Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

I'm really not copacetic about what happened with Rabbit and the Dragon eggs yesterday. Not copacetic at all, but I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do about it. I mean, on the surface of it, if everything happened just the way Rabbit said it did, there's nothing to be done. The Mother of Water Panthers left her eggs sitting there unattended, and some egg sucking bottom feeder came along and did what egg sucking bottom feeders do. All Rabbit did was pay close enough attention to things to realize that the eggs weren't viable any more. If that's the case, and fuck me but it absolutely could be, saying something or tryna investigate or, y'know, openly admitting that I doubt her word would just drive a big old wedge in a burgeoning friendship. Given that Grandmother's Village, the locals who live there, and all the locals who consider themselves part of that same 'people' aren't technically part of the Alliance yet, it could even spark a whole assed diplomatic incident. So if I'm just being paranoid and I'm wrong, there's all kinds of shit to be lost for no fuckin' good reason.

But if she did... If Rabbit saw a trio of Water Panther eggs and engaged in some no idea what term abortion of said eggs while I bickered with Lily... shit, if she did, I really ought to think of it maybe as 'while Lily distracted me', except I'm not sure Lily could be that underhanded. Not without showing something. Rabbit's got a poker face. Lily's completely incapable of hiding her attraction to someone even if it doesn't mesh with her own perceived orientation. So if Rabbit actually did the shit I suspect she did, then she killed three pre-kids. Killed them for maybe the worst possible reason to kill somebody, the old argument about 'nits make lice' and the 'sins of the fathers' thing. Basically, the core rationale for the worst parts of every genocide in the world. I... I don't know if I could let that slide. I don't think I could. I could maybe, at some point, forgive her and move past it, but that's a big fuckin' ask.

On the other hand, even if she did, there's the whole reason I handed little Bear over to Rabbit and Lily. Yeah, the Dan and Bag and Humans from Europa, not to mention the folks from Norfolk and Saint Boltophsberg and everywhere else on the coast have been living here for generations, for centuries, but that doesn't change the fact that the locals, Grandmother's people, Lily and Rabbit's people, were here first. That doesn't excuse blood feuds and killing kids, no way no how, but they've been here longer, they know the land better. They had the Mother of Water Panthers kill their Bear-God-Spirit and, as best I can tell, lay eggs in it to hatch Dire Bears and other monstrosities. The fact that both of them know what a Water Panther is makes me think she laid and hatched plenty of Water Panther eggs, too, and from what they said, Water Panthers come out of the shell ready, willing, and able to do murder. Fuck, I don't know if Bear's people got wiped by the Mother of Water Panthers herself, or if her kids just straight up murdered them all to death. So I guess what I'm saying is that in this particular instance, gutting some eggs might not be 'killing the little ones while it's easy' so much as 'taking out an invasive species before it spreads'.

The most fucked up thing? Everything that I'm thinking here, both directions, both sides, might be entirely fuckin' moot. All I saw was three eggs. As far as I know the Mother of Water Panthers didn't have a Baby Daddy around. I sure as shit haven't seen anything of that sort. Yeah, maybe she's like one of those deep sea angler fish, and maybe all that remains of the Daddy of Water Panthers is a little pair of testicles dangling off her side for easy peasy fertilization. Maybe more than one pair; I've heard some of those fish are like that. Which, now that I think about it, means it's possible I swallowed more babies than Rabbit ended. Shit, I may have set some kind of spooge swallowing record there. Not surprising, given the size of my maw and how much I can eat. However, before I get entirely off my topic, and holy shit I'm actually bringing myself back on topic which means I may actually be learning to manage my condition, I saw no evidence of tiny ball sacks hanging off the bitch, which means those three eggs? Might have no more Water Panther content than a typical grocery store egg has chicken content.

For those of you who grew up thinking you were eating chicken fetuses or some shit, that amount is zero. Yolks aren't chicken fetuses. Grocery store eggs aren't fertilized. People eating eggs aren't eating baby chickens. They're eating what pops out of a mama hen when she doesn't get fertilized. Yeah, not sure whether eating Water Panther spooge or chicken periods is worse, but honestly, when I think about it, I'd swallowed enough of the human versions of both before I woke up here and now that I'd be a bit of a hypocrite to get all squicked over either one going in my mouth the other day.

So, y'know, out of the four possible flow chart branches, three of them are 'shut my fuckin' mouth', and the fourth is, 'fuck shit up with no positive outcome', so for once in my fuckin' life I'm gonna shut the fuck up.

Okay, let's be honest, I'm gonna let myself get distracted by other shit until I don't remember what I was potentially gonna get pissy about.

So yesterday, after assuring Lily and Rabbit that they were, in fact, welcome at the Homestead at any time, I gave them a lift to Grandmother's Village, then got myself home in time for dinner. Unsurprisingly, bear meat still featured heavily. This time minced into pate, delivered in a kind of puff pastry shell. Good, different, savory. Reminded me a little of pastelillios.

The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

When I asked her if she had any recipes for those, she looked intrigued and said, "Explain."

"They're like, okay, take an uncooked tortilla, the flour kind you put around a taco, then put some filling in, doesn't really matter what, I liked the cheese steak ones, but the pizza ones were popular, either plain cheese or pepperoni, and everybody liked the chicken ones, except the Jamaican guys who were all about the ones with seasoned ground beef in them. But you put the filling in, fold the burrito over into like a half circle shape, then crimp the edge shut and drop that whole fuckin' thing into a deep fryer until it's golden brown."

She tilted her head. "Pizza?"

"Tomato and cheese flatbread, with just about anything you could name as toppings. Usually meat and veg though. People got mad if you put fruit on it. Oh, and Japanese people, as usual, made it weird and put peas and mayo on it."

"Mayonnaise?"

Of course Murder Mittens knew what mayo was. "Yep. Never tried that. Not sure if I want to."

She just nodded and got a speculative look that stayed there all evening.

Snuggled up with my ladies and kids in bed after Bath time, I nuzzled Siobhan. So, I heard somebody impressed Rabbit.

Her face warmed where she'd nuzzled into my chest. She's so cute, and... she didn't seem afraid of me. I thought you'd want us to make a good impression.

She is cute. I hope you didn't do it just because you thought we wanted you to?

She shrugged. It was different. Taking charge. I guess I didn't enjoy it as much as I do with the three of you, but I'm not upset. Not every worthwhile thing in life is going to involve orgasms.

Aw.... you mean you didn't?

She chuckled into my chest, her voice going just a little fuzzy. She was very passive. Receptive. I'd like to think she enjoyed herself.

She did, Saffron chimed in, by the tone of her mental voice already halfway asleep.

But... not very reciprocal.

You didn't do that scissor trick Marie did the first time with you?

I'm not very confident about that. Other things, though... She demonstrated what she meant by poking me in the cleavage with the tip of her tongue.

I chuckled and snuggled her tight to me. Well. Thanks for entertaining our guest, Darling. You definitely deserve some kind of treat for that.

Mmm... de nada. Welcome even. Treat would be nice, but not toni... she trailed off. From behind me Saffron's snores told me she'd fallen asleep as well.

"You still awake, Marie?" I whispered.

"No."

I chuckled and took the hint, closing my eyes and drifting off.

Dreamt of all four of my other ladies parading Siobhan around my Maw in a triumphant procession. By the look on her face, she might have objected, but somebody's hands kept distracting her.

Woke up, confirmed that it was, indeed, Wotansday, and hopped over to the Academy suite. Knocked on the Workshop door and stuck my head in. "Son? You around?"

Long fingered hands, pianist's hands, folded over my shoulders and massaged gently, pushing me forward into the Workshop. "Of course, Mother Dearest. I take it you've come for my latest creations?"

I smiled at him as I turned around, my arms going around him in a chaste hug. A motherly hug, even, since according to Sisters who know better than me the crazy bullshit I did dangling Siobhan over the Maw was, in fact, chaste. "Hey, Son. That and had a question."

"Another request?"

I shook my head. "Nope. Serious question. Maybe even an offer and invitation?"

"Go on?"

"Did you want to keep your Workshop here, or did you want to bring it to the Homestead?"

He smiled that secretive smile of his. "My Workshop is always where my Workshop is, but... you would have me in your Home?"

"Of course. You're my son."

He chuckled. "And yet again you treat a polite metaphysical fiction as reality. Perhaps often enough and I'll come to believe the reality as strongly as you champion it."

"Yeah, well. Wasn't my idea, but I take the whole parenting thing seriously. Probably the after effects of Mommy Issues and Daddy Issues. You telling me you're not gonna take advantage of it?"

He just smiled that too wide smile. "I already did. But now it seems I've been hoist by my own petard. Stranger still, I don't seem to mind. Is there anywhere in particular you'd prefer I connect my Workshop?"

I shrugged. "I mean, my office is the only place I can say without question nobody else will mind, but honestly?" I waited until he nodded. "You should probably ask Saffron. Knowing her, she picked a spot before we started construction."

"Very likely so." He paused, then his smile got a little less knowing, a little more, I dunno, wistful. "Might I make a request of you?"

"Sure, son. What did you need?"

"Just a moment." He scurried off into the Workshop, returned a moment later carrying two jewelry cases. One, a simple flat oiled pine box, he handed to me. "Your pet..." I raised an eyebrow at him. "Err... Paramour's present."

"Thanks, son. I'm sure she'll love it."

"Now, my request. Kneel?"

I raised an eyebrow, then smiled at him and went to one knee. He smirked. "More typical for warrior kings than queens, but I'd be lying if I called you any less than a warrior." He opened the second case and pulled out something that had both crowns and helms in its ancestry, but somehow transcended both. As he lowered it onto my head, the integral cheek guards slipping around my face smoothly as the crown settled on my head, he said, "Rise, Tabitha, Queen of Norfolk, first of your name. May you reign wisely and long."

Didn't have the heart to snark about 'long' being less than twenty four hours. Besides, I caught a glimpse of myself in his mirror. I might not keep the crown long, but I had to say, I looked hot as fuck wearing it.