Campione Scumbag in Mash-up Anime

Pâtisserie Noisette.

At a small table facing the window, Ren and Yuki sat across from each other. The soft glow of the setting sun filtered in, reflecting off the plates of cakes before them.

"Wow, this looks delicious. Ittadakimasu!"

Her eyes sparkled as she gazed at the strawberry shortcake in front of her. Without hesitation, Yuki scooped a piece with her spoon and popped it into her mouth.

"Mhm~ so good~ the sweetness melts in my mouth."

Eyes closed, Yuki touched her cheek, immersed in pure delight. A satisfied smile spread across her face.

"It's decent."

Ren commented flatly after tasting his shortcake. His reaction was far more subdued, lacking the dramatic flair of Yuki's.

"Oi, oi, oi, Ren, I won't accept that!" Yuki protested immediately, opening her eyes and glaring at him. "This cake is amazing; 'decent' doesn't do it justice!"

Then, she lightly kicked Ren's leg under the table, a gentle reprimand.

"Compared to the cakes made by Totsuki Academy alumni, the ones in this shop are only average." Ren explained with an indifferent tone.

"Make sense. But…! Don't compare Totsuki Academy, Japan's top culinary school, to a regular pastry shop run by ordinary people. That's rude, you know~"

"I think your words are ruder than mine." Ren retorted.

"Cough, I didn't mean it like that."

Yuki coughed awkwardly, realizing her comment might have been overheard by the staff at the counter. Her face flushed slightly.

Suddenly, without warning, the previously clear sky darkened. A drop, then two, and soon a torrential downpour drenched Shinjuku.

Through the window of Pâtisserie Noisette, Ren and Yuki could see the chaos outside.

Pedestrians, once bustling along the sidewalks, now scattered to find shelter under shop awnings, building terraces, or the nearest subway station.

Some quickly opened umbrellas they always carried and continued their journey with hurried steps, cutting through the curtain of rain.

In mere seconds, the lively, noisy atmosphere of Shinjuku—filled with chatter, vehicle hums, and footsteps—fell silent. Only the sound of rain pounding the asphalt and buildings remained, creating a sonic veil that separated them from the outside world.

The rain-soaked view of Shinjuku, with neon lights reflecting in puddles, was now visible through the slightly fogged-up window.

After finishing half of his shortcake, Ren set his fork down with a soft clink on the plate. He looked straight at Yuki, his gaze signaling that she could no longer dodge or change the subject.

"So, it's time you told me why you asked me to hang out. Don't use the dating excuse. Do you think I'd believe a brocon like you would ask me out? I'd sooner believe aliens are invading Earth."

"…"

Yuki didn't respond to Ren's demand. Instead, she posed a completely unexpected question.

"Ren, do you know what amenorrhea is?"

"No idea."

Ren shook his head. He might have an extraordinary photographic memory, capable of recalling anything without forgetting, but that didn't mean he knew everything, especially obscure medical terms.

"Haaa…"

Yuki let out a soft sigh, her expression turning serious. All her cheerfulness and playfulness vanished.

"Amenorrhea is a condition where a woman doesn't menstruate. There are two types: primary and secondary. Primary is when a girl hasn't had her period by age 16. Secondary is when periods stop for three months or more after having started."

"Women with this condition have a very high risk of infertility. They're likely unable to have children."

"Could it be…"

A realization slowly dawned on Ren. He quickly understood why Yuki brought up this topic.

"It seems you've guessed it, Ren. Yes, I have this condition. And it's the primary type."

Yuki gave a bitter smile, one that tried hard to hide her vulnerability in front of others. Her usually bright eyes now seemed distant.

"So, what does this have to do with me?"

Ren still didn't fully grasp why Yuki was explaining amenorrhea and how it related to their outing.

Among his Divine Authorities, particularly the Divine Authority: Book of Knowledge, which allowed him to wield every form of magic known to human civilization throughout history, Ren was certain there was a spell capable of curing Yuki's condition.

He was absolutely sure of it.

The problem was, Yuki didn't know he was a Campione!

There was no way Yuki was asking him to cure her condition, right?

(Although my identity as a Campione isn't a secret among the upper echelons of various nations, the Suou Family is merely a social elite. It's unlikely they know about me.)

(Wait a minute… Since the Yukinoshita Family, mere local rulers in Chiba City, could attend the Shinomiya Family's banquet through their connections, why couldn't the Suou Family? If the Suou patriarch knew their heir was attending school with the Seventh Campione, they wouldn't miss the chance to build a close relationship with me.)

Smart people tend to overthink, unraveling every possibility. That was the situation Ren found himself in. His mind was already simulating various scenarios for why Yuki was approaching him.

After all, their relationship had previously been lukewarm, with no particular closeness to justify such a sensitive conversation.

Unfortunately, all of Ren's speculations were wrong.

"Ren, would you be my FWB?"

Yuki's tone was casual, as if discussing something trivial.

"Hm? FWB? It's not what I'm thinking, is it?"

Ren thought he misheard, staring at her in surprise. A faint crease formed on his brow.

"It's exactly what you're thinking, Ren. Friends with Benefits~"

Nodding, Yuki confirmed his suspicion, a slight smile playing on her lips.

Friends with Benefits, or FWB, is a relationship arrangement where two individuals, already friends or acquainted, decide to add a sexual dimension to their relationship without serious romantic or emotional commitment.

It's an agreement often based on mutual boundaries and expectations, emphasizing physical satisfaction without the entanglements of love, jealousy, or a formal relationship label.

The goal is to fulfill physical needs while maintaining the friendship, avoiding the complexities and pressures that often come with traditional romantic relationships.

"This is an unexpected offer… If I may ask, why do you suddenly want to have an FWB arrangement with me, Yuki?"

Faced with an enticing offer that 99% of men wouldn't refuse, Ren didn't immediately accept. After all, he already had a harem. To him, the prospect of an FWB wasn't particularly appealing. He was more curious about why Yuki, a self-proclaimed brocon, would propose such a thing.