NOVEL NEXT 56. Small Sacrifice (Hailey)
"Still haven't made a decision?" Alex asked as they sat back down next to me, then slipped their arm around my shoulders and gently pulled me against their side.
I sighed and leaned my head against their shoulder, but I was still staring down at the box of cookies on my lap.
"It just feels really weird, you know?" I responded quietly. "She's my little sister. I know she's got these fantastic powers, I've known she's a lot more than just my baby sister for the last nine months, but this is... It's just weird."
My datefriend held me a little tighter as they agreed, "I know Hailey. Since we saw her freeze then thaw your parents' swimming pool last summer, I've been thinking a lot about how she violates all the physical and natural laws."
That made me smile, and I couldn't help teasing gently. "You still want to study her?"
"Sort of," Alex replied with a half-smile of their own. "I mean, I'd love to analyze her and test her and evaluate what her limits are? I'd love for the opportunity to somehow measure and quantify what a Goddess really is, what she can do. But there's no way in the world I'd actually ask her. Even if she volunteered I might be too nervous to actually do it."
"Amy would never hurt you," I stated confidently. "My sister's a little softie, she's way too kind-hearted to ever hurt anyone."
"Yeah I got that impression already," they replied with a smile. A moment later that shifted to a grimace as they added, "Amy's not the one I'm worried about though."
I sighed, "Right. Good point."
Neither of us had forgotten that angel of death who showed up at Easter. Alex and I were both shocked, but my parents were even more scared. It was almost like something out of the bible, except with fewer eyes and wings.
I knew none of us would forget my little sister's angel, or the way she seemed to threaten us. Between engulfing half the den in black fire, then waving that flaming sword around and glaring at everyone from under her flaming black halo, the message was loud and clear.
Amy was a Goddess, the rest of us were mere mortals, and things rarely turned out well for mortals who challenged or offended the Gods.
And as much as that shocked me and Alex, it was even worse for my folks. For a couple middle-aged agnostics, having an actual angel show up in their house and threaten them for annoying the Goddess who also happened to be their younger daughter crushed several facets of their worldview in a single blow.
It was about a thousand times worse than Amy's coming-out at my birthday back in July.
Dad handled it a little better, but mom didn't speak at all the rest of the day. She was silent all through dinner, which was strange and awkward. Although it did mean there weren't any more arguments that day.
And talking with dad on the phone last week, I found out it took two more days before mom finally started speaking again. She wouldn't discuss what happened on Easter though, and she wouldn't talk about Amy either.
I knew that didn't bode well. It left me wondering if mom was either trying to repress and forget about the whole thing, or if she was going even further and meant to cut Amy out of her life completely.
Unfortunately I hadn't been able to talk to mom about it yet, because apparently she wasn't talking to me now either. She hadn't responded to my emails and hadn't returned my calls. I had no idea if she was going to cut me off like she'd threatened, which brought me right back to where I'd been the past hour or so.
Staring at a box of cookies, wondering if I could really bring myself to set them out on a plate like it was December twenty-fourth and I was waiting for Santa.
"So what are you thinking?" Alex's voice forced me to focus on the situation and the decision I'd been trying not to think about.
I sighed, "You know what this represents, right? The symbolism behind it?"
They nodded, "It's an offering, or a sacrifice. It's not about giving your sister a box of cookies, it's about going through the motions. Making an offering to a Goddess, and hoping in return she'll grant you prosperity."
"Right," I frowned slightly. "I could just give her a box of cookies, or have cookies delivered to her apartment whenever. But setting out the offering she wants, on the nights she's picked as special, that makes it something else entirely. It's an act of worship. Even if I don't pray to her or treat her like anything other than my little sister, if I make an offering of cookies and wine tonight, I'll be participating in an act of religious worship."
Alex was quiet for a few moments, they were still hugging me against their side though. And my head was still resting on their shoulder the whole time.
Finally they asked, "And that's what's holding you back? You don't want to perform a religious act?"
"It just feels weird," I replied with another sigh. "Amy and I were both raised agnostic. I don't think I've ever even been in a church. Like Amy said last month, holidays like Easter never held any religious significance for us. We got to hunt for chocolate eggs and stuff when we were kids, but if anything that's more of a pagan tradition. And at xmas there were gifts and stuff, but again there wasn't any religious meaning to it. Honestly it was more of a celebration of capitalism than anything else."
My datefriend thought that through for a bit, before finally responding "My family aren't particularly religious either. We never went to church, though my parents do observe the religious holidays. I'm pretty sure whenever there's a census they mark themselves down as some flavour of Protestant."
They continued, "Anyways this feels different, and I've been thinking about that too. I think the difference is, the mainstream religions ask you to believe in some old white guy with a beard who hangs out in clouds. They read from a bunch of books that have been copied and translated over the millennia, and odds are they're full of errors and mistakes. Plus it's hard not to assume they were originally written by other bearded guys who all had their own agendas in the first place."
"On the other hand you've got your little sister, whom we both know beyond a shadow of a doubt exists. We've seen her perform miracles, and two weeks ago an angel appeared before us and proclaimed that your sister is a Goddess. Nobody had to interpret or translate anything, there's no thousand-year-old text we have to meditate over to try and guess its true meaning. Your sister told you what to do, and what she'll do in return."
I frowned, then finally turned to look at them.
"So what are you saying Alex?" I asked. "That I should just do it? I should make an offering to my little sister and hope she blesses me with prosperity?"
They shook their head, "I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, I won't give you religious guidance. But I'll say this? If Amy had asked me to do it, I'm pretty sure I would."
That surprised me, and after a moment I offered them the box. "Do you want to do it?"
They shook their head again, "I would, but Amy didn't make that offer to me. I don't know if she'd give you money for an offering that came from me."
I thought for a second or two, then forced a smile as I teased "You could probably ask her for something? She can grant wishes and perform miracles after all. I'm sure she'd do something for you Alex, all you have to do is ask."
"Maybe," they replied with a half smile. "I can't really think of anything I want that badly yet. And I wouldn't want to waste a miracle on something that I wasn't absolutely positive about."
"Huh, good point." I frowned again as I wondered if I wasted a miracle asking Amy for money. Then again she already made me taller last summer, and that only cost me one cookie.
That thought left me feeling conflicted again. The whole thing was weird and surreal, and the idea of worshiping my little sister seemed wrong on some level. Thinking of who she was, what she was like growing up, it was hard to reconcile that with the short silver-haired violet-eyed Goddess who commanded a scary angel of doom.
It occurred to me maybe that was the problem. Old bearded white guys who lived in clouds were always old bearded white guys living in clouds. You didn't know them when they were awkward tweens doing absolutely cringe-worthy crap. You didn't see them when they were toddlers having a temper-tantrum because they didn't get the toy or the candy they wanted.
Maybe it was hard for me to take Amy seriously as a Goddess, when I could still picture her as the confused thirteen-year-old trans egg who stole my underwear and one of my skirts to experiment with girls clothes. Or the time she got grounded when she was eleven for messing around with mom's make-up. Or all the times I teased her growing up because she always played girl characters in her video games.
For a moment I forgot about the cookies and the decision I'd been avoiding and instead thought about how none of us could claim there weren't any signs of her being trans. And I made myself a promise, if I ever had kids and I found out they were experimenting with gender expression, I'd be supportive and maybe talk to them about what it all meant, rather than punish them or tease them about it.
"Hailey?" Alex's voice brought my thoughts back to the moment again. "It's getting late. I don't know if Amy specified a time limit, but she did say her holy day was the thirtieth. You've only got another half hour to go before the day's over."
"Right," I nodded. "Thanks Alex."
I looked down at the box of cookies on my lap once more, but I also couldn't help thinking about all those awkward moments in my little sister's life. Except instead of feeling some second-hand cringe on her behalf, I started to see another angle to the whole situation.
My little sister was a gay trans woman. And even though I was cis, I supported my sister and every other trans person out there. Plus I was either bi or pan myself, and I was in a relationship with a smart attractive enby. And it struck me that one thing the world could probably use was an openly gay, openly trans Goddess.
I put the box down on the coffee table as I got to my feet. Alex watched quietly as I went into the kitchen, where I grabbed a plate, a wine glass, and finally I pulled the bottle of ice-wine out of the fridge. Then I headed back to the living-room and sat down on my pink sofa next to my non-binary datefriend.
The cookies were arranged in a nice neat circle on the plate, and I opened the wine and poured a glass and set it down next to the plate. The rest of the wine went back into the fridge, and finally I returned to the living-room once more and sat back down with Alex.
They pulled me into another hug and asked, "Shall we go to bed now love?"
"I kind of want to stay here and watch," I admitted with a smile. "I want to see what happens. Will she sneak in and take a bite out of one? Will she swipe the whole plate? Or will they just disappear without a trace?"
They rolled their eyes and laughed, "I bet you tried staying up on xmas eve when you were a kid right? You wanted to try and catch Santa in the act? How'd that work out?"
I blushed, "Mom wouldn't let me. She always made sure me and Amy were in bed extra early that night."
"Right," Alex stated. "So come on, let's get ready for bed. You can check the cookies and wine tomorrow when we get up."
"Oh all right," I grumbled.
We both got up and headed for the bedroom together. I paused to turn out the light, and took one last look over my shoulder. My heart skipped a beat as I realized the plate and the wine glass were both already empty.
"Alex," I whispered as I grabbed their arm. "Look!"
They turned around then froze and stared for a second or two.
"Huh," they finally responded. "Like I said, Amethyst works in mysterious ways. Anyways let's get to bed ok?"
"Ok Alex," I replied with a smile as we both continued on into the bedroom.
