NOVEL NEXT Chapter 83: Another day, another person in this universe jumping to conclusions
Literally a minute after Marin left, Rob emerged from his room.
He looked fresh as someone who'd been sleeping twelve hours straight with a leaf over his eyes. His hair was slightly ruffled from sleep, and his eyes were still adjusting to the light like a newborn calf encountering a lantern.
"Morning," he said, stretching. "I heard the commotion. Did I miss something?"
Griesa froze, eyes wide, hair frizzing at the ends as if static shock had licked her soul. She was still strapped into the keg, polishing a second keg with the first keg's mechanical arm, which was now polishing with spite.
"You," she hissed.
"Me?" Rob pointed at himself.
Blorbo's legs trembled. A scream echoed inside him. No one heard it.
YES, YOU.
"YOU COULDN'T HAVE COME OUT ONE MINUTE EARLIER?" Griesa furiously polished her second keg.
He stared at her. "Uh. I guess? I had to—wait, why?"
"I SWEAR ON THE KING'S LEFT SANDAL, ROB, IF YOU HAD JUST EMERGED FROM THAT ROOM FIFTY-NINE SECONDS EARLIER, I WOULDN'T BE WEARING A KEG."
You ruined everything, Rob! It's all your fault for waking up so late! Blorbo glanced at a clock. It's already 5:16 in the morning!
"... Is that a metaphor?"
"DO I LOOK LIKE A METAPHOR TO YOU?!"
SHE'S GONE FULL KETTLE. YOU WERE OUR LAST HOPE, ROB. WHY DO YOU WAKE UP LIKE A SLOW-COOKED TURNIP.
Rob held up his hands. "Okay. Just… what happened?"
"Oh, nothing! Just the most important customer we've ever had wandered in. Specifically to see you, might I add! and left because someone was too busy sleeping through the Questline of Destiny!"
Rob stared at her for another second and simply asked, "So… what's for breakfast?"
"Nothing. You don't deserve breakfast!"
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"Uh. Okay. I have money on me and I pay like a normal patron, though. Can I have some soup?"
"YOU DON'T DESERVE BREAKFAST!"
Lena walked out after Rob, stretching and yawning. "Hiya. What happened?"
Griesa pointed a trembling finger at Rob. The rat burst from her hat's trapdoor and pointed its finger at Rob, too. "While you were sleeping, your husband RUINED me!"
"What," Rob and Lena said in unison, although Lena's 'what' was markedly sharper.
Lena turned to Rob, blinking rapidly. "EXCUSE me?!"
Great. Another day, another person in this universe jumping to conclusions.
Rob turned to her, deadpanned. "No. That's not what she meant—"
"ROB." Lena grabbed his face. "You didn't even say good morning to me. You didn't even brush your teeth, and you were going to ruin HER before ME?!"
What? Why is the ORDER of ruining the important thing here?
"I don't even know her last name!" Rob squeaked.
Griesa shrieked, "NOT IN THAT WAY!" The rat shrieked in solidarity.
Lena's eyes narrowed. Her nostrils flared. "Oh. Oh, so it's like that again, huh?"
"Again?" Rob's eyes widened.
AGAIN?! Rob. What kind of unforgivable sin have you committed?
"You woke up early," Lena said, her voice sharp as a paring knife. "Came out here. ATE someone's breakfast. Didn't even wait for the rest of us. Like you always do."
"What? No! I didn't ruin any—"
"Every. Single. Time," she hissed. "Every time we go somewhere new. You find the food. You eat first. You pretend you 'didn't know' we were supposed to eat together. You think I don't notice?!"
Griesa, still halfway hysterical, looked between them. "Wait—what?"
"I haven't even had breakfast!" Rob cried. "She said I don't deserve it!"
"Exactly," Lena snapped. "Not until everyone is seated, and the rat has said grace!"
"My rat has a name! His name is Kurix!"
Rob turned to Griesa. "Can we have TWO bowls of soup to eat at the SAME TIME, then?"
Lena shrugged. "That's fair."
What? You were inconsolably mad two seconds ago. How the hell are you perfectly normal now?
"You will NOT get two soups," Griesa barked as she polished the entire bar counter. "I will make you THREE soups. Nobody here can have breakfast before I do."
"No problem," Rob said.
"If it turns out it's your fault I won't ever get a chance to get RUINED by Sir Marin, I will build an army of mecha-dogs that will chase you down and bite you in the calf for eternity."
"Yes problem," Rob said.
"Marin is not a Sir, though," Ducaz, popping his head out of the room, chimed in.
"Who asked for your opinion?" Griesa growled.
"Good point." Ducaz popped his head back in.
Rob. Good luck dealing with two mad women at once.