like me, he still wasn’t sure that this was real. It felt too good to be true, even though it was overwhelming.

“We should probably go to our rooms, right?” Abbie said, looking down the hall.

“Yeah,” I replied, chewing my lip.

I was excited to see what our rooms were like but at the same time, I didn’t want to. There might be other people in there. Ms Brice said that it was a dorm which made it seem like there would be others. I was scared. What if they didn’t like me? What if they were rude or if they thought I was weird? I didn’t really have any friends, especially not in this world. I didn’t know what to do or how to have friends.

“Cool!” Abbie said with a wide grin, showing off the gap between her front teeth.

She didn’t move though and it took me a minute to realise that she was waiting for me, that she wanted me to go first. I sucked in a deep breath and glanced at Scott who was still picking at his nails.

“I guess we’ll see you later,” I told him awkwardly.

He didn’t reply, he just nodded before beginning to shuffle down the hall towards his dorm. I watched him go for a moment, trying to find any excuse not to start walking. I was just scared but I knew it was stupid. I had been recruited to be a spy, I couldn’t be scared. Who wanted a cowardly spy?

That thought gave me the courage to move. I started down the hall, my eyes scanning the names on the doors. Each name was etched onto an individual gold nameplate and slid onto a holder on the door. It was a strange thing to notice but it gave me pause. It felt both permanent and temporary. Like they’d gone to the effort of having them made but they were also prepared to take our names away, to slide them out and pretend we didn’t exist, if anything happened.

That wouldn’t happen, I tried to reassure myself. I was just being ridiculous. I wasn’t sure if I truly believed that but it didn’t matter. I had found our dorm. The shiny nameplates read ‘Katie’, ‘Abbie’ and ‘Grace’. There was space for a fourth name.

“Is this us?” Abbie asked from behind me, craning her head to try and see the label.

“Yeah,” I said, my voice surprisingly quiet.

Abbie let out a squeal.

“Let’s go! I can’t wait to see our room!” she cried.

My lips pulled up into a reluctant smile, half due to her excitement and half because I knew that our roommate, Katie, might be in the room. Surely, entering with a glare would be a bad first impression. Satisfied that my smile wasn’t too manic, I pushed the door open.

My eyes immediately found the girl inside. She was standing with her back to us, bent over her suitcase. Her blonde hair had been pushed to one side and cascaded towards the floor in a shiny waterfall. She must have heard the door opening because she looked back at me and smiled.

“Hi!” she said, straightening up. “You must be either Grace or Abbie, right?”

For a moment, I couldn’t speak. She was so pretty and she radiated confidence. She looked like every popular girl in my school but she was actually speaking to me. Crap, she had spoken to me. I hadn’t answered her and now I was just staring at her blankly. Even my mouth was open. I hastened to close it and swallowed.

I felt so dumb and out of place, unused to someone like her talking to me. But, I realised slowly, she didn’t need to know that. I could pretend. In this world, I could make her and the others believe that I really was confident. It didn’t matter what had happened before, I could have just been in shock. Now, I could be a popular girl.

“Yeah, I’m Grace. This is Abbie,” I said, stepping into the room and gesturing at Abbie who stared at Katie too.

I smiled wider, trying to copy the expression that Katie had on her face.

“Awesome, it’s nice to meet you both. I’m Katie, obviously. You probably read that on the door, right?” she asked with an easy laugh.

I pushed myself to join in.

“Yeah. It’s lovely to meet you. Have you been here long?”

“No, no, I got here at like three am. I barely got a chance to have a tour and then I just showered and crashed. I took this bed, by the way,” Katie said, pointing to the rumpled bed in the centre of the room.

I finally looked away from her, glancing at her bed before looking around the room. It was huge. Three double beds lined the room with a bedside table next to each one with a folder on. The bedding was dark blue and without even touching it, I knew that it would be soft. I longed to sink into the one on the right side, by the window, but I knew that if I did, I wouldn’t get up again. I’d just sleep. I had slept so much on the bus and barely moved but I still craved more.

“I’ll take this bed,” I said, walking towards the one by the window before looking back at Abbie. “If you don’t mind, that is?”

“No, that’s fine,” she replied.

I smiled and stopped at the end of the bed, looking at the window. It was covered in the same plastic as the windows downstairs so I couldn’t see out but I didn’t care. It still made me feel free.