I Am Overpowered And A Comedian In Another World

Jack told me to keep moving forward while sticking to the wall like a cowardly spider man until he tells me to stop.

I believed him and started walking ahead. I walked and walked but Jack said nothing.

I walked more and before I could burn all my remaining—essential to live—calories…

Jack shouted Stop!

I finally stopped and the wall I was sticking close to was burning just a few steps ahead of me.

So Jack stopped me just in time—like my body stops me after hitting six times a day—before I could get burned. He kind of saved my life by shouting just in time.

That's why I said thanks to him and in return he asked me why I was saying thanks.

And then I found out that this bastard… he wasn't even looking at me when he shouted Stop. He yelled that because of a guard with a big bulge. That guard was going to burn and he yelled stop to save him. Not me!

"I told you to look at me and you were helping a guard to stay alive? Whose side are you even on?"

"Look, pal. This world is already lacking in men with a big bulge. I was just trying to preserve them. This is for the world. For humanity."

"These guards aren't even human! They are Malthus' soldiers. They have more than two hands, eyes and some don't even have that."

Jack sighed.

"Pal," His voice carried disdain. "I didn't expect such words from you. Anyone who has a heart is a human. We all are one. There is no difference between us. There are no men and women. All are one. If I am kissing a man it doesn't make me gay because women and men are equal. You can't hit me if you find me inside a women's toilet, you can't laugh at me if you see me half naked with a man. Because deep down…"

Jack spread his arms.

"All are one."

Silence.

Jack posed as if he was in front of a camera filming a south indian movie and my brows twitched.

"... Did you just try to justify your fetishes with men and women both by calling everyone equal?"

"That's exactly what I did. I am trying to normalise infidelity. So that everyone can eat different food without poisoning. And, I am not talking about food here."

This guy is nuts. Roasted nuts at that.

I so want to ditch him like american fathers and cross the path myself but I am too deep in this shit now.

Of course, I could just let go of his body and be done with him.

But his body was my meat shield and Jack's mind reading skill and passing through ability would help me in this prison break.

So I gritted my teeth and prepared myself for more torture.

"Jack, if you are done with bullshit. Can we do the main thing now?"

"Oh. The main thing. Are you sure you want to do it right now? I thought you were eager to leave from here."

My nose scrunched. "What?"

"Don't worry, pal. You have my permission anyway."

"Your permission? For what?"

"To do it, of course."

"Do what?"

"The main thing."

"What is the main thing?"

"Sex."

"..."

My words died.

But Jack's didn't.

"You want my body, right? I only joked about dry humping it but you must have taken that seriously and now you are horny. And as your pal, you having blue balls is a disgrace for me. My pal shouldn't be suffering. That's why I will help you, my brother in arms. Undress my dead body and make it lively again. It is already on fire but make its heart ablaze. Reign over me! Destroy me, my friend! A man who steps back from helping his friend, is a man with no soul. And I am… nothing but a soul."

Jack spread his arms again like Rio De Janeiro made of plastic.

He began floating towards me.

His eyes were closed.

His pants button was open. When did he open that?

What the fuck was going on?!

He passed through his own dead body.

He was in front of my face now.

Shit..

"STOP!"

I shouted from my whole being.

The last time I shouted STOP this hard was when I caught diarrhea in the middle of a show. I thought shouting Stop would stop it. But in reality? The show turned out to be shit in both ways.

Though, unlike the shit, Jack did stopped by my shout.

"What is it, pal? Shy?" He asked, still all over my face.

"Go back first."

Jack did that.

Now he wasn't visible to me because of his dead body blocking my view and that's for the best, honestly.

"What happened though?" He asked again and my jaw clenched on its own.

"What happened? The sequence of the last ten minutes, what the hell were you trying to do?! You escalated it way too far. Don't stretch your perversions to the point of cringe!"

"But it was you who wanted help."

"Yes. I wanted help. But not that help! That wasn't what I meant by the main thing. Before I could explain, you went on to deliver a monologue as if you were passing laws only for the middle class in the parliament. What is wrong with you?"

"What is wrong with you, pal? You asked for the main thing and I was going to deliver it."

"Main thing isn't sex. Why would I talk about sex while carrying a dead body, accompanying a ghost and playing with fire?! Sex isn't the main thing at all."

"Sex isn't the main thing?" Jack's voice turned deeper. "How can you say that, pal? Sex is the reason you and I are alive right now. Sex is the reason I am in jail right now. Sex is the reason this wor—"

"Don't you dare start another podcast. And you are not even alive! Sex is meaningless for you. And you are not in jail because of sex. You are here because you tried to steal it. You are here because of the lack of it!"

"... Fair. But I still have hopes. Someone will surely come on me."

"I think you mean to say come for me."

"No. I meant what I said."

"... Forget it. Now listen carefully. I am going to spell it for you."

"Alright. Spell it for me. Yes. Yes. Give it to me."

"Dude, stop that! This isn't some kamasutra shit. Just how pent up are you?"

"I was kidding. You carry on."

A heavy sigh escaped my lips.

"From this moment on, keep your eyes only on me. Focus only on showing me the way. Tell me the directions and make sure I leave this corridor. Can you do it? Will you do it?"

"Of course, pal. I can do this much for you. This is also a main thing."

"This is the main thing. You brought sex out of nowhere here."

"Alright. Fine. Stop that now. Enough about sex already."

"... Right. It's my fault. I should stop talking about sex, right?"

"It doesn't matter who was talking about it. My body is burning and I don't want it to be destroyed. Let's focus on the goal here."

"Then stop acting like a newly appointed porn star and start telling me the directions already!"

"Yes. Yes. Get ready."

I rolled my eyes and again got ready to move.

Jack also passed for a breather and finally said:

"First, move away from the wall. If you move ahead, you will burn."

"Alright."

I did that.

"Now take five steps to the right."

"Whose right? Mine or yours?"

"We both have the same right, pal! Don't act stupid just for comedy."

"Shit. You are right. I am getting stupid staying with you."

"Praise me later. Move first."

"Yeah."

I stepped five times to my right.

"Done." I said.

"Now move ahead."

I did that.

I took one step forward. Only one step.

"Alright. Listen up, pal. We are increasing our pace from now. Because there is chaos in front of us now. It is very hard for me to concentrate on you."

I gulped. "What is happening?"

"In front of us," Jack paused. He controlled his breathing and my heart thumped faster in anticipation.

"What is it? What is in front of us?" I asked.

Jack inhaled a gulp of air and in a grim manner, revealed:

"All the soldiers are naked now."

"..."

"Slurp."

"Don't drool over that! I thought the fire increased. Don't build suspense for nothing."

"Oh. Yeah. That too. There are seventy burning soldiers in front of us, running around. I didn't tell you this as this wasn't all that important."

"This is the important stuff, motherfucker! You should have said this in the start. Wait.. if they are burning then who is naked?"

"The soldiers. The seventy soldiers in front of us are naked and burning. We have some burning naked soldiers running around. Absolute cinema, if you ask me."

"Shit. Them burning was already a problem and now they are naked too. I don't want to die by the hands of naked men. I am not a kidnapped prostitute."

"Yes. That's why, pal…" Jack cracked his knuckles. No sound came but the effect was enough.

And then in his all so serious voice, he passed the verdict.

"We are going to run like we used to run after children when their school goes off. Get ready for the kiss of nostalgia, pal."

"..."

This man would never let me come out of jail.