Chapter 39 Releasing the Snake
As soon as he thought of this, Liu Ergou decided to get a little payback from the old bachelor today. He would find another time to teach him a proper lesson later.
But then a problem arose. How should I teach him a lesson? Pretend to be a ghost and scare them? No, that won't work. I could easily be found out. Everyone in the village knows each other; they'd recognize me from a mile away. Besides, they have flashlights. The more I think about it, the more unrealistic that plan seems.
So, Liu Ergou fell into deep thought.
As he was pondering, he suddenly heard a hissing sound beside him.
He looked down and saw a cauliflower snake, about as thick as a thumb and over a meter long, slithering lazily on the ground.
Upon seeing the snake, an idea immediately struck Liu Ergou. I know exactly how to deal with that old bachelor!
With that thought, he quickly reached out and grabbed the snake behind its head, then picked it up and wrapped it around his arm. He carefully coiled the snake into a ball, weighed it in his hand, and began to calculate the trajectory.
At this moment, Widow Zhou and the old bachelor, busy in the cornfield, were completely oblivious to what was about to happen. The two of them were fussing over a trivial matter.
"Can you do it or not? How long have you been at this? If you can't manage, I'm leaving. It's late and I want to go to sleep!"
Hearing Widow Zhou's words, the old bachelor immediately grew anxious. "Don't rush, don't rush! I'm almost there, I'm almost there!"
Widow Zhou retorted impatiently, "Weren't you quite the stud before, finding your way even in pitch darkness? How come you're suddenly useless out here in the open?!"
"Are you perhaps..."
Before Widow Zhou could finish, the old bachelor cut her off.
"What nonsense are you talking about? I'm just a bit nervous!"
"Wait, I'll be ready in a second!"
As he spoke, the old bachelor got busy again, while Widow Zhou, looking resigned, leaned against him and began grinding on him again.
This only made the old bachelor more flustered. His hands moved faster, but as the old adage says, haste makes waste. The saying couldn't have been more fitting for the old bachelor at that moment.
After fumbling around for a while longer, the old bachelor was finally about to get down to business.
However, at this crucial moment, a shadow fell from the sky, landing unerringly right on the old bachelor's neck.
The cold touch made the old bachelor jump in fright. He was about to curse aloud, wondering who could be so immoral as to throw things around in the middle of the night. But when he felt the hissing object on his neck—cold and moving—he was instantly jolted into full awareness. In a flash, he realized what it was.
"HOLY SHIT, IT'S A SNAKE!"
The old bachelor shrieked. Grabbing the cauliflower snake without looking, he threw it directly onto Widow Zhou. He then snatched his pants and ran out of the cornfield without even looking up.
At that moment, he didn't have time to ponder why a snake would fall from the sky. Nor did he look closely enough to see it was just an ordinary, non-venomous cauliflower snake. All the old bachelor wanted was to get away from here, away from the snake, as fast as possible.
It was then that Widow Zhou came to her senses. Feeling the cauliflower snake slowly crawling on her, she couldn't help but scream in terror.
"Old bachelor! Old bachelor!"
"Don't just run off! Come and help me, it's on me! Where are you? Where are you?! Come save me!"
By then, the old bachelor, driven by fear, had already run far, far away, well out of earshot of Widow Zhou's cries.
And Widow Zhou, seeing that the old bachelor wasn't coming to help, finally couldn't hold it in any longer and wet herself in terror.
As she soiled herself, she struggled frantically and cursed the fleeing old bachelor with all her might.
"You old bastard! When you wanted to get in my pants, you'd say any sweet nothing, promising to pluck the stars and moon from the sky for me! But now it's just one little snake, and you run off so fast! Are you even a man, you old bastard?!"
However, no matter how much Widow Zhou cursed, the old bachelor just kept running. Without a single glance back, he was out of the cornfield in the blink of an eye, leaving Widow Zhou sitting there all alone.
Staring at the old bachelor's vanished figure, Widow Zhou couldn't help but curse again.
"You old bastard, you'll be cursed by the heavens! May you be struck by lightning and die a horrible death!"
Meanwhile, the cauliflower snake on Widow Zhou, also frightened by her hysterics, quickly slithered off her and scurried away.
Only then did Widow Zhou let out a long sigh of relief.
Liu Ergou, who had been watching the commotion from the side, gave a guilty little smile. I only meant to scare the old bachelor. I didn't expect to drag Widow Zhou into this. That was a pretty dirty trick on my part. But what could I do? It serves her right for being with him anyway.
By this time, Widow Zhou had put her clothes back on. Without a backward glance, she fled the cornfield.
Watching her retreating figure, Liu Ergou shook his head.
After all the excitement, Liu Ergou started to feel sleepy. Just as he was about to head back to bed, he spotted the cell phone the old bachelor had dropped in his hasty escape.
Leaving the phone here would be a waste, he thought. I might as well take it. I can find a way to sell it in the city and get some pocket money.
With that thought, Liu Ergou walked over, picked up the cell phone, and stuffed it in his pocket. He then turned and headed home.
At this point, Liu Ergou's mood had improved significantly. Humming a little tune, he quickly made his way home.
His home was pitch black; it seemed his older brother and sister-in-law were already asleep.
Liu Ergou tiptoed into the yard, locked the main gate, and returned to his room.
He lay down, pulled the quilt over himself, and fell into a deep sleep within minutes.
Having not slept properly for a long time, he slept like a log. He didn't even dream, sleeping straight through to the next day, so soundly that he didn't even notice when his brother left.