George Knows Best [Mud Wizard LitRPG]

"Conor, let me just say this up front, I've never liked you."

"I'm touched, Ali."

"Always thought there was something fishy in the way Bob assaulted you in the pub."

"Hand to my heart, all I did was tell him a funny story."

"A funny story, eh? Funny that. Bob usually appreciates funny stories."

"Ali, spit it out already. What've you got to say?"

"This decision of yours. It's a stinker. I'm talking Bob's bloody don't-sleep-oath level. We ought to summon Bob back."

"You made your opinion plenty clear in the council. I've heard it all before."

"But Conor, we reviewed the crime notifications. The man hadn't put a toe out of line. He was a sitting vegetable."

"On a public roadway, that's a minor infraction right there."

"Conor, be serious. The citizenry mobbed the man, kidnapped his dog and beat down his woman, and he didn't even kill anyone! Restraint of an angel."

"Bah! I've never seen a plainer referendum on government reform. The people voted with their fists. All good cities boot out their founders. Nobody likes being in another man's debt."

"Look at those walls, Conor. He build those for the city, for free! He spent hours every day arbitrating, organizing, governing. We didn't pay him. Not a penny of tax revenue ever went to Bob. He singlehandedly sponsored our economy."

"Bread and circuses, Ali. You can't let a small gift cloud your judgement. Power is without price."

"Call him back, Conor. I promise he'll be reasonable."

"Now who's telling funny stories? He'll have my head in a jar."

"Not Bob. I've watched him let villains go free. You're just slime. He'll scrap you off his shoe and keep walking."

"A very pretty metaphor. But it's too late."

"He wrote back already?"

"Why do you think we're making for the gate?"

"George above, Conor. We don't even know this guy. Who's going to protect us when things go sour?"

"I had really hoped we could snag George. I tried everything I could. Dog was too noble. And now we've got a giant statue of someone else's dog. It's a tad embarrassing."

"Conor!"

"Ali, you're catastrophizing. You were at the council. We heard several credible reports. They all agreed. He's a most honorable man. Now he might not do what we want, but he won't slaughter us wholesale."

"You didn't fancy a crack at the top job?"

"You flatter me. Unfortunately, the game's rigged. I've no title. I can't manipulate this settlement tab. I can't take citizenry oaths. No, we need a nobleman."

They had reached the top of the city walls. It was middle night.

"Sentry, any sight of them?"

"Yes, sir. They're traveling at pace. Expect contact in three minutes."

"Open the gate."

"Conor, how do you know it's not a trap?"

"Stupid question. Of course, I don't know."

"It might be the bandit king. We know he has agents in the city."

"Pick your poison. If the bandit king attacks now, we're screwed either way."

"Dammit Conor. Dammit all."

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

"Ali, I know you don't like me. Lots of people don't. That just means you're interesting. But Bob wasn't leadership material. He didn't inspire people. He was a junior QA engineer, who spent most of his time investigating a made-up bug."

"Is that what this is about? Conor, this is not the before. Bob strolled into the middle of an enemy camp and massacred half their forces. He's a one-man-army. A one-man-construction-team. He's the richest man in the world. And he actually gave a crap about the citizenry."

"Pipe down, Ali. They'll hear you."

Three men. One blue and white banner.

Their leader was tall, proud, of noble bearing, dressed inJapanese plate armor. A long curved sword at his hip. A war fan in hand.

"Well met, Kenshin Mushin. Here speaks Conor O'Conor, acting representative of the first city, Uruk Mudwalls."

"Well met, Conor O'Conor."

"Uruk is faced with an existential crisis. We need a wise hand to steer the ship of state. We could wish for no better than your Highness. On behalf of the citizenry of Uruk, I have been granted authority to name you our liege lord. Should you choose to accept."

"Hm..."

Kenshin surveyed the city.

Mighty walls. Well-paved roads. Ordered houses. Stability, prosperity and plenty.

"You appear to have little need for aid."

"Your Highness honors our small city. But I'm afraid a great wolf prowls about these walls. And we don't have the strength to resist him."

"The bandit king?"

"Aye, your Highness."

"He sits in the eighth place on the leaderboard. Bob the Brown sits four above him. Why summon me?"

Conor spat dramatically on the ground. Ali tried not to roll his eyes.

"Bob, the tyrant. May his name be cursed. Your Highness, we the people could suffer his oppression no longer. He would drink himself into a dark mood and lash out at strangers. He burnt down parts of his own city. He sent wee children into battle. He knocked down grandmothers in the street. He was on the verge of massacring civilians, when we cast him out of the city."

"Strange. Most strange. The reports I heard do not agree."

Kenshin eyed the Uruk envoy.

"You want me to trust you? Swear it to me. On pain of death."

"I, Conor O'Conor, swear Robert Brown behaved in the described manner."

Kenshin waited a moment. But alas Conor was not struck down.

Truth is ambiguous at best.

"Then my path is clear. Kageie, raise the banner."

Kenshin's attendant planted the flag into the ground. It fluttered and flapped in the night wind through the open gate. Kenshin removed his helmet.

"I, Kenshin Mushin, at the entreaty of its citizenry, lay claim to the first city, Uruk Mudwalls. I will be your shield, your servant and your sword. I have given my word. It shall be so."

An oath, a binding oath. The city was saved. Uruk was secure. Let the bandit king try to attack them now. Conor had done it. He had saved them all. He had outplayed the great powers and rescued Uruk from certain destruction.

"Kenshin. Kenshin. Kenshin."

All cheered and chanted.

"Kenshin. Kenshin. Kenshin."

Ping!

Everyone's eyes glazed over.

A champion has fallen.

"Who is it? Who's died?"

Conor had gone white. He was grinding his teeth together.

"The bandit king."

"Who got him?"

"Who do you think!"

Ali whooped.

"Bob fricking did it. He's fulfilled his oath. He's free! Free! George above, I don't believe it. To whip the bandit king and his army. Just him and the dog."

Kenshin listened attentively. He was not pleased with what he heard.

"Explain."

"A great wolf prowls these walls. Bob the Brown, he is called. A nasty, dark-smelling magician, with a ferocious, fire-breathing hound at his side. We require your aid to resist him."

Kenshin was not amused. "You think he will try to take back the city?"

"We may not have been on the most chummy of terms."

Kenshin turned to Ali.

"Was Bob an evil tyrant?"

"Closer to a saint, your Honor."

Kenshin scowled at Conor, who gave his politician's smile.

"How many men does he have?"

"No men, your Honor. Just a woman and a dog last I checked."

"He sounds like quite the villain," Kenshin said pointedly. "Well what is there to fear? You have an army, no? Or who built these walls?"

"Bad news, your Honor," Ali scratched his chin. "Bob built those walls. Well Bob and George. They built everything. Walls, roads, houses. Bob the Builder we called him."

"Warfare is not a matter of construction. The citizenry drove him out of the city, did they not?"

"'Drove out' is a touch misleading. I pretty sure he just didn't want to have slaughter half his citizens."

Kageie pushed Conor down to the ground and drew his blade.

"Lord, this wretch has deceived you."

A hush fell over the assembled company. Conor did his best not to look scared.

He didn't succeed.

Kenshin stared down at him. His gaze cold and hard. Considering.

A long moment passed, Kageie's blade hovering over Conor's head.

"Sheath your blade, Kageie. Did he not swear? The fault is mine. The truth has many faces. It is I who was foolish."

Kageie stepped back and Conor made to rise his feet, freezing as he met Kenshin's gaze.

"But do not think I have forgotten, Conor O'Conor"

Then turning back to Ali: "Now speak plainly to me. Do you think he can take the city?"

"Probably."

"But you do have an army?"

"Yes."

"And I am here with two of my best fighters."

"Your Honor, you look tough as nails. Your companions too, they look like hot shit. But I'm sorry, this here is Uruk. Uruk Mudwalls. Uruk the city of mud. Look around you. Mud buildings, mud streets, mud floors. You're the general, how do you expect to stop a man who can appear anywhere, flee anywhere, and controls the very ground under your feet."

"Battles are not won by one man. No matter how great."

"Did I mention that he went alone into the bandit king's camp and massacred half his army?"

"No. No, you did not."

"Your Honor, I think it might be wisest if you turned around and waddled back to your city. Bob really wasn't that bad. In fact, you know what, I kinda of liked him."

"There is nothing on earth I would rather do. But I have sworn my oath."

"Then god help us, your Honor. God help us."