I Reincarnated as a Noble Bastard, So I'm Seducing All the Villainess

Initially, I thought the whole thing was a big joke. I genuinely considered it a strategy by Leonhardt to make Ragna drop her guard and have a chance to land a finishing blow. However, my face fell apart when I saw that the Golden Retriever I rooted for so much was lying unconscious on the ground.

For the second time, I saw the hero fail at what he was best at: winning through plot armor. Is Ragna's level too high for the current moment? It must be! Leonhardt hasn't gone through that many conflicts or much evolution up to this point, so facing the Orc was overkill!

Damn, I didn't imagine it would be so easy for the protagonist to get pulverized, and now we're in this complicated situation...

"Excuse me, lovebirds, I'm taking my trophy home."

Ragna simply put the Golden Retriever on her shoulder and walked out of the place, accompanied by her lackeys as they cleared out. Who's going to pay for the destroyed property now? There are two families homeless, you irresponsible crime boss!

Wait, what about Philomeu? Oh no, that killer look tells me she's one step away from drawing her sword and summoning the assassin inside her to slice Ragna's head off! Okay, I would actually like to see that happen, but after Leonhardt fell like that, I fear for my own life!

I hold the insane revolutionary's hand in place, and she looks at me with that "What are you doing?! They're leaving!" look, which, yes, makes sense to be angry, but there's a better way to solve this.

"Don't do anything extreme. If you act on your own, the King will throw any necessary resources to arrest you and put you on the guillotine. You can't lose control, and besides, they have a hostage, we're at a disadvantage here."

Philomeu lets out a sigh and loosens her grip on the sword.

"You're right..."

Of course, I am! You almost act too much on emotion! And here I was thinking you were more of a thinker before acting, apparently, I was wrong.

"Still, we can't leave him there" she says, keeping her furious gaze on the Orc's back. "I'll run into trouble without Leonhardt anyway."

"There is a solution for that. We need to talk to Elizia, we already have a plan, and apparently, we'll have to include you too."

I run my hand through my hair, still unable to believe this went from bad to worse. With no choice, I lead Philomeu inside the inn and climb the stairs towards the room we rented the day before. The only solution I can think of is Philomeu helping to kidnap Ragna, after all, she is extremely strong based on our previous experience.

I had no faith from the start that this crazy plan would work, but with an extra hand capable of taking down a hall with a single sword slash, there's a minimal chance of it working.

I open the door, encountering a giant lying on one of the beds with his feet hanging off because his body is so wide, while a muse is at the other end of the room draping a dress over her body.

The two look at me simultaneously, starting with Victorian, who leans forward when he sees Philomeu.

"Ah, Master Darius. It's been a while since we properly interacted. I'm somewhat surprised you showed up here with... her."

Even you, you bastard? I still can't believe I have to address a murderous psychopath with other pronouns, but whatever.

"Yes. Did you hear the commotion outside? Well, some real shit happened."

"Really? I thought it was just an earthquake. Occurrences like that are common in the North."

My goodness, what kind of person gets used to earthquakes of that scale in broad daylight?! You really were raised in a jungle, huh. I find your experiences hard to believe.

I roll my eyes, marching inside and pulling up a chair to sit down cross-legged.

"It wasn't an earthquake, it was a fight. Leonhardt got into a fight with an Orc, and she took him as a 'trophy husband', or whatever the hell that means."

"Not just any Orc, sweetie, it's Ragna" Elizia says, without even turning around to look at us, still measuring how the dress falls on her. "Is that why the redhead is here? You have a gift for attracting people's attention, Darius."

"I only intend to join you because I have the goal of saving Leonhardt," Philomeu defends herself, putting her hands in her pockets and leaning against the wooden wall. "It is inadmissible for someone to take my beloved like that."

"I agree, it's quite irritating" I say...

Wait, what?

"BELOVED?!"

My eyebrow shot up so high in surprise it almost flew off my face toward the ceiling. Is my hearing alright? Or did I get slightly damaged from all the life-or-death situations? I've lost count of how many times people have surprised me by saying something since we arrived in Mastan!

But... before this feeling of love appeared in Philomeu, wasn't she being tortured in the dungeon below the palace by Leonhardt and my father? Isn't that practically Stockholm Syndrome?! What the hell did that guy do to catch the attention of such a dangerous person?! I feel like I'm going to pass out...

"Alright, it's always good to have an extra hand to help" Elizia comments, putting the dress aside and stretching her arms high. "I already figured Darius wouldn't be able to drug that Orc alone, so perhaps you'll be capable of it. You're a woman already, it will make our job easier, but just to be safe, I'll arrange a polymorph potion for you."

"What are you suggesting?" Philomeu asks, crossing her arms and giving a doubtful look.

"Originally, only Darius was going to go up to Ragna's headquarters. With you in the plan, we can make up the excuse that you are twin sisters, and you both intend to talk to the Orc and ask for escort services to a nearby place. In the middle of the negotiation, you, Philomeu, slip the Orc a poison, and problem solved."

I'm going to have to disguise myself with this person and on top of that, we'll be sisters?! What kind of stuff did they put in your head to go this far, Elizia?

"Alright, that sounds like a good plan. I accept."

How the fuck are you so casual about this?! I can understand the part about the compliments and that you don't hate me, but still, I don't trust you one bit! The two of them look at me simultaneously, analyzing my fear-filled face, only to laugh at me.

"Hahahaha, and to think that the supposed Darius Moonlight who faced me head-on is now cowering in fear..."

"Isn't he? He's done so many absurd things, and now he looks like a scared puppy."

"Hey, I'm still here, you idiots! I can hear everything!"

Man, how did everything end up like this? Victorian, you're the only normal one left in our adventure, I just hope nothing absurd happens to you, or else I'm going to have a heart attack.

Elizia places both hands on Philomeu's shoulders, dragging her to the nearest mirror. The two of them stay there, talking for a while about what the best disguise would be for this attack, taking into account that it should be as similar as possible to my female version, Daria. Meanwhile, I exchange glances with our giant bodyguard, who by now must have also gotten involved in this crazy plan as a knight-guardian to the two noble young ladies.

I need wine, or beer, or anything to ease my head. If I go into this without being altered first, I'm definitely going to get screwed.

When I went after Ravenna way back, I did it because I was very drunk, to the point of convincing the guards to let me in. Here, the vibe is different.

I'm completely sober, and I know I'll die if I slip up near the Orc, or if I let any minimally masculine tone leak out.

"Daaarius, can you come here?" Elizia calls me.

I just give up thinking and approach. She asks me to stand back-to-back with Philomeu, which by itself already gives me some apprehension because I can imagine the person next to me pulling a knife out of their pocket and stabbing me.

Apparently, Elizia is taking measurements and getting an idea of the necessary changes for the polymorph potion, such as changes in height, eyes, and hair. I don't care, I'm not the one who will be forced to take that and risk losing my dick.

"Perfect. I already have an idea of what I'll do. Darius, stay inside the room with Victorian until nightfall, make sure you are completely dressed up by then! I taught you how to apply makeup and put on the dress, if anything, our bodyguard will help you, but don't leave the room for anything, alright!"

With that, my favorite harlot quickly gets moving and rushes out with Philomeu, likely returning to that stylist in search of an emergency dress to proceed with the plan.

I look at Victorian, who is lying on his side like a gorilla relaxing.

"Hey, do I have some kind of bad luck following me?"

"I don't think it's bad luck, Master Darius. If it were, you'd already be dead! Hahaha."

"Yeah, I hadn't thought of that..."

At least Victorian is somewhat normal. That's enough to calm me down.