Euphemistically Yours

By the time we arrived at the horse merchant, the fourth bell of the morning had already rung. In the intervening time during our walk, Eu spent asking questions and refining her vocabulary. When I got tired of it, Grit took over for me. When I saw that he’d had enough, I told Eu to give us a little peace. It didn’t last long.

This particular horse yard had a wide paddock with an extensive fenced range beyond. There were stables on the left, an auction circle, plus housing for the staff. Most of the business was done from a tent right in the center. From here, the dealers would direct the stablehands to find horses of interest and ride them about in the yard for an initial assessment.

Unfortunately, as I looked over the area, I couldn't see much except but a bunch of ponies. There were only a few larger horses available. Among those, they all looked to be working breeds. There wasn’t a single courser or charger in the whole mix.

Before I reached the seller’s tent, one of the staff ran to get the owner while the rest knelt down to me. By the time I’d finished dismounting, he had arrived and knelt down as well. He was older than me with graying hair, but I was impressed with his stylish beard and large mutton chops.

Naturally, his bow wasn’t as deep as his employees. As a profitable merchant, his status was approaching mine, so he didn't need to abase himself. If anything, in practice, he probably had more influence in the circles of power than I did. “Squire Deft, it is good to see you again, and your sons. How can we serve you?”

Apparently, he’d mistaken Eu in armor for another boy. With a smirk, I counted that as a success. I had no reason to correct him, so I moved on, waving a hand over toward the yard, “I came to purchase a new charger, but all I see are ponies. Are your horses out on the range?”

He kept his face impassive, but I could see the regret in his eyes, “No. We’ve sold all of our larger horses, even the breeding mares and the foals.”

“Wha-? But why?”

He bobbed his head in apology, “It’s the new tax law. I’m sure you’ve heard about the updates to the Duke’s heriot for squires?”

Of course, I had. That’s why I was here. With my sudden understanding of the problem, I was left wincing. “Everyone’s buying up the bigger horses because the prices will only rise.”

“Not just ‘buying’ them up!” He complained, “The various noble lines have forced me to sell them some of my best breeding stock!”

“At the prices they set?”

“Nothing extortionate, but …” He backpedaled, but I could see he was still angry. “The prices from before the new law don’t match current circumstances! I had to sell anything that even resembles a warhorse! Those workhorses you see out there? Those are all older horses that only a desperate farmer would consider.”

I sighed and looked up to the clouds. “I guess I’m too late. There won’t be a decently priced warhorse anywhere in the Duchy.”

“Unfortunately, but yes, you have the gist of it! I’m sorry I can’t help you. In fact, if anything, I’d want to buy Honey from you, but I imagine you aren’t selling.”

From behind me, I could feel the weight of Eu’s intense glare at the suggestion of selling Honey. Of course, it wasn’t directed at me. Luckily, the merchant didn’t seem to notice, or if he did, he was too polite to mention it.

“What about those ponies?” I asked.

“That’s the same question I’ve been hearing for days. I can sell, but the prices are higher than you might expect. Everyone is eager to find an alternative - or increase their stock to meet the demand.”

I could only nod sadly. “Could you choose a few for me to look at? I have some mules at home, but a squire can’t ride a mule.”

Not that a mule couldn’t actually be ridden. In fact, they were sturdy, quick, and clever. I’d seen the northern plainsmen use them to good effect on the battlefield. But social expectations ruled my decision. If Grit was seen riding a mule, it would ruin his reputation. Mules were for farmers, merchants, and the clergy. Not even a lady would ride a mule except as training for a horse!

The first ponies that were brought over to show were far too small. I gave the owner a dark look, but he just shrugged at me to explain. “These are small right now, but they’re still young. That one there? She’s only three years old. She’s still got two or three years to grow.”

I rubbed at my beard to consider that as an option. Grit needed a mount sooner rather than later. It didn’t matter much to me if it was trained for war. If it shied at the clash of arms, that would improve the odds that the rider would come home in one piece. He had enough experience to keep it under control, so it wouldn’t flee the battle and dishonor him.

On the other hand, Eu was so tiny that even a little pony could support her weight. Considering her light build, she’d never be heavy enough to need a full size charger. Instead, she could grow alongside her horse. Furthermore, a young filly had the potential to foal - so it could be counted as a possible source of income.

I pointed to one of the smaller ponies, “That one. Can one of your boys ride her around a bit? I’d like to see how she runs.”

Grit nudged me from behind. After all, I’d told him I’d be asking for his opinions. “Father. That horse is far too small for you.”

“I know, but it’s not for me. It’s for your sister.” I looked pointedly at Eu, but she was busy patting Honey and whispering into her ears.

“You’re buying a horse for Euphoria?” Grit exclaimed, but thankfully kept his voice low.

“I have to. We have to follow through on our intent. Think of it as the same as her armor. If she’s going to be treated like a mage, she needs to learn to ride. Although, you may have to handle her horse for her until she learns.”

Grit nodded with my reasoning, but I could see that the situation irked him. In fact, thinking about it, it’d be better if he didn’t have to see what I was going to do next. I needed to get rid of him. “I’ll be looking at a lot of horses before making a decision. Why don’t you take Honey and Eu over to the stables?”

“What are we supposed to do at the stables?”

“You can talk to the farriers and the horse marshals. Anything you learn might help you someday.” The farriers trimmed the hooves, mended horseshoes, and generally cared for any sort of foot problem. A horse marshal gave more generic medical care, with all the knowledge of an apothecary, dietitian, and physician rolled into one.

Grit gave me another nod, and then took charge of the other two.

“Your sons are so well behaved! Your wife must have trained them well!” The owner complimented me indirectly, but I recognized his comment for what it was… simple flattery.

“I can’t claim responsibility for anything, can I?” I complained.

“None of us can!” He laughed along with my humor. “But, really, I mean it. Over the past week, I’ve seen more noble brats than you can believe. It’s easy to tell the good from the bad.”

I shot him a smile. It was a nice thought, but he hadn’t seen Eu’s true nature yet. Hopefully, I wouldn’t be earning his marks as “the worst father ever!”

In any case, this was no time to discuss it. I had business to do. “That pony I picked earlier? I’d like to buy that one, depending on the price. But, I also need another one.”

“Two ponies?”

“One for each of my children back there.” I pointedly did NOT say “sons.” I’d let him believe whatever he thought he saw, but I wouldn’t lie without a good reason.

“Ah… the small pony must be for your younger son? But, you’ll need a larger one for your elder.”

“Right.” I drew in my breath and prepared myself for the coming tragedy. “I want your oldest, ugliest, meanest pony. It doesn’t matter if it’s humpbacked or missing all of its teeth. As long as it can carry a man in armor, then I don’t care.”