First Song

The woman in the video captivated me for some reason, and I found myself holding my breath. There wasn’t one particular frame that I could freeze and point out the little details – it was the power of her movement and the determination in her eyes. Her golden eyes. She looked like she was barely older than me, though it was difficult to pick out many concrete details in the darkness.

It took Muse’s voice to break me out of a trance of just rewinding the video and letting it play, over and over again just so I could see her face.

‘Hmm,’ said Muse. ‘Where did this incident take place?’

I snapped out of my reverie, reluctantly leaving the video to switch to my messages. I tapped out the question to Rish.

 

Me: Where’d you get that from?

Rish: Some nutjob conspiracy website

Rish: But see? Aliens ;D

 

I thought that over. If it had come from some tinfoil hat website, could it be a fake? I wasn’t sure – it had looked an awful lot like it might be related to what had been happening to me. That being said, I hadn’t left someone a steaming, twitching body on the floor. Yet.

‘It’s not a fake,’ declared Muse.

“How do you know?” I asked. Sometimes it just became easier for my own mind if I spoke the questions rather than trying to form them in my head. I’d become much more used to her picking up on what I was thinking and it didn’t faze me like it had the very first time.

‘I recognised them,’ she replied.

“What, the girl?” I wasn’t certain why thinking of her made me really want to find out where she was. I was probably just fed up of being alone with all this craziness. I mean, sure, my family were with me and they’d been amazing, but they didn’t know what all this felt like.

‘No. The symbiont that was with her.’

Uh. Okay. I hadn’t seen anything like that.

‘You likely only saw her eyes,’ Muse clarified. ‘I saw much more.’

I messaged Rish again for details on the exact website, which he returned to me. He included a warning that it really was a bit crack pot and that I should go in with that in mind.

Sure, okay.

“I hope you’ve got your tinfoil hat ready, Muse,” I joked as I put my phone aside and switched over to my desktop. I’d forgotten all about my wet hair, drips rolling off my shoulders.

‘I wouldn’t want aliens reading my thoughts, after all,’ she quipped.

---

The website really was an absolute cesspit of almost every kind of conspiracy theory you could imagine, and I really didn’t think that I’d find out much more there.

“Sorry. I guess the trail’s cold,” I told Muse after searching for half an hour. Disappointment was making my stomach drop, like I’d swallowed too much ice cream. To be honest, I had actually had some fun reading about some of the more wacky theories, like how our planet was actually a flat disc.

I paused to see if she was going to reply – I really wasn’t sure that she’d actually heard me. Still waiting, I began to dry myself and my hair down. Long hair really was a pain to handle when it was wet, and I kept giving myself shocks of cold as stray locks touched my skin. Once satisfied that I’d managed to at least get most of me dry, my gaze turned to where I’d laid the black leggings and white, floral summer dress. Sarah had made me leave them on my bed before taking a shower.

My old underwear really wasn’t doing much for me any more, but it was all I had. I began with the dress, struggling at first before I realised that it was supposed to be pulled over my head. Right. There was a bit of wiggling around and searching for arm holes, but I managed to pull it down over my swelling chest.

It hugged me much more closely than I was used to, but a flush of euphoria washed over me as I settled everything into position. For the first time in a long while – maybe ever – I actually couldn’t wait to see what clothing looked like on me.

I scooped my still damp hair out from where it had gotten caught while dressing, and freed it to hang loose over my shoulders.

The leggings came next, but they were way more straightforward. I had to hike them up a little, but the stretchiness of the fabric made it pretty hard to get wrong.

Owing to my terrible dysphoria from seeing my own reflection for the vast majority of my life, I didn’t actually have any mirrors in my room. So, I nipped across to the bathroom.

The mirror there was only really big enough to get the upper half of my body, and I was much shorter than I had been before. But, I was stunned. I was... a pretty girl. We were only really just reaching halfway through the three weeks that Muse had aimed for, but I was already so, so happy with the results.

My hair was starting to dry into small waves, but there was a clear delineation between my old hair colour and my new. My russet hair also looked like it was drying much less messily than the chocolate brown – as if it had been straightened.

The rest of my face was looking more and more like Sarah’s every day. No one was going to be able to deny that we were sisters, that’s for sure. My jawline was smooth and gently curving, my chin was less prominent and my eyes looked a little wider than they had been.

Of course, my eyes were still that light shade of amber gold. Seeing them brought my thoughts back to the young woman in the video. Who is she? Where is she?

I turned to head back to my room, though not without another quick glance in the mirror. I think I’m becoming addicted to those little thrills of euphoria.

---

‘You will need to get your identification documents changed,’ Muse cut into my thoughts as I was browsing some video websites, looking for any other sign of people with glowing gold eyes. I hadn’t managed to find anything, though.

I’d wondered what had happened to Muse. Where does she go when we’re not talking?

‘We may need to travel soon,’ she continued, though there was some uncertainty in her voice.

“Where? Why?” I asked, swivelling my chair to face the rest of my room.

‘I do not know where

. But, I suspect that we will not find the woman you’re so infatuated with on this little island.’

I felt a blush rise to my cheeks, and fought it down. I knew it was useless to try to hide things like that from Muse, but it was worth it for my own benefit.

Then I thought about the other part of what she’d said. Oh great. Changing documentation means having to try to explain what happened to yet more people.

I’d looked up how to change things like my passport and driving licence while I’d been wallowing in self-loathing at University. Mainly, I’d been using the excessive red tape as an excuse to keep delaying my transition. It was all so complicated, and every path was blocked by gatekeepers.

Now, though, I was going to struggle to convince anyone that I was even the same person.

‘As for why, my species being detected requires us to move onto our next objective.’

“So, what does the next objective involve? You’ve not mentioned that before,” I asked her, swivelling back to my desk, pulling my mouse and keyboard to me.

There was a moment’s pause.

‘I am not whole, Erin. A large part of me had to be left behind when I arrived. The next objective is to try to find that missing part, before we start looking for others of my kind.’

I tried to follow along with what she was saying, though I was still a little lost.

“Alright. But what will making you whole do?” I asked, with a little worry starting to edge into my thoughts. Was I about to unwittingly unleash some alien monster onto the world?

‘It allows me to properly source energy around me, and gives you access to a much greater reservoir,’ she added. ‘There’s also a cache of technical and technological information held alongside, though I was never aware of exactly what it included.’

“That sounds…”

‘Like becoming better at space magic, yes, Erin.’

I leaned back in my chair once it became clear that we had a whole lot more talking to do. Like, for instance, in what way was all this contributing to the safety of Earth?

Muse took a moment to answer, her words slow and deliberate once she did, “I… I can’t put that weight on your shoulders at the moment. I’m sorry, Erin. I withhold it only to protect you.’

She appeared then, standing next to me as if she were a real person. She was now dressed in a pair of baggy combat trousers, a tight fitting t-shirt and jacket, while her hair was tied up in a bun. Normally, when I’d seen her, she looked happy or giggly. But now, she looked sad – almost worried.

“Please trust me,” Muse said, dropping down to her knees as if she were begging.

My heart twinged at that, though I was still curious for how long she’d been able to just appear to me.

“I only just worked it out,” she answered, still on her knees. It was definitely strange to see her in person, outside of a dreamscape.

“Oh, I can stop if you don’t like it,” she said, rising back up to her feet.

I shrugged and gave her a smile, “Just maybe some warning in future.”

---

I’d broached the idea of officially changing my name at dinner. Mum and Dad were completely supportive of me getting my name and other documentation modified – although Dad was still hung up on the fact that I’d chosen ‘Erin’.

“I do like the name, but it sounds a bit... Irish,” he’d complained, though you could tell his heart really wasn’t into getting me to change it. I think, secretly, he’d come to accept it already.

“So?” I asked, taking another mouthful of baked potato. I’d convinced them to get some after having to put up with those dumb ‘new’ potatoes.

“You’re English,” he countered.

I sighed.

“I love the name, Erin,” Mum said, giving me a loving smile. She’d complimented how I looked in the summer dress when I came down for dinner. She’d also been making noises about having to get me some clothes of my own, once I’d stopped changing.

Sarah, bless her heart, said that she could only really think of me as Erin now, and if it were to become anything else she’d be mad.

“How’d you come up with Erin, anyway?” Sarah asked, curious.

Oh man. My cheeks were already reddening as I prepared to explain.

Muse had started giggling in my head, even before I said, “Well, E is a whole step up from Dee.”

I swear there was a long moment of silence as tumbleweed that rolled past our window, although I could hear Muse cackling the whole time. After a few seconds, Sarah groaned and muttered, “Erin Reid, you’re a fucking nerd.”

Mum and Dad just looked confused, though they smiled politely.

“It’s a music joke,” Sarah explained, shaking her head and going back to her food.

My cheeks were still burning.

“But why Erin in particular?” Sarah asked. “Why not… Emma, or Emily?”

I shrugged again, too embarrassed to admit the real reason.

“Oh, you know. I just thought it was pretty.”

We ate the rest of our meal in relaxed light conversation. Dad was still super apologetic about what had happened over the weekend, saying that his brother had never been this bad before. Sarah and I just looked at each other.

Mum and Dad agreed to help me with the cost of getting my name changed. Tomorrow, I’d have to start making arrangements to see a doctor. I hadn’t bothered to change GP while I’d been at university, so I was still registered with the same one I’d always visited for my entire life. The National Health Service generally meant that certain doctors surgeries covered specific parts of the local area. Unless you went private – and very few people could afford that, really – there wasn’t typically a huge amount of shopping around that you could do.

Somehow, I’d have to persuade my doctor that I was my old self, and that I was trans. Normally that would mean you had to persuade them that your gender was different from how you’d been assigned at birth. But in my case, I think I first had to convince them that I was who I claimed to be.

Hopefully I wouldn’t have to explain every step of the process to them, although I wasn’t optimistic. There were plenty of stories online of trans men and women having to explain to their doctors who to write to, and where they needed to call.

The rest of the evening was spent in my bedroom.

I ordered the documents that I’d need to change my name, surprised by how simple that was.

The whole process of becoming known as Erin would only take a week or two. I wasn’t sure about the rest of my documentation, but it’s not like I had a choice any more.

I couldn’t keep putting this off. I’d knock them all down, one at a time.

Sarah came in just before bed time, checking to see how I was getting on and what I thought of the clothes.

“They’re amazing,” I smiled at her, doing a little twirl. “Thank you so much.”

She watched, growing her own smile for me.

“You’re so welcome. I can pick out some more for you tomorrow, if you like?”

I gave her the biggest smile, and I reached out to pull her into a hug.

There was a happy little tear in each eye as I accepted.

---

The following morning I awoke late again, stretching out my aching muscles and bones. I lay there for a while, considering what I was doing for the day. It hit me that I had to arrange to visit the doctors. With a grumble, I curled back under the duvet.

I stayed there for a few minutes until the weight of responsibility dragged me into a sitting position.

The number for the doctor's surgery (doctor's office) was easy enough to find, and within minutes I’d managed to book an appointment for later in the afternoon. I’d had a little difficulty convincing the receptionist that yes, this was my voice, and no I wasn’t calling on behalf of someone else.

I flopped back, staring up at the ceiling. I hated everything about interacting with medical professionals.

‘You know that I will be there with you. If you become anxious, we can always start making fun of their clothing or their nose hair,’ Muse commented, making me smile.

Hearing her voice actually reminded me of something that we’d been discussing the day before. I crawled out of bed and over to my computer. She had mentioned that the ‘next objective’ was where she’d landed. I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes every time I heard the preposterously mysterious name, but maybe I could find where we had to go.

‘I believe that your news reports announced that the landing site was some kind of defunct explosive device,’ Muse answered.

Huh. So that had been her? Rishaan really had been correct about the aliens, after all. Goddess. Maybe I should have him look for the mysterious woman. He’s clearly better at all this than I am.

‘Maybe not a terrible idea,’ she commented.

I blinked, my eyebrows pushing together in concern, “You want me to tell Rishaan about you?”

‘It is only a matter of time now before more of us are detected. They will all be moving on to the new phase, now that Artemis has been seen,’ she clarified.

Artemis? Like, the Greek goddess of the hunt? Did all of her species take names from Greek mythology?

‘Yes, Artemis. Although they typically go by a word that translates to a-being-who-hunts-for-the-survival-of-all. I thought I would keep the theme going.’

I shivered. That name was pretty ominous.

‘More pretentious, really. They are not as hostile as their name would imply.’

I don’t know. The things that woman did in the video looked pretty hostile – although she had been defending herself. Would Muse be okay with me doing the same, if I were in that situation? I think she would.

“So what is your actual name, if it’s not really Muse?” I asked her, curious.

‘It translates to a-being-that-inspires-positive-growth,’ she answered. In that case, Muse was actually quite apt. I think if she’d been standing next to me, she’d have been blushing.