NOVEL NEXT Book 1 - Chapter 22 - Walk of Shame
He was sore, scratched, and still tangled in Snu's black silk sheets. Alex had been laying there awake for a while, staring at the ceiling of floating candles that apparently never dripped while trying not to grin audibly. He scored. Like, really scored. In more ways than one. With Snu, with upgrades to a Skill, and even a fancy Title. His head banged from the hangover of Nino's wine, which sadly didn't have magical properties, and his thighs felt like they'd been in a sparring match with a steamroller. But he was beaming.
The steamroller Snu snored beside him with one leg thrown over a pillow. Her bun had fallen out and her horns poked through her messy blonde hair. She looked peaceful, adorable, and even a little smug in her sleep. Alex carefully slid one leg out from under the blanket Snu had hogged. He didn't want to overstay and ruin the moment. Plus he really needed to tell someone, anyone, about the gains he was pretty sure no one had ever gotten. Mary would be ecstatic for him.
Cool, Alex. Be cool. A cool guy would get out early. Maybe leave a funny text about the date for tomorrow…What's the etiquette for sleeping with a Dungeon Boss? A real date too? Damn. Go me.
As he reached for his pants as quietly as possible, Snu murmured, "See you tomorrow, errand boy.." and then flopped over with a little snore. Alex froze naked while holding his pants. That was probably a good sign. Maybe asking her out on a real date outside the Dungeon was a good idea? After he had fumbled his way through asking her last night, she laughed, shoveled another unbelievably delicious Nina cookie into her mouth, and agreed right away. Tomorrow, 6PM sharp. He was supposed to meet her outside the Dungeon entrance. That meant he'd have to deal with…
Shit, the bracelet. Fuck. Fuuuuuuuck.
He'd have to deal with the bracelet tonight. If Mr. Mystical's warning of…what was it? Two days? He couldn't plant the bracelet where he wanted to if he was on his first date with Snu. First he had to find his damn shirt. That barely gave him time to get home, catch up with Mary about her night with Jemin and the sales and the Upgrades and Titles, try and cultivate the Cardinal Monster Core, and hopefully get to the Stink Scrub. And deal with Emilio.
Shit. Having a job means you have no time to bum about. When am I going to spend all these Credits? Is this what adulting is?
He checked under the bed and behind a curtain that hid a leather cross with handcuffs that made him swallow. Snu rolled over and snored louder. Nothing. Alex sighed and gave up. He grabbed Snu's oversized "BITE ME" hoodie that she had tossed. It smelled like warm sugar and a little smidge of perfume. Also faintly of Nina's cookie crumbs. He pulled it over his head and was sure it made him look embarassing. With his pants on and his worn converse tied, he slung his loot bag over his shoulder and crept out the door with one final look at the sleeping Dungeon Boss.
The shortcut tunnel was still there. As he walked down it to the reception, he looked over the Dungeon clean up crew through the strange double sided mirror the tunnel provided. Glimps tossed twitching Krushers into acidic peachy lube. Another sung a lovely soprano while the Ass Monster hosed herself off in a corner that hadn't existed when he ran through. The tentacle room as suspiciously clean and quiet. Not even a single slime trail. Britanii's body was also no where to be seen. Alex hated Britanii. Deep soul itch kind of hate. But he also knew she was a cockroach in very pretty human skin. He didn't believe for one second that she was dead and hadn't escaped the Nun's paddles. As he reached the end of the passage, he couldn't help himself and brought up one of the many things achieved from last night.
[Title: Aftercare not Needed]
[You've survived a night in a Succubus's bed without crying, dying, or losing your ability to walk. Mental Afflictions affect you less, and your overall fortitude has increased. You just keep going. Relax, not like that. Note: Mistress Snu of the Leather Spires has now marked you. Whatever that means, the System won't say. Better be a gentleman, though.]
"Hell yeah," Alex fist pumped. "I'm the sexiest little endurance tank this city will ever see." Mental Affliction Resistance abilities were uncommon. Rich people hadentire blogs speculating on how to unlock one. Ninety nine point nine nine percent of people never got one. Some of the top-tier Clans would murder entire neighbourhoods, and likely had, for a clear way to get one.
As he stepped out of the shortcut, Alex spotted Vrshkeuc was no longer decked out in her usual attire. She lounged behind the desk in a tennis outfit. White skirt, a little visor, a pink crop top. She held a tiny espresso cup in one hand and had a foot propped up like she was on the cover of Gremlin Athleisure. She spotted him and immediately spit out her coffee across the desk.
"Alex! You survived!"
Alex rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah…barely."
Vrshkeuc ginned. "That's great! Good for you. I'm happy for you. Really…look at you." Her eyes moved down to the hoodie. "Nice sweater," Alex looked down at the BITE me across his chest.
"I couldn't find my shirt. Could you, uh…get it for me? Or look for it?"
She cackled and sipped the rest of her coffee. "Of course you couldn't! And you're not getting it back. So, was it everything you dreamed of?"
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Alex raised a single eyebrow. "Wouldn't you like to know. I'm not saying anything. Just hung out is all."
"Oh I want to know. Beliiiieve me. I'll hear about it." She leaned back.
"Where's your friend? The little one with from yesterday?" He asked pointing to the wall where the gagged Gremlin had been suspended last night.
Vrshkeuc rolled her beady eyes. "Ah, he works at another Dungeon. Decent guy. Union hours, you know how it is. Maybe you'll see him again cuz I guess I'll be seeing YOU again." She laughed. Alex gave her an over the shoulder wave and strolled toward the exit.
"Don't be a stranger!" Vrshkeuc called after him. "And hey! The sweater suits you!"
The heavy Dungeon entrance door closed behind him and Alex stepped out into the alley. The wave of summer morning heat and the smell of alley ammonia slapped him in the face. Sun beamed down and tried to blind him for his sins. His eyes watered at the sudden temperature rise. But his spirit? He had a new Title. A New Skill Upgrade he had to chat with Mary about. Loot and Credits. And a date with a Dungeon Boss.
He practically sauntered along the alley back to his car. The colourful puddle shimmered and moved out of his way. Two familiar half-elf kids zipped past him on electronic skateboards. "Nice sweater, Mister!" Nothing could touch him, so he just hit them with the twin finger guns and a wink. "Stay in school!". A pigeon with a crown dive-bomed him and screamed "ALAAN?!" Alex ducked and avoided being scalped. "Not Alan!" he shouted back. The crowned pigeon screeched in disappointment and flapped away. The usual alley guard that asked about food was nowhere in sight. He passed the mice market, where the stalls were covered in cloth tarps for the day. "Hope the Gnomes don't give you guys shit."
His stomach grumbled as he exited the alley and approached his car. He thought about ordering in some food when he got home for him and Mary, who was surely curled up from her own hangover. He could afford it now. After his shifts and the sales from the loot he had gathered, he could spend every damn Credit and be fine. He decided he would. After a goddamn bagel. Or two. He wanted to get home and tell her everything.
No one had broken his car, or even stolen his hubcaps. The window was still down and it looked like someone had sorted through his papers and business cards and bobs, but found nothing worth it. Just before leaving he shot off a quick text to Mary.
Alex: up? Breakfast I'm buying. orderingwhen home
The car gave the familiar cough and shake, then the Fall Out Boy CD blared to life with the chorus already screaming. Alex grinned, and switched it out for a Paramore CD. He wasn't actually sure what happened to their singer. He should probably look that up. Misery Business shot out of the speakers, and he was happy as it felt like he owed a little salute to female leads. Alex slapped the wheel and peeled out of the sketchy neighbourhood.
Traffic was a breeze with only a couple delivery hovercrafts zipping by overhead. No floating members from the Courier Guild to piss him off. The pigeon hive mind flicks steered clear and did not mark his already filthy car. He passed a group of Adventurers on Bloor passed out in a bus shelter being poked at by a team of curious leaky sewer goblins with bits of metal. He sang along without shame and beat the steering wheel with the drums. He couldn't wait to get home, see Mary, give Emilio a stern talking to, and eat.
Alex parked his car and killed the engine outside the shared house apartment in the Annex. Even if it looked awful, the old place couldn't ruin his mood. He slung his bag over his shoulder, took a deep breathe, and grinned. Time to test his new Skill that had awakened overnight after a seriously restless night.
A shimmer ignited inside his Core. [Illusory Copy], which he was pretty sure he understood the meaning of, bent space and light in a shell just enough to form a faux duplicate version of him. It was the second gain he had gotten from last night. A slightly cooler version with better posture, and skin, and actual straight teeth that hadn't been neglected since childhood due to bad hygiene. But definitely close enough. The damn copy even had better eyebrow control.
"Let's see how this works," he said and kicked open the front door. His illusion strolled in first and strolled into the kitchen like it was made of black coffee and an excellent skin care routine. Through the illusion's eyes, Alex saw the wreckage of the kitchen. Mary was passed out on the floor hugging an electronically snoring Beepy. Zippy was conked out on the counter next to a bottle of Jack Daniels and a bag of sour cream and onion chips.
"Mary? You okay there, pal? Had a little too much fun?" Alex called from the real front entrance doorway as the illusion mouthed the words exactly as he spoke them. Just with much whiter teeth.
Mary groaned. "If you didn't bring food, I'm going to die, Alex. I'm going to die. Just kill me already." Then a vicious scamper sounded from the kitchen window.
Emilio exploded through the open kitchen window with all the enthusiasm an overweight cat could muster. The cat sailed like a boulder. He aimed his usual snuggle-tackle right at fake Alex's legs. Which of course, he passed through like the light ghost it was. WHAM. The fridge rattled as Emilio flattened against it, taking down a tower of half-eaten cereal boxes and a toaster.
Emilio flopped onto the floor with a dramatic meow and played dead. Alex snorted and dismissed the illusion. He stepped inside to the kitchen and raised a serious eyebrow at the dazed cat. "You. Mr. Emilio. We need to talk," he paused. "After some breakfast." Emilio peeked at him from behind a massive paw at mention of food.
Mary rolled onto her back. "Tell him to make the kitchen stop spinning first."
Alex plonked his loot back on the counter and reached down to give Emilio a scratch. He wasn't seriously mad at the him. How could he be? But he did need to figure out just how strong he had become, if Emilio would answer with meows, that is. He'd have to keep an eye on him and the Gnomes, but he was a Pizza Guy, not a super hero.
"Alright, time to order some food. My treat. Emilio? Mary?...Beepy, Zippy? Do you guys eat?"
He pulled out his phone as Emilio magically righted, suddenly not hurt.