I Am Overpowered And A Comedian In Another World

Me, Jack and his dead body were in the narrow corridor. The corridor was as narrow as a sophisticated man's nose because he never poked inside it to make it wider.

Guards were in front of us and since I am sticking to the wall of the corridor like a sticky note with just gibberish on it, away from the fire torch, no one was able to see me.

Heck, if I had stayed quiet they wouldn't have even got to know that someone is here. But Jack had made me angry so I couldn't help but shout like an LGBTQ supporter.

Anyway, the guard standing in front of the other guards was a good man.

Not only did he decide to talk before attacking blindly, he also made sure I got to know whom I should stay away from in this prison.

And no. It wasn't a prisoner I should stay away from. It was a guard named Johnson.

There is always a Johnson in prison. Just like there is always a Chris in Marvel.

And since the kind guard told me about Johnson, I would make sure I stay away from him. The guard really helped me by giving a heads-up. Therefore, it's only natural that his kindness was appreciated, so I asked for his good name.

And with a warm smile, the guard answered:

"I am Johnson."

"..."

My words died.

They died like a woke woman while crossing the road because she wanted to walk before the men could even if it's a red light.

After that name reveal, Jack jolted his head towards me and I imagined the dead body also raising its brows in a sus manner at me.

And the kind guard—no. fcuk the kind—the only thing kind about him was him not running his hands all over me right away.

"... You are Johnson?" I asked.

The guard grinned wider. "I am."

My throat went parched. "Am I safe?"

"That depends on your face. Come to the light then I will decide if you would come to the dark side or gray side."

"What are those sides? And about the gray side… Did you perhaps added an R by mistake in there?"

"No. See, if you are pretty then the dark side is me. And if you are not up to my standards but still have potential, then you will go to the gray side."

I gulped. "Is this some kind of model agency? What's on the gray side?"

The guard stabbed in the air with his spear.

"Orcs."

A shiver ran down my spine.

I understood why he stabbed the air with his long spear. I got it.

With a smile, he continued, "They would do anything that is alive and can scream. They have no preferences. If it can bleed, it can breed."

That's the kind of dialogue I say. Can't believe I am on the receiving end now.

But forget it, I neither want the dark side nor the gray side, especially the gray side. My grandpa would have loved it though. He would have made himself ugly just to be rejected by Johnson and sent to that side.

But I am not my grandpa.

I am a sane man. Though, If the gray side was filled with seed hungry succubuses I might have given a thought about it, but definitely not with the Orcs.

[ What if the Orcs are females? ]

Hmm.

"Er, Johnson? About the gray side, are the Orcs male or female there?"

"Yeah. Tell me, too. I can't touch them but I can at least touch myself."

Me and Jack both asked Johnson because we both found the system's question logical and a perfect example of how to think for possibilities before answering.

[ You both are a lost cause. I was just messing around and you both took it damn seriously! And you don't even have enough time to indulge with the Orcs. They might keep you with them for months and the quest should be completed in 2 days! And wait… I thought you wanted to do it with a normal human as your first time? ]

'Desperate times require desperate solutions. And if I am getting any kind of pleasure for free… Well, I am a down to hell guy.'

[ Fine. If that's the case I will make sure you don't slack off at all. ]

'Wait.. are you angry? I was just kidding. Don't do anything I might regret. Don't try to record me when I go to the washroom. Don't try to— Wait. Why am I giving him ideas! Shit. Are you there?'

No reply came.

Guess he isn't there.

The system went silent and me and Jack stared at Johnson.

"You both want to know whether the Orcs on the grayside are male or female?"

"Well, it won't hurt to know, right?" Jack said.

Johnson shrugged and asked: "Tell me this, what do you want the Orcs to be? Male? Or female?"

The answer was clear.

Me and Jack both spoke at the same time in a single breath.

"Female."

"Male."

Johnson and the other guards frowned at us and I jerked my head at the ghost.

"Did you just say Male?"

Jack pumped his chest. "Yes."

"Why!? What is your problem? You wanted to summon a female spirit when you were alive, now you want male Orcs. Did your taste change after dying? What kind of hormonal ritual did you undergo for this behavior? People are spending millions to change their sex and you are out here doing it for free after becoming a ghost."

"Hear me out, pal. There is a good reason I said Male."

"Yeah? What is this good reason? You wanted to sleep with someone who knows how to unlock a belt and close it again after the deal is done?"

"No! Wait… that could be a good excuse for me in future. But forget it, I said Male for some other reason."

"And what is that?"

"Because I never got what I wanted in my life. I asked for a female Spirit, got nothing. I asked for an afterlife, got nothing. I decided to settle with a goat once, but some animal lovers took the goat away from me too. I was just about to finish too. I even told them I am wearing protection but they listened to nothing and took the goat away from me.

As you can see by now that I got nothing what I wished for that's why I asked for Male Orcs and now I am sure I would either get nothing or female Orcs. But I am definitely not getting Male ones because I asked for them. That's how my life works."

"... That's fine and all but I am glad your wish with the goat wasn't fulfilled. Even make a wish foundation wouldn't have helped you with that."

"Make a wish, what? What kind of foundation is that? Does it exist here? Do they fulfil people's wishes? Are they accepting ghosts? I promise, I'll ask for something reasonable. I will only ask for one squeeze and two bites… in every hour."

"I can understand the squeeze but why bite. Shouldn't you be gentle with them?"

"I should, yes. But if I stayed too gentle, I would forget how I felt. Biting would make me remember the feeling for a long time."

"I see. So you can think about the future too." I nodded. "But too bad for you, there is no foundation like that in this world. Bad luck."

"Of course." Jack laughed. "See? I again didn't get what I wanted. That's how it is. So don't worry about the male Orcs, pal."

"That's good to know."

"No!"

Someone yelled.

Me and Jack became vigilant like a man masturbating while living in a joint family.

But that shout, I had a bad feeling about that.