In This Life, The Greatest Star In The Universe

Chapter 44

Those words hit me hard in the chest.

How lonely must he have been to say that he wished today would never end with a board game in his hands?

I couldn’t imagine it, since I was always surrounded by people.

A body that couldn’t run and play with other kids.

What was it like to feel so lonely, assembling Lego or reading books, waiting for someone to come like he was now?

The game ended and Minjun tried to get up.

“Mom, I need to go to the bathroom.”

His mother was about to get up, but his father stopped her.

“Honey, you rest. I’ll take him.”

He got up and carefully walked Minjun to the bathroom, holding his hand.

Minjun looked uncomfortable as he walked. I asked his mother.

“Is it hard for him to walk?”

“He’s been on a new medication lately. It’s so strong that his feet are swollen.”

“You must be worried and exhausted.”

“Nah, I’m fine. My husband and kids help me a lot, so I can manage.”

She smiled bravely. 

Our conversation was interrupted by a nurse who came to check her blood pressure. 

Minjun’s mother chatted with the nurse and gave her an apple.

“These kids are in an idol group with my son. Say hello.”

“Hello.”

We had a brief signing time without intending to.

It was one of those moments when I realized I was a celebrity.

I watched her talk to the nurse and asked Minjun.

“You’re very close. Is she his doctor?”

“No, we just met.”

“Wow, you’re very friendly.”

The two youngest cleaned up the board game and made the bed while Minjun came back from the bathroom.

He looked like he was struggling to stand, leaning his hand on the wall.

“Dad, I’ll rest a bit and then walk.”

“Can you walk?”

“Yes.”

His father waited patiently while Jung-hyun walked over to Minjun.

“I’ll help you.”

He gently picked up Minjun and carried him to the bed.

He tucked him in and Minjun smiled comfortably.

“Jung-hyun is really good to me.”

“Minjun likes me more than you.”

Minjun joked and sat next to his brother on the bed, tapping his cheek.

They looked like a couple putting their child to sleep.

I smiled as I watched them, and Minjun’s mother handed me a fork with an apple.

Hmm. How many did I eat today?

I think I’ll skip apples for a while.

***

Hospital hallway.

A colleague asked a nurse who was walking with a bright smile.

“Kim, why are you so happy?”

“You know room 3, right? There’s a really pretty boy there.”

“Oh, there?”

He was very handsome, the colleague agreed. 

The nurse looked around and lowered her voice.

“He’s a celebrity, you know.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah. I talked to his guardian and he’s an idol. He’s one of the ones who sang Something.”

“Something? I’ve never heard of it.”

“It’s a very popular song among young people. A few days ago, Bae sang it at karaoke.”

“Oh, that one? Wow. I’ve seen him often, but I didn’t know that.”

“And he was on TV, too.”

She searched on her smartphone and showed him a clip from Music Cafe.

“All five of them are here?”

“Yeah. They came to visit him.”

“I have to get my daughter’s autograph later. How are they? Are they rude or anything because they’re celebrities?”

“They’re so cute. They even gave me their autographs.”

As the nurses chatted, a resident passed by and stuck his head in.

“What are you talking about?”

“Doctor, come here.”

The resident showed interest in their story. He knew they were idols, but he didn’t know they were a boy group until later.

“Ah, a boy group? I’m not interested in men. By the way, what’s their group name?”

“New… wait a second. Oh, it’s written here. New Black.”

“New Black?”

The resident tilted his head.

“Isn’t that them?”

“Them?”

“The ones that Professor Choi used to talk about.”

The senior nurse thought for a moment and then exclaimed with the same expression.

“Did Professor Choi come to work today?”

“He must have.”

“Later, you should casually mention it to the teacher. He’ll come running right away.”

In the meantime, the nurse who got the autograph was confused.

“Does Professor Choi like idols?”

“You don’t know, do you?”

The senior nurse said with a meaningful tone.

“There’s someone special in that group.”

***

After Minjun fell asleep, the five of us chatted with Bi-ju’s parents about various things.

“Oh, we’re almost out of apples.”

We all sighed in relief at the mother’s words.

“Honey, should I go buy some more?”

“There’s no need. I’ll just ask Bi-ju to buy some. Bi-ju, your mom will give you some money, so please buy some snacks and apples for your friends at the hospital mart. And while you’re at it, stop by the pharmacy and get some cooling patches for Minjun’s forehead.”

“Okay, I’ll do that.”

“I’ll go with you.”

I volunteered before the two youngest ones, who were waiting for the right timing, could say anything. Unlike Jung-hyun, who happily accepted the apples, they were suffering from the constant apple attack and couldn’t refuse.

As we left the ward, I said.

“Your mom really likes apples.”

“That’s my mom’s best way of expressing her love.”

Bi-ju smiled and said.

“She grew up in an orchard house, but her grandfather only gave fruits to her uncle when she was young. If her grandmother or aunts tried to eat an apple, he would scold them terribly, so she only got to eat one on her birthday.”

“That’s really a way of expressing love.”

We chatted as we arrived at the mart in the basement.

“Bi-ju, can I ask you something?”

“Yes. Anything.”

I looked at the apples in the refrigerated display and asked.

“What’s the problem with Minjun?”

“Problem?”

“You said he’s been fighting the disease for almost five years. But your complexion only got worse recently.”

“No, I was fine.”

He pretended not to know, so I took out my phone. I opened the memo app and read the contents.

“April 27th. Bi-ju confused the days and ironed the kids’ uniforms on their day off. Ji-ho was happy. May 3rd. Bi-ju was spacing out again today. He made the same mistake over and over, and got scolded by the trainer. Ri-hyuk was relieved.”

“What’s that?”

“A diary and a leader’s observation log, let’s say.”

I put down my phone and looked at Bi-ju’s face. His eyes were filled with fear and despair. I raised my voice.

“So what’s the problem?”

“Minjun’s condition has gotten worse recently. He might need another surgery.”

“What?”

I threw away the nonchalant tone.

“What do you mean?”

“Minjun’s condition has gotten worse recently. He might need another surgery.”

Bi-ju sighed and clenched his chest. 

There were tears in his eyes.

“It’s complicated. There’s the surgery fee and the chemotherapy fee. You might not know, but our family is not well off. Even if my dad and sister make money, it’s like pouring water into a leaky jar. It all goes to Minjun’s treatment.”

“…”

“And we can’t even choose who will do the surgery. The professors are all booked up. I want to get it done by a famous and good professor, even if I have to go into debt, but honestly, I doubt Minjun can hold on until then.”

Bi-ju’s face was gloomy.

“What’s the problem, hyung?”

“Huh? …Oh.”

“Everything is a problem. My brother who’s been suffering for over five years and living in hell every day. My mom who can’t even go to a normal gathering because she’s taking care of him. My dad who works as a driver after he gets off work. My sister who gave up her dream and does a job she doesn’t like for the sake of us.”

I felt like the things I had kept in my chest were slowly coming out.

Bi-ju in front of me was unfamiliar.

He always smiled and was always calm. 

What was inside him was completely different from what I expected.

If he was comfortable, he would only whisper his feelings in the middle of pouring them out.

“Sometimes I hate Minjun so much it gives me goosebumps. When he has a fever and reaches out to me, saying, ‘Hyung, save me,’ it looks disgusting to me.”

“…”

“I don’t know. I’m sick of it now.”

If the word ‘sick of it’ had a shape, it would have been crushed beyond recognition by Bi-ju’s mouth.

“I endured it for five years. I believed that things would get better next year. That he would be cured and we could all live happily. But…”

Bi-ju continued his story.

What had happened since Minjun got sick.

How hard his father was after he failed in business. How much white hair his mother had grown. Why his sister, who wanted to go to law school, became a tutor.

And how much his heart ached every time.

His calm voice was revealing his pain.

“I don’t know, hyung. What do I do if Minjun leaves me like this?”

His eyes were stained like paint.

I looked into Bi-ju’s eyes quietly.

He looked scared like a lost child.

I wondered what to say.

Something optimistic like ‘It’ll be okay, it’ll work out.’

Some comfort like ‘It’s not your fault.’ Some cliché like ‘I empathize with you.’ But none of them were close to the truth in my heart.

I decided to just be honest.

“Nobody knows what will happen.”

Like when my parents died in a plane crash on my seventh birthday.

“Sometimes things just happen. Sometimes they’re really lucky, sometimes they’re horribly painful. You can’t think ‘why?’ in those situations. It won’t help.”

“…”

“Because it’s not your fault.”

I opened my lips to Bi-ju, who was listening quietly.

“I want to tell you that everything will be fine, but that would be a lie. I don’t know what will come. It’s like standing by the sea. Sometimes there’s a gentle breeze. Sometimes a wave crashes in.”

“Is that so.”

Bi-ju sighed.

“Then what should I do…”

“Do what you want to do.”

I said.

“But the important thing is that no matter what you go through, we’ll be there for you. …Well, it might sound cheesy, but you’re not alone. We have to stick together from now on.”

We’ll be there for you.

Whether the wave hits or the breeze tickles, we’ll be happy and sad with you by your side. 

That was what I meant.

It was a shallow comfort, but it seemed to work.

“Thank you.”

Bi-ju smiled faintly.

He looked much more stable than before, so I was relieved and smiled back.

“Shall we go? You picked everything, right?”

“Oh, I haven’t picked the apples yet.”

“Hmm… Let’s see. Buy this one.”

“This one?”

“I go to the market with grandma all the time, so I know apples well.”

“There’s a wormhole here.”

“…Grandma usually picked them. Let’s buy the one you picked before.”

I sighed as I saw Bi-ju finally laugh.

I should buy a tissue or something on the way.

***

An awkward silence.

“Hyung.”

“Yeah?”

“That… I mean, the things we talked about at the mart earlier. Could you please forget about them?”

“I don’t know. Maybe if I had a device like the one in Men in Black.”

“What is that? Is it a webtoon?”

“It’s nothing. Fine, I’ll keep it a secret from the other siblings.”

“Thank you.”

Another awkward silence.

It’s torture.

I was racking my brain for a conversation topic when I opened my mouth.

“Hey, let’s think of a solution.”

“A solution?”

“You know, we said we would stay together earlier.”

“Oh…”

A brief silence.

“It’s not just words. We want to help you.”

“No, no. That would be too much. I’m grateful enough that you spared some time for me today. What.”

“At first, I thought I could use the royalties I’m getting now to help with the surgery costs… Bi-ju, don’t make that face. It hurts me. I was going to give up anyway.”

“I’m glad.”

If I had to describe his expression just now, it was like someone who got proposed to on a blind date.

“It’s nothing. Just small things. You do all the housework at the dorm, right? Ri-hyuk does the light cleaning and laundry, but let’s share the rest of the work.”

“Oh.”

“What’s the problem?”

“Well.”

Bi-ju let out an awkward laugh.

“Hyung, this might sound weird to you… but I actually like doing housework.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I like it, you know. When someone praises or enjoys the food I made with care, or when I see the place clean after cleaning.”

He saw my expression change in real time and added.

“That, what is it, it’s the same thing. You said you wanted to be an idol at the music cafe because you liked getting attention from the audience. I’m the same. Except the subject is housework… It’s weird, right?”

He gave up in the middle of his speech and I nodded.

“It’s very weird.”

“You also have a crush on the CEO.”

“Hey, that’s… weird too.”

I had nothing to say to that.

On the other hand, I was a bit flustered.

I had always thought he did the breakfast and housework out of some kind of compulsion.

Maybe he had a habit of taking care of his siblings since he was young.

Or maybe he had some psychological reason.

I didn’t know he just liked it…

“Do you know Dobby? The house-elf?”

“Uh… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Never mind, you muggle.”

“I know what a muggle is. It’s someone who’s not a fan of idols, right? Ji-ho told me.”

I laughed as I saw Bi-ju happy about what he knew. 

That’s not it.

He’s like a house-elf.

I thought I should give him a set of socks as a birthday present.

“I never dreamed your ambition was to be a housewife.”

“So I joked with my sister before. What if I married into a rich family if I couldn’t make it as an idol? Housework is my hobby anyway.”

“Maybe that’s a better prospect…”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Bi-ju narrowed his eyes like Ri-hyuk and then smiled.

I smiled back.

I felt strangely closer to him.

Maybe it was because of the conversation we had earlier, but I felt the distance between us shrink again since the end-of-year evaluation.

It was hard to express exactly, but it felt like the fence had dropped a level.

We went from seeing only each other’s faces over the fence to being able to shake hands.

“Then what can we do for you…”

“I don’t need anything. You already solved the hospital bill problem for me.”

“Me?”

“I had a meeting with the director.”

“Oh.”

I remembered.

A while ago, when I was in the break room with the A&R team, Bi-ju went into the director’s room with a face like he had bought the world.

“I asked for an advance payment for the work I did for Something, explaining my situation. And they agreed.”

So that was why he went to the director’s office that day.

“That’s good. Was the amount enough?”

“You have no idea how surprised we were when we opened our bank account together as a family.”

Bi-ju said with a smile.

“We earned more money than we expected. Enough to cover Minjun’s hospital bills for a while. Mom and dad are too embarrassed to say anything, but they are grateful to you, brother.”

“No wonder they gave me so many apples…”

“Look forward to it. This is all thanks to you, brother.”

Ugh. I won’t be able to use the letter ‘sa’ in apple for a long time.

Except for saying I love you to grandma.

As I wondered how I could legally avoid eating fruits, we entered the ward again.

But then.

As I walked and talked with Bi-ju, I saw a man in the distance.

A middle-aged man walking far away.

Huh? Something felt strange.

When I tilted my head, something weird happened.

“…Huh?”

Everything sounded slow, like in slow motion, and the scenery in front of me started to change.