I Became the Mother of His Child

"Silly girl, are you happy to see your third sister this excited? Why are you crying now! You heartless little thing, you've been home for half a year and didn't think to give your third sister a call. Did you spend all the hundred or so yuan I sent you on your salary?" Xu Xiuxiu spoke as if she knew nothing, looking at Xu Jingjing with annoyance while scolding her, and when she came closer, Xu Xiuxiu raised her hand to wipe away her tears, yet her movements carried a sense of heartache.

The skin on her cheeks she touched was not smooth, but rough and peeling, symptoms of frostbite, probably from weeping silently for many days since winter began, Xu Xiuxiu thought, looking at Xu Jingjing with increased guilt.

"No... that's not it," Xu Jingjing choked, shaking her head hurriedly and lifting both arms in a fluster to wipe the tears from her cheeks, "I still have the salary hidden away! I didn't spend it all." She explained with a serious and clumsy tone.

"Then why are you crying so heartbroken when you see your sister?" Xu Xiuxiu pretended to glare at her, with a face that showed she didn't believe her.

"Sister, I'm crying because... because..." Xu Jingjing opened her mouth to say something but choked up again, unable to speak: "Anyhow, it's not like that. I really didn't spend the money. I only spent one yuan last time to call you." Xu Jingjing explained again, her lips trembling.

"Ha! Silly girl," Xu Xiuxiu teased her with a laugh, but her heart ached for a long time afterward.

The bedroom was so quiet that even breathing seemed heavy. The sisters were looking at each other, but Xu Jingjing quickly lowered her gaze to avoid Xu Xiuxiu's eyes.

"Jingjing!" Xu Xiuxiu called her name after watching Xu Jingjing with her head bowed for a while.

"Mm!" Xu Jingjing didn't look up, but responded softly.

"Can you tell your third sister everything? Don't keep it all to yourself, enduring the grievance and pain alone. Your third sister is back now. As long as you are in the right, as long as you don't want to, as long as you haven't committed any violent or unlawful acts, your third sister will definitely protect you. No one can harm you or force you even a little bit, not even our parents." Xu Xiuxiu gently tucked the stray hair behind Xu Jingjing's ears, her tone gentle, soothing, and comforting.

Xu Jingjing sat by the wooden bed, quietly listening to Xu Xiuxiu's words, her hands unknowingly twisting together tightly, whitening and stiffening her fingers.

Xu Xiuxiu looked at her, worry and tension rising in her heart, but she tried hard to control her own impulses. At this moment, she had to be a supportive shoulder for Xu Jingjing; she couldn't succumb to the ordeal before Xu Jingjing did, otherwise, Xu Jingjing would be completely helpless, floating like duckweed. She might be this girl's last safe haven.

"..."

Xu Jingjing stayed silent, not making a sound. Just when Xu Xiuxiu thought Xu Jingjing would not speak, just when Xu Xiuxiu saw Xu Jingjing's vulnerable, trembling shoulders, and was about to give up on encouraging her to talk, Xu Jingjing began to speak.

"But I feel so dirty..." Xu Jingjing seemed to despise herself, the word "dirty" bitten off so heavily, it was unbearable to hear.

With a crash, Xu Xiuxiu felt her vision blur and darken momentarily, her emotions took a long time to settle before she was about to speak.

But Xu Jingjing, as if a dam had broken, grabbed her hand, raised her head to look at her with tears streaming down her face. Her eyes conveyed utter despair and pain, like a small creature trapped in darkness and an abyss, unable to save itself, wailing miserably.

"He grabbed me, wouldn't let me escape, and he hit me…"

Recalling the feeling from that time, Xu Jingjing was in terrible pain.

"He tore up my clothes and assaulted me on the haystack at our house…" As if caught in an instinctual narration, merely narrating her state was utterly shocking; Xu Xiuxiu opened her mouth wanting to stop her, but Xu Jingjing didn't give her a chance.

"I cried, I screamed, I knelt and begged him to let me go… he's scum, he wouldn't let me go, I feel so dirty now… so dirty…" Xu Jingjing said as she frantically threw off Xu Xiuxiu's hands, and then unconsciously grabbed the hem of her sleeve, tears flowing like a small river, seemingly endless.

"Si Ya…" Xu Xiuxiu cautiously reached out wanting to draw Xu Jingjing back into her arms.

Suddenly, Xu Jingjing seemed to go mad, punching her own stomach fiercely: "I feel so dirty…" she roared lowly, in unbearable pain.

Xu Xiuxiu felt her own breathing become labored; her rationality was overwhelmed by the last straw, reaching quickly to grab Xu Jingjing's hands, holding her, then forcefully pulled her into her arms to embrace her.

"It's okay now, Xu Jingjing, it's okay now, you're not dirty, you really aren't dirty at all! Be good, don't be afraid! Big sister is here! Everything is under control!" Xu Xiuxiu hugged her, not daring to relax even a bit, her chest aching sharply with her raging heart as she allowed Xu Jingjing to cry out until her voice became hoarse and her body weary.

"Sister, I'm in so much pain! I feel like I can't go on…" Xu Jingjing held Xu Xiuxiu's waist, her chin gently knocking on Xu Xiuxiu's shoulder, and finally tired from crying, her tears slowly stopped: "Every day I feel like someone is clutching my throat, and when I close my eyes, it's like repeating that filthy incident over and over. I struggle, I want to escape, but I can't get away… Ah…" she spoke with a turmoil of emotions and rationality.

Xu Xiuxiu could feel that Xu Jingjing really wanted to escape, she wanted to break free from the shackles of morality, but she didn't dare, nor did she have the courage.

"Jingjing, tell me, are you pregnant?" Xu Xiuxiu held Xu Jingjing, her voice rough as she asked. She didn't want to ask, nor did she wish to, but from Xu Jingjing's uncontrollable state just now, it seemed the situation was much more serious than she had imagined.

If she really was pregnant, what should be done?

Whoosh! Xu Jingjing instantly became stiff like a piece of wood, motionless in Xu Xiuxiu's embrace for a long while...

"Heh heh... Yes! Sister, isn't it ironic? I'm carrying that beast's child. I was ruined by him, yet I can't bear to abort it! I just can't bear it…" Xu Jingjing laughed until she couldn't hold back her tears again. She felt extreme pain, unsure of what to do.

Perhaps this was where she truly felt hopeless and in pain!

"Are you deciding to marry him because of the child?" Xu Xiuxiu stared into Xu Jingjing's eyes, her hands firmly squeezing Xu Jingjing's shoulders, needing an answer from her in this moment.

"…" However, Xu Jingjing responded with endless silence.

But sometimes silence is indeed the answer that needs no further confirmation or questioning, merely conveyed by Xu Jingjing's slightly pained eyes, merely her repeated struggles between resignation and unwillingness to concede.