Dungeons Are Bad Business

The [Dungeon Service Representative] was a short, stubby man with a bushy beard and eyebrows as thick as the wrench he inexplicably carried. He was dressed in gray overalls and a dark blue shirt that had ‘Ron’ stitched over the top left pocket. Every few seconds, he leaned out the window of the office and spat, leaving a brownish puddle on the ground below. Vee wrinkled his nose, but it could have been worse; the man could have been spitting on his floor.

After a particularly throaty bit of spitting, the man shook his head and looked at Vee.

“Soden yer da [Dungeon Master], eh? Pretty young, aintcha? Ken yeh tell me abowt the prawblem yer havin’?”

The man’s accent was…something. Combined with the fact that he spoke so fast every few sentences seemed to blend together into one single super sentence, Vee was tempted to ask if it’d be possible for them to communicate exclusively through writing. He didn’t think that’d go over well though, so he just explained the issue with the minions as he led the man down to Crestheart to take a look.

Just like Vee had, Ron got down on his hands and knees and looked around the dungeon. He tapped his wrench against the ground every few inches. “[Diagnose],” he said as he put his ear up against the wall. Then he nodded as if answering a question posed by a voice Vee couldn’t hear and jotted something down on a notebook he produced from his pockets.

Going from room to room, the man examined every inch of Crestheart’s floors, walls, and – thanks to the skill [Topsy Turvy] – the ceilings. The examination took almost two hours, and Vee was just starting to get antsy when the man stood up, smacked his hands together a few times and shook his head.

“Don’t ain’t got nothin’ to werrybout, Mista Vales. Jus’ a leedlebit too much weahnteah. Dontchu godda [Dungeon Maintainer] to keep the place maintained?”

Vee shook his head. “I didn’t know I needed one. What exactly is the issue?”

The string of syllables that came out of the man’s mouth was completely unintelligible. Vee’s widened his eyes, clenched his teeth and slowly shook his head back and forth. The man seemed a little miffed, slowed down.

“Gimme a sec. Mmm…[Get The Point Across]. Let’s see. Is that better?”

“Uh, I think so?”

“Alright, perfect. My apologies, Mister Vales. I know that the frequency of my voice can make it a little hard for people to understand me sometimes.”

That’s not the problem at all! The problem is that you talk a million miles an hour and drop half your words into the ethereal. Gawain’s balls!

“What I was saying earlier is that you don’t have anything you need to worry about. Your problem is that the walls and floors of Crestheart are all pretty beat up. I know you’re a new [Dungeon Master], but you’ve really got to make sure and maintain the condition of the rooms, else your minions will have a really tough time following their orders. I’ve gone ahead and drawn up a list of issues that need work, but if you don’t have a [Dungeon Maintainer], I can go ahead and do the work for you. It’ll just be two-hundred gold fleurs.”

Vee’s mouth fell open. “Say what? I thought it was supposed to be free!”

“Diagnostics are free, but if I’ve got to get my crew out here, that’s going to cost you. If you had a [Dungeon Maintainer] or a group of workers who could do what needs to be done, it wouldn’t cost you anything.”

Well, now, that changed things. Vee had just the group in mind. “One of the sections of my orchestra can probably do the work, but I don’t think they’ll be able to read the list. How much would it cost for you to walk them through everything?”

The man thought for a moment, rubbing his fingers through his bushy beard and tapping his wrench against his knee. “I’m not really supposed to lead other crews because it’s against union rules, but I think I could make an exception just this once. How about twenty gold fleurs and I’ll walk your crew through it.”

“Isn’t that a little steep for nothing more than a consulting gig?” Reginald asked. “You’re just going to tell a bunch of fiends to patch up the holes and stuff, aren’t you?”

The man took a step back. “Fiends?”

“Don’t be alarmed,” said Vee. “Like I said, they’re part of my orchestra. I’m a [Ghost Maestro] so they’ll do what I tell them. You won’t be in any danger. Would you consider taking only ten fleurs instead?”

“A [Ghost Maestro], huh? Well, that explains a lot of the décor around here. Fifteen gold fleurs is my best price, take it or leave it.

Vee’s [Bargain Hunter] kicked in, filling him with confidence that this truly was the cheapest he was going to get. “Deal. I’ll go ahead and summon my orchestra members now.”

Closing his eyes and drawing out his ghost baton, Vee took hold of the bond to the heavy section and called them to his position. They were close by, so it only took them a few minutes to arrive, and Vee got to take a good look at them for the first time in a while. When he’d originally formed the heavy section, all of the fiends had been roughly the same size and shape. But now, some differences were starting to distinguish the members from each other. Do was still approximately the same, but Re was tall and lanky, Mi had huge arms, Fa was squarish, So walked on all fours, La was slim and wiry, and Ti was almost as small as the members of the light section.

“What you want, Master?” Do said once the fiends were standing in an approximately neat line. “Have job for us?”

Vee took a deep breath. Foresee any issues I’m going to cause for myself down the line that you want to warn me about, Reginald? I know you’re listening to my thoughts so you know what I intend to do.

“It’s your call, boss. You’re the [Dungeon Master].”

“Fat lot of help you are,” Vee muttered. What he was about to attempt was something he’d only done once before, during a lesson at the academy: [Bequeath Class]. [Bequeath Class] was a skill generally intended for high level spirits. [Ghost Maestros] who’d worked with a spirit for years would use it to empower their assistants to better suit their own needs. He hadn’t had control of the heavies for long, but he needed a [Dungeon Maintainer] and Do was the best choice.

He remembered the basic theory of how the skill worked – or at least he thought he did – but this was serious [Ghost Maestro] stuff, and his stomach fluttered as he looked at the fiends. He drew a few symbols in the air with his baton – more to steady his nerves than to do anything important — channeled his will into it and braced himself for the pressure that was going to come.

First, he had to think of the need to be addressed. Repair the dungeon and build it further as it grows. A chime sounded in Vee’s skull.

Second was the name of the class to be given. [Dungeon Maintainer]. A second chime, this one more ominous than the first.

Third and last was the acceptance of responsibility for what the spirit did with the class. I, Vee Vales, will ensure that this class isn’t used improperly.

The third chime echoed in Vee’s skull, and he took a step back as the weight of his resolution settled in his heart. [Bequeath Class] was not a skill to be used lightly. If the fiend did something horrible with the skills it learned as a result of Vee’s gift, the [Ghost Maestro] would be held responsible by whatever power guided classes and people. He’d heard stories about the prices some had been forced to pay when their spirits went awry, and they weren’t pleasant.

“Do, I declare you the [Dungeon Maintainer] of Crestheart, and designate the rest of your section as [Junior Maintainer]. [Bequeath Class]!”

The resistance kicked into effect right away.

As a child, Vee had once gone to the ocean with his family. He was…eight or nine at the time. He’d been out running and playing on the beach looking for seashells when a big wave caught him by surprise and knocked him down. Another wave followed it and pulled Vee away from the shore. Caught up in the swell, Vee had almost been dragged out to sea. No matter how he’d struggled or flailed, he hadn’t been able to stop himself and it had only been his mother’s rapid charge into the tide that had saved him.

He still had nightmares about it from time to time.

That same feeling of powerlessness in the face of overwhelming force was what enveloped him now. Energy crashed into him from all directions, while his own reserves of power were ripped from his body by seven sets of ethereal hands. Surrounded by a golden glow, Vee doubled over. He felt like he was being squeezed so hard his insides were going to turn to mush, but he was determined to stay on his feet. If he fell, he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to stand up again. The golden light poured off of him until it covered Do and the rest of the heavy section. Heat built up under Vee’s skin and after what felt like an eternity to Vee, popped and faded away. He sagged and reached over to steady himself against the wall.

“Did it work?” Reginald asked.

“I’m not sure,” Vee said, panting and wiping tears from the corner of his eyes. He sure hoped it had, because there was no way he was going to try that again. If the skill hadn’t worked, he’d just take out an ad or something.

[Congratulations! You have successfully bequeathed the [Dungeon Maintainer] and [Junior Maintainer] classes to your orchestra members! You are now a [Ghost Maestro] level 21!]

[You can now better identify spirits, ghosts, and other ethereal entities!]

[Your ability to passively refine ectoplasm has increased!]

[Wit +2]

[Faith +1]

[You are now a [Dungeon Master] level 8!]

[Leadership +1]

[Charisma +1]

Breathing a huge sigh of relief, Vee looked over at his fiends and saw that Do was trembling and staring at its hands.

“Master, what is [Repair]?”

The [Dungeon Service Representative] answered: “It’s one of the most important skills you’re going to have. Here, I’ll walk you through your new abilities. I got my start as a [Junior Maintainer].”

And then, with careful precision, the man went over his list of fixes with Do and started explaining all of the work that needed to be done. To Vee’s surprise, two of the new caretakers left the dungeon and started bringing in heaps of broken wood, stone and metal. For the next several hours, they patched up the cracks in the walls and floor, using their [Repair] skill to mend the cracks, dents, and other damage.

Vee tasted bile in the back of his throat and he was lightheaded, but he stayed and watched the fiends work until Ron told him that there wasn’t much else they could do for the day.

“The fillings we made need to cure overnight,” he explained. “And that crew of yours is pretty green, but they’ll be quite competent in hardly any time at all. I would suggest eventually moving away from solid walls and floors to a tile system though.”

“A tile system?”

The [Dungeon Service Representative] shrugged. “You build your walls and floors out of tiles, and then you swap them in and out of service as they need maintenance. It’s a bit of a pain since you’ll have to redraw your spawn points if you replace their tiles, but it’ll prevent anything like this from happening again. All of the biggest dungeons on the continent use the tile system.”

Huh. That seemed like a pretty good idea. Vee had seen something about tiles and hexes in his handbook, but he’d been so focused on getting Crestheart built and open that he hadn’t cared to really read it. Now he felt like a fool for not doing so. Whatever it cost to set up had to be less than what he’d lost from having to shut down the dungeon and whatever intangible losses the bad publicity caused. Plus, the tiles would be great for installing the ghost hands as soon as they were ready.

Vee thanked him and dismissed the heavy section of the orchestra once he left. Do hung around for a moment, and then bowed once the rest were gone.

“Thank you, Master. Will not forget this honor. Will work hard.”

“I know you will,” Vee said. He hadn’t yet heard back from any of his professors about the fiends' gain of sentience. What would they say if they heard that he’d given them classes? Maybe he’d write them another letter.

Feeling exhaustion flow through every fiber of his body, Vee left Crestheart and went outside.

Alforde was waiting in front of the tower, practicing his hammer work as always. He was focused and moved quickly, battling foes only he could see. There was an urgency in his movements that Vee hadn’t seen before, and the air hummed with the force of his blows.

“Oi! Alforde! A little help here?” Reginald called as Vee wobbled back and forth. “Boss is pretty drained.”

Alforde stopped what he was doing and hurried over to catch Vee before the [Dungeon Master] collapsed.

“I don’t know if I can make it back to Sculla’s,” Vee said.

And so, Alforde carried his friend back to the boarding house. The armorsoul’s heart was light. Though it might take a few days, Crestheart was going to reopen.

And when it did, it was going to be an entirely new experience.

Main Character Sheets:

Vee Vales:

Primary Class: Ghost Maestro (Locksmagister University), Level 21 (+2)

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 8 (+1)

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 2

Might: 8

Wit: 28 (+2)

Faith: 16 (+1)

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 7

Plotting: 9

Charisma: 3 (+1)

Devious Mind: 12

Leadership: 9 (+1)

Guts: 3

Intimidating Presence: 4

Citizenship: 4

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Afficionado (Self), Level 14

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 10

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 8

Additional Class: Clunker (Vee Vales), Level 5

Might: 28

Wit: 10

Faith: 24

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 6

Endurance: 9

Intimidating Presence: 8

Heart of a Champion: 2

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 1

Vigilance: 1

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 32

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 5

Might: 1

Wit: 25

Faith: 4 (+1)

Ambition: 23

Greed: 18

Deceptiveness: 31 (-1)

E$@$: $%

[-------------------------]

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 1

BONUS: Heavy Section Character Sheets:

Do (Heavy):

Primary Class: Dungeon Maintainer (Vee Vales), Level 1

Secondary Class: None (Vee Vales)

Might: 10

Wit: 2

Faith: 2

Citizenship (Bound - Vee Vales): 1

Re (Heavy):

Primary Class: Junior Maintainer (Vee Vales), Level 1

Secondary Class: None (Vee Vales)

Might: 5

Wit: 1

Faith: 1

Citizenship (Bound - Vee Vales): 1

Mi (Heavy):

Primary Class: Junior Maintainer (Vee Vales), Level 1

Secondary Class: None (Vee Vales)

Might: 5

Wit: 1

Faith: 1

Citizenship (Bound - Vee Vales): 1

Fa (Heavy):

Primary Class: Junior Maintainer (Vee Vales), Level 1

Secondary Class: None (Vee Vales)

Might: 5

Wit: 1

Faith: 1

Citizenship (Bound - Vee Vales): 1

So (Heavy):

Primary Class: Junior Maintainer (Vee Vales), Level 1

Secondary Class: None (Vee Vales)

Might: 5

Wit: 1

Faith: 1

Citizenship (Bound - Vee Vales): 1

La (Heavy):

Primary Class: Junior Maintainer (Vee Vales), Level 1

Secondary Class: None (Vee Vales)

Might: 5

Wit: 1

Faith: 1

Citizenship (Bound - Vee Vales): 1

Ti (Heavy):

Primary Class: Junior Maintainer (Vee Vales), Level 1

Secondary Class: None (Vee Vales)

Might: 5

Wit: 1

Faith: 1

Citizenship (Bound - Vee Vales): 1