Delusive Fate

#042

When I was kicking the hard floor with my combat boots, it seemed that the relay show of S-class hunters, including Ki Baek-woo, worrying about Jung Yi-dam had finally ended. One by one, they disappeared towards the front, following the traces of destruction. Whether it was Choi Tae-hyuk or someone else… Anyway, someone who wasn’t Ki Baek-woo left behind a sigh-like sarcasm.

‘I guess it’s fortunate that at least that’s there. Even if it’s a low-grade, it’s still a combat class. Even if something happens to Yi-dam, that thing should be able to hold on for a while. We have to believe it has the guts to buy time and sacrifice its life for an S-class healer, what else can we do.’

Anyway, I was left behind in the rear with Jung Yi-dam. It was an uncomfortable time. I thought it was like a farce. A cozy time alone with my ex-boyfriend’s current lover. I wanted to run away because it was awkward, embarrassing, and burdensome. At that time, I was constantly repeating to myself:

Jung Yi-dam did nothing wrong. It’s not Yi-dam’s fault that Ki Baek-woo left me. It’s my fault for not making him fall in love with me even after spending so much time with Ki Baek-woo. The reason Ki Baek-woo and I ended up like this is that I’m not as valuable as Jung Yi-dam, and therefore not someone Ki Baek-woo could love.

So I shouldn’t be jealous. There’s no point in resenting Jung Yi-dam, it won’t change anything, and it will only disappoint Ki Baek-woo more.

Get a grip, Lee Han-sol. Don’t lose your mind and start babbling about wanting Ki Baek-woo back or anything like that. Don’t become any more unsightly here.

I repeated these thoughts like a mantra, as if brainwashing myself. I really didn’t want to look pathetic, at least not to Jung Yi-dam. I didn’t want to create a situation where Ki Baek-woo would hear through Jung Yi-dam’s mouth how ugly and worthless a person I am.

I’d rather die than that.

While I was constantly thinking and fantasizing alone, Jung Yi-dam seemed to have said something. I couldn’t remember the content. I didn’t listen carefully, and I didn’t have the peace of mind to do so. I think I just nodded vaguely, saying yeah, yeah. I wished he wouldn’t talk to me. Jung Yi-dam’s kindness felt like the composure of a winner, which made me uncomfortable. It was humiliating. I knew it was a petty victim mentality.

How much time had passed? Just as Jung Yi-dam’s idle voice had stopped, I felt the ground vibrate.

‘Huh?’

I stood up abruptly. Jung Yi-dam looked at me quizzically and asked, “What’s wrong?” as he slowly got up.

Boom, boom, booom.

A strange roar echoing through space came from far away. I knew what this was. This is… Before I could finish my thought, boom! An enormous presence appeared right in front of us.

‘Why here… Why suddenly in the rear? We had clearly cleared out all the Destructions that were here…’

Grrrr, grr, I blankly stared at the huge thing that was now very close, making strange noises. It was a Destruction. An S-class Destruction from an S-class dungeon.

Gigigigigik. Ggggrk.

A form that cannot be judged by reason or senses. Skin that burns black like toxic smoke, eerily glowing strange eyes. The Destruction seemed like a being that appeared from the darkness where anxiety and fear are born, and it seemed like it would be lingering beside all the frustration and despair in the world.

Gggrk. Gigik. The creepy Destruction growled with an eerie sound. It was a chilling sound, as if pulled up from beneath the deepest grave. The Destruction was looking at me. I knew it. I can’t fight this. Absolutely not.

‘……’

I was exhaling shallowly, overwhelmed by fear.

‘L-Lee Han-sol hunter….’

I heard Jung Yi-dam’s small trembling voice beside me. The Destruction’s head, which had been staring at me, turned slightly. I don’t know. My body moved instinctively then. I pushed Jung Yi-dam back with all my might.

‘Get away!’

Before I could confirm that Jung Yi-dam had safely moved away, my vision twisted. As if imitating how I had pushed Jung Yi-dam, the Destruction picked me up and threw me carelessly. Thud! A dull sound made my whole body convulse. I instantly sensed that all the bones in my body had shattered.

‘No… No! Aaagh! Lee Han-sol hunter…!’

I felt a warm energy filling my body. I could feel my bones mending. The pain disappeared in an instant. Is this Jung Yi-dam’s ability? Is this why everyone… Ah. Before I could finish my thought, I was thrown again. Thud! I seemed to black out for a moment. Another warm energy swirled around my body.

‘No, Lee Han-sol hunter, what should I… No, stop!’

I couldn’t think of anything. The Destruction, as if mocking me for feebly shooting fire, grabbed and shook me. I don’t know. I wanted to vomit. I seemed to lose consciousness again. As the warm energy tediously seeped into my body and I opened my eyes again, I felt it clearly.

This is the end. Now even Jung Yi-dam can’t save me. I’m going to die.

An ominous premonition overwhelmed me. The Destruction’s huge maw opened wide, grotesquely, as if to swallow everything in the world. Inside, countless teeth, like the chelicerae of a venomous spider, bit into my waist with a crunch! as if enjoying it.

It hurts. I want to see Ki Baek-woo….

As I was thinking hazily, convulsing from the pain of my insides being torn apart, I heard Ki Baek-woo’s voice as if by fate. Piercing through the chaotic noise of ringing in my ears, the crunching sound of my body being chewed by the Destruction, and the strange noise shaking the dungeon, Ki Baek-woo’s voice flew clearly into my ears as always.

‘Baek… woo.’

I struggled to make a sound with my mouth, blood flowing back. Even in the midst of difficulty breathing, I was briefly happy. Ki Baek-woo had come. Ki Baek-woo will save me like a hero. He just shouted “Jung Yi-dam!” desperately, but that’s because he didn’t see me.

‘Damn it, Jung Yi-dam! Mr. Jung Yi-dam!’

But Ki Baek-woo ran past me towards Jung Yi-dam, who was sitting and trembling.

Baek-woo?

I thought something was wrong. That can’t be. There’s no way. Even if Baek-woo doesn’t love me anymore, there’s no way he could be so indifferent when I’m dying like this.

‘Hunter! Over there, Lee Han-sol hunter is…!’

‘I’m asking if you’re okay! I shouldn’t have left you alone, this was a messed-up plan! There’s no such thing as a 100% gate! Damn it, shit!’

‘Ki hunter, please, over there…’

This must be wrong. There’s no way it could be true that Ki Baek-woo would run past me, being chewed to death in the Destruction’s mouth, and only look worriedly at Jung Yi-dam… It couldn’t be real that he’s hugging Jung Yi-dam, who’s just sitting on the ground, without even looking at me.

An unbearable pain crashed over me like a fierce wave. My heart shattered into foam.

The reason why I unknowingly saved Jung Yi-dam, even though I’ve been doing cowardly things to survive until now. Because if he dies, Ki Baek-woo will be sad. I hate seeing Ki Baek-woo sad more than dying. I’m scared. That’s why. If it wasn’t for Ki Baek-woo, I would never have done such a thing.

‘Please… Baek-woo….’

I couldn’t bear how ridiculous and pathetic I was. I felt lonely and desolate, almost cold.

Crunch, grind. My spine was crushed by the Destruction’s teeth. I could feel my internal organs being torn and my body turning into a mess. Until just a moment ago, Jung Yi-dam’s ability had repeatedly revived me from near death, but now even when the warm energy filled my body, I didn’t feel like I was coming back to life. I knew my body was too damaged for even that great S-class healer to save. I just kept mumbling that name, Baek-woo.

‘It hurts… Look at me… Baek-woo, Baek-woo… I….’

My voice seemed to never reach Ki Baek-woo. Even though it was an impossible distance… Even though it felt like I could touch Ki Baek-woo if I reached out. Sadness overwhelmed me. It was such a sadness that I couldn’t dare to burst into the first tear, not knowing how long I would have to cry.

I drew closer to death even in that brief moment. Baek-woo, I’m dying. We’ll never see each other again. Is that really okay?

Is it really okay even though this is the last time?

All strength left my body. I wish it wasn’t okay…. With that pathetic thought, my consciousness completely scattered.

That’s how I died.

It was my first Destruction and first death, met in the mouth of a Destruction.

The really funny fact is that the me of the second life thought this was a blessing.

The poor first Lee Han-sol who died without even knowing he was dying. He opened his eyes, grasping the faintly returning thread of consciousness, wondering if this was the afterlife. But what he saw wasn’t a pale-faced grim reaper, a pretentious King Yama, or even Hades who came from somewhere overseas to fit the global era.

‘Uh….’

Is this heaven? The second Lee Han-sol thought that while looking at Ki Baek-woo sleeping soundly beside him.

Yeah, I lived really hard. Who else would go to heaven if not me? God, Buddha, Jade Emperor, Zeus, Admiral Yi Sun-sin, thank you so much. I’ll be a hard-working true worker of heaven. You don’t need to give me a lot of food, just let me see Ki Baek-woo like this. As a prepared talent of heaven, I’ll show you the best work from now on. Loyalty, loyalty.

The second Lee Han-sol, filled with emotion, quietly looked at Ki Baek-woo lying in a familiar position on a familiar bed in a familiar room. Ki Baek-woo’s handsome face covered in tranquility.

He’s beautiful….

I had such a stupid thought.

That’s right, this is it. This is what I wanted to see so badly. The sight of Ki Baek-woo feeling comfortable by my side. The sight of him not hating me, looking happy even when he’s next to me. Ki Baek-woo being able to be peaceful even without excluding me, I wanted to see that so much….

‘……’

Sigh, sigh. With a face like a picture exhaling sweet breaths, I slowly reached out my hand. It might be a happy illusion that would scatter if I touched it. With an anxious heart, as if touching a soap bubble, I very carefully stroked Ki Baek-woo’s face.

Ki Baek-woo’s fine eyebrows, smooth cheeks, clearly protruding nose bridge…. My trembling fingertip soon touched his plump and soft lips.

This is strange. I muttered silently as if enchanted. It’s strange, it’s so warm and clear. It feels real. This isn’t like a fantasy that God would immediately take away if I don’t work hard, this is just like…. I stretched out my index finger and placed it under Ki Baek-woo’s nose.

‘He’s breathing….’

I quickly burrowed into the blanket. I put my hand on Ki Baek-woo’s shoulder and gently pressed my ear against his chest.

Thump

Thump

Thump

I felt a calm and regular vibration. The sound of vitality full of life, with blood spreading densely through Ki Baek-woo’s long body. The regular rhythm I love most in the world. The vivid warmth like sunlight transmitted from Ki Baek-woo’s skin, who always takes off his top when sleeping.

I don’t know how this happened, but….

‘You’re alive.’

Both you and I are alive. We didn’t die. Could it be that this terrible memory remaining in my mind is just a nightmare? It feels so vivid that I can’t help but think it’s real, but maybe such an absurd thing didn’t actually happen. No, no. There’s no way that could be fake. That pain was real.

As I listened to the sound of Ki Baek-woo being alive, I felt my own chest. I could clearly feel a stinging sensation beyond the bone. It felt like my heart had already been torn apart and mended once. Therefore, this is just a return to normal days. I have returned.

A miracle has happened.

‘It must be that I’ve been given a chance.’

Thank you. God, Buddha, Jade Emperor, Zeus, Admiral Yi Sun-sin, thank you so much. I’m so grateful I could die. I truly thank you with all my being. I respect you. You are truly divine beings. I’m immediately revoking my atheism. I believe in all of you. Really, truly, sincerely, so much… so so much… ugh… I’ll go to church, temple, and cathedral from now on… sob… If I get the chance, I’ll even go to Europe and visit the temples. With Baek-woo, sniff, I’ll even go to Admiral Yi’s tomb remaining in B-zone and pay respects. I really promise, waaah… I prom… waaaaaahhh….

This must be God’s providence.

Yes, that must have been wrong somehow.

There’s no way Ki Baek-woo would leave me. The idea that Ki Baek-woo could love someone other than me and live without me. That I could be without Ki Baek-woo. Such things must not happen.

Just like how a Destruction that shouldn’t have appeared showed up and turned the world into ruins, that incident too must have been an accident that shouldn’t have happened but did. This is God’s mercy, or God’s atonement. He who noticed that something that shouldn’t have happened occurred in the world he created, exercised compassion and conscience to give a chance to set everything right.

To return to normal.

Ah, of course, Baek-woo and I were each other’s other half. We were beings who shouldn’t live as anything but ourselves. That was our proper fate. So, to reclaim our rightful place, like this….

‘Mmm… What, uh, hyung?’

‘Waaaaaah Ki Baek-woo waaaaaaah.’

‘Hyung? Are you crying right now? What’s wrong? Wait. Hyung.’

‘Uhuhuhuhu sniff!’

‘What’s this, hyung, what happened? Wait, no, look at me, hyung.’

‘Ki Baek-woo waaaah sniff why, why sniff waaaah you sniff you don’t you love me waaaaaaah.’

‘I do love you. Of course I love you. How could I not love you.’

Don’t cry, okay? Did you have a bad dream? In your dream, did I say I don’t love you? Is that why? That’s completely crazy. Bring that guy here. I’ll beat him until he comes to his senses. Hyung, don’t cry, why are you crying… I really love you so much, please don’t cry….

Ki Baek-woo kept whispering then. I love you, don’t cry hyung, please.