Dungeons & Deliveries - A Post Apocalypse Comedy Adventure [Book 1 Complete]

Reality once again folded as Alex leapt into the waiting Portal to hopefully get back to Nino's. Something squelched and gave him a wet willy as his body undulated and popped all over in a not unpleasant way. A monolith of giant black stone gave him the creeps and didn't move. It just felt off. While he could tell that most of the weird shit he saw while flying through the portal was harmless, the stone felt more real and somehow frightening. Singing toothbrushes surrounded him like a school of fish. He was pretty sure he saw a giant list of people's social security numbers. Then the familiar pop and he was in the real world again.

He landed onto the tile of Nino's back kitchen while the espresso machine whirred and face planted into a bag of flour. As always, the smells hit first. Garlic and yeast and oregano and sauce. Alex gasped and spat out a wad of flour as Nina stirred the sauce behind him. He saw that she floated two feet off the group and pulled dough straight from the air.

"Ah," she said without turning around from her prep. "Good timing, Alex. Lunch rush soon. Good job on the delivery." Finally she turned and smiled at him while giving the dough a smack that spun it into a perfect disc above her head.

Alex staggered upright. It was at that moment he realized how tired he was. Running through the Dungeon and dealing with Britanii had stretched his Core. He was pretty sure he didn't have anything left to give in the way of active Skills like [Phantom Step]. And now Nina was telling him the lunch rush was just about to start.

"No, we don't have a facking 'hot honey'!" Nino yelled from the front at some poor customer. Alex couldn't see him, but he imagined Nino waving a fat finger at the requestor. "You take your hot honey and shov–,"

"Lunch rush? I…don't know if I can keep doing that, Nina," he shared with her. He did however pull out the velvet pouch of tips from Mistress Snu while Nina sniffed. Sauce flowed from the gurgling pot and spread itself on the pizza while Nina flicked cheese from her fingers. Into the eclectic grill it floated on its own accord. Alex spotted the multiple pies already crisping nicely and his stomach rumbled..

"You did good for first delivery. Even if to that putana," Nina walked over to an ancient fridge and rummaged around a wall of margarine containers. "But we have more to do. Put tips over there," she threw her head to the side and Alex spotted a standard metal locker at the back of the kitchen. There also appeared to be another door. Alex tossed his tip from Snu into the locker and turned back around. The sight made his eyebrows rise.

Nina was already holding a steaming bowl of creamy ravioli. Parmigiano, butter, and cream wafted and filled his nostrils. The ravioli looked perfectly cooked and was flecked with parsley and cracked pepper. They even looked handmade. Behind Nina, a tiny wooden stool had appeared as well. It sat exactly one and had legs that looked suspiciously like they used to belong to a horse. Nino continued to argue from the front, but this time with a different sounding customer.

"Sit," Nina said firmly. "Eat. It fix you right up. Make you strong. You too skinny. We no want you fat, but this is too much." Alex just blinked at her. Where the hell did she keep pulling these meals from? Nina's eyes squinted and something behind him shoved. An insistent push guided him and he plopped down onto the stool with a grunt. "This help. You have many deliveries to make. But eat first."

The moment he sat down and accepted the bowl, a spoon appeared in his hand. He wasn't sure how. Maybe it had always been there? He took a single bite and his eyes widened.

The creamy seasoned ricotta inside was soft inside the firm but perfectly cooked pasta. The butter cream sauce was decadent and slightly nutty. The cracked pepper hit just right. The parm was so perfectly sharp that stars flared in his eyes and it rewrote traumatic memories. Alex moaned "Holy shit," with stuffed cheeks. "What did you do to these?"

Nina just hummed and stirred her sauce while floating. Each bite sent waves of warmth through his body. More importantly, Alex noticed that the food sent warmth to his Core. With every forkful something deep inside recharged like a battery. That was decidedly not normal. Everyone knew that you had to let your Core rest and fix itself after straining it. His leg cramps loosened and his headache he didn't know he had vanished. As he finished the bowl of amazing ravioli and came to his senses, he could feel it. It wasn't dramatic and there weren't any notifications but…

Yep. That fucking ravioli just filled and autohealed my Core. Ho boy. I did hit the jackpot.

Yeah, it wasn't just full. It kind of felt like it was overflowing. Ready to cast and run and throw [Phantom Step]s through the whole damn city. "I didn't even get a notification…my Core just filled."

Nina turned and smiled at him. "Good food doesn't need to brag. It's just good."

"I feel like I could deliver a hundred pizzas," he said and Nina laughed. The dirty bowl vanished out of his hands and he heard the clatter of it in the half full soapy sink to the side.

"Mmm not that many orders. But a lot.. Tomorrow, I make something special. Dessert. Just make it through day one. No big Dungeon rest of day, I don't think. They usually order by now."

Alex jumped to his feet. He had been satisfied and happy with his single delivery mostly due to how much it took out of him. But if Nina could just zip his Core better with her delicious food, then he would keep running pizzas until he literally collapsed. The magic had to run out eventually. Right? The promise of more delivery payment and tips made him eager to get moving again. Add in the over abundance of energy and he was primed to run the city again.

"I'm ready. Give me another order." He said to Nina with his underdeveloped chest pushed out.

Nina snapped her fingers. A pizza box materialized in front of him and he snatched it just as the notification hit.

[A New Job has been assigned by your Employer - Nino's Pizza]

[Deliver the Pizza to the Customer - Time Remaining - 41:22]

[50 Credit Reward for Completion, along any and all tips from Customers]

Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.

[Customer: Delta Phi Brews - Alchemy Fraternity and Acapella Group]

"Don't worry about time. These much easier than Dungeon." Nina waved as the espresso machine roared to life again. Alex didn't wait. He just ran toward the Portal and vanished to deliver some fresh pies.

Alex reappeared in the middle of a college street lined with crumbling mansions that smelled like alcohol. A frat house blared arcane dubstep and the dirt lawn was full of shirtless dudes doing keg stands and chugging smoking potions. A young student with body mods to look like a satyr wearing reflective shades and a freshly healing burn brand shouted, "PIZZA'S HERE BROS!" while paying him. The sac of tips Alex got felt like it might be golden teeth, but he would check later.

The next Delivery was a corporate high rise. Everyone moved exactly the same, never blinked, and wore suits enchanted to change color based on their productivity KPIs. The receptionist was a floating crystal that sounded dejected at her lack of mouth to taste. "Please deliver to Floor 42. The Quarterly sacrifice is just about to end and they will be hungry," she said. The elevator was quick, and Alex whizzed by a man warming the coffee pot with a fireball. The pizza was whisked away, he was paid, but only received 12 Credits as a tip and a "We value promptness." sticky note.

Next he appeared in a YMCA gym where a group of pimply, barely adult Adventurers gathered around a smokeless campfire. One was trying too hard to impress the others and dual wielded kebab pokers. He thought he was somewhere on the west side of the city, near the now defunct airport. They did pay up and give him a tiny glowing Monster core as a tip though. Pretty nice considering Alex spotted their tattered looking tents they obviously slept in. Probably street rats trying to get out of poverty, just like he had.

Alex blinked after a particularly uncomfortable Portal jump. The stone had been there again. The sunny atrium he stood in smelled like ointment and floral perfume. The building was sleek and clean and quiet.

"Is that the pizza boy?" a voice called, followed by the vrrr of an enchanted walker. An elderly woman who looked about 200 walked over to him. She wore a "I survived the Chippendales," t-shirt and gave him a once over.

Alex presented the box. "Extra cheese and garlic. Delivery for the West Wing?"

"Yes, yes, they're paying Battle Bingo. You know the one where the winner gets to cast a Skill on someone? It's a real mess in there."

Before he could respond, three more seniors appeared. One with a floating IV bag, one in a mech chair that was painted like a car, and another who straight up was just an animated corpse. Alex found himself smiling as they gave him a knitted sweater as a tip. One thing post System society had done right was care for the elderly. The System didn't make anyone immortal and people still aged. They just aged a lot more gracefully. When your resident old person could zap you with Healing Skills and rich Adventurers had tons of Credits to spare, the elderly lived far better now than in the before times.

He then ducked into a smoky speakeasy run by a floating skull. Off duty chunky guardsmen lounged on cushioned floors. They smoked something out of a glowing hookah. A trained troll in a bathrobe and a banshee wearing an Adidas tracksuit accepted the pizza. They paid too and handed Alex a potion labeled "Only Use when Emotionally Ready". He wasn't sure what that meant but pocketed it anyway. Relics and potions were as good as money.

One smaller bowl of ravioli and a delivery later, Alex landed in the Botanical Gardens. According to Alex's limited knowledge of the before System time, they were extremely popular in Toronto for school kids, the elderly, and tourists to visit and admire. Now they were overrun by a war mongering Garden Gnome horde. Hundreds of the chipped gnomes in tiny armor waved spears and garden tools. "Pizza Peace Accord!" shouted a particularly cracked gnome leader from atop a wicker chair. They held up a slice and passed it to what Alex thought might be their shaman. Alex didn't wait to see what happened next, and didn't think the electrified Opal he got for a tip would amount to anything worthwhile.

By the time the last delivery stopped for the day, Alex dropped back into Nino's. He was panting, sweaty, and exhausted. But his locker of tips was overflowing and he had made a killing.

[CREDITS: 552]

Over 400 credits in a single day. Plus all the loot that he had gathered. He hadn't had time to sort through it and hopefully Mary would know more about the values and their sellability. Throughout the day, he had decided he would keep the good stuff he could use, and sell the expensive and useless. The brightside was that he was richer and his Core was still humming. Tomorrow if he had time, he could even pay Jemin back.

The Portal shut down and Nino and Nina were scrubbing pots and pans by hand. A little radio played Italian love songs and they cleaned silently together. They probably could have used magic, and Alex felt like he was intruding on an intimate moment. In between his deliveries, he had heard Nino's anger flaring at customers interspersed with booming laughter. Nina had done whatever it was Nina did with food Skills.

Nino wiped his hands on a dish towel and nodded at Alex. "Good job today," he said simply. "That was good normal day. You did well, Alex."

That was a normal day?

"Tomorrow is Saturday," Nino continued while popping his back. "We start later. Two PM. Go until late night. People want pizza when star out, you know? Get good night sleep tonight. Tomorrow the creepy customers order. Need wit about you."

Alex looked around the kitchen. The espresso machine was silent and the Portal had closed with a zipper noise. There wasn't a speck of flour anywhere. He thought about asking where they slept. Did they sleep? He didn't see any stairs. There was that back door…did that go somewhere else? He thought better of asking. Nina finished her last dish and floated back to the ground to grin at him.

Nino handed him a small burlap bag with a snap of his fingers. "For tip." It weighed a lot more than it should. Turning, he saw the locker was empty.

Did he just…? Yup he did.

"Good night Alex," Nina said and handed him over a warm tupperware container.

"Oh no, you don't–,"

"Ah, shaddap. It's just chicken parmesan. Share with friend," she swatted at him. Nino walked him to the front of the shop and Nina called after him. "Tomorrow, I make special dessert. You see how good is."

As Alex was approaching the front door, he spotted something in the window. There was a new hanging plant hanging there. A simple little pot hung by twine. Looked like a healthy ivy plant with a little blue flower.

"Was that there before?"

Nino looked and smiled around the cigarette he now puffed on. "Oh. Yeah, no. When Shop get better, we can add thing. Little at time. Today Alex, you made it better. Just a little. But better." He clapped Alex on the back with a little too much strength and pushed Alex out of the door. "Tomorrow, 2 o'clock."

Alex stepped out into the noise and night time summer heat of Kensington Market. He made his way to his beat up car and slung the bag of tips into the passenger seat. It gave an extremely satisfying thunk that told him of the riches he earned today. Hopefully Mary was still up. He could use her help cataloguing what he'd got. He was also pretty sure that Emilio would love the electrified Opal the gnomes had given him. The cat always had been weirdly into shiny things. Maybe he'd even text Snu. Alex smiled to himself and started the car and wasn't even the bit surprised when it turned over on the first try. Tomorrow, he'd pay Jemin back, be that much richer, and do it all again. He had to admit, his new job was fun, and he could only imagine the gains he would get. He hadn't leveled up yet, but maybe over night his Core would acclimate to the progress of the Skills he had used.

So far? Not too bad. He turned up his favorite Green Day song and drove home.