Esa Promesa

The very first piece of advice I gave Diver upon becoming his advisor was about his health.

At first, I hadn’t planned to bring it up, it seemed too obvious. But when I saw how the little boy stubbornly refused to eat properly, avoided sleep, and grew thinner by the day, I couldn’t stay silent.

‘Your Majesty, you must pay particular attention to your health. Your well-being directly correlates to the safety of this kingdom. If your body suffers, the stability of Emar will waver, and that instability will affect your people in turn.’

With those words as a starting point, I patiently explained how fragile the human body is and how even a small wound could lead to death. I emphasized the importance of immediately calling for the royal physician and getting examined at the first sign of discomfort or pain.

Of course, in the beginning, the boy didn’t listen to a word I said. I had to repeat the same lecture once a month. But over time, it seemed to have an effect—Diver started following my advice diligently.

…Perhaps too diligently.

Diver became so attuned to his health that at the slightest hint of discomfort, he would act like a critically ill patient. It didn’t matter if an important guest had arrived that day; he would retreat to his chambers, summon the physician, and rest all day without a care.

Looking back, I should have taken a page from his book.

“You seem eager to die, Teian.” 

“Please don’t say things like that….”

The moment I tried to protest meekly, Asyan’s expression turned into one of pure exasperation, as if he were looking at something utterly pathetic. I quickly averted my eyes. I heard a small sigh above me. Unable to respond, I simply stared out the window. The sound of something clinking softly broke the silence.

“Here, drink this first, Sir Teian.” 

I wasn’t particularly thirsty, but I couldn’t ignore his kindness. Reaching for the cup, my hand trembled uncontrollably.

I managed to grip the cup, but it was obvious that the moment Asyan let go, I would drop it. He noticed too. Without a word, he brought the cup to my lips and tilted it gently for me to drink.

“Thank you.”

“Let me know if you’d like more.”

Click. The sound of the cup being placed on the bedside table seemed unusually loud as Asyan’s troubled gaze returned to me.

“Luckily, you didn’t have a full-blown attack, but you really shouldn’t be engaging in strenuous activities with your condition. Understood?”

“Since when has brisk walking been considered strenuous exercise?”

Click. The sound of his tongue clicking made me flinch instinctively. Why? What did I do?

Asyan looked at me like one would at a foolish child, and I couldn’t help but feel guilty under his gaze. I wasn’t Diver, so why was he looking at me like that? I tried to hold his gaze for a moment but ended up turning away first.

Asyan was the palace physician who had diagnosed my condition. He knew my body better than anyone, so he probably thought my actions were idiotic. That realization hit me belatedly, leaving me no room to argue.

Even if I tried to explain that I hadn’t expected things to turn out this way, it would only result in more scolding, so I kept my mouth shut.

Glancing at the clock on the wall, I realized I’d already been here for an hour. While I had no work left for the day, the thought of returning to my quarters without confronting Diver left me feeling frustrated.

If my body were functioning normally if my heart were working properly I’d already be grabbing Diver by the collar and demanding answers. But reality was cruel. Instead, I was stuck here, lying on a patient bed in the infirmary.

Having a dying heart was an incredible inconvenience. It meant I was far weaker than I used to be.

Not long after I’d started chasing Diver, I’d felt my breath shorten. Just as the thought Could it be? crossed my mind, pain flared in my chest, making it impossible to breathe properly.

I couldn’t even stand upright. All I could do was crouch in a corner of the hallway until I happened to cross paths with Asyan on his way to the infirmary.

He hadn’t been surprised. If anything, he’d looked down at me with a mix of exasperation and resignation, as though he’d expected this.

Still, I was relieved it had been Asyan who found me. I didn’t want anyone else to learn about my condition.

“Severe coughing followed by brisk walking, things that wouldn’t faze an average person, are strenuous exercise for you. How do you still not understand that?”

“I thought I’d be fine… Yes, I understand.”

If there were a competition for expressing emotions through facial expressions, Asyan would surely take first place.

The fleeting glance I stole at his face was enough to reveal that he wasn’t joking, and I hastily rephrased my words.

Thankfully, the look of disdain vanished from his face. But just as relief washed over me, Asyan raised his hand. Slowly, he made a motion as if lightly pinching something between his fingers.

“Pay attention, Sir Teian. This is what a normal person’s heart looks like.”

He clenched his fingers into a fist-like shape, then loosened them back into a relaxed form, repeating the motion at a steady rhythm.

The movement mimicked a healthy, normal heart beating quickly and rhythmically, full of life.

“And this is your heart.”

The pace slowed dramatically, to the point where it felt as if a tortoise was crawling. What had once been a lively rhythm now looked painfully sluggish.

The deliberate, halting movements, meant to represent my faltering heart, brought a wry smile to my lips.

“If it were just weak, that would be one thing. But your heart, in this state, can also…”

“I know.”

My voice came out low and firm, much harsher than I had intended. Why? Why was I speaking like this? It wasn’t the tone I had meant to use.

I had intended to say something lighthearted, maybe even playful, but instead, I had unintentionally lowered my voice, making the atmosphere awkward.

“…In any case, working at the palace with a body like yours, and on top of that engaging in strenuous activities, is why you ended up like this. It’s the natural consequence.”

He spoke with feigned indifference, but I could see how much he regretted it. If I told him it was fine, it would only deepen his guilt, so instead, I smiled as warmly as I could to reassure him.

Asyan was Diver’s personal physician’s son. He had graduated from the healer’s academy at a young age, served as a military doctor, and upon completing his service, joined the palace infirmary, where he had treated countless patients.

He was also my cherished friend. Despite my status as a commoner, Asyan treated me without prejudice. We shared meals, and on occasion, we would go out drinking together beyond the palace walls. Having known each other for ten years, I could tell just how deeply this kind and compassionate physician regretted my condition.

“For now, you need complete rest. Absolutely no work.” 

“I’ll try my best, though it won’t be easy.” 

“It’s not about trying, Teian. You must rest. Please.”

The heavy sigh accompanying his words left me no choice but to respond with a soft smile.

Asyan was not the type to sigh often. Yet ever since he learned about my condition, it had become almost second nature to him.

I felt sorry. My time was nearing its end, and I wanted to leave the palace without telling anyone. But as the royal advisor, my position made it nearly impossible to leave without a compelling reason.

That’s why I’d been forced to show Asyan the truth about my deteriorating body, just to prove that I was dying.

I kept thinking to myself: in my next life, I should never work in a palace again.

Once you set foot in this place, it was nearly impossible to leave under the guise of ‘security reasons.’ And if I wanted out, I’d have to reveal that I was dying. In the past, I could leave with a lighter heart, but this time was different.

“I’d love nothing more than to leave the palace behind and settle into a peaceful life, but His Majesty refuses to let me go. What can I do?”

“Your resignation was rejected?”

“Yes.”

“….”

Asyan’s expression was a curious mix of astonishment and disbelief, as if he’d just heard something utterly incomprehensible. He turned to gaze out the window, toward the roof of the palace where Diver was likely to be.

The look Asyan directed at that roof could only be described as disgust, pure, unfiltered disdain, as if he were glaring at the worst kind of trash.

It took him quite a while to tear his gaze away from the roof and look back at me.

“What if you reduce your workload instead? His Majesty already knows about your condition, so I could provide him with a more detailed report on your health. That might convince him to allow the infirmary to care for you.”

The ferocity in Asyan’s expression was startling. It was as if he were ready to assassinate Diver the moment he refused. Alarmed for both their sakes, I quickly spoke up to defend Diver.

“His Majesty has already seen my diagnosis and ordered me to rest completely.”

“Then….”

“I’m grateful for His Majesty’s concern, but I declined. As long as I remain here, I can’t neglect my duties. Besides, aren’t there numerous events coming up soon? I want to ensure His Majesty is well-prepared and not underestimated during those occasions.”

I still had about three months left to live. As long as I left the palace at least a month before my time ran out, I’d have enough strength to return to my cradle. It would be difficult, but not impossible.

“Teian….”

Asyan’s lips pressed into a thin line. Seeing the sorrow etched in his features, I slowly sat upright.

His gaze dropped momentarily before lifting again, carrying an unmistakable weight of grief. I couldn’t help but reach out and hold his hand.

“Did you know that the High Priest of Ramanov is arriving in the capital tomorrow?”

In his words, I couldn’t hide my surprise. My startled expression must have been clear, because Asyan flushed slightly, a faint tint of red rising to his cheeks.