Fate: Why Don't you Find Another Savior

In the stone room, on the white hospital bed, the woman afflicted with a terminal illness looked at him with a loving smile. Her body, too weak to even stand, was so thin that only skin and bones remained. Kirei could not forget her—there was no reason to forget.

Claudia Hortensia.

His wife, who had died four years ago.

Kotomine Kirei quickly understood the situation. He had been heading to Einzbern Castle to confront Emiya Kiritsugu before Tatsuya Suzuki made his move, seeking answers that Kirei might obtain. But after entering the castle, the scene before him suddenly changed, and now he found himself here.

In the room filled with sunlight, Kirei stood in front of the hospital bed, looking at his wife lying there.

It was that day.

Though he didn't understand the principle behind it, Kirei deduced that this was likely an illusion created by some barrier, allowing him to see his deceased wife.

But the scene was too real. Even if he wanted to break it, he couldn't find a way. More importantly, he remembered what day it was.

Born with defects.

Kirei was fully aware of this fact. Though he was unable to appreciate morality, he possessed common sense and spent his entire youth trying to overcome this flaw.

His ascetic practices had not cured his troubles; they all ended in vain.

The final attempt was on the woman in front of him.

It was a simple thing for most people. Everyone has fantasized about loving someone, building a family, and quietly breathing their last breath at the end of their life.

Kirei had hoped for this.

Even though he couldn't feel the charm of these peaceful and happy times, he wished it could be this way.

To love someone and have a child.

But why had Kirei chosen a woman with almost no future?

Anyone could see that the woman, ravaged by disease, didn't have much time left. Kirei couldn't remember why he chose her.

During those two years, Kirei loved his wife, and his wife loved him like a child.

There was no improvement in the situation. For him, he only felt happy when he saw his wife suffering from the disease.

The more he loved his wife this way, the more unhappiness he brought to her.

Claudia was like a saint, loving Kirei unconditionally and deeply understanding the distress and anger in his heart.

But it was this understanding that troubled Kirei even more.

This holy person who could understand him would soon disappear. After that, who would be able to understand him?

Realizing his inherent defect, Kirei understood that there were no answers and no treatments. This was the only way to end it.

Kirei decided that he would end his own life. As a husband, once he decided to die, he had the obligation to tell his wife.

Claudia Hortensia loved Kotomine Kirei.

Kirei thought he should feel the same. So, Kirei knew what he should say to his wife.

As she did every time they met, despite her serious illness, Claudia was still looking forward to his arrival on this day. When she saw Kirei enter the room with a distressed look on his face, a loving smile, like that of the Madonna, appeared on her face.

"I failed to love you."

That day, Kirei said this to his wife.

"No, you love me."

As she said this, his wife took out the dagger she had prepared in advance and stabbed herself in the neck, as if she had known this day would come.

Kirei also remembered his wife's last words as he held her in a pool of blood.

"...Because you're crying."

It was on that day, that Kirei's wife passed away in a manner inconsistent with doctrine and faith.

So he never dreamed that he would experience this day again. Claudia looked at him with a smile, waiting for his next words.

Kirei's throat moved, and he spoke gently and calmly. He could have said something different, but he chose to repeat the same thing.

As if following an established procedure, his wife smiled and took out a sharp knife from under the white sheet, pointing it at her throat.

"No, you love me."

But this time, the dagger was taken away before it could pierce her throat.

To stop a terminally ill woman was just a piece of cake for a seasoned agent. He grabbed his wife and snatched the dagger with his other hand.

Somewhat surprised by this outcome, Claudia smiled a smile Kirei had never seen before.

A smile full of redemptive happiness.

Was it she or Kirei who was redeemed? He didn't know.

It didn't matter.

"See, you are in love with—"

As if declaring victory, his wife gently denied Kirei, but her voice involuntarily stopped.

The dagger pierced Claudia's heart.

However, this woman, as tolerant and understanding as a saint, did not lose that look in her eyes, even in her final moments. She simply gently grasped Kirei's arm that held the dagger.

Her lips moved, making a hoarse sound, as if she wanted to tell Kirei something but couldn't say it.

Kirei did not wait or ask. He quickly exerted force with his hand and twisted the dagger violently in Claudia's heart. Then he heard something in her body shatter, like delicate amber falling and breaking irretrievably.

Blood oozed from the corner of her mouth. Her body used the last bit of strength, and her hands fell weakly onto the bed.

Kirei watched the light in her eyes gradually dim and finally disappear completely. He knew that she was dead.

Claudia Hortensia had been killed by his own hands.

Perhaps because the established rules were violated, the stone room filled with sunlight suddenly darkened, swallowed by endless darkness.

The dagger, his wife, and everything else lost all feeling.

The only thing that remained was the moment of killing his wife, filling the empty void in Kotomine Kirei's heart with exhilaration.

After more than twenty years of an incomplete life, for the first time, the gap in his heart was filled.

He didn't know what the person who set up this illusion wanted him to see. Kirei was very grateful to them. Without this, he might never have had the chance to make a new choice and face his true thoughts in his life.

Indeed, he had cried when his wife committed suicide in front of him four years ago.

Those were tears of sadness, but not for the reason the woman thought—not because he loved her.

Now, Kotomine Kirei could finally recall it clearly.

He wasn't saddened by her death.

That's what he had thought at that time.

"How can this be? Since she was going to die anyway, I wanted to kill her with my own hands."

He was sad only because he couldn't enjoy her death—that's all.

Now that he could "start over," he also wanted to "make a new choice."

However, that woman, perhaps even until her death, fully understood the true nature of Kotomine Kirei.

So he felt it was a bit of a pity, but that was all.

___________

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