I Fell In Love With A Girl Who Died Before I Was Even Born

Azuki pulled up a lawn chair and sat beside where I stood with my plate of chicken and mashed potatoes in my hands.

Okay, that's a lie. She didn't need to pull up anything. A lawn chair simply formed beneath her, and she plopped down on it.

Then she looked at me curiously.

"Would you like a chair, Ryu-sama?" she asked, her voice bright and cheerful.

I hesitated.

"Azuki… is the chair Ipart of you?"

Her eyes sparked.

"The best part," she said.

My shoulders rose as tension shot through them. I quickly looked around, seeing some tanuki sitting on folding chairs and others on stools, recliners, and one was lounging on a hammock.

"I'd rather not think about that," I admitted. "Could I just, like, grab one of the folding chairs the school loaned us?"

She tilted her head.

"But the school didn't loan us any chairs," she said.

I sighed, looking around again at the food sitting on the picnic tables, and the tablecloth, and the plastic utensils I held in my hand.

"So, does that mean—" I began.

She put her hand over my mouth, stopping me from finishing.

"Shhh," she said, in a voice that was somehow less than reassuring. "Some moments in life don't require words. Try chicken instead."

Yuki laughed from where she was beside me.

"You should listen to the wise forest priestess," the ghost recommended.

I grinned.

"You know what, I'd love a seat," I said.

Azuki squeaked in approval.

"Oh! Yeah, let me get right on that!"

A moment later, a folding chair appeared in front of me. Then I saw it had been tagged with gross green graffiti.

"Prosperty of Creskent Mood Akademy," it read.

I sat down and had several mouthfuls of chicken before I finally had to ask.

"Did you add the graffiti?"

Azuki grinned wickedly.

"Ryu-sama! Are you implying that I'd dare deface school property?"

I felt Yuki put her hand on my arm for a second before it faded.

"Really, Ryu?" she teased. "You'd slander an innocent tanuki like Azuki?"

I laughed out loud, trying not to drop my plate.

"Innocent? She still hasn't told me where this chair came from."

Azuki shrugged.

"You read the back, didn't you?"

I raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I tried, but… 'property'?"

She scrunched up her face.

"Okay, well I do wear glasses, Ryu."

I pointed a finger at her.

"A-ha! So you're admitting it was you!"

She dropped her fork.

"Oh no! I've been caught! Your weak human prison is no match for my tanuki antics!" she squealed as she leapt to her feet and started running.

I watched her dart across the hemlock grove as the other tanuki began laughing and pointing at her.

Then Yuki giggled.

"You'd better go get her," she teased.

I snorted.

"You really think so?"

Then one of the older tanuki stood up.

"I think we'd better get this thing started. I don't have all night you know," he barked.

Then another tanuki spoke up.

"Hey, buddy, give my dad a break, okay? He's got enough on his plate without Mom messing with him too," someone said.

My jaw dropped into my lap.

Whoever that was wasn't talking about me were they?

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The older tanuki turned towards me.

"You're our guest of honor, young man. You and your ghost girl, Yuki-san. We've met her already. Why don't you introduce yourself?"

I stood up, and the folding chair I'd been sitting on vanished straight away.

"I'm Kazeyama Ryu-san, and I'm a first year student at Crescent Moon Academy," I said.

There was some murmuring through the crowd.

I swore I heard someone say, "He looks like he's in his forties!"

We heard some rustling from the edge of the hemlock grove.

"Egad!" one of the tanuki screamed. "It's the ghost of Socrates!"

I shook my head. No one was going to get that joke.

A second later, Azuki came stumbling back from wherever she'd run off to.

"Is not!" she yelled. "And Ryu-sama doesn't look like he's in his forties! You've got to look past all that stuff and try to see him for what he really is."

"What's that?" another tanuki asked.

Azuki shrugged.

"He means well," she said.

Then the older tanuki held his hand up. The others quickly fell silent.

"Azuki-san," he said patiently. "You said you were going to bring us a dragon who'd be able to help us out. Kinpachi Goma-san has been waiting very patiently."

The others turned to a grizzled tanuki who was sitting by himself off to the side.

He cocked his head at me, like he was measuring, and then shook his head dismissively.

"I came here all the way from the Shimane prefecture because I was promised help from a dragon!" he moaned.

He threw his hands up, annoyed.

"And when I get here, instead of finding any real help, I get a lovely chicken dinner, which was nice, but this kid is no dragon. Look, he can't even decide if he's a kid or some kind of middle-aged burnout."

Before I could say anything, Azuki stepped forward and stuck her chin out stubbornly.

"You haven't seen what I've seen," she said. "He's most certainly a dragon with awesome black wings and scales and he lives on a windy mountain..."

The other tanuki looked around, and there was some low murmuring.

Then Azuki crossed her arms and looked angry.

"Well, if you didn't believe me, then why'd you come all this way?" she asked.

Yuki floated into the middle of the clearing.

"Knock it off, all of you," she said.

She wasn't loud, but she made it clear she wasn't joking either.

"Everyone always underestimates Ryu. It's understandable. He's handsome enough, but he dresses like a rogue," Yuki said.

"Hey, I thought you were supposed to be defending me," I said.

A funny look crossed Yuki's face.

"Oh… Azuki! What's that phrase you were trying to teach me? Let me… bake?"

Azuki laughed.

"It's cook, Yuki! Let me cook."

Yuki smiled at her.

"Yes, that's it. Thank you. Ryu, just let me cook."

I gestured for her to continue. The grove fell silent, waiting for the ghost girl to build me up in the eyes of the tanuki.

"I'm the person, er, ghost who's known Ryu the longest, and I can tell you that he probably makes as many mistakes as he fixes. And he thinks entirely too much. Once he needed a glass of water, but he was in the middle of working out. He forgot he had his weights in front of him, and he fell headfirst into the onsen. When he got out, he was furious, but I reminded him that he was thirsty, after all."

My eyes grew as wide as dinner plates, and my brain was screaming Yuki, you're supposed to be hyping me!

Instead, she folded her hands in front of her and looked at the ensembled tanuki as earnestly as Judy Garland might have if she'd been there.

"And he really does try his hardest," she said. "Gracious, I know he's not perfect. Surely, you can tell too, but, as Azuki said a few minutes ago, you haven't seen what we've seen."

The elder tanuki nodded, scratching his chin.

"And what you've seen is this young man before us trip and fall into the onsen's waters?" he asked.

She nodded.

Kinpachi-san turned towards Azuki.

"And this is the dragon you brought to help me with my problem?"

She pushed her glasses back on her face, turning into a mass of glitching static as she did.

"Well, yes. I told you I was bringing a dragon. Go ahead and explain your problem, Kinpachi-san."

He crossed his arms and addressed me.

"Very well. Kazeyama-san, since you're the dragon, I want my issue fixed as soon as possible. I don't want to be kept waiting forever. My issue is urgent."

I wondered what could be pressing a tanuki.

"I'll do my best," I promised.

He pointed a gnarled finger at me.

"Damn kids keep pissing on my sacred tree," he muttered.

Then he crossed his arms and sat back down on a chair he conjured for himself.

"Well?" he asked.

That's his problem?

And the tanuki all turned to stare at me, as though I had a spare solution just tucked away in my back pocket.

But I didn't. Instead, I turned to the only thing I could think of.

A story that happened to me when I was a little kid growing up in West Virginia.

"Okay, uh… Kinpachi-san. Can I tell you something real quick? This actually happened. Swear on my life."

He nodded, slowly.

"When I was a little kid, I saw my cousin tell our grandfather—who we called Daddad—'Hey Daddad, look how high I can pee!' And I swear to every god that's ever existed, this little bastard aimed straight into the sky and pissed like it was an Olympic event."

The tanuki stared.

"And then it came back down. On his face. Right in his eyes. And he screamed—with his mouth open. While still peeing."

I paused and felt my face turning red as I remembered.

"So he was… screaming. While… pissing into his own face. Into his own mouth."

Kinpachi blinked slowly, like a prophet decoding a dream.

"My grandfather fell out of his chair laughing. Like, straight up hit the ground. I probably did too. And my cousin? He still won't talk about it. But it happened, like, for real it happened. I don't care what he says."

A long silence followed.

Then Kinpachi slowly nodded, solemn as stone.

"Ah… I see now," Kinpachi said. "This tale… it is not about urination. It is about hubris. About fate. About the fool's stream returning to the mouth from whence it came. The child, full of pride, lifts his waters to the heavens… only to be bathed in his own foolishness."

Another tanuki whispered reverently, "He opened his mouth to shout... and the universe answered."

A third said, "This is a sign. If we retaliate with force, the children's parents may come to chop down the tree. But if we do nothing… the foolish will drench themselves. And grow bored."

Kinpachi turned to Ryu and bowed low.

"Thank you, Kazeyama-san. I understand now why Konami-san calls you a Black Dragon. You have shown me the wisdom of stillness. We shall name this tale 'The Arc of the Fool's Stream.' It shall be passed down."

I felt my shoulders slump.

That wasn't what I had intended whatsoever.

And I looked around, wondering if any of them were going to bother to pay me, which was the entire reason Azuki was supposed to have arranged the meeting in the first place.

Eventually, the tanuki broke into small groups and wandered away from the hemlock grove.

"I'm sorry no one offered you any yen, Ryu-sama," Azuki said.

I was left standing there with the mess they'd made of empty sake bottles and chewed bones, so I collected the bottles and took them to the nearest trashcan.

Azuki helped me carry some of them, apologizing for the tanuki not offering me any yen.

"But these bottles have gotta be worth something, right? Like, if we recycle them?" she asked.

I shrugged. I wasn't sure if they still did that or not in Shin'yume.

By the time I'd returned, someone (or something) else had collected the bones, and I saw Obie the Bitter Dwarf. He didn't say anything, which I appreciated. He just sort of nodded and walked away.

"Gracious, what an unpleasant fellow," Yuki said.

I nodded in agreement.