Heretical Fishing: A Cozy Guide to Annoying the Cults, Outsmarting the Fish, and Alienating Oneself

B3 | 35 - Correction



As Rocky walked the final stretch of sand between the fence and Fischer, he could hardly contain his excitement. The time of Fischer’s uncontested reign was finally at an end.

He had five cultivators with him, all of which were loyal to him. On top of that, he had the support of two non-cultivators, and though they were yet to ascend, they were almost there. They were far from regular humans, too; they were the lord and lady of Tropica, their noble blood giving them more authority. Rocky glanced back at the two, scowling when he saw how nervous they appeared. They were timid, but he would change that. Through a combination of violence and delicious treats, he would mold them into something greater. Once they ascended, he could use their influence to convert the rest of Tropica’s villagers.

He pictured it in his mind, the lord kneeling before him, the rest of the citizens bowing so low that their foreheads touched the sand, just as his reliable cultists did. It was a wondrous sight, and it was all possible because of Rocky’s ingenious planning. He puffed his carapace out even more, feeling as large as Pistachio. The closer he got to the feast, the more his anticipation grew, and when they came into sight, he let out slow, hissing laughter, getting everyone’s attention.

But something was wrong. There were only two people sitting on the sand, everyone else having disappeared. Fischer got to his feet first, casting his eyes over them all. Maria stood next, and she studied them, her brow furrowing. Okay, so it was only Fischer and his girlfriend there—that was no matter. Rocky bathed in the confusion his adversary must be feeling right now.

“George? Is that you, mate?” Fischer asked.

The lord, who was supposed to be his follower, lowered his eyes. “H-hello, Fischer.”

Rocky’s blood boiled. Fischer dared ignore him and speak directly with his loyal followers?

Look, he hissed, gesturing at the cultivators loyal to him. Mine. They are mine.

Fischer smiled at Rocky’s cultivators, but as his essence flowed out toward them, the smile died on his face. “You...” Fischer balled his fists at his side and narrowed his eyes at Rocky. “What did you do?”

Rocky held his claws high, hissing with manic laughter. Fischer finally understood that Rocky had created his own faction. He stood to the tips of his many legs, his entire body shaking with mirth.

It. Was. Glorious.

***

I narrowed my eyes at the malignant little crab. The Cult of Carcinization had all become cultivators, which in itself was no big deal—I suspected they’d do so sooner rather than later because of their meditative practice. The problem was that there was something off about their chi. They were tinged with crab, and given Rocky’s triumphant pose, I suspected I knew the culprit.

Rocky spun toward Joel, leveling a claw at him.

Explain, he hissed.

Joel nodded, bowing low to the little miscreant. “Fischer, things are not as they seem. I’m aware that this great spirit beast was pretending to be a loyal pet to you, but she is an awakened creature. You cannot expect to control such a—”

“She?” I asked, cutting him off. “What are you talking about?”

Joel gave me a quizzical look. “Uhhh, you told me that Sergeant Snips was a female when you introduced us... oooh.” He snapped his fingers, seemingly realizing something. “I see. You’re playing coy because of Maria.” He gave us a kind smile that would have seemed condescending on most faces, but not Joel’s. “Worry not, Fischer—things have changed, and the time for secrecy is over.”

Maria tilted her head to the side, her hair falling free of her ear. “What’s changed, Joel? And why would Fischer play coy around me?”

“Because,” Jess replied, stepping forward with fervent eyes. “He has been in contact with a spirit beast for the last few months. Our beloved deity, Sergeant Snips, has helped us take steps on the path of ascension.” She pointed at Rocky, who still cackled and puffed himself up like a cornered echidna. “Now that she has chosen us as her cast of crabs, there is no longer a need to hide the Cult of Carcinization’s evolution to a church.”

I raised a finger and opened my mouth to correct her, but I didn’t even know where to begin.

Maria started laughing, the sound light and bouncing at first. Before long, she was hanging off my shoulder, relying on my support to stand upright as the laughter took her. I smiled down at her, getting swept up in her enjoyment of the moment.

“All of that is wrong, Jess,” she eventually got out, wiping tears from her eyes. “Though I’m starting to understand how you got there.”

Jess’s eyebrow had arched when Maria first started giggling, and it remained high, punctuated by the occasional twitch. “I understand why you’re in denial—it’s a lot to take in, but I assure you, Fischer has been cavorting with a spirit beast for most of the time he has been here. Though Sergeant Snips could have ended his life at any time, she spared him, showing just how magnanimous she is.”

Figuring it was time to set the record straight, I took a step forward, but Maria squeezed my shoulder.

“I’ve got it,” she said, patting me.

I gestured for her to go ahead, and she took a few steps forward, holding her hands behind her back and looking mightily cute.

“First of all, let me just confirm that you believe that crab there to be Sergeant Snips.”

Jess’s mouth formed a line, but Joel strode forward, laying a calming hand on her lower back. “That is her name, yes. I know that it’s a lot to take in, but—”

“Got it,” Maria interrupted, nodding. “You’ve been lied to, but that’s not really surprising. That crab’s name is Rocky, and he is a spirit beast, yes, but he’s anything but magnanimous. In fact, he’s a bit of a prick.”

The entire Cult of Carcinization—or I suppose they were a church now—gasped.

“Watch your tongue, Maria!” Joel warned, seeming genuinely worried about our health. Which was entirely misplaced but still warmed my heart a little.

“Yeah, I’m not finished.” Maria shook her head. “You said that Fischer was cavorting with a spirit beast, but that’s not exactly true.”

“Maria...” Joel winced, then gave me a half smile. “Is she okay, Fischer? I worry that this is too much for her.”

“Oh?” I raised a brow. “How so?”

He frowned. “Because she says she’s aware of Sergeant Snips’s existence as a spirit beast, yet she uses the wrong name.” His narrowed eyes shifted to Maria. “In the same breath, Maria, you deny that Fischer has been in contact with any spirit beasts.”

“Nah, she’s right, mate. She got you on a technicality.”

“A... technicality?”

“Yeah!” I grinned, unable to hide my amusement any longer. “She said that I hadn’t been in contact with a spirit beast, which is entirely true.” My eyes shifted over them, taking in their confusion. “I’ve been cavorting with way more than one spirit beast.” I clapped my hands together. “If you would, everyone!”

On cue, sand erupted behind me. A massive cloud of debris billowed, obscuring every being that had just emerged from the ground.

I spread my arms wide. “Allow me to introduce my animal pals...”

***

Since the arrival of Fischer, all George could do was listen to the exchange of words.

His body felt numb, and no matter how much he relied on the breathing and mindfulness exercises of House Kraken, Fischer’s web was too all-encompassing to ignore. He and Geraldine had already discovered that Fischer was an elite among Gormona’s auditors, but this... this was worse than they ever could have imagined,

With each word spoken, George’s dread only grew.

Fischer had apparently been in contact with the spirit beast for months. Joel and Jess clearly knew of this, having been introduced to Sergeant Snips by Fischer. His mind raced, trying to connect the dots.

If Fischer was here and involved in this conspiracy, it had to be under the king’s orders. Fischer was high in the command of Gormona, so it was the only possibility. Was that why his house had appeared basically overnight? It made more sense than anything else; for a mission so important, the king would have spared no expense. Dozens of cultivators could have brought the supplies overnight and constructed the building before the sun rose. Thinking of cultivators made George’s blood run cold, which was the only sensation making it through the fog that seemed to surround his body.

He and Geraldine might be turning into cultivators.

It was all well and good to trust the instincts of his family, but what would happen when the king found out about it? When another possibility struck him, a shiver ran through George, and it was all he could do to stay upright. The king might already know. What if the spirit beast was working under the king? Every story about ascendant creatures told that they couldn’t be controlled, yet the king clearly knew of this crab’s existence. He was aware, but hadn’t sent his horde of collared cultivators after it. Everyone knew that spirit beasts grew in power insanely fast, so why hadn’t the king tried to snuff its life out before it could gain more power?

The more pieces of the puzzle that fell into place, the less George understood.

He glanced to the side, tearing his attention from the conversation to check up on Geraldine. She appeared just as aggrieved as he felt, her face moving minutely as her mind whirled. As ever, her brilliance was a light in the dark, shining a warmth over him that would have calmed him completely in any other circumstance. He decided then and there that no matter what happened, he and Geraldine would escape. They had to find a moment to slip out and disappear. He knew not where they’d go, but it had to be far from the king.

Fischer’s next sentence ripped George from his internal resolution.

“I’ve been cavorting with way more than one spirit beast.”

George’s eyes darted back toward Fischer, and what he found there made George’s old terror reignite, burning like a bonfire within him. Fischer was grinning at them, his teeth bared in obvious delight. He was relishing in this moment, soaking in their despair after speaking such terrible words.

It had to be a lie, though. There was no way that Fischer had actually—

The man clapped his hands together sharply, the sound so loud that it made the night air quiver. “If you would, everyone!”

The ground behind Fischer exploded, sending sand and dust flying in every direction. Whatever had emerged was obscured by the debris, its body large enough to throw a cloud of sand bigger than the very headland.

Fischer spread his arms wide, his smile growing even more predatory. “Allow me to introduce my animal pals...”

George’s legs finally gave out, and he fell to his knees as all hope of escape left him.

***

Rocky was content with the events so far.

Yes, his followers would find out that he wasn’t really Sergeant Snips, but it was no matter. They had already pledged themselves to him. They could gaze upon Sergeant Snips’s mighty carapace, powerful claws, and beautiful spikes just as he did. Let them experience all the wonder that came with her, and when they learned that Rocky was her sole subordinate, it would only heighten their opinions of him, further cementing their dedication.

The two unascended humans were showing a little too much fear of Fischer. It was grating, but he could correct that behavior later in private. Fischer was as self-important as ever, and when the man spread his arms wide before the cloud of sand the rest of the spirit beasts and cultivators had thrown up, Rocky rolled his eyes.

But then, something unacceptable occurred.

With his eyes still locked on Fischer, George fell to his knees. Beside him, his wife did the same.

Rocky saw red.

He had personally invited them to join his congregation. They had agreed to be his followers. And now they dared fall to their knees in supplication to their master’s greatest enemy? Rocky’s blood became hot magma, fueling the actions that would have to follow. His pride demanded it. Without a second thought, he launched himself forward, flexing his limbs.

With his claws held open, he descended upon the humans, intent on correcting the behavior immediately via violent interjection.


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