NOVEL NEXT Book 1 - Chapter 34 - Poutine Damage Report
"Eat. You're shaking with Core Fatigue. I won't even mention the smell," Mary said as she pressed a steaming paper container into his hands. Alex barely registered the weighty food truck poutine. It was the good kind, made by first generation hustlers in second hand trucks with extra squeaky cheese curds and gravy made fresh that day. Normally, it would've made him drool and then forget the world existed as he housed it.
However, everything hurt instead. His legs ached from sprinting away with Beepy from Krusher Coven. Which, thanks to him and his master plan, was now Cursed Koven, a newly born Dungeon with his crazy ex at the center. His chest itched as was raw from the Stink Scrub, and his Core felt like an over cleaned tooth after the dentist. The leaking of sludgy impurities had finally stopped, but his new sexy pants were slick through with the stuff. At least his Skills now worked better.
Fuck. That did not go as well as I hoped.
Alex sat hunched on a wooden bench in one of Toronto's many hidden neighbourhood parkettes. It was called Vimes Green, and wedged between two condos and an elementary school. The lawn was scalped and overworked from expensive condo 'maintenance fees'. Overgrown willows leaned low and half the maple trees had QR codes stapled and linked to god knows what part of the internet. Ants the size of pinkies chomped on dropped kebab, and Night Squirrel Monsters with smoking eyes chirped at him from their tree domains. Alex had beaten Mary there.
She dropped onto the bench beside him and started chomping on her own fries. Zippy settled on her shoulder. Beepy lay flat on his back in the grass, arms splayed like he was wrestling with existential dread for the first time. Alex had already ranted at the little robot before Mary and Zippy had caught up. About the club, about the scrub, about how bad it was that Britanii was a goddamn Dungeon Boss. Beepy had taken it to heart and listened before collapsing and staring up at the extremely bright night sky that was the norm after the System came.
—
BEEPY
Beepy lay in the grass and copied the action figures he liked. The cool ones with TV shows that shot lasers and had swords and flew around. The night sky looked beautiful, and something in his little core tingled.
When he had received the Title, he was scared, then shocked, now he was amazed.
[Title: Dungeon Doula]
[You were involved in the unplanned creation of a Dungeon. Whether this was intentional or a result of simply hanging out with the wrong crowd remains unclear. Congratulations! You caused a local catastrophe!]
[+25% Drama and attention to all poses, +25% Core Growth]
[Sub-Title: Womb of War (Locked)]
[This Title will never be visible to anyone besides yourself. Through the Dungeon creation, you have unlocked an Evolution opportunity. Your little puny body is not ready. Maybe one day, buster!]
[Progress to Mini-Mech Evolution: 50%]
[Next Milestone: Develop First Skill]
He gently lifted his lego arm into the sky and looked at his hand. It could shoot fire. But he wanted more. Existential crises hadn't been on his agenda, but here he was, stronger than yesterday and experiencing certain emotions for the first time. The System has telling him that maybe soon, he'd get his own Skill. A real one!
Mary and Zippy hadn't brought up the Title, even though they were connected to him. He and his brother were connected to each other and Mary. They could talk to each other in code. This was definitely different. Beepy felt lonely and excited to have a secret, but it felt almost too big for his little frame. He didn't slot the Title into his display name when people identified him. Not because he wasn't proud, but because he was a little scared. For now, he needed to think and not get his hopes up too much about what kind of Skill he could get.
WHAT DO I REALLY WANT?
—
"Coulda been worse," Mary said as she shoveled another forkful into her mouth. She had taken the whole thing in stride, told Alex to chill, and ran off with Zippy in search of late night grease. She had delivered on that front. "You coulda killed someone. We didn't know what the bracelet was going to do."
Alex scoffed and nearly threw the poutine. "Yeah, and now she's going to really kill me. You got the notification. The Stink Scrub boosted and cleaned my Core. She got made into a fucking Silver Grade Dungeon Boss? It was all over the club. What does that even do?" He slumped. "She's going to scream my name while sucking my soul out from my eyeballs."
"Eat," Mary said through a mouthful of food. "I can literally feel your body vibrating from Core Fatigue. That shit did a number on you. We'll be fine." Zippy flew over and tried to tug the poutine up towards Alex's mouth. Alex caught the smell. Crispy twice cooked fries, garlicky gravy, cheese curds squeaky and still somehow melty.
Ugh. It does smell delicious.
He sucked his teeth and speared a giant forkful. "I swear, if this poutine isn't on point, I am going to punch the truck that made it." Then he shoveled the fries into his mouth.
This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
The fries were still hot but not scalding. They crunched from their crisp before collapsing into buttery soft insides. They were yukon golds, real ones, and the best potatoes in the world. All around Canada, shoddy looking food trucks slung food like this for students, hungry drunk people, and families needing something to pad their guts even more. The fries had been double fried in what Alex guessed was tallow. The perfect frying oil. The gracy was thick and herby and coated just the perfect amount of the bite. The cheese curds? They were soft and squeaky, not overly melted. Every bite was like an outer body experience. For the uninitiated, a steaming pile of fries, covered in gravy, and topped with cheese would change their lives.
The bites settled in his stomach. His muscles stopped twitching from overuse. His Core began to ease its raw feeling. It was like the poutine was massaging his insides.
This…is helping my Core Fatigue, he thought somehow through his carb induced reverie.
Core Fatigue wasn't just being tired. It was kind of like magical burnout. When a Core, the well of Skills and Essence, got overused, Skills would fizzle, misfire, and actively age you faster. Go too hard, and you'd vomit blood and shatter your Core, rendering you incapable of ever casting a Skill again. Alex had pushed his too far when running away. Phantom Step had stopped working, and he didn't want to damage himself permanently. He needed food, sleep, and time for Essence to seep back in if he wanted to be even remotely functional as a Skill user tomorrow.
Alex descended into a full on food trance, slurping gravy and fries from his double portion that Mary had gotten him. What he didn't realize was the [+5% Max Satiety Meter] from Nina's Lasagna Buff was being put to use and helping. Food helped heal wounds, after all. He was still aware of the 4% increase to a Skill he had, but didn't know what Skill to use it on. Bite after bite, he shoveled the food into the hole of his stomach. The situation started to feel better as his appetite was addressed.
Was I…
"You always get hangry, you know that?" Mary said from her side of the bench. Zippy was amusing himself by flying close to the Night Squirrels that threw seeds at him. Beepy was picking at the grass and burning the ground with his slightly melted lego hand lighter.
"No I don't. Ok, yes I do." Beepy made a noise like a laugh in his robot beeps.
"Feel better?" Mary asked. She was leaned back with her hoodie up. "Still terrified of the big bad bitch?"
"Yes. Yes. We really, really fucked that one up." Alex rubbed his eyes with his grease covered hands. "It's gonna be all over the news, you know that, right? When was the last time a new Dungeon appeared in Toronto?"
"Oooh, it already is." Mary grinned. Alex finally noticed she had the loot bag sitting at her food. He guessed she had got it for him after he went full blown panic mode and high tailed it out of there. "Good news though. They don't know what caused it. No clear footage. Thank fuck the Krusher's didn't have any cameras in there. Or recording Wards. We got off scot-free…besides Britanii probably knowing. Guess they got a little payback?"
Alex exhaled and rubbed his full belly. The food really did help. Sure, he had created a new Dungeon. It wasn't a permanent unibrow or sniffled for a curse. But, he had used the Stink Scrub, gotten back at them kind of, and it was a nice enough night. He was pretty sure with how fast he had run and how many [Phantom Steps] he used, he would be stronger in the morning. "What kind of Dungeon do you think it is? My bet? Britanii is now the Boss of a bunch of Thug Monsters and permanent beats."
Mary laughed. "Guess not much has changed then." Alex let out a half-laugh.
"She's going to be so powerful. Silver rank? Those poor Adventurers who try to clear her." Alex said.
"Maybe she'll find herself. In between plotting how to kill you."
Alex leaned back against the bench and felt sort of human. The Core strain was there but wasn't too bad. His friends were safe. "Thanks, by the way. For all of it. Getting food, helping me, getting the boys to help. Letting me freak out with Beepy nearby."
Mary shrugged. "Don't mention it. You're still gross, and your ex is a Dungeon Boss, but yeah. We handled it."
"We should get home," Alex said while standing up slowly and stretching. "It's late and I stink. I need to burn these pants and–"
"--get a nice sleep before your hot date tomorrow," Mary interrupted. "You're right though. Let's go. You need to sleep off the cultivation and the scrub."
Before Alex could reply, Beepy rammed into Alex's shin, not too hard, but enough to make him grunt. "Ow, Beepy, what the fu–?" The robot was still in his black hoodie and looked adorable. He was also holding the [Screeching Banshee Horn] in his little hands. "Oh…thanks." It reminded him of Emilio. Beepy was giving it back now that he probably wouldn't have to use it.
Alex tucked the horn in the bag and gave the drones a grateful look. "Thanks, you two. You killed it. Beepy, you're officially a legend, and Zippy, you the man." Beepy did a little spin and Zippy landed on Alex's shoulder and chirped like a microwave.
Mary hit her nose in her sleeve as she got up besides Alex. "You smell like a gym sock. Emilio's gonna puke when he sees you."
Alex slung the bag over his shoulder and started walking to the exit of the parkette. "Yeah, yeah. Let's just get home before anyone else is able to smell me." Zippy shot ahead and taunted the squirrels, who were getting extremely upset at the intruder.
In the distance, Alex spotted a crowd shuffling towards them. A bunch of late night partiers, probably. Who even parties on a Sunday? Sunday was for errands. Shopping for pants. Getting stuck in traffic. Scrolling on your phone in bed until 2PM and getting the scaries before drowning them out with reruns and takeout. There were things to do.
Zippy zoomed ahead to greet them. Alex squinted. "Is that…?"
One of the figures sprinted forward in a terrifying blur. From the shadows came an overdramatic voice. "'Lo, Noble Being and Arbiter of Metal, Zippy! Is your Brother out too? We've just returned from a noble clash with that scoundrel Badger and his Pigeon Horde! Six slayings go to my name, noble sir–SIX!"
The blur became a missile of dense weight. Emilio slammed into Alex's chest like a furry cannonball and bowled him over. Alex didn't even complain. Emilio stood triumphantly on his sternum, all 70 pounds of gray fur and love. Then Emilio shoved his face into Alex's and purred loudly. The cat didn't gag or vomit, as Mary had anticipated.
"Hey buddy," Alex wheezed. "Rough night. Came to walk me home?"