I Only Want to Lie Flat But Am Forced to Cultivate Immortality

He Xiao Sheng turned his head, his dazed eyes not yet clear, and he saw two lantern-like eyes glaring angrily at him!

"What the heck?!"

He Xiao Sheng sat down on the ground, the drunkenness suddenly waking him up a bit. He looked closely and realized it was just a horse carriage, the monster-like eyes were merely lanterns hung at the front.

"Turns out it's a goods carriage, gave me a fright."

He Xiao Sheng sat there chuckling dumbly, until the carriage ran over him, he didn't even react!

On a rainy night, the ground was slippery, and the first carriage couldn't stop its momentum, knocking someone down. The few carriages following behind should have reacted in time, but unexpectedly, no matter how much the driver shouted, the horses wouldn't stop, and even ran faster, as if possessed.

"It's a disaster! The first carriage ran over, maybe he could still be saved, but now it's been run over twice more, even an iron man couldn't survive!"

The drivers, fearing they'd be accused of murder, simply stopped pulling the reins and let the horses drive the carriages away from the Vegetable Market.

But to the three men's horror, the three carriages ran out for two miles and miraculously returned to the Vegetable Market!

Seeing that the lead carriage was about to hit the corpse on the ground again, the driver exerted all his strength to pull the reins hard, but the horse, like it was led by a ghost, forcibly corrected its direction and ran over the drunken corpse again.

This back-and-forth went on for ten circles, until the horses were exhausted, and the wall blocking the carriages finally disappeared.

At dawn the next day, early-rising vendors passing by the Vegetable Market were shocked to find 'a piece of a person' lying on the green stone pavement, looking just like a Gate God picture cut for New Year's pasted on the ground!

Later, the Government Office investigated and identified the deceased from the fishing rod dropped on the ground, and captured the three drivers who had driven the carriages that night.

The goods the three drivers were transporting were all fresh fish caught in the rush from Baisha River's tide.

The three drivers explained clearly that the person was sitting in the middle of the road, pitch dark, who could see clearly?

As for why he got crushed into a pancake, the three drivers hemmed and hawed, unable to provide a clear answer, finally saying it was because the carriages were too heavy and the 'coincidentally' misaligned wheels of three carriages ran over Eagle's Beak's body.

Thus, he turned into a pancake.

As for the ghost wall experience, getting run over ten times, even if they spoke out, not many people would believe it.

Even if someone believed, the Government Office couldn't record such an event in the files.

The Sutra of Salvation stopped flipping pages, and the smiling image of Paper Man He Xiao Sheng froze on a page.

Xu Qing looked at the Sutra of Salvation and evaluated, "Top grade of humanity, the reward is a Dragon Fishing Skill."

It's said that in ancient dynasties, there were Dragon Keepers skilled in finding, hunting, and taming dragons. Dragon Keepers could use special talismanic magic seals to transform dragons into loaches to carry them, and use magic to revert the loaches to dragon form.

In former dynasties, there was a Celestial Master named Zhai who once set an altar to summon dragons, calming water disasters by taming river dragons.

According to records from the Celestial Master's Mansion, Celestial Master Zhai was a descendant of Dragon Keepers, and what he performed was the long-lost dragon finding and taming method.

Besides, there were Daoists from Western Regions with mastery in Dragon Keeping Technique, with tales of subduing dragons to bring rain and save the world.

When Xu Qing first obtained the Dragon Fishing Skill, he thought it was some incredible magic, but upon closely examining the methods described, he found it wasn't that simple!

The Dragon Fishing Skill indeed had methods to fish for dragons, but like Eagle's Beak catching gold carp, they were all opportunistic techniques.

Besides taking advantage, there were methods to lure dragons that even Xu Qing found despicable and crafty.

"Dragon tracks are hard to find, only the cry of lizards sounds like young dragons. Tie a lizard in a jar, seal the jar mouth with beeswax, and knock the jar walls day and night. The dragon, as the master of the Water Mansion, can sense water veins from all directions; upon hearing this mournful sound, it'll surely mistake it for a young dragon's cry for help—this is using sound as bait, using the jar as a trap, and all methods are hidden within the Dragon Fishing Skill..."

Dragon Fishing Skill, the second method:

"Dragons in earthly domains are mostly mundane dragons, not yet qualified as immortals. These whose scales and claws have not shed the mundane form, must endure lightning fire nine times to transform into dragons.

During thunderstorms, earthly dragons often attempt to cross the heavenly gate under the rain curtain. However, the heavenly laws are strict, mundane scales jumping nine times without success will face heavenly punishment. Dragon seekers must observe celestial phenomena; should there be meteors burning in the sky, it's a sign of a falling dragon. At this time, dragons are weakest; one can use dragon binding ropes to seek and catch the fallen dragon.

Note: Falling dragons like transforming into loaches and carp to avoid mundane disasters, careful identification is needed.

Dragon Fishing Skill, the third method...the fourth...

The methods in Dragon Fishing Skill seem sly yet reasonable, but Xu Qing doesn't believe dragons are easy to fish.

Note that the Dragon Fishing Skill only teaches how to fish dragons, without concern for the fisher's fate after hooking a dragon!

The pair of boy and girl Xu Qing met at the riverbank were obviously not true dragons, claiming to be sent by the family master to repay a favor. If they were dragons, they would surely be the unseen master dragon.

Fishing dragons is easy, bringing dragons home is hard!

The freshly repaired meat pancake in front of Xu Qing was a vivid example of what not to do.

He absolutely didn't believe He Xiao Sheng died due to an accident.

Xu Qing drew a parallel, finding the current Dragon Fishing Skill too crude.

If he wanted to fish for dragons, he could use papercraft skill to craft a small paper dragon, then use a drop of dragon blood to transform it, and use that lively little dragon as bait, hung on the fishing hook.

If there truly were dragons in Baisha River, he wouldn't worry about not catching one.

But then a problem arises, can this zombie patriarch truly fish a dragon back home?

The Records of Wonders noted: Water serpents transform into flood dragons after five hundred years; flood dragons into dragons after a thousand years.

Among them, water serpents possess true dragon bloodline as large snakes.

Xu Qing estimated that a normal dragon's abilities would have to be at least fifteen hundred years old.

And he was only a Hidden Corpse at the moment, far from having the protection of thousand-year cultivation. If he dared to fish for dragons, he feared he'd end up sacrificing himself rather than bringing a dragon home.

Well then, seems it's another dusty piece in storage!

Meanwhile, Xu Qing tidied up the corpse and let Boss Yan from Tong Yue Tavern come in to see.

It's exactly the same as when alive!

"It's miraculous!"

Boss Yan looked amazed.

Xu Qing chuckled and said, "All for making a living, without a skill or two, I'd be embarrassed to survive in the Jin Sect."

"If Boss Yan is satisfied, in the future you could say a few nice words for my Funeral Shop when chatting with customers, praise the craftsmanship a bit..."

"..."

Boss Yan didn't respond, realizing if he advertised such things, his tavern would struggle to keep business.

"When Eagle's Beak was alive, he was so capable, now gone just like that."

Boss Yan was good-hearted, always feeling he was to blame for Eagle's Beak's demise.

The day Eagle's Beak had trouble, he unnecessarily insisted on releasing the gold carp. If it weren't for that matter, would Eagle's Beak still be alive?

Boss Yan felt deeply conflicted, pondering life's challenges: was letting go of the gold carp a deed of evil or a good act?

Xu Qing sensed Boss Yan's discomfort, and before the latter left, he said, "It's said good and evil follow as deeds, fortune and misfortune are self-drawn. Boss Yan, no need to overthink; had you kept that gold carp, perhaps the one lying here today wouldn't be Eagle's Beak."

"Xu, Sir, what do you mean?"

Xu Qing stopped at that, leaving Boss Yan even more sleepless.

That night, Xu Qing hid in the side room, working through the night, thoroughly refining the dragon blood within his left hand.

The black-purple cobweb pattern spreading over his left hand had turned golden yellow.

With the infusion of dragon blood, Xu Qing's left hand no longer felt stiff. He tried the Dragon Seal Tiger Form and discovered the dragon seal within had more power than ever, almost as if a real dragon clawed!

...

The drum beat at five, when even dogs are tired.

The night owl Xuan Yu urgently scratched at Xu Qing's door in a flurry.

To say scratching, he really was using cat claws to scrape the door plank; that piercing noise, not just humans, even Xu Qing the zombie couldn't stand it.

Opening the door, before Xu Qing could reprimand, he heard a startling statement:

"Xu Immortal Family! Someone's hanging themselves at our doorstep!"