I Can Hear the Saint’s Inner Thoughts

55 – Why Does Life Fall Into a Deep Slumber (2)

With Bellamora dead, the Nightmare Theater she ruled began to slowly reveal its true form.

The lightless streets were draped with twilight, darkness taking its place, and those awakened from the fantastic dream were clamoring with an unfillable thirst.

Even the shadows that followed Bellamora had all turned to rustling black ash, leaving no one to manage the territory.

“Send me, send me back to that dream…!!”

“This is a nightmare. This is fake. This isn’t real…”

Screams and cries of despair filled the void.

An elf couple who had come here as a last resort, unable to find medicine for their lover’s terminal illness. Adventurer parties whose faces he’d seen before, along with dwarves with bloodshot eyes from overwork.

Clutching the already broken projectors and power sources, they were trying desperately to fix them.

“You have to escape from here. The Demon Realm is a hellish place teeming with demons and demonic races. Now that Bellamora is dead, enemies will swarm here, vying for her empty seat…!”

Kyle was already trying to persuade even the people with vacant eyes, pointlessly struggling.

“Kyle, give up. It’s already too late.”

Anima shook her head from side to side as she watched the scene. Because she could already see humans taking their own lives, longing for the dream.

“If it weren’t for that damn hero…! Bellamora-nim wouldn’t have died…!!”

“This can’t be happening… I even betrayed my own kind, the elves, to come to the Demon Realm…”

Unable to see through the perception-blocking magic and unaware of Kyle’s true identity, they were lamenting the one who had killed Bellamora.

They could only surmise that the only ones capable of killing one of the Four Heavenly Kings of the Demon Realm, like her, were the hero party, who were displaying their power throughout the Demon Realm.

“More than anything, we have wounded people right now, don’t we?”

“……”

Anima sighed deeply, watching Astal slumped on Victoria’s back. They’d returned the mana core to his heart, but he was still unconscious.

Victoria, tears streaming down her face as she carried Astal, bit her lip, trying to swallow down her emotions.

“…It’s alright. I believe saving even one more person is the right thing to do. That’s what Astal would want.”

Victoria knew everything about Astal, the man known as the harmless mage, and his past.

She knew why he was so fixated on saving people, why he was so unresponsive to her seductions.

The man, Astal, was trapped in a deep self-loathing.

That’s why he could throw his life away like trash while fighting the Demon Lord’s minions, and why he struggled, unable to quit drinking and smoking.

“Victoria…”

Kyle was speechless, watching Victoria’s tearful face as she carried Astal. Initially, it hadn’t seemed like they were truly dating.

Kyle, with his sharp intuition, had sensed that they were pretending to be together for some reason.

‘…Now, it doesn’t seem like they’re just dating as a joke or a contract.’

Kyle remembered the scene from moments ago.

Victoria using a miracle, transforming most of her body into flowers, just to save Astal.

Even though Anima had begged her to stop countless times, Victoria hadn’t regained her composure and kept repeating the same actions.

The mana core was back and his heartbeat had returned, but Astal still hadn’t regained consciousness.

‘Something we don’t know must have happened when they were with Bellamora.’

In fact, Victoria had refused all offers from other companions to carry or escort Astal. She even showed bizarre behavior, glaring at anyone who touched him even slightly with a murderous look.

Her face, originally depicted as the most devout and kind saint in the Aurelian Holy Kingdom, was now etched with fury and despair for failing to save Astal.

“Okay, I’ll respect your opinions. Then, I’ll be the last one to leave this territory. The rest of you escape first.”

Kyle spoke, looking directly into Victoria’s eyes, filled with darkness.

Astal’s conviction was that someone had to stay behind to the very end, to save the most people.

“No. It’s too dangerous….”

“Astal knew it was dangerous, but he tried to save you. Am I wrong?”

“……”

Kyle spoke, looking at Victoria’s red and swollen eyes. If a couple who usually just bickered and showed how much they disliked each other was reacting this way, then,

“So, this time, you save Astal.”

That must be the reason.

“Understood. Please, be careful.”

Victoria nodded, watching the resolute glint in the hero Kyle’s eyes. If it were anyone else, she wouldn’t know, but she could trust him enough.

If you had to name someone who was an example to others, someone whose very existence made the world a better place, everyone would choose the man, Kyle Dragonica.

“Are you sure about this? Even if Bellamora is dead and the shadows that followed her are gone, this place is still the Demon Realm, overflowing with monsters and demons.”

“Yeah, even if we have to save Astal, it’s too risky…!”

Tarion and Anima looked at Kyle with worried expressions. No matter how much of a hero he was, they didn’t think he could rescue everyone in this territory.

“I’m the hero, aren’t I? If I don’t suffer in times like these, who will?”

As if he could guess their worries, Kyle lifted a corner of his mouth slightly and answered readily.

“Hurry and go first, Astal might go ballistic and kill Victoria too if he really can’t open his eyes.”

Victoria, who was already running ahead faster than anyone else to a place where Astal could truly rest, expressed her gratitude towards him inwardly.

‘Thank you, Kyle. I guess, no matter what, one man on my back is more important than the countless people in this territory….’

Victoria was running, turning over and over in her mind a thought that was so impious it surprised even herself. The physical fatigue or the weight on her back was nowhere in her head.

Astal Kaisaros’s safe return.

All Victoria wanted was *that*, so even with most of her body transformed into flowers, she wasn’t thinking about the pain or what would come after.

“A saint unworthy, I see.”

Victoria felt a revulsion rising from deep within her. How could someone be so selfish?

– Aren’t you hiding your true feelings while degrading and disparaging Astal-nim’s character? Wouldn’t that make us somewhat similar?

Victoria remembered what Bellamora had said just moments before.

Even though it was a result of the conflicting, paradoxical emotions of wanting to experience love one last time while living on borrowed time, all to avoid revealing her feelings.

Victoria’s mind was so filled with negative thoughts that she couldn’t properly distinguish right from wrong.

‘Get a grip, Victoria.’

Feeling the warm body temperature of a man behind her back, she could once again think about what she had to do.

“…Once this is over, I’ll confess properly and tell him how I feel.”

The end of the contract relationship.

The fate of the man and woman rushing toward that finale had become so urgent and heartbreaking.

* * *

When I woke up from Bellamora’s illusion, an unfamiliar ceiling greeted me.

‘Where is this…?’

Until just now, I was definitely in Bellamora’s territory, Nightmare Theater, but I closed my eyes and opened them to find myself lying on a plush bed.

A pain like someone was stabbing me with a knife.

My whole body ached and throbbed. Even moving a finger a little bit brought on such terrible pain that I wanted to scream.

‘…Guess it wasn’t a dream.’

Seeing Victoria crouched down beside the bed, asleep, I realized that this was no dream.

The heart that should have been shattered was restored, and most of Victoria’s body was covered in flowers, making it clear she’d suffered immensely.

‘How could she end up with a guy like me…’

Looking at Victoria, I couldn’t help but wear a pitiful expression.

Haunted by reliving my bleak past hundreds of times in my dreams, the thought of just dying had been welling up in my head.

Now, the saintess who saved me from those nightmares was in a life-threatening situation because of me.

‘At this rate, it wouldn’t be strange if Victoria died tomorrow…’

Victoria’s condition, seen through my magic-seeing eyes, was critical.

It was a wonder how she was still breathing; most of her body had already turned into flowers.

Her heart, lungs, kidneys, and even in between her bones and muscles, the flowers had burrowed in, surely inflicting immense pain.

“Astaal…”

“……”

Victoria fidgeted her fingers, moved her lips, and muttered my name in her sleep, showing she didn’t want to leave my side.

“I’m sorry, but there’s no way I can watch you die.”

I said that, looking at the calendar beside me.

By coincidence or fate, today was my 21st birthday.

A day that coincided with my parents’ death anniversary, a moment where I hated myself so much that it was hard to even breathe.

“…Even if it means I have to die.”

I started strangling myself, engraving Victoria’s face, the last I would ever see, in my mind.

Using pain-nullifying and silencing magic, I began transferring all the flowers from Victoria’s body into my own.

After moving all the flowers to myself, I secretly cast invisibility magic and fled the scene like a fugitive.

If the pain-numbing magic wore off, I’d probably die right away from the agony or the shock.

Before that happened, I planned to walk into the lake’s dark water and end it myself.

It was the last sacrifice that this piece of garbage who killed my parents could make, and my own selfish wish to stop watching precious people die in front of me.

* * *

How much time passed like that?

“…Even if the Succubus Queen’s dream magic left you with severe aftereffects, to throw your life away so easily… I was truly shocked.”

“Victoria…?”

Splash─.

Victoria noticed I was gone from my bed at dawn and, tracking me, performed the feat of rescuing me as I plunged into the lake.

“Did you really think I’d be happy if you saved my life like this and then died…?!”

Victoria was genuinely angry looking at me now. Her usual gentle or playful expression was gone, and her hands even trembled.

– No matter how hard Bellamora’s dream magic hit you, I never imagined you’d do something this stupid…!!

After hearing Victoria’s thoughts, I began to question why she was going this far for me.

My so-called genius failed to save the villagers and my parents, and Victoria’s misuse of miracles brought me back only to live out a death sentence.

“Why are you saving trash like me? I don’t deserve to live….”

“…That’s a truly foolish question. Why do you think there needs to be a reason for one person to save another?”

Victoria shot me a strange look, and swept me up from the water in her arms, rescuing me.

“You probably think I’m making a sacrifice. But, for me, saving someone is as natural as breathing or drinking water.”

I couldn’t understand her. I couldn’t understand why she was so sincere about saving people.

It was even worse after reading the records I found in the Sacred Kingdom’s forbidden library. Victoria had spent six years alone in the village headman’s basement because her parents were being held hostage.

The platinum rosary Victoria always kept close, also a memento from her father. The Vatican itself said it was too late for them to intervene.

Even after clawing and screaming for help, the world abandoned her, betrayed by everyone she trusted.

“Such obvious things… don’t need a reason, do they.”

How could she say such things so easily?

As if it were obvious, Victoria closed her eyes, slightly lifting the corner of her mouth, answering with a willingness that felt jarring.

“Well, if I absolutely *have* to give you a reason…”

Victoria set me down on the ground, and while starting a fire to dry off, was preparing to utter her final words.

“Because I fervently adore you. Astar.”

– I fervently love you.

“…What?”

A confession where her inner thoughts and the words she spoke aligned.

Hearing Victoria’s true feelings directly for the first time, I was swamped with worries about how I should treat her.