Dungeons & Deliveries - A Post Apocalypse Comedy Adventure [Book 1 Complete]

A delivery boy and two Monsters ascended a hundred stories up on a precarious and aggressively yellow roller coaster. Alex sat alone at the front, with Grumblesnout and Nibbles sitting in the seats behind him. White knuckling the dinky metal bar in front of him and strapped down to a plastic seat by an ordinary seat belt, he looked around at the twisting ride.

It rose and twisted in on itself in a tight design that he couldn't track. There were jumps and loops and drops everywhere, somehow forming a path. Essence poured off the freshly welded metal while giant candy bars zipped around like nesting birds. It was his first real rollercoaster ride ever, and it just had to be a complicated, terrifying, awe-inspiring construct made by a loopy Dungeon Boss. Gulping, he tightened his seatbelt as tight as it would go just as cart approached the top of the drop.

A shrill crackle blared over the clicking of the cart from a rusted intercom.

"Welcome thrill-seeker, to Lord Loopy's Better Behemoth! Please keep your wiggly little appendages inside the ride at all times. Failure to comply with result in carmelization or cauterization! Seriously, you might accidently lose a hand to those candy bars. Also, do not, and I repeat, do not unbuckle your safety restraints under any circumstances," the Dungeon Boss giggled like a child playing a game. "I assure you, attendees of Wonderland, you can handle this. You can handle anything."

Panic beset Alex as the front of the cart crested the top of the hill, leaving his body at the mercy of a single buckle. He faced a straight drop while the rest of the cart slowly made its way with its tick, tick, tick.

And from deep in Wonderland, Lord Loopy focussed and pushed his Essence as hard as he could through his Skill [Joyous Enlightenment]. Cosmic energy called Essence bounced around his gigantic Core and interacted with the speck of multidimensional anomaly within, churning physical improbabilities and making them so. Essence became raw, filtered joy meshed with dilution, and since the Dungeon was his, he sent it cascading through the park to bubble around his new crafted ride. The one he was so proud to show to his friend, and hopefully one day, the world.

The riders would never know and nor would Alex. He couldn't tell them of the price it would cost him. But it was how he could continue to grow in power and within himself. He couldn't just gain more power or Skills without improving somehow. And previously, he'd been wrong about fun and happiness.

Fun happened when people were allowed to be children again. To forget the weight of things, if only for a moment, and just enjoy. This Skill could help his riders. It was Lord Loopy's gift and curse that he'd ignored since he'd become the Dungeon Boss of Wonderland. And hopefully, it would help him ascend as well.

[Joyous Enlightenment] didn't make people happy. It took their pain, smoothed and softened it, and transferred it to him. The hurts that dulled their laughter became his to bear so they could remember what it felt like to be light. Loopy could tell Alex carried too much weight for one heart with his [Measure Joy] Skill. He could help with that.

So, when the coaster hit the inertia point of dumping his attendees along the ride of a lifetime, and Alex's voice screamed—

"AHHHHHHHHH WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU--!"

Lord Loopy smiled and began the process of letting his friend and rider forget, just a little, how much he hurt inside.

Alex plummeted like a watermelon, arms flapping as the fall ripped a scream straight from his lungs. Wind howled past as the ground rose up. His cheeks flapped like sails and tears streamed sideways while the track below blurred into a smear.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—"

Behind him, the Monster Mascots raised their death claws and howled in joy. "WOOOOOOOO!"

His brain went white with terror. And then, somehow, he started laughing. It bubbled up inside of him unrestrained, and his death-scream changed to a euphoric howl.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

A moment ago, he fell. Next they flew upwards and sideways as the cart twisted into a looping corkscrew that threw the cart in every direction. Up and around and back down before going left in tight spirals that never felt random. Every time he caught his breath, another spin or a drop or a twist took him on another thrill of controlled chaos.

Sparks trailed off the wheels as they hit a slingshot turn that whipped the riders through a tunnel of flashing lights. Then, just as they exited the tunnel, the track dropped, swooped up, and then…ended.

He realized there was nothing ahead of him before two tons of yellow metal, one terrified delivery boy, and two mascots launched into open air. Fireworks exploded all around him in a burst of fire and glitter, the sparks reaching them and tickling their cheeks rather than burning.

"Friiiiiickk yeeee!!!"

The cart slammed down on the other side of the gap with a boom. The wheels screeched while the frame of the whole roller coaster groaned. It tilted sideways as the wheels tried to catch hold. Thankfully, it righted itself and propelled itself forward. Deep in the Dungeon, Lord Loopy laughed. That bit of unease with the cart settling was on purpose. He understood a good joke.

Up and around and through they went. Every drop was a scream and a laugh. There was a lake in the sky suspended above, glimmering with fish made of candy coloured glass. Alex panicked for a split second as he thought he'd get soaked. The cart plunged straight in and he realized he was bone dry. And he could breathe. He opened his eyes and watched neon sugar fish flitting about.

Alex screamed in joy. The monsters on the world's first Dungeon Boss coaster infused with a powerful Skill a particularly pesky Skill user. And the System responded accordingly, making a brief note, as it awarded exploration of magic and its many possibilities.

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A bolt of Essence clapped through the universe, tore a hole in the reality they occupied, and pinged straight into Loopy and Alex's Cores.

[Title: Funamental Physician]

[You've successfully combined Dungeon Boss Skills, mortal panic, and fun while traversing at Mach 1. Congratulations, you have broken science and lived to see the day. People who obsess over 'sense' are boring anyways. And sillybillys.]

[Learning rate for Skills +4.2%. Cross-planar-thread awareness Unlocked.]

The ride was wrapping up, and Alex cheesed so hard his face hurt. It was the most fun he'd had in ages, and he'd received a new Title that unlocked more of his potential and something about planes. He had no idea what planar threads were, but he was also flying around a roller coaster in every direction while having some internalized hurt smoothed out by a growing Dungeon Boss ascending in his own way.

Finally, and far too quickly, the ride ended. The yellow cart skidded to a stop back on the deck. Grumblesnout's and Nibble's fur was windswept, while Alex's own hair was slicked back and stuck out in all directions. With a pounding heart he unbuckled himself out and leapt back onto the platform.

"Yes! That's what I'm talking about!" Alex whooped, pumping a fist into the air.

Muffin's plushie head tilted as she crouched down to get on his level. "You have survived the Better Behemoth. I am gladdened. There was at least a nonzero chance of liquefaction. It fills our hearts to see a mortal endure such delight. You have the spirit of play."

Alex helped Grumblesnout and Nibbles get out of the cart as they were slightly smaller. "Hell yeah I have the spirit of play," Then with two thumbs, he pointed to himself. "Definition of fun right here. Big time fun guy. I'd do that again, that's for sure. And you probably don't want to tell anyone about the lickwediction chances. Probably keep that to yourself. But wow that was bloody awesome!"

Scooping up the still warm pizza box, he turned to the Monsters and checked his timer. "Goodluck on opening this up. It's something special."

[Deliver the Pizza to the Customer - Time Remaining - 12:13]

The Monsters looked incredibly pleased with his compliments. Nibbles even shrugged like he'd never received a kind word before. And maybe they hadn't.

Turning, Alex took a deep breath and gave them a playful little finger gun. "And now I gotta see your Boss. See you guys around."

Flames poured out from his feet, and Alex tore out. Once he was out of ear shot, hundreds of plushies, popcorn monsters, skeleton crews, and all manner of worker bee Monsters high fived and cheered at their success. The countless days and nights of work to get the left side of Wonderland up and running had been all worth it. Muffin suggested a movie night for the Monsters will she guarded the park from peckish Adventurers testing their luck.

Alex sprinted through the empty park that smelled of funnel cakes. Not a Monster was in sight. Somewhere out there, they were all huddling up together to watch Adventureland and eat the innards of the popcorn variety.

But Alex had a pizza to deliver to a friend. Following his memory, Alex made his way to the center of the park, where Lord Loopy waited. He vaulted carts that tried to press sandwiches and ice cream into his hands. Skidded and leapt off jumps just to enjoy himself. Eventually, with a giant smile plastered on his face, he arrived at the center of the park where Lord Loopy held his Lair.

The Dungeon Boss stood smiling. His monstrous frame of welded tracks and metal were covered by a giant poncho cape. His animatronic face, once twitching and wild, was calm. There wasn't any mania in his gaze. No jittering jaw or twitching face muscles. Still, he was a gigantic Dungeon Boss made of bone and candy and metal, with an old-timey robot face. But now he looked like a welcoming host of a theme park.

"I got a pizza here for the King of Fun himself!" Alex jogged up to the Boss.

With gentleness, Loopy accepted the box with a mechanical hand. "Thank you, my friend."

[Deliver the Pizza to the Customer – Lord Loopy - Complete]

[Credits: 11,682 -> 11,732]

"Do you know what I realized, having you laugh like that? Over the past while?" Loopy asked.

Alex tilted his head. "That should you totally open the park, even if there's a chance of liquifying people? That was awesome man!" He went to clap Loopy on the shoulder but ended up lightly smacking his hip.

Loopy chuckled. "That I was the one ruining the fun." He lifted his glass eyes to the lights of the park. "I tried to force joy. To keep everyone here forever. I was just afraid they'd leave. Of course they'd leave. But joy isn't something you can trap in a ride or a cage. It's something that visits for a time, then moves on."

He set the box down carefully. "And that's all right. They can come and go. Adventurers will feel my wrath if they try and harm what's mine. But those who come for fun? They will know they are welcome here. I can be both. I'm meant to be both. You can't just have happiness without the bad, because then what would being happy even mean?"

Alex grinned. "Gotta balance the good with the bad. Not everything is butterflies and rainbows and not everything is terrible and awful. See? Fun Master is a great Title. It sounds like you've learned a lot about it."

"I'll make this place worth of my Titles. And we got a new one too, didn't we?" The Boss winked.

"Yeah," Alex nodded. "What in the hell is a planar thread?"

"I don't know," Loopy shrugged. "But I'll dig around Biscord and ask some of the Dungeon Bosses," he smiled again. "Made some friends there too. Neuronium checks in on me, and there's a whole community. Even Grithorn is on there now."

"Grithorn?" Alex raised his eyebrows. "The Dungeon Boss in Muskoka who has thousands of wild dogs and moose…meese? Mooses?...at his beck and call? The one that protects the forest? That Grithorn? His Dungeon is like…a thousand acres! Man I can't imagine delivering to him."

Loopy padded his poncho cloak, searching for something as he responded. "Yeah. Been nice to make friends. With Dungeon Bosses, and with you. Thank you for saving me in the Leather Spires, Alex. It helped in more than one way."

Alex blushed and flung out his hands. "Ah! Don't worry about it. Just a couple of guys trying to live in this crazy world, right? It's nothing. Seriously."

Loopy found what he was looking for and dropped to one knee. He stared his animatronic eyes into Alex's. Up close, Alex realized Loopy's face was huge. "No. Realize that you are more than just a delivery boy. There's something about you. Something all the Bosses are talking about. And a couple of us want to make sure you're well protected. You're helping us be more than what we initially thought. This will help."

Alex gulped as Loopy pulled out his tip.

[Wonderland Pin]

It was no bigger than a toonie, with blue paint faded from years of weather and wear. The word WONDERLAND was etched across the front in looping letters like an old ride sign. A bent bobby pin was fasted to the back in a makeshift clasp. Alex took it carefully, and it was warm to the touch.

"What's it do?" he asked, looking up at the towering Boss.

Loopy grinned ear to ear, the gears in his face clicking. "Try it out with that Cat of yours, or something who needs protection, and you'll find out."

"Come on! That's BS." Alex said.

The Boss stood to his full height and laughed. "It's better shown than told. Trust me on this one, the King of Fun is giving you a good tip."

Alex turned the pin over in his hands. "I don't like surprises."

"Didn't you say that about rollercoasters? Maybe you just need a different perspective."