Believe In The Weird and Wild (Star vs. the Forces of Evil x Steven U)

Summary:

Let's meet the innocent gang!

Star fell out of the giant machine as they FINALLY fell to the ground, using a pillow spell to give them a comfy landing. "How long were we falling for, thirty minutes?" She asked.

"I timed it, it was more like five minutes." Steven said as he stretched out his neck.

"Meh, we still have a record to beat." She shrugged, rubbing her head.

"Star, are you doing okay?" He asked with concern.

"Yeah, yeah, finally feeling better after being away from them … but I've got this nagging headache in the back of my head."

"Mmmmmm!" Lars climbed out of the machine too, the bubble somehow staying intact.

"Can we keep him like this?" She pleaded to her brother. "I already have one headache, I don't need two."

"I think we're going to need bubbles too, look where we landed." Steven pointed to the dark cravens around them. Hundreds, thousands, perhaps millions of gem shaped holes piled across mountains on top of mountain tops.

"A kindergarten …" It was so much bigger, so much worse … "They did this to their whole planet didn't they?" She asked. "Make it uninhabitable to any life except theirs." She sighed and she lit her hands up with a pink glow. "Hyper-wind atmosphere breathers!" She casted it around them as a faint warmness entered her mouth. "There. That should allow us to breathe here for just long enough to think of something."

"MMmmhhh!!"

"Alright, our goal should be stealing a spaceship." Steven said aloud. "We should probably look for a group of Rubies to hijack or something."

"Or we could try Starry Quartz and use so much magic power we burst right through dimensions."

"Right, I almost forgot about that ability for a second."

"MMMMHHH!!!" Lars gave another muffled shout.

"Aggh, fine you big baby." Star was starting to see more and more why Marco and him stopped being friends. She popped the bubble. "What is it?"

"ROBOT!" He shouted, pointing to a small floating thing that covered everything it looked at with red light … probably should have popped it earlier.

"Don't worry, if we don't move, it won't see us." Steven muttered as it floated to them. "I saw it in a movie."

"... Was that movie Jurassic Park?" Lars asked as it began to cover them with red light … before focusing on her brother's stomach.

"Move!" Star shoved him out of the way as a bright laser of white light blasted out of it, a light that burned a holein her hair as they ducked, also taking out a chuck of a wall right behind them. "It's some kind of shatter-drone!"

"And it's after my gem!" Steven shouted as they began running from the laser, making their way into a cave.

"How long do we have to keep running?" Lars asked. "Cause we can't do it forever!"

"Well they literally could chase us forever, so there's not much of a choice on our end!" Star yelled.

"Can't you just blast them or something!?" The human shouted back.

"Right! Crystal Cupcake Blast!" Star Aimed her magic at the bot, even if the headache was getting worse, but the drone immediately blasted right through her construct, leaving it a burning and simmering mess cut in half. "You know, I'm starting to hate technology just as much as I hate magic right about now!"

"Write it in your book later!" Steven said as they ducked another blast. "We need a way to escape that drone and we don't have any escape routes!"

"In here. This way." A new voice spoke up, a quick turn showing two gems covered in shadows.

"Is this one of those times where we trust the figure hiding in the dark!?" Lars shouted as he almost tripped and fumbled into the ground.

"They're not shooting at us, so we'll take it!" She ran to the hole, jumping inside along with Steven and Lars as the shadowy figures covered the hole with a rock, blasting heard on the other side.

"We're safe for now. Now we're safe ." They spoke up, looking relieved.

"Thanks for the help." Steven said, walking to them as a light began to form. "We don't get a lot of good in our favor, so it's nice to meet nice gems like you twoooo …" He trailed off, looking at … her?

"I know the feeling. It's hard to find a helping hand around here." The..Star wanted to call them Siamese twins but she didn't know if that would be the right terminology. She/them had one gem that was a bit wonky in shape, and right at the torso, the body split off into two different directions with identical top halves, each one having the same flat haired head. 

"Yeah … rare …" She gave a glance at Lars, who was politely holding his hands over his mouth as to not scream in horror.

"Follow me home. Our friends are in this direction." The dual gem began to walk away, the group, in all honesty, having no choice but to follow.

"Okay, we've met three/four new gems today, and only one of them wanted us dead, so…we have a new record going for us at least." Steven said with a weak laugh.

"If I had half the optimism you did I might have actually asked Sadie out three years ago." Lars deadpanned. It was nice to have her brother be an optimist in this situation, Star was really beginning to lose hope for any pleasant outcome.

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Rutile took the group into their hideout. Rutile brought off colors to their hope.They were strange and unusual. They were just like her. "How long have you been running? How long has Homeworld chased you?"

"I'd say…about a year, year and a half by this point." The small pink one answered.

"And Homeworld is after my race, so I'd say about six thousand or so." The one with points on their head responded. The one with long hair added. "What about you?"

"Since creation. Four thousand years." Rutile answered. Rutile sighed. "We're a Rutile that came out different. Other Rutiles were afraid of us. I've always had to hide. I've never seen the sun before."

"That's … so sad." The boy sympathized. The boy looked sad.

They arrived in the cave. Home was now in sight. Rhodonite came out of a hole. She screamed in fear as always. "Rutile! You were followed! Are they gonna blast us, or destroy us? Please just let us live!"

"Don't panic. It's fine, they're like us. They're off colors." Rutile explained. Rutile calmed them down.

"Off colored?" The horned one asked. The Horned one questioned. "I keep hearing that term, but no one explains what it means."

Rhodonite looked at them curiously. The question calmed her down considerably."Off color. It means you don't fit in … you're wrong… I mean, look at me." They gestured to their body. The gem showed off their two cores. "I'm a fusion of a Pearl and a Ruby … my Morganite found out … we ran fast …"

"I have seen a wonderful vision!" Paparacha shouted. Paparacha announced. "I predict that Rutile shall bring us two … no, three new guests!"

"This is Paparacha. This is an off color Sapphire. She can't see the future. She only sees what just happened." Rulite explained. Rulite clarified.

"An orange Sapphire, neat." The pink one looked at the smallest gem curiously. The pink one wasn't disturbed by them.

"Oh … we … have … guests." Fluorite crawled out. Fluorite scared the tall organic with her presence.

"Here comes Fluorite." Paparacha predicted late as usual.

"If you think I'm crazy, just look at them. How many gems are you now?" Rhodonite asked for clarification.

"Six….we're open…to expansion…if we meet…the right gem." The massive fusion of the group smiled warmly. She was content with their doomed lifestyle.

"Wow, so many different types of gems." The horned one looked amazed. She looked bewildered. "And you've all been living down here?"

"Homeworld …. Has a structure … you must follow." Fluorite explained. "Cross fusion … not fulfilling your given role … these are crimes …" Fluorite lamented.

"Yeah, I know the feeling all too well." The pink one sighed. The Pink one muttered sadly.

"So … you all live here … hiding your flaws." The tall organic looked down at himself. An introspective look was placed on the tall organic.

"This isn't right, people just can't be…condemned just because they exist." The horned one looked at the dark sky angrily. The horned one clenched their fists. "Why does this problem exist everywhere?"

"I predict the pink one will be happy to see new gems that won't try to kill him for once."

"My name is Steven by the way." Steven told them. The small organic explained. "I'm a gem that's also half human."

"Really?" Rhodonite asked. Rhodonite smiled. "Then you're just as off colored as the rest of us!" She hugged the little organic. The gem hugged her new kin.

"If all gems were as nice as you guys, this would be a much better universe we live in." The horn one chuckled weakly.

"If all gems … were the same … we wouldn't have … new experiences …." Fluorite explained. "You must take … good and bad … where you can find it …" They told them of their way of life.

"Yeah, if every porkchop was perfect, we wouldn't have hotdogs!" Steven shouted.

"That's right. Perfectly reasonable … What are hotdogs? What are pork chops?"

"Food's not a thing on this planet, is it?" The human groaned.

"Is that some sort of mineral?" Rhodonite questioned.

"No, it's-" There was beeping. Something was coming. "The robots. Hide, everyone, move to a hole!"

"Dang it, for a second I actually forgotI wasn't in life threatening danger!" The horned one screamed as they ducked into a hole. "Stay quiet, don't make any noise to draw them in." She whispered to them.

"Everyone, be on the lookout! I foresee that we're about to be discovered!" It was difficult at times to look over such a naive gem.

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"... This is weird,right?" Starfan13's best buddy, weird enough on its own, Rhonaldo, asked.

"I don't think it's weird." Their latest guest, Gus, replied as he filmed them. "You're blogging about witches, I'm blogging about humans. It's a completely natural interdimensional culture exchange."

"When you're a kid, a sentence like that sounds so natural, and yet with our lives it's just as natural right now." Starfan13 muttered. "Whatever, we have a show to run. So, Gus, tell us about life in the boiling isles."

"Well truth be told, in the words of my best human friend, it's about a fifth of what you'd expect from an 'isekai' story, while the rest is a nightmare where there's a deadly turn around every corner." Their latest interviewee answered confidently. "Do you know how shocking it was for me to learn the rain doesn't cook you alive here? I thought that only existed in kid's books."

"I mean it's water falling out of the sky, why would that be normal?" Rhonaldo asked. "Although I have some theories about the government putting chemicals into that stuff …"

"Save the conspiracies for another time, we just got mr. X off our backs." Stanfan13 reminded her co-host. "So if you had to name the weirdest thing about our world compared to your own, what would it be?"

"Well, I did notice one weird thing you guys have." Gus said after some thought. "Apparently humans have flags for sexuality and gender, which is pretty freaky by our standards."

"... You guys don't have homosexuality and gender identities?" Starfan asked.

"No, the concept of needing to identify as one." He clarified. "If you like someone or feel like something, go for it. I asked Luz about it but she just gave this weird mutter about 'homophobia doesn't exist' and told me to not think about it."

"Probably for the best. The comment section is already going to have a field day with that one." Rhonaldo said with a bit of sweat. "Now is it true that giraffes are in fact demons that have been outcast from their own realm?"

"Yeah, they're notorious soul eaters that nearly killed us all." He smiled like it was no big deal. "But apparently after eating so much grass their descendants got a taste for it and decided no more witch souls were needed, so i'm working on a peace treaty."

"Still in highschool and already planning on changing the world." Starfan chuckled. "And sense that this is something that all young and magical people go through, what wild and crazy conspiracy have you helped stopped from destroying the world?"

"Well our Emperor was trying to kill all witches because he believed they were too chaotic and 'free spirited' to the point they would hurt all humanity." They answered. "But other than that no conspiracies … and there was only one threat to earth, the Collector."

"Let me guess. All powerful deity that could kill you faster than you can blink?" Rhonaldo guessed. "That is the safest bet when it comes to anyone with a 'the' title."

"Pretty much. They were just this kid with way too much power and imagination. Rewrote the physics of my whole dimension just to play a game. But we handled it."

"Interesting." She noted. "So what's the latest big event going on in your life?"

"Well, some friends of ours, Steven, Star, and probably a guy named Lars, were taken to space on an evil world of bad crystal ladies we can't track down with magic or space ships."

" What!?!!" Rhonaldo got on his knees and screamed in the air. "Noooo! Why...wasn't it me!?"

"Wow, you really care about your friends." Gus nodded.

"Wait for him to finish." Starfan raised her hand.

"Why wasn't I taken into space!? I should be having cool space adventures while trying to avoid being probed! Lars sucks, he doesn't deserve something so cool!"

"Ah…so this was what Luz meant by the worst of humanity." 

"You get used to it … sadly." She commended the boy. "So, any more questions about our kind?"

"Yeah, what's the purpose of parents melding those wires into your teeth?" Gus pointed to her braces.

"Oh, that's to help get them straight later in life. I'm gonna look flawless when this is all said and done." She posed.

"So it's not a form of torture?"

"Oh no..it can be a special hell in of itself." She grimaced. "I've never had a kernel of popcorn in my life because they'd get stuck." Never experiencing the best girl's favorite meal. The nightmare of it all.

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Lars has never felt so empathetic to an alien race, or really anyone that wasn't himself, before. They were hiding the worst of themselves, just like him. From a world that was probably going to make them suffer for it. Now there was nothing to do but hide as the drones scanned the area around them. "Star, start charging up your magic, we're gonna need something big." Steven spoke out.

"Already on it, gonna take a while though." The blonde sweated as her arms flickered on and off with bright energy. "It's like doing magic here is extra difficult. I'm having to focus twice as hard on creating one of my blasts."

"Anyone have any other ideas?" Steven asked the group.

"We're all gonna be shattered!" The Afro one, Rhodo-something he thought shouted.

"… Right, frantic Pearl freaking outs plus overactive Ruby." Star grumbled. "Anyone else?"

"We've….always…hid….we're…not used to…combat.." The giant caterpillar-grandma looking-one slowly spoke as they were at least nimble enough to avoid the light, even with their giant body.

"We're going to die, we're going to die, we're going to die.." Lars couldn't help but repeat to himself. He had been nothing but a coward and jerk this entire catastrophe, and now he was going to die in some strange alien world without doing anything worthwhile with his life..

"Lars, listen to me!" Steven whispered a shout and lightly shook him. "I know you're scared. We all are, and that's fine." The boy reassured him. "You just gotta take that fear as it comes and stand your ground."

"I predict that Lars is about to start breathing heavily." The small orange one said out loud as one of those drone robots began scanning the area, the light of it about touch her. She looked completely oblivious as the robot began reving up that laser. She was going to die, she was going to die if she didn't do something..if Star didn't do something…no..if HE didn't do something!

"I gotta do something!" He shouted, closing his eyes and getting right in front of the orange lady, letting the scanner hit him.

" Lars !" Star and Steven shouted.

"It's okay to be afraid, I just got to stand my ground, just stand my ground.." He repeated his new mantra as he prepared for the lasers to cut right through him…only for the robots to finish their scan and leave like he wasn't there. "What the, how did that happen!?" Lars couldn't believe he was still standing. How did the Jurassic park rules apply now?

"Ive been given the most wonderful vision!" The orange one with the complicated name shouted happily. "Lars the human will not be targeted by the robonoids, for they only seek to shatter gems!"

"So past vision is better than future vision?!" Star shouted with a cackle. "Our lives are fucking weird!" She shot a robot, watching it spark as it flew around, exploding. "Come on you drones, I can't do magic as well as I could, but you can't see me!"

"Alright, there's an actual fighting chance now!" Steven said excitedly as the drones immediately scanned him next, the area around his gemstone glowing bright when the scanners picked him up. "I should've turned around!" The drone fired as Steven created his shield, the attack bouncing off of it as it boomeranged back to the drone and destroyed itself.

"Oh yeah! Two down, one to go!" Star shouted, blocking it from scanning Rutile, the only easy to pronounce name in the group.

"Is this happening?! Are we actually going to survive!?" Rhodo-something shouted in shock and confusion as the drone targeted her next, with him being the only non-alien guy close enough to block the scanner.

Using a level of adrenaline and athleticism that he never knew he had, he used the giant holes in the rocky walls to climb, and took a giant leap through the air, arm with a club shaped rock that was on the ground. "This is both the coolest and dumbest thing I've ever done!" 

He managed to land on top of the drone, the machine immediately trying to shake him off, the feeling being akin to a mechanical bull ride, except he always got thrown off within the first second with those back on earth. Like he said, this was pretty stupid of him to do.

Eventually it started shooting lasers wildly, not even bothering to aim. The alien ladies were running around crazy, with Steven's shield bouncing it off randomly and hitting the walls, making rocks fall on everyone and arguably making the situation worse. "Hold it still Lars, I think I can…!" Star's hand began to glow bright, but the drones's laser fired before it could, grazing past Star's arm. "Ahhhhh! It burns!"

"Star!" Steven ran towards his sister, licking his palm for some reason as the scanner had his stomach rock marked again. It was going to fire right at Steven, and the boy was completely unaware of it.

"Just stop you crazy hunk of junk!" Lars punched the robot with his bare hand, which considering it was metal, hurt him more than it hurt the machine. "Stop!" Punch. "Trying!" Punch! "To kill!" Punch! "My friends!" The laser was about to fire, so Lars rammed his entire fist into the firing whole, where the burning was felt instantaneously. He forced it down deeper, and deeper, and deeper still…!

Kaboooooom!

Despite the searing heat that came from the inside of that machine, and the explosive force that knocked him into the wall…

Crack

Lars has never felt colder in all his life.

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"Lars!" Steven rushed forward to his friend's fallen body, looking it over. "Lars, speak to me!" There was no response. "Don't worry, I can fix this." He licked his hand, tapping it onto Lars' stomach. "Come on, come on, you'll be up in a second, come on…"

One second passed. Two seconds. Three, four, ten, a full minute, and nothing happened. Lar's was still laying down still on the ground, his nose and mouth showed no sign of breathing, and his eyes were still closed shut. "Come on dude, this isn't funny." Star began to panic, kneeling down right beside him as they picked up the fallen Lar's body. "If this is about getting back at us for the bubble thing, it isn't funny."

Lars still didn't move. There was still know sign of stirring, or acknowledgement that he heard them. "Come on, come on." He leaned down … no heartbeat. Lars' heart wasn't beating.

"What's wrong?" Rhodonite "Lars didn't poof, so they're fine right?"

"Human's…humans don't poof." Star barely acknowledged the question as the horrible reality was finally starting to hit them. "No, no, no don't do this to us, don't do this!" Star shook his body. "Not after all the crap we just went through together, you can't just…end it right here!"

"You can't go … please don't go." His vision was getting blurry. "Please don't leave … please don't …! Steven screamed, placing his head on the … dead friend. "Why can't we keep one person safe!!?"

"Steven.." Star was crying right beside him, trying to pry him back from their biggest disaster.

"Why…why….was the thought of me finally feeling better about what Mom did SO terrible that the universe decided to fix it!? Can I never just be happy for one second!?" His tears were spreading everywhere, but he didn't care. Lars was dead, and everything was worse now.

"So humans don't poof? They just stop moving?" Rutile asked them.

"Yeah … could you give us a moment, please." Star asked. "Steven, it's … it's not fine, but we can make it." No they couldn't. They were on a horrible planet filled with horrible people led by horrible rulers that destroyed any aspect of good it managed to have. They weren't getting out of here, they would die here, probably after they ended up getting everyone else killed too…

"But … he's poofing… right now …" Fluorite pointed out.

"Huh, what are you talking…" Steven felt annoyed at the naivety even if it wasn't their fault, only to retract once he noticed a glow on the dead body…a bright…PINK glow. "I don't … I …" What the hell was going on?

They all starred as the glow died down, Lars' body altered pink with poofy looking hair … as he groaned. "Aghh … my back is killing me …"

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"  Star screamed. And while he normally tried to refrain from strong language, he completely agreed with the feeling. This came right the corn out of nowhere.