Believe In The Weird and Wild (Star vs. the Forces of Evil x Steven U)

Summary:

Can an alien trial even be fair?

Star used her magically generated ball to play a game of wall ball with Steven as they waited. "... Poor Topaz." She muttered. "She went through all that effort and now they're gonna get hurt for our sake."

"Just goes to show just how terrible I am at helping people." Steven sighed as he barely put any effort into catching them.

"What are you talking about? You helped Lapis, Eclipsa, the monsters when I still hated them." She listed off. "Not to mention the Cluster, and the Centipeetles … those poor little babies."

"Peridot definitely has her hands full with them staying at the barn." Steven laughed. "You helped people too. You helped Buff Frog and made him our friend, freed Lapis from Malachite, helped Ludo and now he's a nice guy, you freed Rosie when I would've just left her bubble in the Zoo, heck, you helped stop the crystal gems from accepting a murderous zealot into the group."

"Meh, just saw someone worse than the old me … at least she was better than Mina." She shuddered. "So, what do you think they're gonna do to us? Dissection, isolation tank?"

"I know they're going to kill me, traitorous diamond killer and all, there's no getting around that." Her brother shrugged. "You…maybe after Blue sucks out your magic she'll put you in the Zoo with Lars." Steven eye's eyes suddenly got curious. "Hey, so if Mewni is supposed to be Earth's second moon, does that mean Mewmans are just humans that live on the moon?"

"Oh my corn, I'm a space woman twenty four seven!" She laughs. "This is an awesome way to go out."

The door opened. "Okay you two, let's get this started fast." They jumped, battle ready for … a blue gem? "We need to prepare fast and our chances are doomed as it is."

"She sounds just like Mina." Star muttered.

"The voice is slightly deeper but yeah … freaky." Steven muttered.

"I can't believe this. Four thousand years of loyal service and they just throw this impossible case on top of my shoulders." The new gem tapped the eye piece she was wearing and began scrolling down on a projected screen. "Everyone always hears the rumors, but these files are ridiculous! Pink Diamond, shattered by one of her own gems, in her own entourage…"

"Ah … hey … who are you exactly?" Steven asked the stranger.

"Right now I might as well be a lifeless patch of dirt! I got to be the unluckiest Zircon in the galaxy to be selected for this task!" The gem kept panicking.

"Could you explain it from the top?" Star asked, getting a look in return. "Hey, I'm an organic, I don't know anything!" It felt weird to insult herself, but whatever got them information would be worth it.

They sighed. "Alright organic, here's the deal." Zircon explained. "I am your Defense Zircon, my job is to defend your impossible case as we try to convince Blue and Yellow Diamond Rose innocent of not shattering Pink Diamond and you of … hold on, let me check your case again."

"Wait, we're being given a trial?" Steven asked with a raised eyebrow. That was weird, she figured they'd just kill them on the spot the moment they laid eyes on them.

"Of course, we're not savages like those Mewmans … but I will admit this case is pretty unlikely to win against." The gem admitted. "Ah, here it is. You're accused of the crime of … being a Mewman!?" The blue lady jumped back in panic. "WHY?!?!"

"Hey, If I had the chance to be born anything else, I would take it, so don't get all panicky on me."

"Oh, if you were any other species in the universe. Tetramand, Incursion, Gazirpion, anything else would've been a million times better!" Zircon screamed. "Now I have to argue in defense of probably the two most notorious criminals in Homeworld history!"

"Hey, don't put this all on yourself." Steven patted her back. "Even if you fail, you did your best."

"The defense shares the fate of their client!" They retorted in horror.

"We just can't catch a break of putting good people in danger, can we?" He muttered.

"It's not us, it's this freaking messed up universe." Star groaned. "Look, i'm just one Mewman who's barely aware of what's going on, and St-Rose Quartz here doesn't exactly…remember what happened back then.

"Great." The Zicron groaned. "I have two people who don't know what they're doing. Why did we even have this trial?" She muttered, before the door opened. "… And that was all our prep time."

"So we're all dead now?"

"I'll be lucky if I can convince them to lower the punishment to permanent bubbling." That sounded awful..even made worse by the fact her brother couldn't be poofed.

"I suppose it wouldn't be too hard to beg outloud to that cat god to save us from this terrible fate?" Star asked, waiting five seconds for something to happen, only to get nothing in response. "I thought so." She knew the universe hated her.

"Whatever happens out there, I need you two to keep to one single rule…Don't. Say. Anything!" Zircon screamed in the midst of her mass sweating.

"That probably won't be a problem." For a multitude of reasons.

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Pearl stood in place, double checking on the device she was going to be recording information on. Her fellow Pearl stood right across from her, making detailed recorded images of what was about to transpire here today. The trial of Rose Quartz...what a thought.

Her lustrous Yellow Diamond seems pleased, if rather annoyed by the prospect, and Pearl understood the why of course. Her Diamond wanted nothing more than the annihilation of all that opposed Homeworld. She would follow her Diamond will no matter what, but it was rather…difficult to say what was right when ANOTHER Diamond wanted said trial that annoyed her own. The tension in the room was horrifying.

The first, and arguably second most important, group arrived. A nervous blue Zircon, followed by two small organics. She assumed one was the Mewman, but where was Rose Quartz? Following them was a yellow Zircon, who looked at the group and scoffed. "Defending a traitor? Why not just tell them you turn the flag?"

"I was assigned to this case!" As a follower of Yellow Diamond, she cheered for her fellow Court member's victory. As a spectator, she pitted the doomed Zircon.

Blue motioned to her, which she nodded back. "All rise for the luminous leaders of Homeworld." She said, forcing everyone to stare. "Presenting the lustrous Yellow Diamond!"

"All rise for the illuminent Blue Diamond." Her blue colored counterpart said much more quietly with a bow as the grand figures made their presence known. It was truly a sight to see two powerful beings stand together like this.

THUD

Said effect was ruined by one of the organics falling to the ground, looking like they had the will sucked out of them. "What the heck is wrong with her!?" The blue Zircon whispered with loud panic.

"She's filled with magic. Being around the Diamonds hurts her." The other organic spoke quietly. "She's … probably going to be okay, but she won't talk much during the trial … so good luck."

"Seriously? Rose Quartz's form is…that horrendous and the Mewman can't stand on their own two feet." Yellow Diamond scoffed. "Let's just shatter Rose and get to interrogating the Mewman." Her Diamond waved off.

"No … let them plead their case." Blue Diamond spoke, no tears in her eyes. "I want Rose to tell me what she thinks I'm going to do to her … and then I'm going to make it worse." Ooooh..for a brief second, Blue Diamond's fury matched her own Diamond's.

"Fine, let's get it over with." Her Diamond sat down on a throne. "Prosecution, state your case."

"My radiant, lustrous, opulent, gleaming, shining.."

"Get it over with." Her Diamond was never one for overdone praise.

"Of course, my Diamond. Rose Quartz.." The yellow Zircon pointed to the smaller figure she originally presumed to be an organic as well. "Is unquestionably a traitor. Shattering her own Diamond. So heinous a crime, one has to question why. Exhibit A." She snapped her fingers, and another organic was teleported into the room.

"Lars, you're okay!" Rose shouted, but looked confused. "What's with the bubble?"

"Mmmmm." Said human tried to speak, only for the sound to be drowned out.

"Shut … up …" Blue Zircon muttered to the traitor.

"As we can clearly see right before us, Rose Quartz's has developed an unnatural attachment to the organic life on earth, who we all know are loud and obnoxious beings that serve no purpose or true function in the grand scheme of things." They began to pace. "What sort of gem would betray their own kind and the goal of our expansion for something as worthless as that? I'll tell you what kind." They pointed to Rose. "The one born from the corrupt planet known as Earth."

"Hey, neither the planet or its people never did anything..!"

"See, right there? There's that ludicrous passion, the misplaced dedication that drove this mad cut of gem into shattering her own diamond." The zircon smirked as the defense proceeded to slap Rose upside the head. Her diamond looked bored while Blue Diamond just frowned. "As for exhibit two, that requires a witness."

Another flash of light occurred, this time right in the middle of the Diamonds. A Ruby that glared with utter hatred at the traitor. "Little … Eyeball …" The Mewman muttered.

"That's definitely Rose Quartz! I saw her perform healing abilities on Gems, ones the rebellion would've been dead and extinguished without!"

"Oh sure, incriminate the person that saved your life-"

Blue Zircon grabbed the gem in organic form by the throat. "STOP INCRIMINATING YOURSELF!"

"And last, but certainly not least, I'll turn our attention to Exhibit three: Mewmans." The Yellow Zircon poured towards the weak and exhausted looking organic. "A species we all know to be cruel and barbaric without apology. Who hail from a moon that used to orbit Earth, the planet that rightfully belonged to Pink Diamond. Is it not a coincidence that both Rose Quartz and this savage Mewman were captured at the same time? That the second moon of earth disappeared right before Pink Diamond's shattering? What more proof does one need to prove that this Rose Quartz is beyond the doubt a conievint, traitorous, and defective gem that needs to be wiped from existence itself!?"

Pearl continued to write this all down for reference at a later date as the case went on. "Is that all?" Her Diamond asked with a raised eye.

"Yes, the prosecution rests." Yellow Zircon bowed, before stepping back.

"Good … now for the defense … I would like to know the location of Mewni."

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Yellow glared at the group down below, especially at the Mewman for the moment. They could shatter Rose at any time, and she knew Blue wanted to do it more than anyone else. "Well, speak up." If they truly had to go through this farce of a trial, then she might as well gleam SOMETHING useful out of it.

"It's … somewhere …" They spoke weakly and quietly. "It's…a pretty big universe….I doubt even people like you…have been able…to search all of…"

"Don't tempt your fate, Mewman." Having no patience for this organic's mockery, she fired off a single blast of her power in their direction, giving a very undeserved warning shot by only narrowly missing her intended target. "We may not fully understand your power, but we do fully comprehend what our's can do to yours." 

"So…big…so….old….yet so stupid…" The Mewman continued to have the AUDACITY to mock them even in their pathetic state.

"I'd just look to go on the record to state that this particular client of mine is delirious from the exhausting circumstances of today and is not of sound mind!" The Blue Zircon shook in fear, as they should be for defending such treasonous beings to their own Homeworld.

"Then do you have anything to say, defense?" She glared at them with contempt.

"Well … um …" They pulled up screens. "I would also like to go on record and state that Rose Quartz willingly turned themselves in."

"We know, and we do not care." So what if they turned themselves in or were captured, it was shattering all the same.

"Of course, of course!" The blue gem shook even more. "Ah..well..innocence can take on a variety of meanings if you just take the time to.." Oh stars, why did they have to drag this out!?

"I did it." Rose Quartz rolled her eyes and spoke out. "That's what you all want to hear, right? That Rose Quartz shattered Pink Diamond? That's the only answer you'll accept to end this farce?"

"See, even she thinks this is a waste of time." Yellow rolled her eyes. "Let's just go ahead and-"

Blue stood up, raising her hand as the podium Rose was on raised to eye level. "How."

"…How?"

"How did you shatter her?" Blue asked, her glaze boring into the soul. "I want to hear it from your mouth."

"Oh …" Why did she seem so surprised and confused? "I um … did it on earth, in front of the palequine obliviously." She nodded. "I ran up, my allies fought hers. There was a lot of talking probably, I mean, there's a lot of talking in every fight." Probably? "Then I was crying … hopefully …" They muttered. "And I …" The traitor paused. "I um … shattered her with the breaking point." The what? "It's this spear like device that can drive in-"

"IT WAS A SWORD!!" Blue's aura washed over the entire court. Tears began flowing from eyes, the least amount from hers and her Zircon. The Mewman made a gasping noise.

"Star!" As Rose made her way to pick the pathetic Mewman off the ground, she gravitated towards her fellow Diamond. It is disgusting, seeing that level of affection being directed towards what basically amounted to a wild animal rather than something worthwhile.

"It was a sword.." Blue muttered, heading back into her own cloud of sadness. Even when everything was lined up perfectly for them, Blue was denied the closure she sought.

"We will take a small recess …" She glared at the gem that caused them all so much pain with utter hatred for their existence. "You better get your stories straight."

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Zircon hated their life right now. You try so hard to defend innocent jobs, but then you get stuck with the worst case in all of existence. Not just because it was impossible, but your clients were the worst! "What was the one rule I gave you two!? Don't TALK!"

"Does it even matter? The one thing I constantly hear about the Diamonds is that if you go against them, you're dead." The Mewman replied, the energy having returned to her the moment she was away from the Diamonds.

"I mean obviously, but we can still try and lower the case to something just short of shattering!" This was the worst. "And now the moment we're free to talk, Rose is silent, the utter irony!" The gem that turned things traitors refused to say a word.

"Hmm?" The small traitor turned with confusion. "Sorry, just, thinking about what Blue Diamond said about the sword…that can't be what happened." Right, the 'memory loss'.

"That's what the reports say." Zircon pulled up the screen. "Several witnesses report Rose Quartz rushing at Pink Diamond the moment she exited her Palaquine, a clear stab to the gem with a pink sword." They showed off a drawn image. "Afterwards, they saw her shards fall to the ground."

"Look, I've had to rely on everyone else's side of the story about this stuff, but I've seen the sword Mo-Ro- I used, it can't shatter Gems, that's the one thing it couldn't cut." They spoke defiantly, and with conviction.

They stared in confusion. "... Blue wants you to confess …" Zircon looked over the images. "And you don't know how it happened …" The pieces were slowly lining up. "I get it. There's a reason they want you to retell how it happened…" The puzzle was forming. "It's because it doesn't make sense!" The case wasn't impossible!

"Wait, so there's actually a chance we can make it out of here?" The Mewman questioned.

"Yes …" They paused. "Well, Rose still started a rebellion and you will be tortured for Mewni's location, but we can call for a mistrial, which means I can make it out alive!"

"I knew her sounding like Mina was a sign of a bad omen." Rose Quartz muttered. Well the job of a Zircon wasn't to be liked. Literally, she was probably the least like type of Gem next to Rose Quartz's.

They made their way back up to the stage, the Diamonds in attendance as Blue Zircon took the stage. "Rose Quartz was quite flawed, Her issues quite broad, Her junction with that planet dysfunctioned and began it, all the rebellion she led, countless gems of all kinds dead." They answered honestly. "It would've aided her to take Pink's head, but let me ask…Could she?"They got an eye roll from Yellow Diamond, but a raised eye from Blue Diamond, progress! "For the sake of this argument, Blue Diamond, could I present you Palinquin?"

"Is this necessary?" Yellow asked.

"Isn't it? I'll allow it." Blue chided, before manifesting the object in question.

"I…can't..believe…this..is happening now." The Mewman groaned as she became weak again. Hopefully this time her clients would take the hint and stay quiet this time around.

"A Diamond … Lustrous Luminous Diamond … Taken out by one of her own. A Rose Quartz, from the front, all alone. As the record shows…" Blue Zircon sang, making their way to the object.

"Witnesses say she was shattered out a palanquin. Witnesses say she took a few steps out- then the scene unfolded, an attack from the front, but no one ever seems to question how she made so much progression." This got the attention of everyone, silently watching.

"Rose had been a threat for at least several hundred years, so why'd no one spot her? She had no more Rose Quartz soldiers, it appears, so why'd no one spot her?" Because a war criminal of that caliber making a frontal assault like that? Something was wrong. "Where were her agates?…Where were her sapphires!? … Where was her own pearl??" 

That last one caught the attention of the two Pearls in the area, both coming to the same shared realization. Blue was becoming more invested, so she was clearly earning some favor from her own Diamond. Yellow however, was less amused. " OF COURSE THEY WERE THERE, THEY SAW THE WHOLE THING!"

"But no one saw her coming before she took the swing?" Even Rose looked curiously at Zircon, the case becoming more and more questionable. As long as there was doubt spreading, her chances at surviving were increasing!

"A Diamond, aLustrous Luminous Diamond. Why'd no one warn her that time. Surely Pearl would've called out the crime." Why did no one notice someone so important in danger until it was too late?

A Diamond, an intelligent, patient, Diamond. She wouldn't have stepped out for no one. No, this must've been someone affirmed, who she's learned is someone she trusts. They trust and let go pass by, standby, then cover it up."

All eyes were surrounding her. From the grand beings such as the Diamonds, to the lowly and weak ones like the human, who looked confused beyond all belief. This was going to be the big one. "Who!?" Blue Diamond shouted desperately.

"Someone! Like one of YOOOOUUUUU!!!" She pointed at the Diamonds, the greatest possible target.

"WHAAAAAAT!?"  Her Diamond shouted out, obviously horrified at such a notion.

Yellow Diamond stood up, hand raised and pointed at Zircon. "… I got too in the moment." The world of her own gemstone soon filled her vision afterwards.

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Steven, after hearing a … very confusing case for Rose not shattering Pink, watched as Blue Zircon was poofed with a single finger by Yellow Diamond… without any effort whatsoever. "Hah." Yellow Zircon laughed. "I guess that means I win."

Yellow continued to keep her unimpressed and unamused expression as she directed her hand right at the remaining Zircon and blasted her with lightning, poofing her OWN gem without mercy or remorse. "Yellow! Control yourself!" Blue Diamond stood from her throne and yelled at the angry matriarch.

"This is pointless! Let's just shatter Rose Quartz and get this over with!"

"No it isn't! I still have questions to ask!!"

"You're actually going to listen to that barrage of garbage that defective Zircon spat out at us!?"

"If it gives us true justice for Pink, then yes!"

"Looks..like…they don't really..agree with each other..that much." Star muttered weakly.

"Then that's our cue." Despite the tears, along with pins and needles, he grabbed her and gestured for Lars to follow, making their way to the PalanquinPalanquin. "If Gems can drive it, so can I."

"Mmmmmmh!?!" Lars screamed from the bubble his head was still trapped in. 

"Sorry, but I can't have your screams of terror distract me right now, so that's gonna have to stay on." He apologized and looked for the big hand scan screen that all gem tech seemed to have and attempted to drive this. "Hang on!" 

The Palanquien's legs popped up and stood, only for it to lean to the left, and then the right, and then in a circle. "Steven!" Star shouted.

"Sorry, the only thing I have experienced riding is lion!"

"MMMMHHHH!!!" He knew he was right to keep that bubble intact.

"Shut up Lars!" Star shouted, as she started to feel her own face. "Hey, we must've gotten far enough! I can feel my magic coming back!"

"That might not be a thing for long!" Steven began zig zapping as lightning bolts and blue orbs of energy began being shot at them. "If you got something in the tank, then use it now!

"Way ahead of you bro! Spider with a Top Hat Blast!"

The little guy came out. "Alright you two, time for a taste of Spider power!!" He shouted, firing … as the bullets vanished just by being near them. Either by being turned to dust next to Yellow or melded into the skin of Blue.

"Dang it, I really thought that would work…"

"Hang on, I figured out how to juuUUUUU-" The palanquin launched into the air, and through the ceiling.

The two of them held onto each other while Lars sort of stumbled into the back of the vehicle. As they were falling through the purple skies, they got a good look at what was outside. A grand sight, glimmering and shiny looking city like place with towers and spires around every corner. "Homeworld.." He whispered hollowly, not sure what to make of what was basically the home of all gems.

"Gaaggh!" Star held her head. "Headache, massive headache!" She shouted, looking pained.

As they reached the dark depths of the bottom, another crash was heard. It was yellow Diamond, who continued to stare at them with hate and vile. "You may have been able to hide on Earth, you may have been able to hide an entire moon…but you're on our world now."

Those words confirmed it for Steven. They may have escaped the trial…but they were still prisoners all the same, trapped far…FAR from home.