Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

"Children, Passion, Ecstasy,

Bloodlust, Vengeance, and, of course,

the Justified Homicide."

Doctrine of Tabitha, Testament of Domains

Okay, I get some of those. Passion and Ecstasy, given that I'm apparently continually surrounded by three hotties who want my body for some inexplicable reason, my new life has plenty of passion and ecstasy. Although Passion is more than just sex, I guess. I mean, I more than guess. I get that, I do. Back in the day I was pretty passionate about things. Or, well, I could be. For a while on each thing. Holy fuck, am I only just now realizing my life back at Eastside was fundamentally just me careening from one hyperfixation to another? Anyway, I guess I get passion pretty well, however I came by that knowledge. Ecstasy, and here I'm assuming we're not talking about the designer drug, but about that state of euphoria you get when you catch that passion and ride it into the ground or vice versa, is also something I can work with.

Bloodlust... I guess that's kinda an offshoot of Passion, maybe. Like, if Passion picked up Violence and Kink and had them make a a messy, angry baby. Maybe I'll ask my future self if she can give me any particular pointers on that one. Then again, it seems like she's been there, done that, what with killing off five digits worth of poor slobs in the course of a single day. Single battle. Shit, I think based on the description... nah, I'm gonna have Saffron go over that one with me again, because no way did I kill ten thousand motherfuckers in sixty seconds or less. That's just crazy talk, and I'm not even talking about 'oh, I wouldn't kill somebody' or 'I wouldn't kill that many people'. Yeah, you take anybody from the hood and put them on death ground, the only reason they ain't goin' for the jugular is that puts you way too close to their hands and teeth. You wanna go for the femoral, preferably from behind. Fighting fair is for fools; fair play is for games, and fighting for your life is not a game. Fighting for other people's lives even less so.

Vengeance... well, shit, I get Vengeance. That one isn't even all that hard to get. It is, in essence, becoming the agent of Find Out. What with Camden being the Fuck Around and Find Outest portion of the greater Philly area, and Philly being so Fuck Around and Find Out that we applied that shit not only to the hitchhiking robot, but to fuckin' Santa Claus, Vengeance is written into my goddamned DNA.

Be careful with that, Daughter.

With Vengeance?

No, with Damnation. As I had to explain to you once before, you are a Primordial Deity. When you Damn something, it is quite literal.

Oh. Oh, shit. Sorry, Dad. I'll try to watch my mouth.

In the past you'd taken to using the word 'Blessed', I think as a kind of ironic response to not being able to say 'Damn' as often as you'd like.

Thanks, Dad. You're the best.

I know.

Well. The more you know and all that good shit. Knowing is half the battle. The other half being extreme violence applied with as much precision as required to wreck someone's shit. Y'know, I was gonna start in on how 'Justified Homicide' was kind of a 'what the fuck' thing, but I guess if we're taking Vengeance to it's natural conclusion, we're talking about ending motherfuckers, which is, in fact, typically homicide. I mean, if the fuckers in Rich Man's Port won't remove this fuckin' curse, I'm definitely gonna 'cide some homies, and I'm gonna feel pretty justified about it.

I'm glad it's not Tallulah, though, because if what Marylin says is accurate, she's got a kid younger than Marylin, which puts her in her mid teens. I know what it's like to lose a mom right around then, and that shit sucks balls. Wouldn't put anybody through that, because if I'm utterly mystified as to how I wound up with 'Children' as one of my Domains, I absolutely understand how important it is. That shit... that's the answer to problems and the future and everything that matters at the end of the day right there. Anybody who's all on their high horse about 'oh, I don't have kids because I'm morally superior', I gotta wonder how many of them call their pets, or their plants, or some other child replacement their 'babies'. Now, I get it, if you don't have the stability, whether we're talking financial, societal, or psychological to raise a kid right, good on you for choosing to abstain. Doing the right thing, and I say this as, apparently, a Deity of Children. But to the people who think it's just always dumb to have a kid, or the ones who hate kids in general, or the ones who think somehow humans are the source of everything that's ever gone wrong, I say 'put a sock in it, some of us are trying to raise a better next generation over here, go enjoy your "sleeping through the night" and "having disposable income" and "fundamentally free schedules" and shit'.

Anyway, tomorrow I gotta decide whether to start with kids or murder. Today I did some construction work and saw Karen off on her big voyage. Only not really.

So yesterday after Karen speedrunning her imposter syndrome at being told she was gonna be the Alliance's Ambassador to our nearest non-assimilated neighbor, we had a nice chat with the group of us in what I thought of as 'Calverton HQ'. Didn't realize how literal that was until Saffron turned to Orla and said, "when will you be arranging for your coronation?"

"So... we're the last two then?"

"There's no sign of any other living survivors of the House of Calvert."

Orla looked as indecisive as I've ever seen her for about five seconds, then sighed and said, "I won't be. I'm abdicating in favor of Marylin."

At which point Marylin looked like she'd just swallowed a live frog and said, "what?"

Orla nodded. "Yeah, sis. I died. I died and stomped around Calverton as an Undead. On one hand, people aren't like to forget that. On another, I think you not dying, not giving in to the allure of hate? Makes for you being a lot better monarch than me."

"But... but I abandoned the City!"

Orla shook her head. "No. You left the buildings. You took the remains of the City north, and found shelter for them. Then you brought the fighters back and took our City back."

"That wasn't me!" Marylin looked more than a little panicked by this point. "That was Champion Diaz! And General Hargreaves!"

At this point I figured I'd step in. "Marylin?"

"Yes, High Priestess?"

Kinda weird to be addressed like that, but I guess she defaulted to the role that didn't have her lined up to get a bit of fancy jewelry metaphorically welded to her skull. "What have you been doing lately?"

"Overseeing construction of Loki's temple."

"And?"

She shrugged. "Using any materials which aren't fit for use in a structure of that size to rebuild homes. Blessing them, of course. Providing healing and succor to those who need it."

"Nobody's been coming to you with questions about shit?"

"I mean, now and then I'm called here to speak with General Hargreaves about interactions between our military and civilians, and now and again I do the same with Jarl Swanson regarding the Thralls who intend to stay in Calverton, but..."

I smiled at the lights coming on in her eyes. "Yeah, why exactly do you think they're coming to you rather than, say, one of the other High Priestesses in the City?"

"Oh, there aren't any, at least not that I'm aware of."

"There's a High Priestess of Mimic. But she isn't precisely limited to Calverton."

Who?

Saffron smiled at me. Marie, of course. She is officially your High Priestess to Calverton and Norfolk.

Uh... and you're Phileo and Camden?

No, that's Siobhan. I've got Newark and New Amsterdam. When I raised an eyebrow, she explained, the Grand Council building is in close proximity, and the home of the House of Orange needs a firmer hand.

"Okay, anyway, my point here, and I did have one, is that you're already doing the important parts of the job. So unless you think it's gonna make people feel worse, you get to put on the fancy hat and robes for official occasions."

She got an absolute booger look and said, "I really don't want everyone having me deciding everything. I find myself envying Olga."

I shrugged. "Because she offloads so much work onto her Jarls?"

"Not to mention that whole 'constitution' thing you had them put together in their Thing."

Did I do that?

Something like.

"Okay, yeah, but you know what the best part about being a dictator is?" When Marylin looked up at me, I said, "if you really want a constitution? You sit down with the smartest people you can find and you write one. Hell, you can even put bits in about experts doing the decision making if you want."

I watched as Marylin's face firmed up. Finally she nodded. "I suppose if there's no one else." She turned to Saffron. "Can I get your assistance with that, Imperator?"

Saffron rolled her eyes. "I will do my best to arrange a time for you, me, Hargreaves, McCann, and possibly Queen Olga or Grand Councilman Lancaster to work on something."

Marylin frowned. "Why Lancaster?"

"I could mention him being your nearest neighbor, but frankly it's because he's one of the finest legal minds we have available. Once Tabitha made him understand how ambiguity is the key to laws decaying, he's become quite adept at creating incredibly explicit legislation for the Alliance. Not to mention Phileo."

Whatever her flaws, Marylin had some decisiveness, apparently. "So be it. Let me know when the meeting is, I'll be there."

"Don't you need to continue overseeing construction?"

Marylin made a throwing away gesture. "I'll have my Regent take care of that while I'm away."

Orla frowned. "Who's your Regent?"

"You are, of course."

"But I..." She deflated as fast as she'd puffed up. "Okay."

So once we got that straightened out we arranged to meet Karen at the docks in Phileo today, then headed home for dinner.

Dreamt that same dream of the lovely ladies feeing me lovely lady shaped foodstuffs. Kinda feel like I'm missing something there, but fuck it, can't argue with any juxtaposition of them and me that they're initiating, y'know?

After breakfast we gave Siobhan a really affectionate 'have a nice day at work' that I suspect would have had her down for the count before we started monitoring her diet. Then the three of us skipped down to the docks, where Karen was talking to a dude in a really awesome sailor hat. On seeing me, he shouted, "Champion!" and came at me, arms outstretched. I think he may have been thinking about doing some kind of kowtow thing, because his knees were bending when I caught him and pulled him into a bro hug. Then again, maybe he got a little weak kneed when I Translocated to close the gap. I dunno. Dude took it in good spirits, though, slapping me on the back and pulling away until we stood facing each other, hands on each other's shoulders.

"Admiral Pesce. Thank you for meeting with us on such short notice."

Pesce shrugged as his hands slipped away from me. "I work for you, Imperator. My time, she is yours. As is this grand lady," he waved at the big sailing ship behind him. "Champion, I don't think you ever got a good look at her?"

I took a look now, making appreciative noises as he waved at the three masts, the bowsprit, I think he called it, the wheel, which apparently was a big deal, and the Crossbow ports along the side. When I saw the name on the ship, I just about choked.

"Questing Tentacle?"

He nodded. "The Imperator's choice. Since this is the first seagoing ship of the Alliance. Built using the best knowhow of Phileo, New Amsterdam, and Norfolk. There's not another ship on the seas that compares to her." He paused, nodding to me. "Saving the Black Dragon, of course. So I suppose I should say no ship built by Mortals compares to her." Then he grinned, definitely a man proud of his ride. "But I'd be more than willing to take her against Naglfar if I had to!"

Saffron chuckled. "At the moment, we need the Alliance Seagoing Ship Questing Tentacle not for combat, but for a diplomatic mission. Amusingly, one that will only have you going down the coast, then upriver."

"Upriver? Where... Oh, Loki preserve. You're going to Rich Man's Port?"

Karen stepped forward. "I am."

He looked back and forth between Saffron and I. "Not the two of you?"

Saffron glanced around, the move pure theater, then said, "Senior Cadet Smith can call on us as needed. But should either of us accompany you, the mission would meet far more resistance."

He sighed. "So... how many will I need to carry?"

Saffron nodded. "Senior Cadet Smith, two more Senior Cadets of her choosing, and nine Volunteer Units of yours."

He opened his mouth to protest, but closed it with a thoughtful look when she said he'd be choosing the volunteers. "So. These Volunteers will be paid normal Volunteer, Veteran, or Sergeant rates?"

"Of course."

"And if some of them just so happen to also be Questing crewmen?" At Saffron's shrug, he said, "and paid as such?"

She chuckled and said, "should everything go smoothly, a little extra pay for those on such an important mission won't break the Alliance budget." Then she frowned. "Of course, I expect all of them to be presentable should they need to appear before the Overlord's court, and they'd best be able to sail and fight as well as any other two we might be paying..."

He nodded. "Fair. Any restrictions as to other cargo?"

"None. If you've a thought to trading, so long as all our embassy's gear is accounted for, the rest of the hold is yours."

He nodded. "When do we leave?"

"How soon can you be ready?"

He thought about that for a solid minute while the three of us waited. Eventually he nodded and said, "I can be ready to leave half an hour after dawn tomorrow."

Saffron turned to Karen, put a hand on her shoulder, and said, "you've less than a day before you leave. Might want to get working on who's going with you."

With that Karen nodded to Admiral Pesce, then disappeared. I gave him another bro-hug, said, "good seeing you!" at which point Saffron and I left for the homestead.

After I cut some big chunks of stone out of the excavation above the mine, while I heated them up to melt into the molds Saffron had dug out, I sucked my teeth a little and said, "Alliance Seagoing Ship?"

She smirked at me and nodded. "That does describe it, does it not?"

"Questing Tentacle?"

She nodded again, putting on a passable pious look. "I thought it an appropriate homage to my Goddess."

I sighed and shook my head. "And nobody's laughing about it?"

"Oh, I'm certain they are. But never to my face." Then she smiled. "The speculation about the three, now four of us, and what we get up to with my Goddess runs rampant. Which, since I've never felt the need to expound on it nor deny any of it, gives trivial malcontents a meaningless topic upon which to expound while they're in their cups."

"Nobody's gonna care that the Imperator's getting drilled by Mimic's tentacles?"

"Only one who matters." When I tilted my head, she laughed and said, "the Imperator herself would be deeply disappointed if it were to stop happening on a regular basis after all."