Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

I can definitely feel myself oscillating. Yeah, fancy word that's not synonymous with spiraling, but definitely related. Because the thing about a spiral is that I don't just crash straight into depression when I have one. I feel a little off, because something isn't right, isn't the way the world should be, like a stealth kaiju attacking the Temples. Then I feel worse when I realize D has died, but then I feel better when the Maenads invite me to the whole 'brew up a new D' ritual, and give me a place in it that I'm pretty sure normally only goes to Maenads. Then I feel worse again when I realize I've almost missed my daughter's birthday, then better when I manage to pull of a save by stealing the fuckin' Crown Jewels to let her play with them like costume jewelry.

Same thing kind of happened yesterday, with the whole finding out some of the folks who'd died fighting against that stealth kaiju weren't getting their hard earned eternal rewards, but then I managed to help out in getting them what they deserved. I even managed to work in some of the prep work for Plan: End Poseidon. I want to tack some kind of adverb on there, but I'm not sure which one I want to use. My first instinct is 'Peacefully', both for the alliteration and because I'm really tryna work on solutions that don't involve me giving in to Mimic's darkest impulses. I'm not sure, but I think maybe giving in to those leave me crashing harder than ever, so I figure being just and righteous isn't just and righteous because it's just and righteous, but because it just makes my brain work right.

Sorry, no 'us' wordplay, although I guess what happened after dinner and Bath counts, what with 'us' heading up to play out trial number three.

Kinda funny, right after we arrived in the Bedroom, Siobhan took our hands with a Very Serious Look on her face and, after making sure she had our attention, said, "ladies. Mistresses. I have a request."

I glanced at Saffron, and without any need for mental communication we slid our arms around Siobhan, holding her gently as Saffron said, "you need not be so deferential, Darling."

So cute when her brow furrowed and our Ice Pop said, "but you're the Imperator and our Primordial Patron Goddess, and I'm just the Academy's Healer."

Saffron let out a longsuffering sigh, then leaned in to place a line of gentle kisses along Siobhan's collarbone, while I held both of them and said, "y'know, eventually you're gonna get this through your head, hopefully. None of that matters to either of us, not for this. For this? You're our Ice Pop. Our Darling." I paused as she wriggled with uncomfortable yet not unwanted sensations. "You're our partner. Nobody here is less than. Nobody here is an afterthought, or anything other than family."

"I..." She shuddered as Saffron worked her way around to the back of her neck. slipping alongside me to do so. "I worry. I doubt. I don't want to overreach, only to lose everything you've given me."

Her lips against Siobhan's ear, Saffron whispered, "do you think that everything you have has been given? That you've not earned all of this?" Siobhan kind of whined and nodded. "Then know this. You need not earn anything. This isn't something earned, any more than Tabitha 'earned' your attention that day so long ago when she lay in the Infirmary, still unconscious after her battle with the Swamp Dragon. This isn't something you need to worry about losing." We both gently squeezed her close, skin on skin on skin, until she sighed. "You are our partner, our family, our beloved Siobhan Darling, and that will not change, Ice Pop."

Siobhan giggled when Saffron kinda popped her lips on that last 'p', then she sighed and said, "Tabitha?"

"Yeah, Siobhan?"

"Can you... Not stop?"

Yeah, I'm a clue free zone sometimes. "Not stop what?"

She rocked her head back and forth, rolling her eyes. "I know you're almost as eager to meet our little one as I am, but I'd really... Um..."

Thankfully, Saffron is so much smarter than everyone else I can't even adequately express it. "You want Tabitha to remain the meat in this sandwich until every last little aftershock fades?" Siobhan bit her lip and nodded. "To let them happen over and over, no matter how often our daughter kicks her?" Siobhan blushed, and it ran all the way down to where her belly began. Saffron chuckled, and holy fucking hell that sound ought to be classified as a weapon of ass destruction. "How lewd." Siobhan opened her mouth to say something, only to have Saffron pull Darling's mouth down to her own collarbone. I think she'd have slid it lower, but Siobhan wasn't exactly super flexible at the moment. "Goof?"

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"Yeah, Kitten?"

"Do as our Darling asks."

My own face heated. "I... Uh... Um..."

She tilted her head, then asked far more softly, "do you have a problem with that?"

I shrugged. "I mean, I can't see anything wrong with it, not really, except it's really weird, super kinky, and I'm not sure if I ought to be feeling weird about our kid-in-progress kicking me in the tit setting off repeated rounds of aftershocks."

Saffron nodded. "So, you don't see a moral dilemma, but you feel weird about it?" I nodded in return. "Can we try this, and if you still feel weird after, or too weird to continue during, we can stop?"

I paused, then snorted. "Siobhan?"

She jerked up from where she'd been working her way down Saffron's chest. "What?"

"You mind if this is kinda like the flogger?" She looked the question at me, and I explained, "y'know, I asked you to try it, and you did, but you didn't like it, so we stopped?"

"i don't want to force you into anything though."

I shook my head. "You're not forcing me. You asked. I'm not sure, but I'm willing to try, so long as you know if I stop us midway, it's not me rejecting you, it's me feeling weird about, y'know, doing it while you're this preggers."

"But..."

"Sixth!" Saffron and I looked at each other, amused by our unintended chorus, then laughed.

"Siobhan?"

"Yes, Saffron?"

"You asked. The answer is yes. Now I've got a request for you."

Siobhan stiffened just a little, then said, "anything, Kitten."

Saffron's grin slipped across her face at Siobhan's use of her nickname, and she pulled Siobhan into a long, passionate kiss. Yeah, I wound up kinda in the mood to say fuck it, tie my ass down and forget my safe word while you ride my face like a bicycle. But I didn't say anything, because I'm classy like that. "When that happens, do not leave your place until you feel physical discomfort."

Siobhan giggled. "When you say it like that, it's almost like you intend to continue things deliberately."

Her giggles got nervous as Saffron crawled up onto the bed, rolled onto her back, and waved me to her. When I'd gotten in place, before Saffron took away my ability to speak entirely, I propped myself up a little and said, "coming, Darling?"

At which point my tiny tyrant nipped my shoulder and said, "she's not quite that easy, Goof. Get over here, Siobhan."

Siobhan, her blush covering her face, shoulders, breasts and leaking onto her belly, said, "a little help, please, Goddess?"

Yeah, tentacles are fantastic mobility aids. Who knew?

Also, just to make it clear, after three tries, my only further required experimentation is testing other potential combinations. I'm thinking once Siobhan decants and we can maybe be a little more athletic we can try a double decker sandwich. Wait, if there are five of us, I'm not sure if that's a double decker or not. Also, apparently ongoing aftershocks flowing into beforeshocks sandwiched in between actual, y'know, mind blowing shocks do a good job of holding Siobhan's stunningly inaccurately named 'morning sickness' at bay.

Unfortunately, it got its revenge when she finally went more than a minute or so without. With everybody sleeping in the bedroom, we hopped to one of the locker room toilets, where she emptied bits of dinner and retched for a solid quarter hour while Saffron and I held her hair back, rubbed her shoulders, and brought her water to rinse her mouth out with. I wasn't sure if it was adorable or not that every time she stopped retching long enough to speak, she kept repeating 'worth'.

Yeah, 'awesome sandwich followed by pukey Siobhan' didn't help the whole oscillation thing. Unfortunately, neither did spending the night watching the Tentacles with Marie while the ladies all slept and chatted about the on screen sandwich. I couldn't really get a good angle to see, but apparently they decided to do a side-by-side comparison of all three nights and critique my performance. I think if I'd been sleeping they might have wound up getting dunked a bit more. Nah, they definitely would have.

On a positive note, while Swanson tells me they should bring the Black Dragon into a secure, placid harbor to do repairs under conditions where the deck isn't constantly rolling, I think at this point he mainly wants to make everything look pretty. The armor and deck are both patched, and even have a coat of paint over the patches. The Tentacles are all in the same or better condition, what with not all of them having taken damage. They've even had some resupply while they were in port, since they don't have nearly the self-repair capacity of the Black Dragon.

On an even more positive note, while we saw neither hide nor hair of the kaiju today, despite all the weird itchy feelings I got from still advancing kaiju, Marie joined me on the mast of the Black Dragon and on top of the West Tower. In both places, she reminded me that I don't really need my top to keep me from getting frostbite. She also reminded me that she is not just my Wifiest of Wifes, mother of our kits, and Queen of the Murderfuck Cult, she's also stupidly good at claw acupuncture. The tiny anxious part of my brain that hates me kept telling me I can't possibly be lucky enough to have the partners I do, and that something was absolutely about to go wrong or fall apart.

The rest of me was just too fuckin' relaxed to care.