I Fell In Love With A Girl Who Died Before I Was Even Born

The very worst thing about waking up from a blissful dream is the sour taste of reality that burns the back of the throat like a shot of battery acid.

Even though I hated being back in the "real" world, I can't deny the slight feeling of satisfaction I got when I picked up the Sharpe Hospital cafeteria tray and flung it, as hard as possible, against the wall.

"Ryu!" Lana screamed as she quickly backed away.

I gave her an annoyed look before two orderlies tackled me to the floor and restrained me. I didn't scream. That would've been giving them what they wanted. I just stared at the floor and waited for the sting.

Someone jammed a syringe into my arm.

Before I went out I turned my head towards Lana and muttered a half-hearted "Seriously?"

She looked scared, but I was the one on the floor with a big dude's knee in my back. What the hell was she worried about?

The very best part about a routine is knowing what's going to happen next.

There's absolutely no thinking required; it's very relaxing when there's been a lot of things going on that you feel like you don't have any control over.

Like getting sent to another world. One that was built by a god-like being you met at the food court in the local mall.

After meeting her and talking to her for five minutes about ecchi manga and lewd anime, she sends you to a completely new world. And you've been rewritten as a fifteen year old with fantastic dragon powers.

Of course, all the girls you meet are not only hot, but they obsess over you for no reason.

Except, it turns out that there is a reason. Just not the one you want: you were hit by a car, nearly died, and came back delusional.

If all of that happened to you, like if your entire life changed in the matter of a few days, then you'd be grateful for routine too.

Or, as Lana explained it to me after meeting with her, "Routine helps us regulate our emotions, Andy."

My hands were cuffed to the chair behind my back.

I looked up at her, expecting my blond hair to fall across my face, but it didn't. Because I was bald, and forty-four.

There was no sword. No katana. No school uniform. Just a hospital gown and the taste of meds I don't remember swallowing.

I wasn't an anime hero with dragon powers.

"I know where I am," I said.

Lana just sighed and crossed her legs.

Her office smelled like bleach and this obnoxious lavender scent that she used to try to cover up the smell of bleach.

I decided to adopt a fake German accent, doing my best Werner Herzog impression.

"Lana," I said, as Herzog. "The lavender is full of lies, like this office. You try to cage me with your words and structure, but like the bleach you try to hide, the dragon will rise to the surface."

I let the words sit there like a bad smell. Lana didn't blink.

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

That's when I knew this wasn't a game anymore.

After a moment, she sighed, picked up her coffee, took a drink, and set her mug back on her desk beside her picture of Pigeon's Forge, Tennessee.

"You say you 'know where you are,' Andy, but for the past three weeks you've been claiming to be 'Ryu.'"

She coughed, blew her nose with a tissue she pulled from a blue box with yellow flowers on the side, and threw the tissue into a green garbage can with the word "Sharpe Hospital" written in bold letters on the side.

"You've been claiming that you're fifteen years old, Andy. Fifteen. And not only that, but you claimed that you have magical powers."

She raised one of her eyebrows before taking a bent paperclip and tossing it into the trashcan beside her desk.

I wanted to kick that goddamn trash can so hard. I wanted to stand up, rip the handcuffs off, and kick it through the window.

"Your mother came to see you, Andy," Lana said.

She picked up a white pen with an ugly blue cap, popped the cap off, and began to chew on it as she wrote something on her notepad with the yellow paper.

My fingernails dug into my palm.

"You unlock these handcuffs, Lana, and I'll give you something to chew on."

She frowned and let the cap drop onto her desk.

"She told me that you didn't recognize her," Lana said, wiping the cap off with another tissue from her precious blue box.

Then she looked at me like I was a five-year-old.

"Wouldn't you like to call her now and let her know you're at least lucid again, or are you going to continue to act like a child?"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"I'd like the phone," I said.

She smiled.

"Good."

Then I looked back up.

"I'll give my mom a call right after I shove it up your ass. Call it a butt dial, except I bet it wouldn't fit."

The shocked look on her face was priceless.

"You're wound so tight I bet you've got cobwebs between your legs," I said.

She pushed a button on her desk to call for the orderlies.

"Worth it!" I yelled as they unlocked the handcuffs and yanked me to my feet.

I heard her sigh as I felt the familiar sting in my arm.

"Andy, if your mother knew about this, she'd be so disappointed in you."

The world began to blur.

"And you should have seen how she cried when she found out where they'd taken you after you lived through the car accident…"

I woke up in the middle of the night.

It's not like I had a clock in my room, or a glowing digital alarm clock conveniently placed on a desk.

Instead, there was only the occasional footsteps of someone walking up and down the hallway at night, sometimes there'd be whistling. More often than not, there was only the static from a walkie-talkie and undiscernible radio chatter.

I didn't sleep.

I tried. I even lay on my side and counted the spots on the wall like they were sheep. Seven of them, clustered like a constellation no one had bothered to name. Maybe I'd name it myself. The Sad Bastard Cluster.

But I couldn't sleep.

I was afraid to.

Because what if I had been asleep this whole time? What if the blood, the scales, the girls, what if Shin'yume was just a long, sad hallucination cooked up by a broken man who read too much manga and got flattened by a Honda?

But then… no.

No, no.

I remember the feel of the earth beneath my bare feet when I trained with Hibana. I remember the taste of Question Mark Cola on my lips.

I remember Shion's fangs sinking into my throat, and the sickly feeling of her drawing out my blood. That wasn't a dream. That was real in a way this world can't imitate.

You can't fake that kind of intimacy. You can't dream that kind of pain.

And I remember Yuki. God, Yuki.

Her voice didn't echo: it rippled.

She wasn't just some ghost. She was… presence. Silence that knew it was being silent.

I miss her the most.

Not because she was the prettiest, or the most powerful, but because she was the only one who never asked me to prove I was real.

"I'm so sorry, Yuki," I said to the darkness at my side where I knew she would've been.

"I remember that I promised we'd go to the Shin'yume public library to see about setting up our own little school."

Nothing was there.

No cold, reassuring presence.

Unaccredited.

I grinned.

"Yeah," I said to nothingness. "Unaccredited."

I sighed.

"I wish you were here," I whispered. "You promised that you'd never leave my side no matter where I went."

I could almost see her crossing her arms as she stood by my hospital bed. I couldn't roll on my side.

Assholes strapped my arms.

I took a deep breath, feeling anger rising in my chest.

But then I slowly let it out.

One.

Do another, Ryu.

Slowly, I breathed in, drawing the air into my stomach, like Yuki taught me.

And I let it out, focusing on the way it felt as it left.

Two.

You're doing so well.

Suddenly, I felt a cool, reassuring draft at my side.

And I opened my eyes fully expecting to see the most beautiful girl in the world standing beside my bed.

But there was only darkness.

I heard the air conditioning running and realized I was feeling it blowing onto my left arm.

I felt anger, hot and fresh, rising in my chest, but then I thought of what Yuki would say.

Don't let the bastards beat you, Ryu.

No. I wouldn't let them see me beaten. Not now, not ever.

Instead, I turned to the empty spot beside my bed.

"I can see you, Yuki."