First Song

Sarah had left her choice of clothing for me hanging from my door frame – I almost had a faceful of blouse and calf-length skirt when I left my room. She’d also helpfully left me a set of what looked like relatively new underwear. I wasn’t sure whether the bra would fit me, but if I was going to be wearing that blouse, it was best that I wear at least something underneath.

Tucked just to the side of my door were a pair of simple, black boots. Thankfully she hadn’t picked a pair that had a heel of more than a couple of centimetres – I had like no practice trying to walk in shoes with any kind of height. It would be nice if Sarah and I were close enough in size to share footwear. Otherwise, I was going to be flip-flopping around until I could buy some new ones.

I was still thinking about what Muse had said when we’d discussed my uni friend. She thought that maybe it was a reasonable idea for Rishaan to learn more about what’s happening, but I was still hesitant. It felt like I’d have to come out to him at some point, if we went down this route. Ugh.

‘Just tell him that he gets to speak with an alien. He seems like the kind of human that would be thrilled with that,’ Muse said.

I laughed. Too true. Alright then.

Wandering back to my room, I picked up my phone and started to write out some messages.

Me: Just so you know, that video’s not a fake

Me: Also, where abouts do you live?

Some breakfast was most certainly in order while I waited for him to reply. Still wearing an oversized t-shirt that served me as a nightie, I went downstairs and poured myself some cereal. It was only once I was sitting at the dining table to eat that Rish replied.

Rish: How do you know that it’s not fake?

He also told me that he lived about an hour away by train, which was actually pretty close, all things considered. I think I remembered him telling me about that before, which was one of the reasons why we’d stuck together at uni. My cunning plan might just work.

In the time I’d been getting my breakfast I’d been debating with myself – and Muse – about how I should actually come out to him. Ultimately, I accepted that if I was going to have to do it, then it’d be best to do it quickly. I knew that the longer I thought about it, the more anxious I’d get.

Looking back at my phone, I tapped out some more messages.

Me: I’m going to need you to keep a really open mind okay?

Me: I need to tell you about Muse

Obviously he wasn’t going to have a clue what I was talking about, but I had to postpone the inevitable barrage of text messages that he’d be flinging at me if I told him that I had an alien friend. I considered how to best approach this, ultimately deciding that face-to-face would kill two metaphorical birds with one literal video call.

Me: Okay, so I think we need to video call each other for me to show you some things

Rish: Alright… gimme a sec to set up my camera

Shit, he wanted to do it right now? I needed to set my webcam up, too. I rarely ever used it and hadn’t bothered plugging it in since I’d come home. I had a similar aversion to them as I had to mirrors.

We exchanged details, and I quickly finished my breakfast. The moment my bowl was safely in the kitchen, I ran back upstairs to connect my webcam and unmute my microphone. My heart was starting to race, and it took Muse’s assistance for me to avoid a full-on panic attack. I was really doing this.

The camera and microphone level checks were... odd. My mind was telling me to freak out about someone being able to see and hear me, while spikes of euphoria were pinging around in my brain. I also had a layer of anxiety over the top of everything – I’d be explaining what’d happened to me, to a friend of less than a year.

When the dialogue box popped up for me to accept the call, I hesitated. Was this really the best thing for me to be doing? Why did it have to be now? Maybe I could-.

No. No more putting things off just because I was afraid.

I clicked the little camera icon and saw the light of my webcam flicker to green. I took a deep breath and steeled myself.

Then he appeared on the screen in front of me, his eyebrows immediately lifting as he saw my new appearance.

“Uh… hi,” he said to me, his composure breaking immediately. I was definitely not who he’d been expecting to see.

I smiled and waggled my fingers to him in a wave.

“Hey Rish,” I called out, acutely aware of how my voice sounded – like it belonged to the young woman that I was. More specifically, a young woman dressed in her baggy night time shirt – but still.

“Is, uh… is Dave there?” he asked, still staring at me.

I waved again, still smiling at his confusion. “Hi, it’s me. Though I go by Erin now.”

His brain seemed to short-circuit as he looked at me, his mind processing what I’d just said. He was alternating between laughing and staring at me.

We sat that way for a good ten seconds, each waiting for the other to speak. I think he was hoping that my old self would suddenly appear on camera and tell him it had been a joke. Surprise!

“So…” I began, continuing on. “I said I wanted to tell you about Muse.”

He was still staring at me, but he managed a small nod. He was leaning a little closer to his screen now, squinting slightly.

“No, really. Where’s Dave?” he insisted. So, he was still absolutely refusing to believe that I am who I claimed to be.

I flicked a hand in the air in exasperation, sighing. “Alright, I guess we get to do the cliché thing and you can ask me questions that only I’d know.”

“Are you using some kind of voice changer and deep fake AI to change how you look?” he asked, and I sighed again. He was going to make this really hard for me, wasn’t he.

Still in full view of the camera, I removed my headset and picked up my phone. I dialled his number and waited. There was a pause of a few seconds while the call connected. Eventually, I heard the faint sound of a mobile phone ringing on his end of our video connection. His eyes went wide and he slowly reached for the device that was vibrating on his desk. He accepted the call and put his phone to his ear.

Still looking into his eyes, I said, “Hello Rish. Do you still think it might be voice changing software?”

‘Considering where he’s been looking, he’s incredibly distrusting of the things he sees and hears,’ Muse cut in.

I lifted my eyebrows at him as he just continued to stare. But, a couple of seconds later he shook his head and ended the phone call. I put my headset back on, watching his bewildered expression of uncertainty.

We sat there for another twenty seconds or so, him just visibly thinking things over. “Alright, so… if you’re… who you say you are, who won our last game?”

I thought back for a moment, my eyes shifting from the screen as I delved into my memory. “You did, but only because those girls distracted me.”

He snorted at that, a smile breaking through, “Oh please, mate. I was destroying you.”

The use of ‘mate’ was a slight sting, but less than it would have been before the changes had happened. I tried to remain unfazed, and I waved a hand to dismiss him, “I could have made a comeback.”

“What was the score in the end, like 21-10?” he asked, looking highly doubtful.

“21-12,” I corrected. “I only remember because of the song.”

He smiled that cocky grin of his a little longer, though it began to fade far too soon.

“What the hell happened? Why do you look... like that?” he asked, his hand gesturing at his camera, and me.

This time it was my turn to smile, “Like a woman? Because I am one, Rish. I always have been, on the inside – I just needed some help.”

He squinted, “So you’re what? Trans? But what does that mean? What help?”

I wondered if Muse was able to make my eyes glow, you know, just for the effect?

‘Mmm. I can never say no to some dramatic flare. Are you certain?’

I smiled at Rish and moved in a little closer to the screen. I definitely think that it would help if he could see…

His mouth opened in shock as he mirrored me, leaning in for a closer look.

“Holy shit. Mate, are your eyes glowing?” he half whispered. “Just like that girl-.”

“Like I said before, I need to tell you about Muse.”

---

Rishaan looked like he didn’t know which way was up any more. After another half an hour of battling to try to persuade him that I had an alien living inside me, I think he was ready to accept it. Or at least, he was willing to humour me.

“So, if you’d like to, you could come visit me? You’d get to meet Muse in person... kinda,” I said to him.

He looked unsure.

“It’d also be pretty neat to play badminton again,” I added, hope causing my sentence to rise at the end.

There was another reason I’d like to get him here in person – to be able to witness my name change documents. I had to have someone that knew me confirm that it was me that had signed it. One caveat is that it can’t be someone you live with or are related to. Rish was a perfect fit.

He ran his hands down his face and looked behind him. He was in what I guessed was his bedroom. Clothes and dirty plates were strewn over and covered what appeared to be every surface that the camera could see.

“Alright, but maybe at the weekend?” he conceded after a long moment of indecision, looking back at me.

“Yes!” I said, with an added fist pump.

He smirked, then rolled his eyes.

“Oh!” I added, holding up a finger. “If you see anything else about people with glowing eyes, or aliens? Please let me know.”

He gave me a small, mock salute with four fingers.

We joked around a little more, and he became more relaxed with every ribbing, until we agreed to end the call. He’d text me closer to the weekend to let me know when he’d be over.

The moment that the light on my webcam turned off, I exhaled loudly. I’d tried really hard to hide it from Rishaan, but I’d been shaking the whole time.

---

As afternoon began to roll around, I was getting more and more apprehensive about the idea of visiting the doctor and explaining everything again. This time, to someone a bit less open-minded and a whole lot more authoritative.

I decided to shower before trying on the clothes that Sarah had left me. Mostly, this was just to distract myself from the impending doom my brain was certain was coming.

For only the second time in my life, I shaved my legs. I managed to get away with only cutting myself once, which was pretty good going, right?

Muse had tutted at me as I noticed the crimson liquid running from the small nick around my knee. It had already started to sting. Shaving knees is hard, okay?

‘Are you sure you wouldn’t prefer me to just stop it from growing altogether?’ Muse asked.

The bleeding stopped after just a few seconds, which was odd. Normally a cut like that would keep going for at least a few minutes.

“I dunno. It’s pretty gender-affirming to have to do this,” I said studying the area where the bleeding had come from.

‘I’ll ask again in a month’s time, then. Once you’re tired of it,’ she replied, mirthfully.

I dried myself off, relishing the sensation of emptiness that existed between my legs. I don’t think I’d ever get tired of that. The euphoria and rightness was just exquisite.

‘We’ll see about that in a month’s time, too,’ Muse giggled.

I’d at least remembered to bring a towel for my hair this time, though I was beginning to suspect that I really didn’t need to wash it every day. I could see that becoming a chore if I did.

Once I was dry, and my hair was only mildly damp, I turned to the underwear.

Going by how well it all fit me, I suppose Sarah and I really were getting close in size, now. The bra was just a tiny bit too big in the cup, though I had no idea whether it was supposed to feel as tight around my chest as it did. Even after adjusting some straps, it still felt a little restrictive. Is this just something I’d need to get used to?

Next came the blouse, which I stumbled to button up at first – my muscle memory was trying to do everything in reverse. Buttons on the left, holes on the right. Okay.

It actually seemed to be reasonably well sized for me, which was surprising. I don’t think I’d ever worn a top before that fit me as well as this one did.

The soft material was a creamy white, with a few embroidered floral patterns stitched across the breast. The shoulders were quite loose, and the sleeves ended in cuffs just before my wrists.

After this, the skirt was actually pretty straight forward. It was black, and a russet that seemed to match my hair, while the hem had an asymmetric cut.

When I checked myself in the mirror I was very pleased with what I saw, although I knew that this was just going to make it harder for my GP to believe who I was.

As an idea, I found a clean hoodie from my stash of old clothes and pulled it on. There, much better. At least I looked like I didn’t know how to dress myself now.

‘What are you doing, Erin?’

“Trying to look incompetent,” I replied.

I heard it worked for the Prime Minister.

---

It took me about twenty minutes to walk into the doctor’s surgery, and by the end of it my feet were hurting. These boots were rubbing in some really strange places, but at least they looked nice.

Walking in through the door, I was happy to note that there weren’t many people inside. It was mostly the older generation, here for blood tests. I was also really pleased to see that there was a machine for checking yourself in. At least I wouldn’t have to persuade some receptionist of who I was.

I made the mistake of selecting ‘Female’ when asked for my sex, and had to go back. On the second attempt, I managed to get ‘David Reid’ booked in for their appointment. Finding a seat, I waited to be called.

Since waiting is always boring, I pulled out my phone and my earbuds. With headphones inserted, I started my favourite playlist running.

---

- One Week Ago -

Airport security was always such a pain in the ass. Everyone was checking you out, but you had to just smile and act like nothing was wrong. I hadn’t visited Europe too much before, but from what I remember security on the other side would be a breeze in comparison.

My fingers were only just getting feeling back into them, and I stretched them out, massaging with my right hand. A TSA agent saw me, and apparently he thought this counted as acting suspicious. I got flagged for ‘extra checks’.

I was pulled into a side booth, while a different agent – a girl this time – was unzipping my bag and asking me questions about my travel plans. Despite the tough, macho bitch routine that was demanded by her job, I was having a hard time not sneaking peeks at her face. I was fighting real hard to stop the color in my cheeks giving me away.

“So, where’re you headed, ma’am?” she asked, pulling out my computer from my backpack with gloved hands.

“Germany. I’m starting my first semester there, in the Fall. I want to spend some time sightseeing before all the studying,” I replied, already realizing that I was beginning to ramble. I gave her a smile, and she seemed to relax a little – though she kept the attitude up.

More of my stuff was dumped out of my bag, and she checked every pocket before she was happy I wasn’t planning to murder everyone aboard, or something. Though, honestly, with how sleep-deprived I was looking, she maybe thought I was some kind of drug mule.

“Has anyone asked you to travel against your will?” she then asked me, her eyes hardening again. She was flipping through my passport, likely looking to see if I’d been anywhere sketchy – I hadn’t.

“No, ma’am. No one’s making me travel,” I said, giving her a more authentic smile this time. Despite it being a pain, I was kinda glad that they asked that question. Maybe they could help stop at least a few young girls being trafficked.

She did a quick swab check of my backpack, and then allowed me back in line to get everything scanned.

I felt much calmer once I was through security. Next, I had to find where my gate was. Looking around at the signs, I set off, my left hand still tingling.